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stella41b -> RE: Submission (5/10/2008 1:17:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: summersprite
What would those of you who are experienced in this lifestyle wish to convey to those of us newbies who have life wisdom and common sense already?.... i.e. something you only learned after a long time in the lifestyle maybe ;-)
So much good advice has been given already, but me being me I thought I would toss in my coins.
In one respect I've been quite lucky, I 'sussed' it out early, am intelligent, streetwise, pretty sharp, experienced and also quite self-critical. I became aware of BDSM at the age of 17, a few months shy of my 18th birthday, way back in 1984, entering into service with an ex-Pro Domme who claimed to be one of Lindi St Clair's friends, who was much older, and from then on up to now there's been 13 years spent in Poland, no more Dommes than you can count on the fingers of your hand, they too were strict, rational, had commonsense, and I feel it's only fair to mention their valuable contributions to who I am and my attitudes and mindset as a submissive. The relationships ended, but in half the contact friendly contact remains.
Only this only tells half the story, and there have been numerous mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, cock ups, and even if you took all the fingers of the people posting here for each failure and mistake I guess you'd still run out of fingers. There have been the frenzies, the times when I was deluded, going about things the wrong way, things that I still cringe with acute embarrassment when I think about, and times I remember when I ask myself 'What were you thinking about?'
What have I learned? Well for one thing intelligence, common sense, and experience is no guarantee against making mistakes, running into problems, falling into traps and pitfalls, or failing. It only means you have good intentions.
There's that African element - ju-ju - which is what Africans perceive as black magic, that additional factor which keeps us from perfection, which, similar to Murphy's Law, will often somehow catch you out for something you haven't taken into account, considered, or thought about.
I've also learned that kink and stupidity are two inherent elements of human nature. This is true of myself just as much as anyone else.
Never say 'that could never happeen to me'. You wanna bet? All it takes is one person, a particular mindset and set of circumstances and before you can say abracadabra it's happening to you. I'm grateful for those who post about their failures and mistakes, and sometimes I wonder if it's just the tip of the iceberg and there are others out there too embarrassed to own up.
There are times I feel that the Internet is the technological equivalent of LSD or magic mushrooms.
Oh and lastly, that time in the future when it will all make sense, when you understand everything and it all becomes clear - that's one of the biggest illusions of BDSM.
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