How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (Full Version)

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steviemichael -> How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/5/2008 11:38:54 PM)

LIFESTYLE CHOICE but the question is just how much does the culture you live in choose your choices for you just how free are you to live out those choices with your partner ? or is everything you do behind closed doors ?
many who are into BDSM will say they are into the Alternative lifestyle  what does that term mean to you ?



ResidentSadist -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 12:11:39 AM)

I’ll take one of those questions on.  I am of Russian, Armenian and Lithuanian decent.  I come from a patriarchal family who’s chauvinistic rules would make some of us BDSMers look like softies.  Women ask permission in their world.  This cultivated my chauvinism to a degree I suspect.

At an Armenian picnic I met a real slave that was covered from head to toe in her Turkish and Armenian owner's tattoos.  After escaping slavery, as a free women, she ran a belly dancing troupe.  She was kind enough to grant the young 9 year old boy she found peering into their tent an interview. She explained the art of being a slave, told the stories of her owners tattoos, the Turkish invasion of Armenia and what belly dancing meant to her and her value as a slave.  Her dignity in servitude, sensuality and the way she connected with me and fulfilled a young Master's wish impressed me for life.  



Arrrchibald -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 12:14:55 AM)

Everything's private. 

Not because of my personal cultural , but the "culture" of my job.  



phoenixinchains -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 12:26:14 AM)

RS- cool story[:)]



chickpea -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 12:32:25 AM)

Think with my religious upbringing I want to keep my kink very private, and makes me less likely to associate with people who are more public with their kink.



phoenixinchains -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 12:41:42 AM)

Many civilians think everything is all uniform and regulation in the military, even when everybody is done working. No, military folk come in every flavor, except Amish. In many ways we are lucky because you are exposed to many different cultures in every neighborhood on each post. And you are more likely to meet like-minded people. Of 12 couples sent a marriage retreat while in Korea, 4 couples were Pagan, and all the Americans liked RHPS[:D] even the chaplin conducting the lectures.

But we do have to be careful, because in this varied bunch of people, there are the close-minded and petty folks as well. Master has a guy in His chain of command that is very Christian, and will hurt the careers of those who don't share his values. Luckily Master was warned of this early on, and Wwe know to be on guard arround him.

To me, an alternitive lifestyle means walking the path others don't walk, not to be alone, but to be happy.[;)]

edited cuz it's 2:42 am



stella41b -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 1:02:07 AM)

I'm probably cross-cultural in that although I am British I have spent many years living in Poland and was active in the Warsaw BDSM community. Indeed, my formative Mistress was from Warsaw, she 'trained' me over 5 years and I can fully relate to what RS wrote. My former Mistress was from a traditional Polish family, I was her submissive but trained as a slave and this was common knowledge to her friends and family and most of my mindset and attitudes as a submissive comes from her training. RS is right, Eastern European culture is much different and BDSM is much harder than here in the West, and there's a world of difference eevn between Polish BDSM and Russian BDSM. I feel I am lucky to have been taught that same dignity in servitude together with honour, and selflessness even though my experience would be nothing in comparison to that of the slave he has written about. When my Mistress, a short plump lesbian hit me with a riding crop it hurt, and I mean really hurt, the sting was just like being hit with a cane. There was very little in the way of mercy or leniency, but she was also extremely kind, caring and patient.

This has affected me on my return to the UK. I can assimilate of course, but I've lost that 'island mentality', and have retained much of Polish or Eastern European culture in my lifestyle and find that my training and attitudes gained in Warsaw do not necessarily put me at a disadvantage here in the UK.



ResidentSadist -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 1:37:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
RS- cool story[:)]

LOL - That story turned into a 1,400 word epic post in homage to a long dead slave dancer in the other thread.  Wall of text crits reader for 987,364,862 damage... <reader /dies>
[sm=bury.gif]



phoenixinchains -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 1:46:45 AM)

war, death, suffering; these things are never good. of this i am very aware.
still, butterflies in a land fill are none the less butterflies.
sometimes it is easier to find beauty than it is to find hope.
i don't know if this makes sence, this is why i'm normally quiet away from the key board,
but then i was never accused of sanity.



ResidentSadist -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 2:01:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains
war, death, suffering; these things are never good. of this i am very aware.
still, butterflies in a land fill are none the less butterflies.
sometimes it is easier to find beauty than it is to find hope.
i don't know if this makes sence,


If you speak of the slave dancer story, then butterflies in a landfill are quite apropos.  That slave found her balance and beauty in a terrible time.  Nonconsensual slavery was not the biggest atrocity in her environment.  She found herself serving the men that killed 1.5 million of her people.  

Yet she bettered herself, served with her whole heart and found dignity in her life and service.  I’d say you are quite sane using butterflies in a landfill as an analogy.   



phoenixinchains -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 2:13:43 AM)

yea! it made sence!



MasterFireMaam -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 3:34:26 AM)

I'm out on a national level. I feel free to do as I need...but I'm not going to be shouting about it or whatever. If someone at work or school asks me about it, I talk to them. I've had students google me...and I just accidenatly sent my professor an email from my Master Fire account. *chuckle* He asked if it was me, laughed and say, "Okay...". I wonder if he'll ask about it.

Master Fire



DesFIP -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 3:51:29 AM)

I live in a small town and I'm a mother. My children's best interests would be compromised if I went about 3 steps behind him saying "Yes Master, this girl understands" all the time. More than that, it isn't my style and I would be playing a false role which is not what I want for my intimate relationship.

However my culture influences how I see things. I'm a Reconstructionist Jew and the style of relaxed D/s we do is very much in line with halakha, how to act so to bring yourself closer to God instead of further away. While most people's harsh punishment style is very Christian sin based in right or wrong, one that is aligned with halakha fits me better.



Lashra -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 4:48:40 AM)

I am German and Cherokee Indian, I learned at a young age to be independent, value my freedom at all costs and to make my own decisions. Being as Dominant and stubborn as I am that is a good thing.

My German Father taught me to think outside the confines of culture and to reach out for something better for myself. He always said that women should have choices in their lives and  they should be able to do anything that they wanted to, just like men. So that is exactly what I have done.

Alternative lifestyle means to me living outside the tiny box that American society would have us all live in. It means doing your own thing, happily, even though there maybe those who truly do not agree with it.

~Lashra



thetammyjo -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 5:01:18 AM)

I'm not really sure that I have a culture beyond me and mine.

In terms of the society in which we live in, it doesn't really cause us problems because while we are "out" we are not fetish dressers and we don't feel the need to "push" ourselves onto others.

I and my family get invited to an event -- my slave goes too. If it's a kinky event, obviously he's introduced as my slave; if it's a vanilla event he's "Fox, my other partner" and then any follow up questions are answered honestly.

We live in a middle class family neighborhood and everyone can see us come and go. We even had a neighbor ask about our leather pride flag (on behalf of several neighbors who were curious) so I told them what it meant and why we fly it along side the American flag (rotating with a Peace flag in place of the Leather Pride one from time to time). It didn't occur to me to lie or not be truthful though they don't need to know the details of our lives. Guess what? After that folks were even more friendly to us.

The greatest difference in "cultures" I've seen relates to our lives in NYC and back in the midwest. Now this is just my experience, not a statement of fact. I found it much more difficult to find a serious potential slave in NYC than I did here. Oh, I could find a lot of part-timers, play partners for parties, and curious folks but no one who put in the time and effort to make a DS dynamic work long-term and full-time. The impression I got was that there were so many options that no felt the drive to work on a relationship. Once I got back to the midwest I've own three slaves (dynamics lasting from 11 months to 8.5 years) compared to about that number in NYC but with average time of a few months and never frankly as owner-slave, more dom-sub. Not exactly sure why because it could be a lot of different factors.



Mercnbeth -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 5:27:41 AM)

quote:

LIFESTYLE CHOICE but the question is just how much does the culture you live in choose your choices for you just how free are you to live out those choices with your partner ?


as an American, this slave's culture allows her to pursue whatever makes her happy...as long as she isn't harming others, presenting herself to authorites as being harmed, or looking for legal validation of her lifestyle choice.
 
"American" culture is varied, depending on the region and the inhabitants.  this slave was brought up in an isolated rural environment with parents whose ancestors have been here so long, most of their European culture was lost.  the only culture she knows for sure are the German ones that came 300 years ago.  they were escaping persecution for not belonging to the One-True-Religion, their "society" was literally torturing and killing them for embracing an alternative lifestyle.
we have a family tradition of keeping our eccentricities to ourselves...passed down leftovers of a survival mechanism, perhaps.

quote:

Alternative lifestyle  what does that term mean to you ?

 
NOT following this expected path:
 
0-18...be cared for by parents in every conceivable way

18-28 yrs.…continue to educate…attend & finish school
28-35……Work hard and save and/or invest money for future family and/or retirement.
35-45……Seek to date and eventually marry one person of the opposite sex and procreate or adopt kids
45-60……Work even harder to send kids to school so they can do the whole process from the top themselves.
65-75……Retire, kids take over house and move you into the nursing home unless you sell it and run away!!!
75-100…..sometime we all gotta go…

 
Some of us make that decision NOT to take that “expected” path, for one reason or another and choose instead what those who are on the expected path refer to as an “Alternative Lifestyle”.
Depending on religious dogma or unwillingness to accept differences, those choosing an alternative lifestyle are often viewed as mentally ill, going to hell, in need of intervention,therapy or an exorcism, just plain wierd, etc.

 
Many families and loved ones are turned against each other because of this non-acceptance and it is a terrible shame, a pox on so-called spiritual folk who condemn others for their choices.

A dear friend once “came out of the closet” and expressed to everyone who knew him in the local community that he is homosexual.
In certain segments of our American society that sort of a revelation could get him ostracized, badly beaten, maybe even killed.
other places, not so much.
No one who knows this slave would be suprised that she is Master's slave...they might be suprised at the label, but serving His desires and making Him happy is something they all know about.
 
There is one day and place every year in America that this slave knows about, where you can walk(or crawl) down the street at the end of a leash...or set yourself up as a human urinal to be used by passersby...a celebration of alternative lifestyle, if you will, but for the other 364 it's just not allowed.



Dnomyar -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 5:38:34 AM)

Im an Americanised gypsy. We roam about and have no culture. Tall dark sensual and mysterious.What more can a woman want. We invented the "On you knees" saying.  



Constrictor1 -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 5:52:56 AM)

steviemichael,

My culture does not have a lot to do with My choices. Oh yeah, and I am not sure I like you for giving Me a reason to think before I was done with My first cup of coffee.[:-]   I was raised here in America.  I graduated high school in 1980 (time frame reference).  I was raised in upper middle class suburbia by the equivalent of Ozzie and Harriet.  Mom was a first and third grade school teacher and Dad was a mortgage banker. 

I however have always leaned towards physical aggression and violence.  I always needed an outlet.  I played various sports until leaving the education system and have been involved in some form of martial art/combat related activity since I was 11.  I realized that shortly after puberty that I enjoy inflicting pain/pleasure towards women.  I guess you would say this is what led Me towards this lifestyle.  I describe Myself jokingly, yet serious, as a "barely concealed sociopath" based on the fantasies that I have and the desires of what I want to do to women.  Somewhere during My upbringing, My parents instilled some form of "ethical stop" that keeps Me from becoming a news headline.   Also, I have a deep fear of losing My personal freedom by being put in jail.  I find the release that I get from hard play helps to mitigate "the beast" that I feel inside.  So I guess for Me, this lifestyle is not so much a choice, as an inherent need in My being that I can't escape.

In answer to the rest of your question, I again say that our society has not had much influence on Me as I am also deeply poly and prefer to deal only in a TPE.  I am what most people would call "out" in public, I accept Myself for who I am, so as far as I am concerned, the rest of the world can too.  I have the BDSM triskele tattooed on My shoulder and My keychain has a six inch flogger attached to it.  The only reason I hide My toys at the house is because My slave has a 6 yr. old.  At such time as he (um) is not here, I leave such things out for easy access.  My slave wears a collar with a lock on it 24 hours a day for anyone to see.

I hope this answers what you are asking.  If not, feel free to write.

Constrictor1



DominantJenny -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 7:04:23 AM)

Quick reply...

Just because I have something mildly interesting to note.

My mother strongly dislikes men...with the exception of my father, my uncles (most of them) and her father. She is a woman of strong opinions and a caregiver. She was probably the most powerful influence in my childhood.

As it turns out, I like men. As people, not just as sex objects (although they're fun there, too). I resent what my society's assigned gender roles does to them as much as I resent what it does to women. I, too, am a woman of strong opinions and a caregiver, but not at all in a submissive way. My mother utterly cannot comprehend BDSM...it's the sort of thing she'd yell about in regards to M/f and talk about "deep mental issues" in F/m. I'm hard-wired to be kinked. I'm also bisexual...and my mother is quite prone the flippant "oh, they just can't make up their minds" or "just want everything" types of statements. (I've made some progress with her there, though.)

I was a serious misfit in my society from day one...which, in a way, made it easier as it turned out that I was more and more different. Ultimately, I never stood a chance of conforming anyway, y'know? At the same time, I am not a rebel. I'm not different by choice, but by birth. I tried to conform, but could not succeed. I used to envy deeply those who did fit in...now, I'm comfortable in my own skin, but I do still think those people have it a lot easier, and easier is still, imo, more appealing. Sadly, when you're truly different, conforming is very much NOT easier.

So I am who I am, and I deal. I am frustrated by those things that are nonsensical (homophobia, for example) that pervade the society I live in. (And am, in fact, immigrating to a slightly less obnoxiously nonsensical society because of it.) Nevertheless, I have an overall optimistic view of the human species and think that EVENTUALLY we will grow the heck up and move on from the nonsense.

In the meantime, I cover my ass when and where I need to and enjoy the places where I don't.



toservez -> RE: How much does your culture control your choices in the lifestyle ? (5/6/2008 7:08:38 AM)

Well I was raised in Eastern/Asian culture and do not think it made the choice of my preferred relationship dynamic.

The culture we grew up in and live now, same or different, affects us in some ways no matter how much we might like to pat ourselves on the back and think we are void of molding and peer pressure. But culture is not about being faithful to the cosmetic way of living our lives but goes into our beliefs and the way we think. Culture though does not override our personalities, needs and strong desire but can and will often make it easier or harder to accept, embrace or live differently.

I feel completely free to live the way my Master and I want and do not see hiding our “unique” dynamic fro the public to be hard or constricting. My respect and love for him is not compromised by calling him William instead of Master when with others.



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