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RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/14/2008 2:28:18 PM   
Marysboi


Posts: 52
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		Makes me laugh for I can't stand the wait...Unusual for me to get tickled about this type of anticipation..Hope it goes well for you, punish him for not being completly upfront with you..make him pay,  OK  my grain of salt. Respectfully, jim

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/16/2008 10:06:03 PM   
LordDarkAngel


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		Just want to add my two pennies on the Humiliation of cross dressing issue. The way I see it is it is not humiliating in a sense that being a woman should be humiliating but rather it is a guy wearing clothing he should not and the feeling of how rediculous he must look to people that can tell he is obviously a guy. The reason Tomboys get overlooked and nobody really pays any attention to it is due to the fact that there is really not mutch in the way of clothing types that only men can wear therefore its harder for a woman to dress up in clothing that are obviously designed specifically for men. I see woman in jeans and Tshirt all the time. Now if I saw a guy walking through the mall in a skirt with a top that says princess on it thats like flashing a neon lighted sign that says Im a guy and I am wearing girl's clothing. I may be wrong because I am only 24 years old and I do not have much experience on the subject yet.

(in reply to Marysboi)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/17/2008 4:39:23 AM   
Queencie


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/20/2005
From: Israel
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

for anyone, as a dominant, what do you get from it?

What things should I do, once he's dressed and ready?

Should I help that process?

Activities I should consider?

anything else?



Personally I enjoy dominating a CD, feminizing him to the slutty style I like and to which I am attracted to…
So I assist him in transforming to the look I like – with buying the right outfits and shoes, by applying make up, by teaching him how to walk stand or kneel, etc.
I then treat him like he is a she – I ignore his genitals, or they are treated as my play-toys and named as feminine, and often I chastise him; I turn him into a sissy and that's how he serves me.
That would include having him shower me, massage and worship my body, prepare and serve my meals, and use him for my pleasure in any way I like – as my sissy slut.



(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/17/2008 4:49:33 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I find absolutely nothing interesting in cross dressing. So many Dommes seem to love it, and that's great. I just wish that subs wouldn't automatically assume that every Domme likes it. I find it distasteful and much prefer to dom a manly man, not a simpering sissy type.

However, I think Lord Dark has it right for a lot of males. It's not humiliating in the sense of putting women down, but rather humiliating because they look ridiculous dressed as women.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Queencie)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/17/2008 4:57:23 AM   
Queencie


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/20/2005
From: Israel
Status: offline 		I don't treat feminization as a humiliation tool. I try to transform my sub to the prettiest gurl s/he can be, and I flatter her/him for that. However, My complete ignoring of his manhood, is humiliating for him, and of course any exposure of him publicly increases these feelings tremendously.  

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/17/2008 5:19:39 AM   
MsFirerose


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
I welcome the hijack... I wondered that as well...

for my part, the only way I would feel comfortable making it humiliating is telling mine what a bad woman he makes... he won't pass, although he's hot...


See, it all comes down to what motivates the individual submissive to crossdress. If someone is closer to the trans/gender identity disorder side, this type of humiliation could be very emotionally edgy. It all depends. "Humiliation" could also involve emphasizing that he *should* be a girl, and that he doesn't belong in masculine clothes- it's not that women are less than men, it's that his whole persona, his outward identity, is a bad charade.

There's also potential for humiliation play in the more typical fem-sub sense- "you're a dirty little slut, aren't you?"- type of scene. Playing on the clothing as a prop. If he's passable enough to go out in public (most aren't...), things like a very short skirt, or ridiculously large false boobs can make him very self-conscious in a way that most find humiliating. Needless to say, there are various issues that come into play when you involve non-consenting strangers in your play, tho...

Putting aside the humiliation, it can also be very rewarding for the CD (and fun for the Domme) to treat him as a girlfriend, either in the grown-up sense, or in the teenage slumber-party sense- just have fun with it, trying makeup on him, painting each other's nails while you watch a movie, etc. Rolling around in bed when both of you are dressed in soft and slinky clothing is fun on a tactile level- if he hasn't experienced it before, it can be amazing.



I've lived with a crossdresser for almost 30 years.  As petdave so eloquently mentioned -  it really is derived from the state of mind of the CDer.  I would venture to say that the majority of CDers are men who feel they are a woman or they seek a wider range of emotions.   As a woman they abandon the need to feel completely responsible, they are allowed to enjoy the sensuality of silk, lace, and makeup, they feel like it gives them permission to relinquish control. 

In the past, at a certain age boys are told not to cry, be a big boy while little girls are given hugs and soothed over.  Men are required to "keep a stiff upper lip" while women are encouraged to "honey, let it all out and have a good cry".  Now please, I'm not trying to start a sexist backlash.  While this is not always the case (and less true for our sons and daughters today) it was something that happened more often in men of a certain age. 

Men enjoy the humiliation because they know they aren't as powerful as women, they seek that confidence, and their humiliation lies in the fact that they will never be able to truely attain it. 

How wonderful for you that this man feels confident in your relationship that he can openly share this side of himself.  Enjoy the process, make him into whatever you want, you now have a lifesize barbie doll.  I for one would love to know how it goes for the two of you. 

Mistress Firerose

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/17/2008 10:52:12 AM   
BigBaby


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/26/2004
Status: offline 		  If you really wanna have some fun find him a frilly little girls dress and make him wear that along with some pastel pink tights lace ankle socks and shiny black mary jane shoes, you could take it one step further and instead of panties make him wear a disposable diaper.....ahh lotsa fun!

(in reply to SolangeRichards)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/17/2008 11:07:52 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I crossdress, it's not about humiliation.  I don't feel some vague symbolic loss of my penis.  I don't feel more vulnerable.  I don't feel more submissive.  I do it because my Owner enjoys it and I enjoy the headspace.  Granted, I don't need to be crossdressed in order to be my Owner's girl.  I could be wearing blue jeans and a  T-shirt or absolutely nothing.  What I'm wearing isn't very important.

My sex is Male.  I'm perfectly happy being male.  My gender, on the other hand, is rather fluid.  I tend to be a more feminine person, so I do enjoy embracing that.  I don't have to crossdress in order to embrace my feminine side or in order to be my Owner's girl.  It's unnecessary.  I do enjoy it when I feel it's flattering and appealing to my Owner.

I don't suppose I'm traditional.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 5/17/2008 11:10:46 AM >

(in reply to SolangeRichards)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/18/2008 1:54:11 AM   
steffie


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		It's interesting to see so many different perspectives. 

Personally, I don't find x-dressing humiliating in the slightest.  They're just clothes.  When i was younger, and just coming out, yes, i admit, i was nervous for a long time when I'd go out to women's stores to buy clothes - but not anymore.  It's extremely empowering to realize, "No one gives a sh--!"  People really don't care.  I mean, when i'm out in a woman's boutique, whether dressed as male or female, I used to think the girl behind the counter or the women shoppers might be snickering.  They're not.  They're utterly apathetic.  Wrapped up in their own little world much too tightly to even care what is going on in mine.  Realizing that, is rather liberating.

Too, I have no doubt that I am more attractive as a woman.  Some males just are.  As a boy i was too plain, too skinny.  As a woman, these features translate into assets.

Not to say that i am a "natural" beauty.  I've worked at it.  For instance, i did five years of electrolysis to get rid of my facial hair so i could live as a woman and go out in the daytime without spackling on foundation.  There's no question that being a woman involves more maintenance.  Men don't have to shave their legs, pluck their eyebrows, or  go to the hairdresser every week.  But it's all worth it, particularly when you're out at the movies and the boy behind the popcorn counter calls you "Miss."

For years, my greatest drive in life was to be able to pass as a woman.  It wasn't about humiliation.  It wasn't a panty fetish.  It wasn't about sex.  For me, it was all about being able to live full-time as a woman - and survive.  Gain acceptance.  Unlike drag queens, i didn't want to stand out.  I wanted to blend in.

It can be quite a challenge.  And a thrill unlike any other, particularly when you are able to pull it off win some modicum of respect in what is still a very close-minded, bigoted world.

Nowadays, passing no longer matters.  I've come to the conclusion that i'm not a woman.  Why try being something i am not?  Life is all about being yourself.  Accepting who you are.  For me, it's a little bit of both genders.  I like what Shawn said above.  For some of us gender is more "fluid".

Just like the opinions expressed on this board - i find some people love me for who i am.  Others are ambivilent.  And like some of the posters here, i know some people are turned off at the thought of a male that lives like a woman.  Whatever.  I don't take it personal.  To each their own. 

To thine own selve be true.

_____________________________

There are no secrets to learning how to write. You must learn how to think. S. Leonard Rubenstein

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/18/2008 1:00:45 PM   
Morsigil


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not sure how much I can add at this point, but I wanted to share my experiences and opinions.

Regina mentioned the "do me" male subs and pointed out the similarity of some cross dressing subs. Though I'm new to the scene I have noticed throughout my time lurking, both off the internet and on, that there is a breed of people who are demanding to the point of being manipulative or abusive in fulfilling their fantasies. Nothing new there. This manifests in both men and women, top and bottom, though for instance a female sub may be simply dismissive of the dom that doesn't fulfill her fantasy exactly as she wishes, where as there are many men who will try to coerce the person into doing what they want. In other words, cross dressing submissives don't have the corner on the market.

In interacting with cross dressing men there are a few popular themes: The Slut, The Sissy, and The Girl. The Slut is the one you seen in gawdy clothing and make-up, who is not only a man pretending to be a woman, but a woman who loves sex and gets it any way she can. This seems to be a very popular one. The Sissy is the one that I would most commonly relate to the Freudian psychology approach that LadyEllen mentioned, which is to say humiliation revolving around being ashamed at not being as masculine as a man "should" be and further shame at loving that feeling. The Girl simply got the message early on that she should've been a girl, that he didn't fit the mold of what a man was, and internalized it without too much trauma (it's all relative, of course).

What I've noticed is that The Slut and The Sissy tend to be the most demanding in fulfilling their fantasies as a result of the source of their fetish being the desire for approval, or the reception of disapproval and sanctions, in peers or parental figures. They need a partner to fulfill that fantasy, where as The Girl can find hundreds of unknowing partners simply by walking down the street in her latest outfit (experiencing sanctions or simply recognition as a female by dressing as one). Of the three, "The Girl" is the least common in my opinion and the most emotionally balanced (all very relative). I would equate her with the male who lives as a woman, or yearns to.

I'm not sure if anyone cares about any of all that, but those are my observations. There is not one type of cross dressing submissive, and there certainly aren't only three: these are just the most common themes I see in artwork and interactions.

To address Madame4a's questions, what I want from a domme who is asking me to cross dress, or indulging my desire to cross dress, is simply that they enjoy it. The more they love it, the happier I am. It isn't about humiliation for me, somethign I detest, and even though I might be horribly embaressed to go out into public in a dress (I wouldn't pass), take into consideration that if I was wearing assless chaps and a biker's cap I'd be equally humiliated and dislike it just as much. So, you might tuck me into the category of "The Girl" since the more positive recognition my feminine side gets, the more fun I have. That being said, I've never actually had a partner I could do this with. =P

tl;dr: No matter what kind of submissive you're dealing with, or what kink, what will have the most drastic affect on the pleasure derived from the scene is going to be how much those involved genuinely enjoy what they're doing. Also, humiliation is not the only reason men cross dress.


< Message edited by Morsigil -- 5/18/2008 1:05:56 PM >

(in reply to steffie)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/18/2008 11:46:30 PM   
gentv2000


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/18/2007
Status: offline 		Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) once said,  “A cat who sits on a hot stove will never sit on a hot stove again. But he won’t sit on a cold stove, either.”   Most of us have a tendency to over-generalize from single experiences.  There are cross dressers out there whose focus is on themselves and their fetish and there are ones who make wonderful submissives.  I just had somebody tell me the other day how glad they were to meet me.  Her experience with cross dressers up to that point had been unpleasant.  She discovered that some cross dressers are jerks and some are delightful people.

I know a lot of T-gurls and some do have a fixation on narrow elements of cross dressing; Their D&S world revolves around satisfying that one desire (i.e. being a sissy, wearing panties, etc.)  It's similar to any single fixation fetishist who 'serves' only to satisfy a specific yearning.  It's just more obvious in some Cross Dressers. 

Cross dressing for me is but one dimension of my personality; I enjoy it but I have oodles of other interests and turn-ons.  I enjoy serving in both gurl mode and boi mode. When I serve a mistress as Jennifer, the cross dressing is just an esthetic element; a framing of the real content - the person behind the pretty image.  In fact cross dressing has never been the focus of any play I've engaged in. Certainly it's a dimension, but it's secondary to the interaction (i.e. "please don't drip wax on my wig Miss").  Do I flirt and vamp when dressed?  Sometimes I do.. it's part of the fun.. but all of that moves to the back of the bus when I serve.

Bottom line, all cross dressers are not created equal.  I don't think I've met two that were even very much alike in their motivation and desires.

Huggles,
Jennifer

(in reply to Marysboi)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/20/2008 2:26:56 AM   
iwearpanties


Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		Jennifer

thank you thnak you thank you ... hope fully others will read and see your post . for some reason any and all who like to crossdress have always gievn the lable that its all about them selfs .. some never give the cd,tv, ts the chance to submitt do to maybe a bad session or situation they have been thur in there past . your rite were all diffrent and seems just cause  there one  or two ad apple  in the bunch not all are like them

(in reply to gentv2000)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/25/2008 2:06:41 AM   
tvsue


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Queencie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

for anyone, as a dominant, what do you get from it?

What things should I do, once he's dressed and ready?

Should I help that process?

Activities I should consider?

anything else?



Personally I enjoy dominating a CD, feminizing him to the slutty style I like and to which I am attracted to…
So I assist him in transforming to the look I like – with buying the right outfits and shoes, by applying make up, by teaching him how to walk stand or kneel, etc.
I then treat him like he is a she – I ignore his genitals, or they are treated as my play-toys and named as feminine, and often I chastise him; I turn him into a sissy and that's how he serves me.
That would include having him shower me, massage and worship my body, prepare and serve my meals, and use him for my pleasure in any way I like – as my sissy slut.




hello to all
just love your style Queencie
must say i find that a big turn on, for me to find a lady like yourself would be bliss
nice to see that there are some ladys out there that do like haveing CDs around and that it can be fun and you have your own doll to dress as you like , girl friend to go shoping with , someone to try make up on , your own maid to cook clean iron ,   and if like me he will love you more for it and love doing it for you
just my litlle bit
curtsy tvsue

_____________________________

you only live once so dont knock it try it

(in reply to Queencie)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/26/2008 12:52:18 AM   
DaintyDemure


Posts: 41
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline 		Humiliation has no place in our relationship. I am femme because My Lady wants it. Her past experiences with men were pretty brutal so me being pretty instead of macho ensures I wont be a reminder to her of past men. She likes pretty things around her and that includes me. She feels in control and I feel very controlled when I am kept as her dainty little baby girl or maid at home. I only put on male clothes 5 minutes before going out the door and change back as soon as I get home. The more femme I am the more loving attention i get and she is less strict with me. I get more treats too.

(in reply to tvsue)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/26/2008 2:15:39 PM   
tristate4talk


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/25/2008
Status: offline 		just a sidenote to the paticular active thread about how to find a Mistress in real life....

See the first post here.  She cares for someone and wants to make him happy, even if it is not something she's done before. 

checkmate.

(in reply to SolangeRichards)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/28/2008 1:52:16 PM   
keithsub


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		I love crossdressing and feeling like a woman who can be violated and used. I guess that makes me the slut type, but I just enjoy the feeling of wearing the soft sexy hott clothes, and knowing I am hers to be done with as she pleases. I don't have any issues with being male, its what i do 99% of my life, but once in a while it feels like I need a break from the male dominating role and this is my way of slipping into that submissive role. And being invaded by a woman wearing a strap on and humiliating me by calling me a slut whore tramp while she does it, seems to send me into a place I very much enjoy.  

(in reply to tristate4talk)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/30/2008 5:38:55 AM   
ForMaster


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		ahhh  Thank you, SolangeRichards !  Is nice to see that someone else feels as I do ! All to often people feel that there way is the only way, I by no means want this post to have that feel. Yet I have found that for us it is simply another thing to share. While for some it may have the humiliation play aspect. There are others for whom this has been a deep seated desire. Yes the world as a whole has a problem with it...but then the world as a whole has a problem with BDSM..and I highly doubt that many who live this life feel it is humiliation  soft smile. I enjoy having mine dressed on many levels, yet the most important level to me is that this is something inside him that he shares with me, knowing that it will be totaly accepted by me. That is the nature of our relationship...total acceptance of the total person, nothing hidden . Blessings and Light to you all.
formaster

(in reply to SolangeRichards)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 5/30/2008 2:41:39 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i have a better idea!!! How 'bout just adding crosses all over the subs dressing...

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to ForMaster)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Cross dressing -- help please - 7/23/2008 10:02:10 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Just an update ... this is part of a longer saga with this person -- let me say we had a great beginning... and then it all went to hell -- due to his lack of effort.

When I had given up yet again on him, he surfaced (this is a really long story I won't get into here).

Short version:  I have changed our relationship a bit so that we are just friends.  He has some work to do and I want him healthy to do it.  Taking things a bit differently right now -- both of us.

I'll let you know more as it happens.

Thanks all again, for the great stuff and support I might add!

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 59
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