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ORIGINAL: TermsConditions
So if sexuality is not (always? ever?) a prime mover to drive this “pursuit of self-fulfillment” is there another? Or others?

Are there deeper motivators for the pursuit of the thrill of dominating? Or is it simply a personality trait? Or a combination of all of the above and more?

Of course no one right answer; or perhaps no right answer(s) at all.

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Quick reply after a few Smithwicks.

OK. Dominance does not have to be sexual, but I did not see anyone post indicating they were "lukewarm" on sex but still into D/s as a D.

And I am limited, un-enlightened, and male. I cannot walk to the mailbox or fill a glass with water without sexualizing it somehow :-)

Though I may be asking you to describe the undescribable, what is the nature of the pleasure or satisfaction of being dominant over another? Is it possible to describe what that "feels" like? If you are scratching something, can you tell where or what was itching?

As everyone else has said, it's a totally individual thing.
For me, there's nothing like the rush of power (adrenalin, endorphins, whatever goes along with it) I get when I assert my will, especially with an equally strong individual, and that person backs down...and not because I've beaten them down with my arguments/I was simply correct and they had no choice, but because they choose to, just for me, because they willingly give me that power. (And it's even more of a rush if that willingness is intermingled with unwillingness, nothing like seeing opposites slam into each other and tangle till one wins...all inside the same person.)
The other main aspect for me is feeling the vulnerability in that other person, the softness to my hardness that immediately makes me all tender and stuff. There's a high that I get from being trusted. I feed off of my submissive's vulnerability; it gives me a rush, a strength, a sense of all being right with the world...

*laugh* The romance of BDSM.

While all of that can trigger my sex drive, it doesn't have to necessarily. When mingled with the physical pleasure, endorphins, etc, of sex, it all just gets that much more intense. Again, for me. Though I suppose there will be a few who can relate pretty closely to what I've said. :)

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ORIGINAL: TermsConditions


Most of the female dominant posters here appear to indicate a significant level of sexual awareness, desire, and activity.

Perhaps this is a skewed perspetive; I am only male after all and recognize (many of) my limitations.

Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant? Is it possible to posess and pursue a non-sexualized need for dominance Female over male?

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions
So if sexuality is not (always? ever?) a prime mover to drive this “pursuit of self-fulfillment” is there another? Or others?

Are there deeper motivators for the pursuit of the thrill of dominating? Or is it simply a personality trait? Or a combination of all of the above and more?

Of course no one right answer; or perhaps no right answer(s) at all.

In my case, this is who I am, who I've always been. I was a dominant personality as a child, both bossy and nurturing from day one. My very first sexual fantasies were filled with D/s and S&M, long before I ever even heard the words. I can't NOT be this way. I've gotten better, more confident, much more skilled, as I've matured and once the door to expressing my sexuality was opened, but...yeah. I'm hard-wired to be this way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions


Most of the female dominant posters here appear to indicate a significant level of sexual awareness, desire, and activity.

Perhaps this is a skewed perspetive; I am only male after all and recognize (many of) my limitations.

Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant? Is it possible to posess and pursue a non-sexualized need for dominance Female over male?

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ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Thanks you for your generous and thoughtful replies.

I've read and re-read your response below and am very grateful for your posting it. This seems a nearly-palatable description of what is going on in your mind and is quite illuminating though completely foriegn to me. Thinking of this triggered a memory that might serve an analogy .

I've done some formal ensemble singing and there are men that have a very low range -- basso profundo! To produce sound I have first imagine it and then my parts intuitivly arrange themselves to produce the sound: tone, pitch,  tambre, dynamic level, etc. When a pitch is so completely out of my vocal range I cannot even imagine the sound. I try to but there is just a blank there and it causes a bit of a confusing struggle.

Your post helps me fill that D/s blank for me. Though still beyond me and confusing.

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ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Ok... let's look at this from another angle.  My husband is vanilla (ish - he's starting get some 'sprinkles' and 'sauce' on top these days.)  There are lots of things that I enjoy doing that he does not want to participate in.  That's what my boy toys are for.  Many ask "Why does your husband put up with what you do?"  Hmmm... in BDSM terms, that's called Cuckolding.  I do what I want and he deals with it.  In reality, I don't actually have sex with anyone else but him.  (And one favorite 'friend with benefits', about once a year - but that hardly counts.)  When I play with my boy toys I frequently become extremely aroused.  I enjoy that feeling.  Then I grab my husband and fuck his brains out.  THAT's the real reason why he puts up with my boys!  He knows that no matter how much I tease them, they get denied and HE gets to enjoy my enthusiastic pleasures.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

LadyH and LadyH---separated at birth????

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ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Ok... let's look at this from another angle.  My husband is vanilla (ish - he's starting get some 'sprinkles' and 'sauce' on top these days.)  There are lots of things that I enjoy doing that he does not want to participate in.  That's what my boy toys are for.  Many ask "Why does your husband put up with what you do?"  Hmmm... in BDSM terms, that's called Cuckolding.  I do what I want and he deals with it.  In reality, I don't actually have sex with anyone else but him.  (And one favorite 'friend with benefits', about once a year - but that hardly counts.)  When I play with my boy toys I frequently become extremely aroused.  I enjoy that feeling.  Then I grab my husband and fuck his brains out.  THAT's the real reason why he puts up with my boys!  He knows that no matter how much I tease them, they get denied and HE gets to enjoy my enthusiastic pleasures.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions
Is being highly-sexed a prerequisite for a female dominant? Is it possible to posess and pursue a non-sexualized need for dominance Female over male?

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ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

MsStarlett, is this a case then of you having your cake and then both you *and* your husband getting to eat it too?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you have deeply-emotional or semi-emotional relationships with the boys you play with on the side? Is it play only, or do you also go to the movies, go out to dinner with them, etc?   Just curious, as this is the direction my relationship is moving in - and I'm hoping it stays on track.

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ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

How does dominating someone feel?  Sexy!  I can play Platonically with someone if it comes up, but I really don't consider it "The Real Thing".  The real thing for me is being deliriously in love with the person I am tormenting, and making buckets o' sex just an aspect of my dominance.