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stella41b -> RE: .complaining instead of accepting. (4/30/2008 11:36:52 PM)
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Disclaimer: I'm human, therefore imperfect, I've done a lot of things in my life, not all of them intelligent or sensible, in fact the minority of things I've done in my life were intelligent or sensible, I have failed, I have been stupid, I have completely messed up, sometimes spectacularly, I've got the wrong end of the stick, I have my faults, weaknesses and insecurities.
I take a more balanced view of this 'phenomenon'.. Take simple biology. We have a capacity for rational thought, but also have emotional reasoning, and balancing the two gives us unlimited potential for stupidity. Together with stupidity I also see kink as a basic part of human nature. Our males have the largest dicks of any species in the animal kingdom, we can breed like rabbits, we are the most sexual of animals.
I have to sit on the fence here because I see both sides. We are surrounded by idiots and stupidity, we see it all the time, so why then do we expect that these people show more wisdom and intelligence? Where are they going to get that wisdom and intelligence from? Divine intervention? No, they have to work it out for themselves, but to work out the solution to the problem they first have to see the problem. The solution might not work out. So then what? You're stuck with the problem and have to try and find another solution.
Society also plays a part too. So does the media. Recently in the UK we had a serial killer who murdered five prostitutes.. not women, prostitutes. Neither journalists nor editor spared any thought for the bereaved families, people who were grieving the loss of their loved ones, who were all women in their 20's, but they wrote it right out on the front page 'prostitutes'. We live in a society which cheapens, fetishizes, cheapens, debases, dehumanizes, bastardizes and even verbally sodomizes some of the most beautiful things in the world, things like love, relationships, friendships, and so on. We have become desensitized, immunized, we no longer feel shocked, outraged, we are bombarded with so much of this information, so much if who is fucking who and why and where and when and who is taking what with whom on what occasion that it enters the social psyche, and can influence our thinking, behaviour and interactions if we let it.
BDSM is about people, which I assume we all know, and the people found here are the exact same people you meet anywhere on the street. But we have also evolved, we've worked it out, the illusions were shattered, we made our mistakes and we learned our lessons. This may not be necessarily true for people coming into the community, who don't see the person, but see Dom, sub, switch, they see the LIFESTYLE, they see the roles, the rituals, this new magical land of kink, fetish where anything and everything is possible, and they react like dogs left alone in a meat shop.
Much of the theory behind what I do in theatre comes straight out of BDSM, I see a very close analogy between the two.. and for many people it really is theatre of two people. The term 'play' isn't a coincidence, and people get to dress up, assume roles at these times, and do things to each other which in the real world they wouldn't dream of doing to anyone else. The relationships they form with other people are usually very deep, profound relationships, some see it as a lifestyle because to them it is. I see this. It isn't for me, because I sleep, live and devote myself to my theatre.
Some people though jump into it both feet first assuming that the lifestyle will prove to be the panacea of their whole life, that escape from reality, and that magical element leading to successful relationships. They get it all arse end backwards, they start from kink and sex and go straight for the collar. This isn't CollarMe, but CollarFast, BDSM speed dating. Then they get upset when reality comes back.
I don't know about sheltered lifestyles. I do believe that some people live in utility cupboards.
Sometimes I wonder whether people are making some of this stuff up. I mean, if they can get as far as the CollarMe website, log in, remember their password, wait for a page to download, check to see if they've got any messages, and click on the 'Message Boards' icon in the top left hand corner you'd think they can use a Google or similar search engine and type in what they want to know. You get threads like..
- I'm new to the lifestyle.. Can a Dom tell a sub what to do?
- What if I can't remember my safeword?
- Does being hit with a flogger hurt?
- I met this Dom who's into knife play. But I was stabbed six months ago by a mugger. Is knife play safe?
I'm being facetious of course, but I guess many people will get the drift.
This is why I'm a little dubious about entering the new Message Boards chat.
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