RE: Are men too paranoid?

RE: Are men too paranoid? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

SailingBum -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 12:01:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Because so many of the women into this are crazy. I am down with dat. I've been stalked by more looney bitchs than I care to count. A guy just can't be to careful. BadOne

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 12:45:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wulfgarw Speaking as a male Dom, I teld to be aloof regardless if it's a 'nilla relationship or BDSM. To say I've been burned would be the understatement of the century. And I've had my preclivity for BDSM used against me more than once, so I tend to be guarded. A dear wise woman wrote this to me when we were discussing a deeply painful experience which I went through last summer and fall (and still am, to a lesser extent) and she was/is SO right: "And that's what I think you need to do, is just move where your energy is, onto this question: What Do I Want My Life To Mean? This is I think our biggest work and challenge and call to joy as well while we're here. Because you are totally right, that it is never wrong loving someone. I think that putting that energy out there is the right thing to do. And just as much, drawing in that energy, like sweet cold water to refresh your spirit is the right thing to do too, and that's why self-love and hoping that this other guy fails is not antithetical to the answer to the big question. It is a way richer experience to go through life as a giver. So many people are at the core a bitter closed fist. However this experience kicked you in the teeth, I think it's important to frame it in your mind in the bigger context of what you want your life to mean - so to stand up to the experience defiantly and say that you loved and took what came." "...say that you loved and took what came." I'm the opposite of guarded and gunshy now. I am ready to be hurt again, if it means being able to love again, because there is nothing more satisfying and meaningful to me than loving. I think it's safe to say I have a few more notches on my belt, and a few more burn marks on my ass, than most men.

RavenMuse -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 2:41:16 AM)
It isn't just men Dear, it is subs in general (There are exceptions but the OVERLY wary are in the majority). You make a parallel with vanilla's... which is rather pointless, compairing apples to oranges because a vanilla isn't placing themself in even close to the level of vulnerability that an s type is (if they are then they ain't a vanilla!). So being careful is actualy sensible. Add to that the number of complete assholes who lack a duty of care that are around posing as being on This side of the Dynamic and a degree of wariness is warrented. However a lot do take it too far, to the extent that One does wonder if they are giving themself any real chance of finding what they seek. Seeming to want the Dominant to jump through all kinds of hoops to 'proove' themself... Riiiiiiight, take your 'hoop' and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. If We where going to jump through hoops then We wouldn't be what they where looking for in the first place and if they 'need' the hoop jumping then they are caught in their very own catch 22! I give them enough info to make an informed decision... if that isn't enough... tough, THEY are outta luck. Next!

mistoferin -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 2:59:36 AM)
Maybe it has something to do with them being "play partners" vs. relationship interests. Trust is something that gets built over time. In the case of married men who need discretion I would assume it is because they themselves are not trustworthy so it would be hard to wrap their heads around the concept of trust.

LunaticDesign -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:07:31 AM)
I would prefer to think of myself as cautious rather than paranoid.

Prinsexx -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:17:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith Disclaimer: The only reason that I am focusing on men is that I am a woman and have only had experience with men. Please don't waste your time accusing me of sexism, and feel free to share your opinion about females. Is it my imagination, or are men in the scene too reluctant to show appropriate trust in their partners? And I am not talking about men who have a particular need for complete discretion, such as married men- I am talking about single men with whom I have played. I have noticed that, even when I have exhibited trust in a play partner (been to their home alone, had them in MY home, told them my real name, disclosed some information about my emotional life, etc.) they still seem to be much more wary than their vanilla counterparts. Any ideas why this is, folks? *Lilith* Have you told (him) them that you are a switch? My beliefs are this: Dom's are self-controlled persons. Their personal control is what they bring to a scene and a bdsm relationship. I, as a submissive woman in hetero affairs, thank god for this, because if the Dom had no self-control then it would just quickly and easily simply become abuse. In fact it is exactly their sense of self-control that engenders my trust. But if you have shared that you are a switch? I am a switch and very complex. There isn't a 'switch' in me and I am only so because I am an alpha female slave when required to be and will initiate a woman. I am also bisexual so my predilection for domination is only with a sister. Every switch is different. But I would imagine that if a Dominant you submit to feels that you might intraswitch?...meaning that you might switch on him? Oh boy: that's enough to put out most of his lights of trust. I adore a Dominats guardedness. That slow development of a relationship, a gradual discloser. Believe me I have been taken in and allowed myself to be taken in very rapidly on more than one occasion. Everyone is an individual though but a slow disclosure is wonderful. Enjoy it. I am sure it will stand a better test of time than you simply being the rise to a quick bait.

bbwdommelilith -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:18:33 AM)
*I'm a switch, and I'm referring to dominant , submissive, and switch men.* *Lilith*

bbwdommelilith -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:23:41 AM)
*Not only am I referring to men who are dom, sub, or switch; I am also referring to both play partners and relationship interests.* *Lilith*

bbwdommelilith -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:25:48 AM)
*My profile says clearly that I am a switch.* *Lilith*

mistoferin -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:36:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith *My profile says clearly that I am a switch.* *Lilith* Your profile starts out with a need for sex and that continues as a theme throughout....maybe it is attracting the kind of man who is looking more for sex than a relationship.

Prinsexx -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 3:47:50 AM)
Turn this up loud and dance girl but also listen to the lyrics: Oh yeah In France a skinny man Died of a big disease with a little name By chance his girlfriend came across a needle And soon she did the same At home there are seventeen-year-old boys And their idea of fun Is being in a gang called The Disciples High on crack, totin' a machine gun Time, time Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling of a church And killed everyone inside U turn on the telly and every other story Is tellin' U somebody died Sister killed her baby cuz she could afford 2 feed it And we're sending people 2 the moon In September my cousin tried reefer 4 the very first time Now he's doing horse, it's June Times, times It's silly, no? When a rocket ship explodes And everybody still wants 2 fly Some say a man ain't happy Unless a man truly dies Oh why Time, time Baby make a speech, Star Wars fly Neighbors just shine it on But if a night falls and a bomb falls Will anybody see the dawn Time, times It's silly, no? When a rocket blows And everybody still wants 2 fly Some say a man ain't happy, truly Until a man truly dies Oh why, oh why, Sign O the Times Time, time Sign O the Times mess with your mind Hurry before it's 2 late Let's fall in love, get married, have a baby We'll call him Nate... if it's a boy Time, time Time, time

Aileen1968 -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 4:04:36 AM)
It's been my experience that if someone is unwilling to give info initially that they are married.

DominantJenny -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 4:06:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire I was going to say that males tend to be a lot more concerned about things "getting out" about them than we females tend to be. In my opinion, at least, and I have had partners of both genders. They also tend to be a lot less willing to embrace their submissive sides and enjoy the, rather than seemingly grudingly allowing themselves to be that way. My 2 cents DV Make that 4 cents. nodnod

Politesub53 -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 6:06:02 AM)
Are men too paranoid ?...... Okay, this is all about me isnt it ? [;)]

Prinsexx -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 6:16:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Are men too paranoid ?...... Okay, this is all about me isnt it ? [;)] Yes: the whole of collarme is a figment of your perverse imagination. [:D]

Maya2001 -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 7:39:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith *My profile says clearly that I am a switch.* *Lilith* but your user name is bbwdommelilith

Raechard -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 7:56:19 AM)
Maybe.[:D]

bbwdommelilith -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 5:33:19 PM)
Yes- my profile DOES focus somewhat on the sexual (I think that I'm going to tone it down a bit), but I recently got my feelings shredded by getting involved with- and then rejected by- a dom who was originally trained very traditionally as a sub (I guess that "traditional" means no sex) who couldn't tolerate it that he couldn't keep himself from hav ing sex with me when we played. *Go figure.[sm=banghead.gif]* *Lilith*

MladyHathor -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 5:45:51 PM)
Overcoming societal mandates---much as " i am alpha male by day", however OMG the earth would stop turning if George next door-- the ball scratching fart producing bubbabutt crack thought that Alan next door, willingly knelt before his Woman and was overheard to say, "yes Maam"---hold Me back.

chamberqueen -> RE: Are men too paranoid? (5/4/2008 5:48:33 PM)
I have found the exact opposite - maybe because of the way I present myself in my profile. I have men willing to trust me to the point of being willing to relocate with their first email. I am the one not trusting that they could possible "trust" me so quickly. Yes, I am real, I do care about subs, I would never want to endanger someone who turned themselves over to me. I have found very few men that are hesitant to trust me.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125