hopelesslyInvo
Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Usako
You people take shit too seriously. So what if he is a "submissive" he's still a human man. And this person is a human woman. It's simple human interaction if you take out the BDSM factor.
You've exchanged a number of sucessful PMs so obviously she enjoys chatting with you. So any logical person would assume that perhaps, if she enjoys chatting with you, she'd like to chat on a more one-on-one basis hence asking for IM and/or phone. It's not the same as asking for a cam and it's not as drastic as asking to meet. As I said, it's not rocket science and not the end of the world.
Suck it up, grow some balls and ask. There isn't any magic, vodoo that can help. And no matter what people say here, it won't help either. Courage and logic are things only you can have.
i consider it to often being cautious or treating the situation delicately, and no doubt most people look at other peoples comings and goings as not having anything to them, but when that individual finds themself in the same situation, they look at it quite differently. treatment of this nature is usually not unfounded and certainly better than being reckless or inconsiderate.
it's simple, it's human, it's not stemmed from bdsm, it's just being polite and showing manners, or at least being appropriate to the given situation. i can't fathom how often asking 'how should i do this?" and taking advice from my friends such as "dude just talk to her", or "just ask" has been harmful to my intentions, mostly because no answer was given to my question.
it's altogether likely she might also be worried about saying things that will come off the wrong way, and pretty much everyone in vanillaville worries about how to approach all manner of different things, including this same example as well. people worry, and they have good reason to, because making assumptions such as thinking, a pleasant conversation or series of conversations with a girl means "she wants me" can be unhelpful, and if you act on these assumptions it's easy to become problematic.
it's not the end of the world, but it could be the end of the relationship. it's not rocket science, it's not even an exact science, if there was then the answer would already be known, it would apply to everyone, and opinions or advice would be moot.
it's not important if it's a camera, a meeting, a phone, or an im client, because these are all harmless and using these will not dictate what comes out of it or what it will involve, none of these things are a big deal, it's what you do that can be a big deal, the only issue is the impression you give someone with what you say, how you say it, and their reaction to it.
sure things seem obvious, clear, and simple when you look at others, but when individuals find themselves in the middle of it, things will often reveal their complex nature, or to them it will at least seem more complex than it really is.
the question isn't should he do it or not, it's not will he be able to grow balls or not; there's no "if" for you to question, it's how to go about it, hopefully without botching things up.
you're correct of course that you "just ask", but tell me the difference between just asking "would you like to call me sometime or mind if i called you?" and just asking "hey what's your number? i wanna call you.". casting aside all the extremities, such a subtle thing can make a large impact, that's the whole point of being mindful.
< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 5/4/2008 6:23:18 PM >
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when to ask for chat/phone/r/t meet? - 
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