protocol about collars (Full Version)

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stormygirl25 -> protocol about collars (5/3/2008 5:43:20 AM)

I was just wondering if only owned people are allowed to wear collars. is it bad to wear a collar just because you like the fashion? I dont want people drawing the wrong conclusions i just love the looks of a collar.
Thanx and sorry if its a stupid question.



OldBastardly1 -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 5:46:23 AM)

I have seen many "un-owned" wear collars for a variety of reasons. Fashion, to keep trolls away, or quite simply, because they want to.

Who do you answer to at the end of the day? If the answer is you, then there isn't anybody to make rules for you, is there? I say to wear it if you want to. Have fun.



MladyHathor -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 5:47:10 AM)

It's done all the time---just like a ring on the left hand it isn't the adornment, it's the meaning behind it.



SlaveRayleene -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 5:53:58 AM)

My Master died 2 months ago and I shall wear his collar till I die because I choose to and to honor his memory.
Technically speaking I am 'unowned'

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I have seen many "un-owned" wear collars for a variety of reasons. Fashion, to keep trolls away, or quite simply, because they want to.

Who do you answer to at the end of the day? If the answer is you, then there isn't anybody to make rules for you, is there? I say to wear it if you want to. Have fun.



stormygirl25 -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 6:04:54 AM)

thanx for the input everyone.
OldBastardly ive seen alot of your posts...i like your attitude.



OldBastardly1 -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 6:06:10 AM)

Thank you very much.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 6:11:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormygirl25

I was just wondering if only owned people are allowed to wear collars. is it bad to wear a collar just because you like the fashion? I dont want people drawing the wrong conclusions i just love the looks of a collar.
Thanx and sorry if its a stupid question.


its not a stupid question at all, I've personally seen many people wear collars, for many different reasons... if/when you find a master that actually collars you, then you may be required to wear one, but otherwise, do what you want... the people that get really upset about *unowned* subbies wearing collars are the same ones that will pick at everything, so why worry about it?



pinkwind -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 6:32:24 AM)

Ownership does not come from the collar but from the intent of the relationship and dynamic between the people concerned.

One does not have to wear a collar to be owned, and the wearing of a collar does not necessarily always denote ownership, they are not always mutually inclusive.

Besides, what is a collar? Could be that the woman, or man, you saw in the market with a nice pendant and chain, anklet or bracelet are collared and owned, collars come in so many guises.

Wear your collar, be happy in the meaning it holds for you, and don't pay any mind to what others think it means.




sambamanslilgirl -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 6:50:36 AM)

here - i've seen nillas wearing collars especially while attending a metal or any other rock show.  i suppose wearing one has become the latest fashion craze with the younger set. on the flipside, i did notice kinksters during a fetish birthday slap collars for play only. so it depends on the person or relationship.

when i'm in public, i get two different kinds of comments about my collars. it's either "nice jewelry" or "cool collar ...your Ownwer has good taste".



IronBear -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 7:21:12 AM)

No problems with an unowned girl wearing a collar. I usually want to check ownership tags on collars if I can. No tag then probably no owner (but not always)..... Hey I don't wear a dog collar but I'm still a Priest (albeit a Pagan One) 


Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)




Alumbrado -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 7:22:50 AM)

As said above, it is the intention that gives the collar its meaning.



Evility -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 7:25:54 AM)

A collar is somewhat analogous to a wedding band in the context in which you are referring to. Some people are going to see the collar and assume that you are owned. I'm not sure what 'wrong conclusions' you are alluding to. Are you concerned that some prospective dominant might see you at a munch or play party and decide not to approach you because he sees the collar?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 7:29:17 AM)

There are so many varieties of collars out there that wearing a real collar might pass right under the radar as fashion to most people. There are no rules on who can wear them, though when and if you go to something lifestyle based there will likely be a lot of assuming going on about your status.
Ownership and physical collars are not necessarily joined. I have 2 boys, both "collared" however only one wears one on a regular basis. ASide from at his ceremony Angel has never worn his. Fox loves his. Different strokes for different folks. Angel not wearing his doesntmake him less owned, just like your wearing one wouldnt make you more owned.
But, just like wearing an ornamental ring on your left hand just becasue you like it, you have to remember there will be assumptions made about what it would symbolize under most circumstances. If you want to avoid the assumptions, just put some thought into when and where you wear a collar. If you love them, wear them day to day, but consider something else for a play party if you are actively looking and dont want people to think you are already taken. Not because you have to, just to save yourself the headache of dealing with assumptions.

My 2 cents.
DV



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 8:11:46 AM)

A collar will mean whatever you want it to mean- even masters wear collars if they want :)

You should be aware that some people will assume you are "collared" and in a commitment, but that's not really a big deal overall.



born4serving -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 8:44:07 AM)

I am an unowned slave and I love the feel of having a collar around my neck.  People may perceive it as you are under ownership, however the beauty of it is that many do realise the lifestyle one is in.  This is a very good way of doing this, because I have been to many public places where I wished if I knew if certain people were in this lifestyle, and by wearing a collar it makes it easier for others to open up with you about the lifestyle.



ResidentSadist -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 9:27:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stormygirl25
…wondering if only owned people are allowed to wear collars.
is it bad to wear a collar just because you like the fashion?
I dont want people drawing the wrong conclusions…

 Despite all these learned answers… I am afraid no one has answered your question accurately if taken in BDSM social context.

Collar = owned property at a munch, bash, BDSM social event.
People will think you are owned it will limit who approaches you. 

Collar = fashion statement at a rave, club, bar or with the tourists that think S&M means stand and model.
Like minded people will not think much of it and it may not limit who approaches you. 



BloodLuna -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 10:02:56 AM)

I have been a goth for a while.  since like 16.  I doubt i'll ever grow out of it.  I've always worn collars. it works beautifully because when my master gave me this one, no one in my family or circle of friends questioned it. 

i agree with whats been said above.  its meaning to you is important until you have someone to give one a meaning for you.  wear it how you like.

luna



Lynnxz -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 10:22:33 AM)

I've got several different collars I'll wear, and I'm quite unowned. Everything from white leather to stainless steel to a 3.5 pound one made out of some stuff we found in my friends welding shop. It's either a fashion thing, or I'm wearing it for play.

Protocol is just that... protocol... just because one person adheres to it, doesn't mean you have to. I have heard of females wearing a collar when they go to a fetish club alone though. Apparently it helps keep the mouthbreathers away, but I haven't tested this theory yet. I doubt that it works too well. In my mind, I see it keeping the polite people away- the clueless ones are going to come after you anyway.

The people who might get offended by you wearing a collar are of no importance anyway. What business is it of theirs?



Sandyshores29718 -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 2:25:14 PM)

i love wearing collars... the ones i own are cloth....in a BDSM group most will think your owned though.  Nothing wrong with wearing a collar. :)



RumpusParable -> RE: protocol about collars (5/3/2008 2:32:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

I have seen many "un-owned" wear collars for a variety of reasons. Fashion, to keep trolls away, or quite simply, because they want to.

Who do you answer to at the end of the day? If the answer is you, then there isn't anybody to make rules for you, is there? I say to wear it if you want to. Have fun.


What he said + keep in mind a collars meaning/uses outside of a power exchange dynamic... they're a big tool in kink and top/bottom play without PE involved. 

In WIITWD it's both an ownership and play item, outside of WIITWD it's just a fancy, or not, choker. 

Do what suits you unless/until you've an owner that wants to make a call on it.



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