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RE: A training question - 5/2/2008 10:04:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		IMO it does take a specialized form of training to be able to train another to be a trainer.

I'm just a weird chick- I could care less what words they use, or how they stand or that.  I work on things like breaking down bad communication patterns, bad thought patterns, awareness of bad habits and breaking down the cause to form more fulfilling and productive habits.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 1:27:14 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Maestro,

There are a couple of things to remember when training.

If it's not important, don't bother. Cause if you aren't interested in something it will become clear to the s type that it's not important and then your directions lose their power.

Be consistent. If the towels are to be folded in thirds not halves, then have them folded that way all the time.

Don't make the s type pay for your bad day. The s probably shouldn't be made to stand in a corner for an hour becuase YOU had an argument with your boss. It should be linked to the s's behavior.

What is the purpose of training? To make your life easier and to please you. If it doesn't pass one of those two criteria, it's not that important (imo). I could be wrong....

I'm sure there's more, but I'm too tired to think of it. All the above are my opinion, brought on in an evening of jet lag delirium. Be gentle with the flames please, although my feet are a little cold. I'd be happy if y'all warmed them... *winks.

peace,
sunshine



_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 7:00:58 AM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		What does training mean to me?
hmmm....well, training is learning the girl, the girl learning you, and the girl learning herself. First thing they do is  a series of essays about themselves, their past, their future, their perceptions, and their desires.
BTW, I am not a Dom and I do not do scenes, bear this in mind when you read what I post.


_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 7:25:30 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Ok, I've read this several times and I'm not seeing any "Trojan horse" in your otherwise complimentary words....  Still, paranoia suggests that it may be prudent to double the guard anyway....?  lol
 
Maybe I just miss our differences....  ;-)
 
Focus.


Focus,  I don't hide my insults or my opinion.  I thought that was a very wonderful way of dealing with something I have always had difficulty dealing with.  I told BSB how cool it was although I haven't had the chance to do any actual thinking about it since we are doing everything but thinking this weekend.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 7:35:52 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I'm making a mental note to make writing essays a hard limit.  I've been out of school for about 25 years, and in those years I've had to write plenty for work, and I've written for pleasure.  I journal when something is on my mind.  I'm done with essays. If you can't get the information in a conversation, then it's not important. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 3:34:33 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

Ok, I've read this several times and I'm not seeing any "Trojan horse" in your otherwise complimentary words....  Still, paranoia suggests that it may be prudent to double the guard anyway....?  lol
 
Maybe I just miss our differences....  ;-)
 
Focus.


Focus,  I don't hide my insults or my opinion. 

True, but it seems hooking up with BSB has been good for you - which brings the real possibility of you mellowing in your old age....?  Of (gasp) developing subtlety....  lol

quote:

I thought that was a very wonderful way of dealing with something I have always had difficulty dealing with.  I told BSB how cool it was although I haven't had the chance to do any actual thinking about it

This is where I'm guilty of perceived stereotypes....  I've posted many times that Dom/mes take charge and lead etc and thus naturally assumed "cues" are something all Dom/mes would use for setting desired headspace etc.  Lol, even the crappy doms... 
 
Just goes to prove how difficult it is to isolate and assign common traits of doms - or subs.  Even when sharing a common role, we all know we're different and unique individuals etc, but we don't always remember it.  IE, I'm a Dom and I've always used cues naturally (even in my former vanilla relationships - much to my own pain and heated exchange... lol), therefore I was taken by surprise that you're a Dom whose had difficulty with such a (seemingly) "natural" concept.  I admire your honesty and candour - hell, maybe even Focus Uberius has dom stuff he could do better....  Shhhhh

quote:

since we are doing everything but thinking this weekend.

Good onya, rub it in....  I've got the house allllll to myself this weekend - woo effin hoo...!
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 3:42:51 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I'm making a mental note to make writing essays a hard limit.  I've been out of school for about 25 years, and in those years I've had to write plenty for work, and I've written for pleasure.  I journal when something is on my mind.  I'm done with essays. If you can't get the information in a conversation, then it's not important. 

I can relate....  Writing essays was a form of punishment way back in my school days and I'm not sure what would be worse for a sub - the feeling of it being punishment or being treated like a school kid.
 
If I set essays, then I'd feel obliged to read and properly consider what's written.  To each their own I s'pose but I really couldn't be bothered.  "Training" is something I like to be a part of - *proactively*....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:32:29 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

First thing was how he liked his tea. Fun activities aren't done 3-4 times a day, refilling his tea cup is.


So you are telling me that YOU trained someone to bring someone other someone HIS tea?

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:35:11 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves? What does 'training' mean to you?


Kneel up and beg.

BadOne


Well I have to admit that I never have before heard of a Dominant that actually kneeled and begged in order to train a submissive or slave.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:41:05 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves? What does 'training' mean to you?


I'll ask Val if it means anything else to him, but from my point of view it's pretty much meant how to fold his pants. And to remember to hang up my towel after I get out of the shower. I suppose you could count remembering what cereal he likes since he is pretty picky about it.

Wow, that sounds like you are a wife.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:41:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

First thing was how he liked his tea. Fun activities aren't done 3-4 times a day, refilling his tea cup is.


So you are telling me that YOU trained someone to bring someone other someone HIS tea?


I think she means that the first thing she was trained to do was bring him his tea and that this was the most important thing.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:43:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves? What does 'training' mean to you?


I'll ask Val if it means anything else to him, but from my point of view it's pretty much meant how to fold his pants. And to remember to hang up my towel after I get out of the shower. I suppose you could count remembering what cereal he likes since he is pretty picky about it.

Wow, that sounds like you are a wife.


Considering I will be his wife as well as his girl in a year and six months, I'll take that as praise but in reality... I just do what he wants. I'm hardly the only owned person who folds their owner's laundry. There was actually a great thread not too long ago discussing military ways of folding clothing.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:46:59 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves? What does 'training' mean to you?

Hmm, some basic training - looks like fun!  A new sub spends much of our first week learning the "little" things....
 
She learns to take cues, starting with my having "modes".  If I address her by her name, then we're vanilla equals and she is to use my name and interact accordingly (as adult equals).  If I address her as 'girl', then I'm 'Sir' in response - and that it'll sting if she forgets.
 
She learns that when I call her to me, she is to stand directly in front of me and close enough that I can reach out and grasp the nape of her neck - but not so close as to crowd me... (lol)
 
She learns (when standing before me) that she won't need her hands (unless I say otherwise) and that they are to be kept by her side or behind her back - her choice of comfort.
 
She learns when to hold my gaze and when to look down - it's not complicated but difficult to express here in written words.
 
She learns not to be taller than me.  Huh?  If I'm standing, she stands unless told otherwise.  But if I'm sitting, she sits or kneels - depending which I direct.  IE, I'll either nod toward the seat next to me or the bare floor.  She learns that seats are for sitting (lmao) but floors are for standing or kneeling - depending how tall I am at the time.  And since I'm rather fond of stretching out on the carpet when watching TV, she learns that kneeling will suffice, thus an exception as she will still be taller than me in this instance.....
 
She learns the little things that I dislike.  She is never to stand with her hands on her hips (looks bossy).  She is not to have her arms folded in front of her (women "protect" their breasts when they are in the presence of someone they distrust or dislike - had some experience with the latter... lol).  She is never to converse with me while wearing sunglasses - driving somewhere together is an acceptable exception.
 
There are exceptions to most things and she learns those, too, and there's no set time limit for her to get it right just as there's no punitive consequences for honest mistakes.  However, she also learns that I'll accept a reason (even one she thinks is silly) but NOT an excuse.
 
And still she's fully clothed because we're only just getting to know each other.  She learns that there's lots more to learn....
 
Focus.


Thank you Focus for answering my question. Your answer is exactly what I was looking for, I do appreciate that you did not make fun  of the inquiry as did so many others.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:50:38 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I agree with Focus. I am not sure how we can teach you how to train your new sub. I suppose that MY way, is to make sure he is aware of the things that I require during the day and night. He would learn which medicines I take each morning and which ones I take at night. He would be in charge of all my email and or responding to invitations, and so forth. He has the role of being my right hand man. If I ask him what I have plans for on a particular day, he will know them without looking it up in his scheduler.
He would learn that he must ask permission before leaving the room or going to the bathroom. Each night he kneels beside the bed and asks permission to sleep with me. If I am in the mood to sleep alone, he goes to the play room and sleeps on the play bed. I have a certain way I like my towels folded, he will learn this the first week as well.

He will learn the stance of how I expect my submissive to, so when I tell him to kneel, he will do it in such a way that pleases Me.

I think that every day is a learning/training experience. My sub will greet each day with a smile and make coffee. I will not tolerate bad moods as in "I'm not a morning person" said with an irritable tone. Luckily I do have a sub who loves waking up in the morning and getting the day started for and with me.

I am not sure how much this helps you. You would have your own rules and your own way of training, that is designed just for you.

Good luck :)

MoGa


I thank you so very much for your honest and helpful answer Mistress of Ga. :)

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 8:58:06 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves?

no He does not





You apparently did not understand the first question because your answer makes no sense at all.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 9:02:35 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello Maestro,

There are a couple of things to remember when training.

If it's not important, don't bother. Cause if you aren't interested in something it will become clear to the s type that it's not important and then your directions lose their power.

Be consistent. If the towels are to be folded in thirds not halves, then have them folded that way all the time.

Don't make the s type pay for your bad day. The s probably shouldn't be made to stand in a corner for an hour becuase YOU had an argument with your boss. It should be linked to the s's behavior.

What is the purpose of training? To make your life easier and to please you. If it doesn't pass one of those two criteria, it's not that important (imo). I could be wrong....

I'm sure there's more, but I'm too tired to think of it. All the above are my opinion, brought on in an evening of jet lag delirium. Be gentle with the flames please, although my feet are a little cold. I'd be happy if y'all warmed them... *winks.

peace,
sunshine




Good advice for a sub

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 9:07:16 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordShadow

What does training mean to me?
hmmm....well, training is learning the girl, the girl learning you, and the girl learning herself. First thing they do is  a series of essays about themselves, their past, their future, their perceptions, and their desires.
BTW, I am not a Dom and I do not do scenes, bear this in mind when you read what I post.



Thank you Lord Shadow, I didnt want to know scenes. What you have given is well recieved Sir.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to LordShadow)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 9:11:34 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

First thing was how he liked his tea. Fun activities aren't done 3-4 times a day, refilling his tea cup is.


So you are telling me that YOU trained someone to bring someone other someone HIS tea?


I think she means that the first thing she was trained to do was bring him his tea and that this was the most important thing.


That is what I think she means too, I was teasing her. ;)

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 9:13:21 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves? What does 'training' mean to you?


I'll ask Val if it means anything else to him, but from my point of view it's pretty much meant how to fold his pants. And to remember to hang up my towel after I get out of the shower. I suppose you could count remembering what cereal he likes since he is pretty picky about it.

Wow, that sounds like you are a wife.


Considering I will be his wife as well as his girl in a year and six months, I'll take that as praise but in reality... I just do what he wants. I'm hardly the only owned person who folds their owner's laundry. There was actually a great thread not too long ago discussing military ways of folding clothing.


 Congratulations! That is great news! Let us know when the event will take place! Hugs!!

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: A training question - 5/3/2008 9:24:54 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

What do you do to 'train' your new or current submissives or slaves? What does 'training' mean to you?

For me training was teaching the boys to do the tings I liked the way I liked them.
I had to teach Angel how to behave like a baby, crawling and other things were no longer second nature at his height and size. I also had to train him to cuddle, it is not a normal thing for him. Thats takne more training than anything else I could ever teach him, since it means we have to figure out how different sensatons affect him and how to deal whit them. A never ending learning curve on that.
I had to teach Fox how I liked my coffee, since he makes it for me and has it ready and waiting when I get home from work. I also trained him to do dishes, vacuum and fold laundry.
I am training both to keep budgets and balance check books. I am training angel physically, we do push ups and sit ups together  since he has his military fitness tests coming up and needs to build muscle and get in better shape.

I cant imagine training someone to serve someone other than me. I teach the boys to do what *I* like, which may or may notbe what others enjoy. Personally, I dont care to try and encorporate what others might find pleasing, they re my boys and I dont plan on giving them up any time soon, so giving them transferable skills isnt a priority.

DV

PS Congrats (this is the first I'd heard of this) Val and Aqua


< Message edited by DiurnalVampire -- 5/3/2008 9:25:53 PM >

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 40
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