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RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 12:01:07 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Because so many of the women into this are crazy.


I am down with dat.  I've been stalked by more looney bitchs than I care to count.  A guy just can't be to careful.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 12:45:02 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wulfgarw

Speaking as a male Dom, I teld to be aloof regardless if it's a 'nilla relationship or BDSM.  To say I've been burned would be the understatement of the century.  And I've had my  preclivity for BDSM used against me more than once, so I tend to be guarded.

A dear wise woman wrote this to me when we were discussing a deeply painful experience which I went through last summer and fall (and still am, to a lesser extent) and she was/is SO right:

"And that's what I think you need to do, is just move where your energy is, onto this question: What Do I Want My Life To Mean?  
This is I think our biggest work and challenge and call to joy as well while we're here. Because you are totally right, that it is never wrong loving someone. I think that putting that energy out there is the right thing to do. And just as much, drawing in that energy, like sweet cold water to refresh your spirit is the right thing to do too, and that's why self-love and hoping that this other guy fails is not antithetical to the answer to the big question.  
It is a way richer experience to go through life as a giver. So many people are at the core a bitter closed fist. However this experience kicked you in the teeth, I think it's important to frame it in your mind in the bigger context of what you want your life to mean - so to stand up to the experience defiantly and say that you loved and took what came."
 
"...say that you loved and took what came." I'm the opposite of guarded and gunshy now. I am ready to be hurt again, if it means being able to love again, because there is nothing more satisfying and meaningful to me than loving.
 
I think it's safe to say I have a few more notches on my belt, and a few more burn marks on my ass, than most men.

(in reply to wulfgarw)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 2:41:16 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		It isn't just men Dear, it is subs in general (There are exceptions but the OVERLY wary are in the majority).

You make a parallel with vanilla's... which is rather pointless, compairing apples to oranges because a vanilla isn't placing themself in even close to the level of vulnerability that an s type is (if they are then they ain't a vanilla!). So being careful is actualy sensible.

Add to that the number of complete assholes who lack a duty of care that are around posing as being on This side of the Dynamic and a degree of wariness is warrented.

However a lot do take it too far, to the extent that One does wonder if they are giving themself any real chance of finding what they seek. Seeming to want the Dominant to jump through all kinds of hoops to 'proove' themself... Riiiiiiight, take your 'hoop' and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. If We where going to jump through hoops then We wouldn't be what they where looking for in the first place and if they 'need' the hoop jumping then they are caught in their very own catch 22!

I give them enough info to make an informed decision... if that isn't enough... tough, THEY are outta luck. Next!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 2:59:36 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe it has something to do with them being "play partners" vs. relationship interests. Trust is something that gets built over time.

In the case of married men who need discretion I would assume it is because they themselves are not trustworthy so it would be hard to wrap their heads around the concept of trust.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:07:31 AM   
LunaticDesign


Posts: 42
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline 		I would prefer to think of myself as cautious rather than paranoid.

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:17:09 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

Disclaimer: The only reason that I am focusing on men is that I am a woman and have only had experience with men. Please don't waste your time accusing me of sexism, and feel free to share your opinion about females.
Is it my imagination, or are men in the scene too reluctant to show appropriate trust in their partners? And I am not talking about men who have a particular need for complete discretion, such as married men- I am talking about single men with whom I have played. I have noticed that, even when I have exhibited trust in a play partner (been to their home alone, had them in MY home, told them my real name, disclosed some information about my emotional life, etc.) they still seem to be much more wary than their vanilla counterparts. Any ideas why this is, folks?
 
Lilith

Have you told (him) them that you are a switch?
My beliefs are this: Dom's are self-controlled persons. Their personal control is what they bring to a scene and a bdsm relationship. I, as a submissive woman in hetero affairs, thank god for this, because if the Dom had no self-control then it would just quickly and easily simply become abuse. In fact it is exactly their sense of self-control that engenders my trust.
But if you have shared that you are a switch?
I am a switch and very complex. There isn't a 'switch' in me and I am only so because I am an alpha female slave when required to be and will initiate a woman. I am also bisexual so my predilection for domination is only with a sister. Every switch is different. But I would imagine that if a Dominant you submit to feels that you might intraswitch?...meaning that you might switch on him? Oh boy: that's enough to put out most of his lights of trust.
I adore a Dominats guardedness. That slow development of a relationship, a gradual discloser. Believe me I have been taken in and allowed myself to be taken in very rapidly on more than one occasion. Everyone is an individual though but a slow disclosure is wonderful. Enjoy it. I am sure it will stand a better test of time than you simply being the rise to a quick bait.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 5/4/2008 3:18:33 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:18:33 AM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a switch, and I'm referring to dominant , submissive, and switch men.
 
Lilith

(in reply to lilabbotsfordgrl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:23:41 AM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		Not only am I referring to men who are dom, sub, or switch; I am also referring to both play partners and relationship interests.
 
Lilith

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:25:48 AM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		My profile says clearly that I am a switch.
 
Lilith

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:36:30 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

My profile says clearly that I am a switch.
 
Lilith


Your profile starts out with a need for sex and that continues as a theme throughout....maybe it is attracting the kind of man who is looking more for sex than a relationship.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 3:47:50 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Turn this up  loud and dance girl  but also listen to the lyrics:


Oh yeah
In France a skinny man
Died of a big disease with a little name
By chance his girlfriend came across a needle
And soon she did the same
At home there are seventeen-year-old boys
And their idea of fun
Is being in a gang called The Disciples
High on crack, totin' a machine gun

Time, time

Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling of a church
And killed everyone inside
U turn on the telly and every other story
Is tellin' U somebody died
Sister killed her baby cuz she could afford 2 feed it
And we're sending people 2 the moon
In September my cousin tried reefer 4 the very first time
Now he's doing horse, it's June

Times, times

It's silly, no?
When a rocket ship explodes
And everybody still wants 2 fly
Some say a man ain't happy
Unless a man truly dies
Oh why
Time, time

Baby make a speech, Star Wars fly
Neighbors just shine it on
But if a night falls and a bomb falls
Will anybody see the dawn
Time, times

It's silly, no?
When a rocket blows
And everybody still wants 2 fly
Some say a man ain't happy, truly
Until a man truly dies
Oh why, oh why, Sign O the Times

Time, time

Sign O the Times mess with your mind
Hurry before it's 2 late
Let's fall in love, get married, have a baby
We'll call him Nate... if it's a boy

Time, time

Time, time




< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 5/4/2008 3:49:45 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 4:04:36 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		It's been my experience that if someone is unwilling to give info initially that they are married.

_____________________________



(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 4:06:41 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I was going to say that males tend to be a lot more concerned about things "getting out" about them than we females tend to be. In my opinion, at least, and I have had partners of both genders. They also tend to be a lot less willing to embrace their submissive sides and enjoy the, rather than seemingly grudingly allowing themselves to be that way.

My 2 cents
DV



Make that 4 cents. *nodnod*

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 6:06:02 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Are men too paranoid ?...... Okay, this is all about me isnt it ?

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 6:16:40 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Are men too paranoid ?...... Okay, this is all about me isnt it ?

Yes: the whole of collarme is a figment of your perverse imagination.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 7:39:59 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

My profile says clearly that I am a switch.
 
Lilith

but your user name  is  bbwdommelilith 


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 7:56:19 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		Maybe.

< Message edited by Raechard -- 5/4/2008 7:57:10 AM >

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 5:33:19 PM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		Yes- my profile DOES focus somewhat on the sexual (I think that I'm going to tone it down a bit), but I recently got my feelings shredded by getting involved with- and then rejected by- a dom who was originally trained very traditionally as a sub (I guess that "traditional" means no sex) who couldn't tolerate it that he couldn't keep himself from hav ing sex with me when we played.
 
Go figure.
 
Lilith

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 5:45:51 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		Overcoming societal mandates---much as " i am alpha male by day", however
 
 
OMG the earth would stop turning if George next door-- the ball scratching fart producing bubbabutt crack thought that Alan next door, willingly knelt before his Woman and was overheard to say, "yes Maam"---hold Me back.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Are men too paranoid? - 5/4/2008 5:48:33 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I have found the exact opposite - maybe because of the way I present myself in my profile.  I have men willing to trust me to the point of being willing to relocate with their first email.    I am the one not trusting that they could possible "trust" me so quickly.  Yes, I am real, I do care about subs, I would never want to endanger someone who turned themselves over to me.  I have found very few men that are hesitant to trust me.

_____________________________



(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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