Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Too stressed for subs


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Too stressed for subs Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 6:11:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not sure if I'm looking for a reality check, or some commonality from others or something in-between.

I had this absolutely hideous day at work today.  The kind that just gets on every nerve you have from the time you get there until the time you leave.  I'm not a huge fan of My job in general.  Like most people, I think some days there are better than others, but this one really took the cake.  Everything from actual work issues, to people that I seem to have to hold their hand, or drive common sense through their head with a sledge hammer.  As every hour ticked off, the stress just became more and more, so that by the end of the day, I just had to keep reminding Myself of the reasons that I tolerate the place for financial gain.  (Literally, I kept thinking to Myself, "Think about going to SELF.  Have to make this kind of money for those things.")

So, on My drive home, late as usual, I do the decent thing and let people know that I will be late.  Give them an idea of My mindset.  Tell them it's probably not a good idea to lend to My stress factor.  Advise them that I just need some time on My own to decompress, so I won't take the day out on them.

In other words...... Let Me be.  I need to get rid of the stress and purge the negative energy from Me.  Yes, I just need quiet time, not to be bothered.  (For the observant types out there, My husband just read that last part, got up, and left the room.  HA!)  I just want some peace, tranquility, and space.

Now, in this mix of settling Myself was My submissive, who came to the house, as he often does, to spend time with Me in the evening.  I relayed the message that tonight might not be the best night.  Partially for Me, but for him as well.  I don't want to take the bad day out on him, even though I know he would do what he could to relieve My stress.  I have no doubt that he would, willingly, rub My back, or any other task that would help with My relaxation, but I just need My time to Myself.

So, here it is......  Does anybody else out there experience these times?  Whether it be work, or a broken water heater, or UM's that just frazzled you for the day, and you just want personal space?  Do you ever tell your sub that you just need that decompression time?  How do you handle it?  Are you willing to say that you enjoy that person very much, but you need to re-center, and that is something you think you should do on your own?



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 6:22:44 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I'm having a week or two actually like that.. and frankly, nothing is sitting well with me.  Today was a bit better and I'm hoping things will continue to improve.

I need both.. personal ALONE recentering and then I do need to reconnect, carefully, and mutually with mine -- I will be doing that this weekend .. we've been apart, emotional and physically a bit too much this week for various reasons.

I feel you might be thinking you're a bit selfish to ask for alone time?  Is that it?  If it makes you BETTER.. you should never ever feel guilty.  It does make me better all around -- if I'm just left alone, I'll come back stronger and recharged.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 6:27:40 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		We're real people with real problems and real stresses.  One should never feel worried about another feeling rejected when you occasionally need alone time.  Sometimes you just need time to yourself, and even the best intended company can feel cloying and suffocating.  So long as you try to express those needs calmly and without reproach, there should be no issue.  A "good subissive" or friend or mate will understand that while you need to be alone right now, you will eventually call them over because you need them; or, if they have a serious need, they can still call on you.


Edited to add:  Even us submissives get that way too, though we have to coach our words even more carefully.


< Message edited by darchChylde -- 4/30/2008 6:29:21 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 6:47:59 PM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChyld

Edited to add:  Even us submissives get that way too, though we have to coach our words even more carefully.


I second this. Sometimes I'm too stressed to handle pain real well or am really not in a positive mindset... in that case I still try to be service-oriented, I've even offered Alpha a full-body massage. It gives us some quiet time, I can meditate and calm myself, and refocusing on my love puts everything in perspective.  I don't know what would be  the dominant equivalent of this activity, maybe just accepting such an act from your submissive?


_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.


(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:02:33 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Do you ever tell your sub that you just need that decompression time? How do you handle it? Are you willing to say that you enjoy that person very much, but you need to re-center, and that is something you think you should do on your own?



I say, "This is not a good time. I need to be alone. I'll call you/get together with you/use you (whatever) later."

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:11:49 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, absolutely. I'm an only child and I grew up with a lot of alone time and if I don't get it I get pretty cranky. 

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:17:35 PM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		LadyPact,

We ALL need some "me" time.  I taught my daughters that at a young age.  When they had to share a room, all either of them had to do was say they needed some "me time" and it was respected.  They never abused this and they respected the other person's alone time.  When I was a counselor working with 6 very difficult, teenage boys, there was a spot in the living we called the quiet zone.  This was the only time they were allowed to be in the living room without staff.

I announce to everyone, as soon as I get home that I need some "me time" when it's been one of those days.   I enjoy getting up before anyone else, when the house is quiet to just sit, read, check email, or whatever and by some kind of osmosis, no one interferes with it.  When my dear one was here, he would get up when I did each morning and I finally had to tell him that it's my alone time and that he could sleep in a little longer. 

I think it's wonderful that you recongize when you need that time and can let those around you know what you're feeling.  Many people can't do that.  So... take that, "me time" when you need to.

Faye


_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:26:56 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for sharing LP, this too shall pass.
 
I can't give much advice, cause I am too the point that I enjoy "MY TIME"
really too much!

Everyone needs time for themself and time to just "be".
 
You seem to have very understanding men in your life, they will "get it".
The main thing is, you should not feel guilty for wanting and needing "My Time".
Enjoy your "MY TIME" and take it often!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:42:29 PM   
CoasttoCoast


Posts: 71
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline 		I imagine that everyone needs alone time. How much varies from person to person.

On the other hand, I'm sure that testicals work as stress relief squeeze balls just fine. :p

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:46:25 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CoasttoCoast

I imagine that everyone needs alone time. How much varies from person to person.

On the other hand, I'm sure that testicals work as stress relief squeeze balls just fine. :p




no comment!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to CoasttoCoast)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:49:11 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Hope tomorrow is substantially better for you, LP!!  It's good of you to forewarn your family instead of just blowing up.  :)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 7:53:55 PM   
CoasttoCoast


Posts: 71
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia



no comment!


i'll be here all weeks folks, please, tip your waitress

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 10:41:58 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		When I am in a relationship where I live with the person, I call ahead and say I am going to stop off for a drink and shoot some pool.  Or I go home and ask if they would mind if I went fishing for an hour or two.  Another good place to go is the library.  I love libraries.  You go in there get a book, and it's nice and quiet.  Hell, go see a movie.  Sometimes you just have to get away from the house. 

I promise you that the house will not fall apart if you take a few hours away for yourself.  We men have always done this, and I don't know why women don't.  I don't mind at all if my SO calls and tells me she is going to decompress for a couple of hours before coming home. 

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 4/30/2008 10:59:27 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 10:59:38 PM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I used to find that therapeutic, but now that I work in the legal field I deal with books all day long on/off so once I've had a stressful day at work I just want to get home to the peace and quiet of my own home, shut the front door and forget the world.

It's tricky for me insofar as I live with my boy... he's not seen me all day long and looks forward to my return only to have me walk in cranky and wanting to be alone as was the case yesterday when my 'twitch' factor was on max.

Darch said it best for me insofar as even the most loved person's company can feel suffocating. I do explain that I've had a stressful day and need some time to myself to recentre. Thankfully he's understanding, so it hasn't become a problem.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Too stressed for subs - 4/30/2008 11:35:36 PM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes we all need "me" time for the 3 Rs (relax, refocus, re-energize).
 
With lives so busy, trying to find that time can indeed feel very selfish, when in fact it is anything but selfish.  After taking a short 3R break, our loved ones can enjoy our company...not dread the next *explosion* or feel like they are walking on egg shells because we're in a snippy mood. 

I would much rather have Mistress say something like, pj, I'm taking a few hours to just decompress as opposed to Her feeling like She's being selfish and trying to push aside Her need for *down* time.   Trust me, we do feel that tension in our Dominants, no matter how They try to hide it.  And yes, we want to "make it better" and quite often the only thing that will make it better is for us to *go away* lol

Personally, i have great difficulty asking for time.  I wish to be there for Her at all times and do indeed feel like i'm letting Her down if i ask for time alone.  So, instead of asking for time, i take time after everyone in my life is asleep.  Yes, it means i sleep a bit later then everyone else, but it helps keep me sane knowing that after everyone has been taken care of, it's my turn.   (and yes, some days i want to slip a few sleeping pills into the mashed potatoes to speed the process up!)

And with that... pj is going away because she knows You've had a bad day :) 


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Too stressed for subs - 5/1/2008 12:47:34 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Yes. I need a large dose of alone time. I'm used to be alone...so I've grown quite accustomed to it and now need it as part of my routine. In fact, the order in the morning is, "Go away. I'll be sociable in about two hours." I really am that irratible in the morning.

I've wondered if I'd ever have a slave get to the point where we could have silent mornings. If they knew my routine well enough to be able to serve silently, that might work. But, I, or they, might not survive the learning curve. The idea does appeal, though.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Too stressed for subs - 5/1/2008 3:41:29 AM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		I have stated more than once that i need time to be alone with my guitar in a separate room of the house so as not to disturb but to also cleanse myself of stress and all the other baloney we have no control over.It's acoustic too and i play rather softly as is..so there would be no stress added to an already poor situation with a Domme and myself if she was stressed big time as well.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Too stressed for subs - 5/1/2008 4:00:30 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Yep.  I was having one of those yesterday.  Started my day with a lot of dental work.   Joy.  Hoping for a better one today.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to chezzy71)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Too stressed for subs - 5/1/2008 4:14:35 AM   
LadyJeelys


Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		Sure, I have those days.... in fact, after my brother died I had almost a year where I just wasn't interested. To secondary's credit, he stood by and waited till I was ready again :)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Too stressed for subs - 5/1/2008 4:35:53 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, this absolutely happens to me. I think it happens to my maid as well - not so much the alone time thing (as we don't live together), but the low energy/high stress thing where fetish interests go out the door and all you want is a hug and a nap. So that is what we do -- a hug and a nap. Naps can be very kinky, people! And you better be damned sure that I always take the dominant napping position.

I hope you have a better day, LadyPact.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Too stressed for subs Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.172