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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/17/2005 3:54:04 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

how about this for an example, the Master/Dom has a 90 trial period for his slave/sub to go through before considering if keeping them around for a longer contract. Should more than one be kept under this type of method if none of the parties are poly?Or would it be a to each their own philosophy?

Everything is to each their own :) Some people find trial periods perfect for them. For me, I just get to know them over time, see what develops organically.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/17/2005 9:24:26 PM

Soulhuntre

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub
how about this for an example, the Master/Dom has a 90 trial period for his slave/sub to go through before considering if keeping them around for a longer contract. Should more than one be kept under this type of method if none of the parties are poly?Or would it be a to each their own philosophy?

It's very much to each their own. The monogamous / poly thing sort of comes into play but that is dependant really on the circles one travels in. In the service oriented world multi-sub households are the norm and the expectation... a stipulation of monogamy would be very rare.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/17/2005 10:47:58 PM

Wolfie648

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quote:

make it a practice of interviewing more than one submissive at a time?
if that is the methodology employed,do any of ya'll feel that in doing so takes away from the process of getting to know someone?
Could you give some of the reasons why you may use this method?

I'd have to agree that the pleasure of having more than one fish on the line at one time is rare, I have experienced it.

The only reason I let it go on for the short period of time that it did, is that the chances of either of them coming through was small (what are the chances of someone needing to take the same ride through life as someone else - (understand that I am extremely particular)?). It was not a competition and the one did not know anything about the other and I had not met either of them in person yet. As it turned out one of them did come through, which I was entirely (pleasantly) surprised at.

Does it take away from the process to getting to know someone? That depends on how much time every party has at their disposal to commit to it. At the time that this happened to me I had plenty of time at my disposal so no it didn't.

D (owner of j)

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/17/2005 11:52:21 PM

IronBear

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Lets be a little practicle here shall we? If you advertise for a live in domestic help/companion, and depending where you live and your living conditions it is reasonable that you may get multiple replies isn't it? If so, would you interview the first to respond completely, taking several months to decide, or would you be interviewing all of them, and eliminating some at every stage? Damn sure I would just like every job vacency I advertise. I want the best available, and if push comes to shove and all other things being equal, you may end up with two sub/slaves for the price of one.

Is this likely to happen? Unlikely. So dont wory about it till it happens. Reality is that when you quit looking like I have, you are just as likely to have your doos kicked in by a mob of sheilers (submissives) who want a collar... Then you can have the worry of sorting them out and if needs be bedding them all as part of your vetting program.. You may even survive or at least die with a smile on your dial.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 11:06:42 AM

fyreredsub

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thank you both for your input. should a sub/slave carry on w/ the same philosophy?

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 11:35:54 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

thank you both for your input. should a sub/slave carry on w/ the same philosophy?

If it works for you, absolutely. This isn't a sub/slave/dom/master/Ds type issue at all. This is a relationship like any other.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 12:05:40 PM

fyreredsub

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juggling men is never easy for this girl,lol,she has a tendency to avoid it but its does make sense if one uses IronBear's job analogy that one shouldn't take the first offer that comes along but should really study up on the company so to speak before taking the offer.

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 12:20:55 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

juggling men is never easy for this girl,lol,she has a tendency to avoid it but its does make sense if one uses IronBear's job analogy that one shouldn't take the first offer that comes along but should really study up on the company so to speak before taking the offer.

Yup. Feelings are yummy and good indicators, but should never be used as decision makers.

Gotta know what it's going to be like over the long haul, and nothing can short-cut simple quality time spent together.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 4:43:39 PM

WickedKev

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

make it a practice of interviewing more than one submissive at a time?
if that is the methodology employed,do any of ya'll feel that in doing so takes away from the process of getting to know someone?
Could you give some of the reasons why you may use this method?

Can't say I have ever really set out to interview anyone. I have talked to lots of subs/slaves those that interest me I have arranged to meet real life (if I didn't know them already) and I can normally tell straight away if their is anything that could be built upon. I have never agreed to meet other subs/slaves after I have agreed to meet one, personnaly think that is just rude.

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can make you commit atrocities.
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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 5:29:02 PM

fyreredsub

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it is refreshing to see they are a few of you on the boards that feel this way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

make it a practice of interviewing more than one submissive at a time?
if that is the methodology employed,do any of ya'll feel that in doing so takes away from the process of getting to know someone?
Could you give some of the reasons why you may use this method?

Can't say I have ever really set out to interview anyone. I have talked to lots of subs/slaves those that interest me I have arranged to meet real life (if I didn't know them already) and I can normally tell straight away if their is anything that could be built upon. I have never agreed to meet other subs/slaves after I have agreed to meet one, personnaly think that is just rude.

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 5:36:40 PM

fyreredsub

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agreed that time is the true test of the matter....

getting to know someone doesn't occur overnight, and feelings can grow or disappear during this time

but if someone is invovled w/ several its just not understandable to me,
how either party gets a fair shake.

guess one just needs to listen to their gut and take their time.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

juggling men is never easy for this girl,lol,she has a tendency to avoid it but its does make sense if one uses IronBear's job analogy that one shouldn't take the first offer that comes along but should really study up on the company so to speak before taking the offer.

Yup. Feelings are yummy and good indicators, but should never be used as decision makers.

Gotta know what it's going to be like over the long haul, and nothing can short-cut simple quality time spent together.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/18/2005 5:41:30 PM

mnottertail

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you are in training and looking at the same time no?

That would be more than uni-relational in my book right there.

this is not meant to be rude or castigating in anyway.........the texture and flavor of the thing is rather sharp tho, in my mind.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/19/2005 1:19:35 AM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

juggling men is never easy for this girl,lol,she has a tendency to avoid it but its does make sense if one uses IronBear's job analogy that one shouldn't take the first offer that comes along but should really study up on the company so to speak before taking the offer.

For the record, judging women is not the easiest thing for me too. However I use commonsence, tonal, and physical indicators (Body language etc) to help be put together some sort of profile of anyone I'm interested in for what ever reason. I also use a network of people to give me background information from non related areas such as work etc. In the end I trust my gut feelings. I do like to see the person in a non related social setting too and test how comfortable I feel with them. B-B-Qs are a good starter, but that may just be an Aussie thing. (I'll get a friend to have a barby and invite the prospect over as well as myself so it's all non preasured casual..

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/19/2005 4:22:44 AM

fyreredsub

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official training was actually ended this past weekend-before it was contractually begun.i am solo and proactively still trying to learn.

natural misunderstanding when u didnt realize the situation had changed

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

you are in training and looking at the same time no?

That would be more than uni-relational in my book right there.

this is not meant to be rude or castigating in anyway.........the texture and flavor of the thing is rather sharp tho, in my mind.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/19/2005 4:26:19 AM

fyreredsub

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we do bbq in the south,lol

i would like to think that getting along in vanilla situations is just as crucial as to similair kinks.

my gut is my decider=======ecspecially w/ all this getting to know one on the net.You can't see nuiances, gestures, hear the tome of voice etc...this can easily be misconstrued or misunderstood

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

juggling men is never easy for this girl,lol,she has a tendency to avoid it but its does make sense if one uses IronBear's job analogy that one shouldn't take the first offer that comes along but should really study up on the company so to speak before taking the offer.

For the record, judging women is not the easiest thing for me too. However I use commonsence, tonal, and physical indicators (Body language etc) to help be put together some sort of profile of anyone I'm interested in for what ever reason. I also use a network of people to give me background information from non related areas such as work etc. In the end I trust my gut feelings. I do like to see the person in a non related social setting too and test how comfortable I feel with them. B-B-Qs are a good starter, but that may just be an Aussie thing. (I'll get a friend to have a barby and invite the prospect over as well as myself so it's all non preasured casual..

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 10/19/2005 4:30:19 AM >

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/19/2005 6:13:25 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

agreed that time is the true test of the matter....

getting to know someone doesn't occur overnight, and feelings can grow or disappear during this time

but if someone is invovled w/ several its just not understandable to me,
how either party gets a fair shake.

guess one just needs to listen to their gut and take their time.....

You're talking to someone who's been poly for a chunk of years at this point and is currently maintaining and developing four intimate relationships and a handful of other dates/friends/etc.

Now, just because I'm poly doesn't mean I am naturally more skilled at dealing with multiple relationships. Trust me, take a look at the poly board and you will see that.

But since it is who I am, I've worked really hard to learn how to do it well, and I'm still learning a lot. Since it is who I am, it's not really a "choice" for me, it's simply who I am and I have to learn how to work as best as I can with it.

If you want just one person and you want that one person to just be on you- that's fine. That's one perfectly valid way of doing it.

But, even for monogamous people, dating a few at a time is just normal for a lot, specially in the beginning. It's not rude as long as everyone is up front about it with no false expectations, and most people can handle it fine.

Do what works for you, and let the others do what works best for them.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/19/2005 9:57:41 AM

RiotGirl

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i was getting to know about 4 or 5 Doms before i met Master.

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/19/2005 10:29:17 AM

fyreredsub

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i don't know if i would be considered poly,i guess discussing topping another female under master direction for play,perhaps i am...
i always assumed poly was more than 1 slave to household(i still have loads to learn tho).

i can thinkof a particular situation where a Dom was considering 2 subs and it turned out yucky for some of the parties involved.

i can handle only being under one collar,and having one to serve...
however w/ some of the things that have occurred and reading some of the threads....

until i make a commitment ...

i will get to know whomever. the longer i stay on the boards the more that decision seems right for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

agreed that time is the true test of the matter....

getting to know someone doesn't occur overnight, and feelings can grow or disappear during this time

but if someone is invovled w/ several its just not understandable to me,
how either party gets a fair shake.

guess one just needs to listen to their gut and take their time.....

You're talking to someone who's been poly for a chunk of years at this point and is currently maintaining and developing four intimate relationships and a handful of other dates/friends/etc.

Now, just because I'm poly doesn't mean I am naturally more skilled at dealing with multiple relationships. Trust me, take a look at the poly board and you will see that.

But since it is who I am, I've worked really hard to learn how to do it well, and I'm still learning a lot. Since it is who I am, it's not really a "choice" for me, it's simply who I am and I have to learn how to work as best as I can with it.

If you want just one person and you want that one person to just be on you- that's fine. That's one perfectly valid way of doing it.

But, even for monogamous people, dating a few at a time is just normal for a lot, specially in the beginning. It's not rude as long as everyone is up front about it with no false expectations, and most people can handle it fine.

Do what works for you, and let the others do what works best for them.

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 10/19/2005 10:30:27 AM >

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/21/2005 8:54:58 AM

crimsontied4u

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You wouldn't expect a manager of a store to interview just one person for a position available and make their decision right then would you?
They would interview several candidates,and choose from the ones interviewed!
One persons qualities may outweigh anothers,or complement still another!
Why choose after just the first one?

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RE: How many of the Masters - 10/21/2005 9:36:33 AM

FLButtSlut

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As long as everyone is up front about how things are, and agreeable, it's all good. Said all sorts of different ways on this thread.

Let me see if I have the situation (now no longer happening anyway) correct. You "met" someone, talked for a while, met in person and decided to "give it a try". The "try" including various forms of play and "he" was also "trying" several others at the same time.

YOU on the other hand are looking for a monogamous relationship, and not very comfortable with what was going on. Your quest for monogamy and confusion over what "he" was doing is what is driving this post.

In a poly situation, I imagine things work very differently. I'm not poly, it appears you aren't either, so how poly works is strictly educational, but not applicable in your situation.

I am going to assume that during your conversations getting to know this man, you were open about your desire for a monogamous relationship. I am also getting from this post, that you are somewhat new to the whole lifestyle. It seems like this man tried to impress upon you that his "interviewing" multiple subs/slaves at once was how things worked in this lifestyle. If that is the case, your confusion and resulting post was a smart thing for you to do.

The "service oriented" or "domestic" sub/slave "thing" obviously works differently, and all of the comments from those such as Soulhuntre and IronBear make complete sense. When seeking a monogamous relationship that has a D/s dynamic, on the other hand, the view changes and varies drastically.

Regardless of what any "dom" tells you, in the initial "getting to know you" stages for a MONOGAMOUS relationship (I want to be very clear on that because all of the other types of relationships certainly do and should proceed differently), YOU have not given up control of your choices, wants, needs or desires on how the relationship will be explored. DO NOT let any "dom" tell you that what he is saying is "how it works" when it comes to these things. It is nothing more than how it works for HIM, and in my opinion, any telling you that what they are saying about anything is how it works "lifestyle-wide" is someone to avoid.

Bottom line is that if you are not comfortable with the idea of "his" seeing several while considering you, then explain to him that you aren't comfortable with that and if he balks, move on. As you can see from the posts here, there are quite a few who don't deeply explore multiple relationships at the same time (in person, including various forms of play, not just "talking"), so someone is out there for you that you will mesh with.

Until the time arrives that you are ready to commit to someone, you need to follow YOUR rules and proceed in the way that YOU want. There are some things that everyone here - dom, master, sub or slave have the RIGHT to expect in seeking a relationship. First and foremost on that list is honesty. If you are comfortable with multiple "candidates", that is fine for you. If you aren't, then that is also fine. As long as all that information is spelled out between ALL parties involved up front (especially if you are getting involved in any type of play), agreements are reached with all the information necessary to make such decisions.

Personally, if a dom tells me he wants to "interview" me, I tend to ask him if he has a paying job that he is looking to hire me for or if he understands that the interview is working both ways (they usually aren't pleased about that). Regardless of the lifestyle dynamics, I am seeking a relationship, and I find the concept of "interviewing" for such ridiculous. For those who are seeking other things like the service oriented, domestics, training and such, that is totally different. For a relationship, the term "interview" just doesn't work for me.

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