RE: please help (Full Version)

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eyesopened -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 4:42:23 AM)

Anyone who knows me knows that i do not recommend just jumping ship but in this case, since you've already communicated to your Master, well, it's time for you to put your sense of worth above the situation.

You are not, and can not be someone else.  You are not her.  Period.  If he wanted a clone of his slave, he should have sought one.  To expect something different now is unfair to you, to him, AND to his slave. 

Let me ask this:  Has his slave been involved in your training?  Has he instructed her to teach you what it is she does that he finds so pleasing?  Has he allowed you to teach her the soft and sensual part that he finds pleasing in you?  In other words, what has he done to help you be all that he desires? 

One reason i have stayed FAR away from poly families is the "interchangable parts" attitude of so many.  i like me very much.  i feel i have a lot to offer as i am and certainly a willingness to learn the specifics to please my Master.  Now some folks really love being objectified to the point where they have no say, no personal choice, no individual characteristics.  That's cool because it gives them fulfillment.  But it doesn't sound like you want to be objectified to that level. 

While i'm sure there is someone so talented that he can turn a Crown Victoria into a Corvette... it just makes more sense to start with a Vette that needs a little work than to start out with the wrong car to begin with.



Dnomyar -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 5:09:14 AM)

What happened to Change is Good for you.



babygirlalways -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 4:54:21 PM)

i just wanted to say thank you to all who have replied, well i talked to him again, and well lets just say it didnt go well
i told him how i felt about being compared and all he could say was "well i guess im not what you want then" and "so i guess your done with me" 



OldBastardly1 -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 5:01:01 PM)

That speaks volumes.    NEXT!



candisa -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 5:25:29 PM)

greetings babygirlalways,

With a response like that, it would hardly seem like there was much heart to heart involved in the conversation. I do hope you can see clearly what he has said. It is sometimes very difficult to look within and know the right thing to do for yourself. I do hope that you will take the time and reflect in your case what will be best  next steps for you to make, seek happiness and pursue it.
quote:

ORIGINAL: babygirlalways

i just wanted to say thank you to all who have replied, well i talked to him again, and well lets just say it didnt go well
i told him how i felt about being compared and all he could say was "well i guess im not what you want then" and "so i guess your done with me" 



LordShadow -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 7:33:34 PM)

greetigns babygirl,

I have to say that what is happening to you is detrimental to your sense of self.
I practice a very deep level of slavery (one that oft gets a rise from folks here...lol) but I would never do what is being done to you. These are the actions of someone who either does not care what he is doing to you, or does not know what he is doing to you, or both....either way it is very dangerous froma mental health point of view.
My initial advice would have been the same as the others, communicate with him how you feel and what it is doing to you. But you say you have already this, if so, my advice is to hit the bricks and start over...




xxblushesxx -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 7:47:46 PM)

OP; if you are still reading this, I hope that you can see that even if he isn't the right one for you, that you are still the same loving, sweet person you were before this happened. There are many of us here, including me who would be happy to talk to you if you need someone to talk to. Just contact me and I'll give you my number, or take yours.
Poly does not mean that one is better or thought of as higher than the other...unless that is what was agreed upon.
I wish you happiness and love.

~Christina



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 7:59:29 PM)

Sadly that is more typical a response than not.  Not knowing how exactly you approached him, I can't put all the responsibility on him, but he certainly has his share of "poor me, jump the gun, defensive" posture here. 

Next time you'll know and choose better.  Or be forced to learn the lesson again.



DarkSteven -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 8:27:49 PM)

Actually, babygirl, it went very well.  you had a quick and relatively painless breakup.  Had you stayed within this situation, it would have torn away at you insidiously,

It's over.  Cry a lot, and then move on.



ResidentSadist -> RE: please help (5/6/2008 9:00:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygirlalways
i just wanted to say thank you to all who have replied, well i talked to him again, and well lets just say it didnt go well
i told him how i felt about being compared and all he could say was "well i guess im not what you want then" and "so i guess your done with me" 

It seems to me, as soon as you made this post saying "i am feeling like he no longer wants me", you knew you were done with him as well. 



babygirlalways -> RE: please help (5/7/2008 5:43:31 AM)

this goes to A/all that wrote i wanted to thank you for all the advice and comments, i wanted to let everyone know that i am no longer with him, i honestly just could not take being compared anymore, and him just truely not understanding why i was upset about it.
once again thank you to all



Madame4a -> RE: please help (5/7/2008 5:52:30 AM)

Good news.. and congrats on taking care of yourself...

I so often avoid posts like this because people get good advice, but never help themselves...

good on ya babygirl ... good luck in the future!



GreedyTop -> RE: please help (5/7/2008 7:24:57 AM)

I just want to echo blushes and M4a...

I'm a good ear, if ya need one.. and if so, feel free to contact me on the other side.. *hugs* sorry you had to go through this...



BlackPhx -> RE: please help (5/7/2008 7:57:44 AM)

You said you joined on a trial basis. Well you have seen what he really wants and are receiving mixed messages as well. You deserve to be valued for you, with and by someone looking to enhance the aspects of you that fit his needs, not make you into a replica of what he already has. Evaluate honestly as to whether you are getting what you need out of the relationships WITHIN the family, and yes you should have a relationship with all involved, not just him. If it is not what you are seeking and your not getting what you need but are being told you need to change in ways that are not you?

You have the right to leave. That is the meaning of trial. Try it, like it or hate it, decide.

Not every match up is going to match up. I used to talk to many Dominants/Sadists, tried a few when we reached that point of talks and meetings, and if it didn't work after an honest effort on both sides..we walked away, often still friends. I kept this up until I met Master and we lived together a year before he ordered me to marry him (grins) an order I was happy to obey (rare moment of submission there).

poenkitten (wishing you luck and saying to be honest about what you are getting out of it, your happy depends on it)



BlackPhx -> RE: please help (5/7/2008 7:59:16 AM)

You had the right to leave and I am glad to see you exercised it..

Your Happy depends on you being you.

poenkitten



StrictMaster979 -> RE: please help (5/7/2008 10:28:21 AM)

The problem for a dom is that he has had some experience with another sub, who has given him more of what he wants.  He can not relate to you, probably because you're prettier or better at other things than pain, but he wants to, in his own mind, pingeon hole you like the other sub.  You really need to have a heart to heart talk with him, over a coffee, not over his knee, to tell him how you are feeling.



babygirlalways -> RE: please help (5/8/2008 5:44:14 AM)

okay i really am confused, the other day he told me that "i guess im not what you want" and that "if i want to come back he will always be there"
so to me unless i am really out of it, that means i am no longer with him  correct ????
i called me last night to see if he was gonna see me on monday for a "fisting"
i have told him more then once that i am "done"  that i no longer wanted to be with him
why is he still saying things like that?  can someone give me a reason please



Madame4a -> RE: please help (5/8/2008 5:59:15 AM)

he doesn't understand "thank you and good bye"?

he's an idiot?

he's realized you're actually done?

I'm sure there are several reasons... don't answer the phone



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