advice for novice dom

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

advice for novice dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> advice for novice dom

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

advice for novice dom - 5/4/2008 10:41:15 PM

cuteguybottom

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

Hi...Looking for some advice....I am dating a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive than dominant but like her a lot and want to dominante her....It's not a one time thing...

I'm not sure even what to do? I can spank her and tie her up and verbally dominate her.....

Any other suggestions?

Will this work

Thanks

Post #: 1

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/4/2008 10:51:06 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

no it won't.

edit: to be more precise...

if you aren't into it, it won't work. it's not as if dom's have some kind special moves they practice that enables them to do what they do. it's just being who you are. it's nice you're trying to satisfy her but it is going to be obvious if it is affected.

now it's not as if this is only the case for doms. if a ladyfriend of mine wanted to please me by trying to be more submissive, I would be able to tell if she was faking it. it wouldn't be as enjoyable.

< Message edited by variation30 -- 5/4/2008 11:01:00 PM >

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 2

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 1:44:02 AM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline

I tend to disagree. While most people wil not be able to "become" a Dom, most people who are at least kink-friendly, can learn how to become a decent Top. Whether or not that satifactory depends on the other partner. For a TPE slave it will probably not be enough. For someone who enjoys the fantasy and likes to play it may well be.

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 3

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 3:49:10 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

It can only work to a limited degree if you're open and honest about being out of your depth (and/or comfort zone) but are willing to give it a try, anyway....

If it's not in you (not your individual need), the "novelty" wears off and only she ends up enjoying the dynamic while, for you, it degenerates to plain ole hard work.... Anyone (including a sub) can learn to spank a butt or tie knots etc but you can't learn or teach someone to get turned on by those activities if it's not already their need. You may as well try and teach a hetero to be gay, or vice versa - good luck with that....

You can offer her some kink - the physical aspects (bondage. spanking) are termed "topping". Going by your post, you're likely to (figuratively) crash and burn trying to dominate her but you can top her. Do NOT try and bluster your way into convincing her you can be some bad arse dominant; be honest about your doubts and limitations.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 4

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 4:14:55 AM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

i never met a dom with NO vice...surely they are all in posession of at least one...

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 5

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 4:17:58 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

You are such a trouble maker.........

I agree with Guilty and Focus, also.

I am soooo helpful.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 6

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 4:31:42 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

i never met a dom with NO vice...surely they are all in posession of at least one...

glances at Level....
Some more than others...

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 7

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 4:35:49 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

i never met a dom with NO vice...surely they are all in posession of at least one...

glances at Level....
Some more than others...

Ut oh..... here comes trouble......

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 8

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 4:36:52 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

NOW what'd i do?

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 9

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 5:08:58 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Dunno, Mr. I have a problem, to start off with, when somebody describes themselves as "cute" or "attractive". Why no simply say you're insecure?

As to "will this work - you expect that we can answer a question about onne person we know little about, with another person we know nothing about, neither of whom are described in any detail. In my book, this is the category one liners, and then the answer has to be: yes. Or maybe not. Something like that.

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 10

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 5:41:47 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Domination test.
1- You can fuck her and have an orgasm but you can't dominate her, the experience is equal in power
2- You can control her, even sexually get her off if you like, but you don’t get to cum.
Choose one.

OK… now we have an understanding between power & sex:
By your own words, you don’t want to dominate this girl, your are more submissive. You just want to fuck her and willing to roleplay to make her happy.

Yes, it will work great if roleplaying is enough and you are good at it.

No, I don't think it will work if she really “needs” to be sexually dominated, your values won't generate enough threat with the actions and choices of a submissive in control (see above test again to reaffirm the meaning of what I say.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuteguybottom
a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive
…Will this work

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 11

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 8:06:31 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuteguybottom

Hi...Looking for some advice....I am dating a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive than dominant but like her a lot and want to dominante her....It's not a one time thing...

I'm not sure even what to do? I can spank her and tie her up and verbally dominate her.....

If she is looking for physical/sexual domination only, there is a wealth of information available, e.g., http://www.stockroom.com/sex_enhancers/books/ which offers useful and practical Topping techniques.

Good luck.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 12

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 8:11:43 AM

Wantstocontrolu

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

You are who you are, Do not go out of your comfort zone. You indeed may be a switch and thats great. Try it, make sure you both know what each other is looking for and go have fun.

_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 13

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 8:37:55 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Domination test.
1- You can fuck her and have an orgasm but you can't dominate her, the experience is equal in power
2- You can control her, even sexually get her off if you like, but you don’t get to cum.
Choose one.

OK… now we have an understanding between power & sex:
By your own words, you don’t want to dominate this girl, your are more submissive. You just want to fuck her and willing to roleplay to make her happy.

Yes, it will work great if roleplaying is enough and you are good at it.

No, I don't think it will work if she really “needs” to be sexually dominated, your values won't generate enough threat with the actions and choices of a submissive in control (see above test again to reaffirm the meaning of what I say.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuteguybottom
a girl that wants me to dominate her sexually....I am really more submissive
…Will this work

Just to add a little bit to this - It won't only be a bummer for her - it will be one for you too, at least eventually, since you are a sub and she wants a Dom. Does she know you're a sub? Is she agreeable to let you simply be a Top? Can you keep yourself from becoming emotionally attached to her / her emotionally attached to you? Lots of things to consider her, the largest of which appears to be keeping it casual and not letting it progress into something that makes both of you miserable in the long-run.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 14

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/5/2008 2:41:25 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

You just want to fuck her and willing to roleplay to make her happy.

Yes, it will work great if roleplaying is enough and you are good at it.

Dammit. You found me out.

*sniffles*

So as to not hijack overly, though:

The answer's been laid out well enough here, but to add - any relationship, vanilla or not, requires levels of comfort and happiness. What you're describing, OP, will ultimately lead to neither without serious discussion between you and this lady, so both of you know the score and what the other person wants and needs.

Good luck.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 15

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/6/2008 5:54:20 PM

SummerWind

Posts: 314
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline

Put her on a a bus to NJ. When she gets off in Newark tell her to hold up a sign with the name "Frank".....I'll take it from there.....

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 16

RE: advice for novice dom - 5/7/2008 11:59:13 AM

spatejak

Posts: 53
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Binding and spanking the little slut is a good beginning. Then get yourself a copy of Jay Wiseman's SM101 and study it. It will give you all the basic info on how to tie her up, where and to hit her, etc. eBay is a good place for reasonably priced toys. But if you're not really into it there's only so far you can go. You're not going to shell out hundreds of dollars for a hand-plaited kangeroo-hide whip. A vegetarian is not going to cook a first rate steak. On the other hand you may find an inner dom beneath your wimpy exterior, in which case I recommend David Morgan

(in reply to cuteguybottom)

Post #: 17

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> advice for novice dom

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.086