RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex

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RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 2:15:36 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mya75

Lately I have come across a few Dominants who ask the same questions
When is the last time you were with a Dom or had sex?
When I reply Oct 07... they immediately assume something is wrong with me or that I dont have a high sex drive or cant get a man ....I'm just curious do other subs/slaves abstain from sex when not in a "relationship"....Im sure you do I am more curious to see how many....and if you have the same responses to your "lack of sexual play"

i would worry about a man who would think there's something wrong with someone who had been celibate for a scant 6-7 months. Sheesh. Sounds like a wanker who wants the Letters to Penthouse version of a nympho who just can't control herself. While i don't think love and sex have to be joined at the hip, there's so many STDs that self-control and self-love could be considered a real asset. BOB (battery-operated boyfriend) is wonderful. BOB doesn't care if i haven't shaved my legs, BOB is always in the mood when i am, BOB never leaves hair in the sink, BOB doesn't mind if i talk and BOB never becomes suddenly deaf when NASCAR is on ESPN.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to mya75)

Post #: 21

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 4:59:38 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It's not just subs. I haven't had sex since I broke up with my last sub about three years ago. Casual sex is pretty lame, I just can't get into it.

I'm with L on this one, maybe its maturity but casual sex to Me is like a bad meal---all that effort and left unsatisfied-- ---I can see asking about a Dom in the past, we all do that--but when the last time you had sex?

Then again, as I ponder this response before I hit ok--maybe the Dominant feels if you've had a relationship recently you may be on the rebound and that's a warning signal---I guess the best response I can give is to ask "Why do you want to know?".

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 22

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 5:53:56 AM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

I don't ever do the casual thing, to me sex is a sacred act/sharing of self that should only be done in an intimate relationship. Sex is a bonding of types and I don't want to just bind myself to anyone even if I am friends with them.

I am also quite kinky but have very little need for sex. I can and have gone up to two years without sex and not really thought about it but if i don't get a spanging/flogging/humilation scene/ bondage or some other form of play at least once a month I start bouncing off the walls.

Willow

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 23

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 6:44:59 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameXTC

Anyone else out there who thinks bdsm is sexually charged enough to skip the sex?

memememememememememememememe

the last time my Sir and i played in the dungeon, he asked if i wanted an orgasm - and the answer was NO.
The orgasm would have been superfluous, and actually would have taken something away from how i felt.
Yes, i know, odd, but hey, you have to go with your strengths.

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 24

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 6:59:20 AM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

Personally, I abstain from sex because its a personal belief. I'm 24 and still a virgin. I get the "what's wrong with you?" or "Don't you crave it?" or "You are so wasting your time waiting." all the time. Most judge me before they even got to know. I want to wait for a relationship that works, is completely commited and is everything I/we could hope for before getting into all that. Maybe I am crazy for wanting to wait for believe sex and that first time is important and sacred.

I get a lot of Doms that tell me they want to show me what heaven feels like or as some put it, break me in, but I'm not looking for them to do that.

I'm with the above.......I'd rather wait....and if they have a problem with it.....well there is the door and they can let the door hit 'em where the good Lord split 'em

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 25

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 7:08:56 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameXTC
Anyone else out there who thinks bdsm is sexually charged enough to skip the sex?

That would be torture for me!
(I don't think HM is going to get to read this one!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 26

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 7:16:27 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

I only have penetrative sex with someone i am bonded to, in what i expect to be a life long mating. (eh, sometimes you turn out to be wrong about that part...)
in addition to that, my last 2 masters before Master, my last husband, a most of my playmates through the last decade, have been impotent. That is just a coincidence, it's not as if i ask about that during early chat = just happened that way. and, honestly, i was fine with it. By the time i met Master, in fact, i was seriously thinking about how i identify, sexually, and considering changing that, and calling myself a lesbian who happened to like bottoming to men. penetrative sex was just no big deal for me.
Master changed that perception rather thoroughly. Because He is THAT good? Well, honestly, yea - but also because, like the heavier pain and edgier play that i like, sex also is wrapped up in love for me, and just works better that way.
As to Doms who have a problem with that - well, good. When i am searching, my attitude is, the more of them i can run off, the easier it will be to sort through the few that have real potential to be a good match. That is why mentoring works so well for me. When i say, 'I'm sorry, i have a mentor, before we actually meet, i need you to write Him, okay?' Almost all of them say, 'sure, no problem', but 90% of them simply will not write another dominant man. WTF is that about? not that i care - i like it that i only have to deal with the remaining 5%.

< Message edited by tsatske -- 5/3/2008 7:18:36 AM >

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 27

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 7:19:02 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: abcbsex

I've been with limited men in my life

_____________________________

(in reply to abcbsex)

Post #: 28

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 7:45:49 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

well if you take it out of context of course it'll sound funny! lol. but seriously. they've been limited in number and in their quality as men until I got together with Alpha.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 29

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 8:15:27 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Another one who isn't wired for casual. Without intimacy, I find the situation unpleasant. I might enjoy it at the time, but I feel bad afterwords. Same as getting drunk, the night before isn't good enough to make me willing to put up with the morning after.

Besides there are lots of reasons people don't get involved. Grief, illness, working 80 hours a week, etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 30

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 8:16:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
I'm with L on this one, maybe its maturity but casual sex to Me is like a bad meal---all that effort and left unsatisfied-- ---I can see asking about a Dom in the past, we all do that--but when the last time you had sex?

Is that suggesting that someone mature does not want or enjoy casual sex?

Frankly if there's a lot of effort involved then it's not casual- casual is a synonym for easy and effortless to me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 31

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 8:49:40 AM

lalbobbilynn

Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

i was celibate for some time ...... while i was married!!! Sex without the emotional connection for me is just another form of exercise. The two times i have had random sex just cause i was horny left me so empty to say the least. NOT knowing what makes a persons toes curl, and being comfortable enough to really relax makes the whole experience more tiring then the actual act itself makes me!!!
IMHO the lines that Doms are giving You sound similar to "if You loved me, You would have sex with me" line that teen boys use!!
b.~

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 32

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 8:59:50 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Sex just to have sex does nothing for me, been there done that, moved on. I need a connection, a strong one to engage in it anymore. The last 2 years my ex hubby and I were together, I slept in a different room and any kind of sex was extremely rare. It just wasn't there anymore. BDSM isn't always sexual for me and I don't need sex with it. I get different kinds of enjoyment from different aspects of it. I've gotten similar remarks as the OP and it just turns out that they are pissed because I won't put out to get them off. Nothing to do with me as a person and everything to do with wanting me to be a convenient hole for their use. I understand there are those who get off on that and more power to them, I'm just not one of them.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to lalbobbilynn)

Post #: 33

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 9:05:43 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

While i "like" sex just fine, i find sex a whole lot "finer" with someone i care about. In my age group, however, i seem to run into more and more men who can't (for a variety of health problems), and my now=ex and i "abstained" for the last 5 years of our marriage; some people think that sex mainly means penetration of the body. i prefer it to also being penetration of the mind and heart. Sex isn't necessary for me to enjoy a relationship -- not even on the scale if i'm honest about it -- but, i sure wouldn't turn it down with the "right" person (and that means more than a couple of dates usually..lol). BDSM does not have to have sex attached to it in order to be a good session, nor does sex have to be connected to BDSM. For me, however, there is connected to D/s, even if it's not sex as is general thought. The expression "there's more than one way to skin a cat" comes to mine here..lol.

Happy Saturday, Y'all.

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 34

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 9:11:55 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Sometimes there is a time and place for everything, there were periods in my adult life where I have been celibate for a number of years taking care of family, running a home, working fulltime, just trying to make ends meet, volunteering, and dealing with personal problems stemming from past abuse, those were periods of time that is was not in my best interest to be getting into relationships as I already had too much on my plate and would likely not have been able then to make healthy relationship choices or if I did it it would have taken away from other areas of my life I needed to focus on ...for example being a sole support working parent of an ADHD child who did not have a large support network. At other times of my life I had casual relationship and other periods more personal commited relationships. I do not consider myself as have a low sex drive some of those celibate periods were tough to go thru but I found it even harder to be in a commited relationship when my sexual needs were not left sated even if sex was occuring daily. for me that was far worse than the going thru celibacy as you become mentally more focused on. the sex aspect in life.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 35

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 2:45:14 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

When i was single i did not abstain from sex. I would only have "safe sex" and only with friends who happened to be play partners . Now that i have my wonderful Master, i abstain from sex with anyine but him. Master does not share and i have no desire to be shared.

To the OP nothing is wrong with you. it sems he has the problem not you.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 36

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 4:03:12 PM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

To OP theres nothing wrong with what your doing. Some people don't understand it. :)

myself i have a fuck buddy. Hes a good nilla friend of mine and we just get along. With him its just easy and a good release. Being i am single what does it matter? Sir and i play sometimes, but havent in a while and Hes not my Master. We have our own lifes aside from our time together when that happens. He knows about my nilla friend and my nilla friend knows about Sir. Its easier to just get it all out in the open than to explain to a nilla without warning about the marks on my body after a scene. i can go without sex, but i don't like to. *shrug* Its all about personal choice. There is nothing wrong with not having sex and there is nothing wrong with having sex. Your an adult and these are adult choices we all have to make and make the one that works best for you not what others think or say.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 37

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 6:37:40 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

Several people have said it ... it's a personal choice. Nothing right or wrong about having casual sex or not having casual sex. Nothing right or wrong about having vanilla sex or sex before, during, or after a scene. For every choice one makes, there are 10 people who will agree with you and 10 people who will disagree with you. I know I have to make choices that I can live with. Whether anyone else agrees or disagrees with me is their choice.

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

Post #: 38

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/3/2008 8:46:16 PM

clearlightblack

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

Several people have said it ... it's a personal choice. Nothing right or wrong about having casual sex or not having casual sex. Nothing right or wrong about having vanilla sex or sex before, during, or after a scene. For every choice one makes, there are 10 people who will agree with you and 10 people who will disagree with you. I know I have to make choices that I can live with. Whether anyone else agrees or disagrees with me is their choice.

What she said!

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 39

RE: Submissives & Slaves who Abstain From Sex - 5/4/2008 5:25:39 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Sex isn't a big deal to me either, involved in a relationship or not. I currently have no desire for it and have no idea if that will ever change. The fun part is finding a sub with the same attitude. But I've seen a few post here that at least gives me a glimmer of hope... lol

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to clearlightblack)

Post #: 40

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