FlamingRedhead
Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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I just broke off a 1-year D/s relationship about a month ago because I felt that he didn't really want me. In the beginning, he pursued me like he meant it, i.e. emailed, text messaged and called every day. We saw each other several times a week. We introduced each other to our children. I warned him from the start that most men find me difficult. Not a problem, he assured me. He could handle anything. He said he was going to take good care of me. I believed him. He gained my trust (most of it, anyway), and I told him things I'd never told another man. Due to some past issues, I even asked him a crazy question...."Is it okay to love you?" He said it was more than okay. I thought we wanted the same things. However, as time went on and we hit some bumps in the road, he pulled back from me. I tried my best to work harder to please him and prove that I wanted this. Nothing ever seemed good enough. What I did was good, but it felt as if "I" never got his full approval. The last straw was when I sent him an email telling him how I felt, and he responded by telling me if I wanted a life with someone that I'd best start working on getting a life....and a better job. It felt like a slap in the face. The truth came out at last....I wasn't good enough for the likes of him! I sent him a text....FUCK YOU....and told him I'd bring his house key and jewelry back after work the next day as well as collect my toys from him. He was nice and wished me luck finding what I wanted. He said I could call him anytime. I don't know if I can describe what it felt like to drive away....maybe akin to driving off with a rope tied around your heart....because the pain was so bad that I literally screamed...more than once. I even turned around to go and beg him to take me back, but I decided at the last minute to just keep driving. I can honestly say that when I left my ex-husband, I never looked back.
I drove aimlessly for hours.
A couple of friends took me out drinking the next night, and I ended up playing the tambourine for a few sets with the band. A couple of them have had me over a few times for dinner and a movie. I spent quality time with my son. I went out drinking with my newly turned 21-year-old cousin. I went to a dungeon in Atlanta where I got to lead my friend around on a leash and spank her and then got a hellacious ass whippin' myself (pain...without love...ha ha). I made some new friends there. I guess you could say I've been healing by keeping myself busy and spending time with people who love me for ME. Of course, there were the pity parties all by myself in between the fun stuff, but that's to be expected.
There are stages of a break up:
1. Realization (things aren't working out).
2. Actualization (accepting the break up).
3. Depression/grief.
4. Anger.
I had a moment of weakess and text messaged him after 2 weeks. It led to more hurt feelings and then rage at how I was treated. I'm still a little on the angry side, but that's a good thing. It keeps me focused on putting it behind me and not wishing for what might have been. Just because you wish for something doesn't mean you'll get it...or even that you should. It'll get easier with time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and your eyes straight ahead because if you keep looking back, you might miss something right in front of you.
*BIG HUGE SQUISHY HUG*
_____________________________
I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me
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How to heal? - 
Profile
RE: How to heal? - 
jmho 
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