quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

And for the dom(mes): How much transparency do you desire and require?  Does it make mastering your sub/slave less complicated?  Do you prefer they come to you with raw emotion then return with calm thoughts, or would you prefer they think things through before any discussion?

I thank you in advance for any light you might shine on this with your willingness to share.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

I'm not talking about open communication about thoughts and feelings, as that's a given when it's important to do so.  I'm talking about complete, upfront transparency with your partner. 

My questions are these.
As a slave/sub, are you required in your relationship to be completely "transparent?"    Do you find it difficult to do so?  My initial emotions are often changed in the light of clear thought.  Do you approach your dom/master with your feelings before you determine if they are justified, or do you speak out of emotion and then reapproach him/her after you've thought things through?

quote:

For those of you who remain more private, do you think it would be difficult to give up your innermost thoughts/feelings/dreams? Is this level of transparency something you desire? If your dom/master began to request/require this, do you think you would be able to accomodate them?

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think people who make a big deal out of "transparency" are the ones who tend to have the weakest communication skills and security level in their relationships.  People should be open to eachoher, and of course a slave needs to be informing their master on whatever level is appropriate, but the more you have to force it or talk about it, the less you're actually just doing it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
And for the dom(mes): How much transparency do you desire and require?  Does it make mastering your sub/slave less complicated?  Do you prefer they come to you with raw emotion then return with calm thoughts, or would you prefer they think things through before any discussion?

quote:

...Do you approach your dom/master with your feelings before you determine if they are justified, or do you speak out of emotion and then reapproach him/her after you've thought things through?...

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

And for the dom(mes): How much transparency do you desire and require?  Does it make mastering your sub/slave less complicated?  Do you prefer they come to you with raw emotion then return with calm thoughts, or would you prefer they think things through before any discussion?

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Emotional transparency is what we strive for. And being an intensely private person, it's damned difficult. At the same time, it is because I am so intensely private that I yearn to be known completely, understood completely and loved fully anyway. And that's the crux of it, that he will know the parts of me I am ashamed of and love them. That he doesn't love me despite my faults but because of them.

Oh, sub here, not slave.

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ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

And for the dom(mes): How much transparency do you desire and require?  Does it make mastering your sub/slave less complicated?  Do you prefer they come to you with raw emotion then return with calm thoughts, or would you prefer they think things through before any discussion?

I thank you in advance for any light you might shine on this with your willingness to share.

For me, privacy isn't really an option. I'm basically a mind-reader; if I get to know you (and I have to if I'm involved with you!), I will develop an almost uncanny ability to know exactly what you are thinking and feeling and the whys and wherefores of that. I can't help myself...I actually try NOT to do this at times, but I am so sensitive to things like tone of voice, body language, word usage (or avoidance), etc, that I unconsciously build an understanding of the way someone's mind works in such fine detail that I can often speak what they are thinking in a situation word-for-word. I'm not perfect, of course, and some stuff certainly does get by me (usually detailed specifics, though, I pretty much always have a fairly accurate picture of overall situation.)
It's NOT easy to live with, though, for the right sort of person, it can be quite thrilling to have someone know you so well. So I specifically try to look for people who are okay with this; "I'm a private person" is something I would react to with this explanation.
I insist on complete openness in my relationships, partly because I can't really function any other way, but also because I do strongly prefer it. It's also very stressful for me to be getting one message from someone's mouth and another from their body/brain. (This is actually why I have some social issues. A certain amount of "perceptiveness" is considered a positive trait, but I have a lot of trouble gauging how much is too much or too little, so I frequently come across as either thick or a threat. Mostly was a problem in work situations, which is why I do much better as a SAHM.) Don't make me pretend not to know what I know, you know? It's like asking someone to act like they are less intelligent or skilled than they are, even worse on a long-term basis.
As to some of what you've said...even though I know what's going on in his head, there are plenty of times where I will wait till he has his thoughts in order before addressing an issue. I know the difference between raw, unconsidered emotion and processed emotion, and I adjust for that accordingly.
Life with me is very, very intimate. For some, it's great, for others, it's not their thing, and that's okay.

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ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

I'm not talking about open communication about thoughts and feelings, as that's a given when it's important to do so.  I'm talking about complete, upfront transparency with your partner. 

My questions are these.
As a slave/sub, are you required in your relationship to be completely "transparent?"    Do you find it difficult to do so?  My initial emotions are often changed in the light of clear thought.  Do you approach your dom/master with your feelings before you determine if they are justified, or do you speak out of emotion and then reapproach him/her after you've thought things through?

Let me preface this by saying ... in my experience

Being transparent has a very vague dividing line. If I am not somewhat private, I overshare and it becomes burdensome on the other person. If I am too private, I way undershare, which is the same burden. Finding a happy medium can be difficult.

I don't like the feeling I get when I'm being transparent and sharing everything because it feeds my tendency to be codependent (and my high need for congruity really balks at not having the same consideration in return, which also feeds my codepedent tendencies, even after a lot of therapy ... but at least I can recognize it when I feel it now).

Being asked to be transparent makes me feel great, initially. If, however, after a time he is not responding well, and not sharing in return, I get clingy and unsure of myself. So, for me, being transparent isn't the best option, which I explain up front. It's far healthier for me to maintain some distance and privacy so that I can process and make decisions about appropriate sharing.

Interesting topic.