Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive?

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Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:25:46 AM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
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I saw a completely unrelated thread with a similar phrasing in the 'Ask a Mistress' forum, and realized that this has been weighing on me a lot.

Seven months ago, I suffered a complete mental breakdown. I broke down crying in front of both of my girls, saying that I was very sorry, but I'd rather be up-front with them than try to pretend that things were okay - and that I had completely lost my capacity to keep pushing forward, and needed to be taken care of until I could pull myself together again. And I HATE BEING WEAK. I lost my job, and two weeks later, both my girls... changed. They both lost complete respect for me, and left a week or so later, once they'd both found places to stay.

I've been desperately trying to drag myself along since then, with no job, no money, and no motivation to keep living. God, I hate being weak.

I feel like, as a dominant, I have no right to emotional fragility or weakness - but I also have no right to hide emotional fragility or weakness. I took a gamble on my girls, hoping that the bonds of our 7- and 2-year relationships would be strong enough that I could lean on them for a little while, until I went back to being the Strong One.

Hell, now I don't even know if I'm capable of being the Strong One, ever. I'm terrified that I'm just done. I keep laying in bed, unable to sleep, whispering "Please, God, let Cera come back..." I don't know how I'm supposed to keep myself together. What the hell kind of dominant am I?

Post #: 1

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:31:31 AM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
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the kind thats a real person.

Look, shit happens to everyone. no matter how strong they are... and anyone can have a break down, ya just gotta step back and get your shit in order, then worry about everything else.

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 2

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:37:50 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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Everyone has moments of weakness. It's not a matter of orientation. Feeling one must be in control at all times can make these moments worse because the guilt feeds the weakness and both grow stronger.

It's sad what happened to your relationships, but I have to say it tells more about the others than about you and about the degree of loyalty they held in their hearts

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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:40:12 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Ahhhh, you are a human being sort of dominant. You know, the kind that has human emotions, gets down, suffers, feels pain, overwhelmed.......regular human stuff.

We are not machines, just bossy human beings. Sometimes the "boss button" gets broke.
Nothing submissive about that. It just is what it is.

As far as the girls leaving, don't blame yourself, and don't blame them. Obviously you're in no condition to be in a power exchange relationship right now. Get yourself some help and concentrate on you.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 4

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:40:26 AM

mistoferin

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I'd have to think that there is much more than is being expressed here. It is unlikely that your girls left because they saw you cry (and btw, I don't see crying as weak or as a complete mental breakdown) or because you lost your job. People don't usually throw away long term relationships that casually and there is usually a lot more stuff that contributes to that ultimate end.

The question is do you really want to get past this? You don't have control over whether or not they come back...but you can take control of yourself. Stop laying in bed and thinking and pleading with God. Sometimes you have to kick yourself in the ass and push yourself to do that which you really don't want to. Get out of the bed and push yourself to get on with life, find a job, heal your wounds, learn your lessons and move forward. It's ok too if this is not something you can do alone and need help. If that is the case though....only you can reach out for it.

We are ALL emotionally fragile and we all have down and weak moments...it's called being human. The cards are what they are....you have the power to choose how you want to play out the hand. Is folding really an option? Not a viable one in my opinion.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 5

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:50:26 AM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
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Well, and I'm trying to push myself... I've been applying to jobs pretty regularly for about 6 months, to no avail. I've finally got a rather frustrating tech support job, of which I'm in the 4th day of training... but I've been up for 30+ hours and cannot get to sleep and training starts in 3 hours. I keep laying in bed, trying to sleep, and failing utterly. But... I've been dragging myself forward at the fastest speed I can manage, but I was serious when I told my girls that I was done. I've been burning bits of 'soul' to keep going, and I don't know how much of that I have left, even.

I'm terrified, and I'm disappointed. This is not who I wanted to be when I grew up.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 6

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 6:57:13 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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Well, if it's any comfort at all....most of us have found ourselves in similar shoes at some point in our lives. Congrats on finding the job even if it's not what you really want. I know from experience that the distraction of having to focus on your work can be a good thing.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 7

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 7:06:32 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
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From: San Diego, Ca
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It took me well over a year to find a job before I as well ended up in Tech Support a few months ago. I can certainly say that I can relate from that front. It was very hard to get myself back into the correct mind set, hell it was hard to keep myself in the right mind set while I looked for a job. How can I be what I need to be when I can't even support myself kept running in my mind. There were times when I felt down and it was hard to keep in the right mind set. I am not even sure I did keep in my normal mind, all you can do is keep pushing.

Once you get a couple of weeks behind you at the job you will start to feel more you. I would bet that a lot of the lack of sleep could be just nerves about what IF'S, this job lays me off, I fail, etc, etc. That will pass with time.

Mike

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 8

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 7:20:05 AM

Guest123

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/6/2007
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sleep deprevation definately affects your whole body and well being, it is difficult to make changes or decisions when one can not sleep. That in itself is reason to speak to a doctore. Depression can suck the wind right out of your sails. i went through those things after my husband died. You have had some major life changes like losing partners, and a job, well, those only add to the weight of the problem. my advice is seek a good doctore. Sometimes there are medical reasons for depression and mental stress. You have not been afraid to speak about it here, don't be afraid to seek professional help on this. please.

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"If you see a little turtle on a rock, know it did not get there by itself"

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Post #: 9

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 7:20:33 AM

deliteme

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Melbourne AUstralia
Status: offline

OK...I am a cyclic depressive....95% of the time I can pick when I start a down spiral and can do something about it (without using drugs etc) and pull myself out, but on the other times - its to the docs I go and gets some pills.(has happend 3 times in 30 years)

Pills ARE NOT THE CURE...they help you get some control back so that you can sleep and face the world. Then when you are rebalanced...you come off them.

Something always triggers it... it would be a good idea for you to look back and see if you can figure out what it exactly was that sent you over the edge. So you DON'T do it again. WIth me it usually is a build up of several things.

One of the best ways to heal.... talk to others who are in the same boat.

And as for your girls leaving... If I had a Dom and he was in a situation like that..I would do my damndest to help him.... because trust and respect goes BOTH WAYS. Just as if one of them had lost their job or whatever, you would have helped them in some way either through more/less play or even just spending time with them.

Because this sort of play deals so heavily on our emotions, our body chemistry and so on...taking a little more care of yourself and maybe not playing quite so hard for a while and ease back into it so you don't have the problem of the extreme highs/lows that can arise.

Take care of yourself...and don't beat yourself up about it.

_____________________________

Chainmaille...metal and pliers..I am in heaven...

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 10

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 7:39:02 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Hey, I'm sorry for what you're going through and the pain you're feeling. You're a thoughtful person, it seems to me, and so things may hit very hard. On the other hand, the peaks of happiness and fulfillment to come may be all the higher because of the valley you're in now.

I don't love your OP title, however. You may not be feeling much control right now, but aligning a mental breakdown with submissiveness--inherent submissiveness--kinda sucks. To me. As a submissive.

I wish you good things in your new endeavour.

Tee

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 7:47:28 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: deliteme
And as for your girls leaving... If I had a Dom and he was in a situation like that..I would do my damndest to help him.... because trust and respect goes BOTH WAYS. Just as if one of them had lost their job or whatever, you would have helped them in some way either through more/less play or even just spending time with them.

Honestly, you REALLY can't say what you would do because you have not walked in their shoes and have no idea what the other contributing factors that led to their departure are.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to deliteme)

Post #: 12

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 7:48:37 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
I don't love your OP title, however. You may not be feeling much control right now, but aligning a mental breakdown with submissiveness--inherent submissiveness--kinda sucks. To me. As a submissive.

I also have to second this opinion...

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 13

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 8:06:13 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

With the extent of the breakdown you had, you would have had to give up whatever you were doing, Dom or sub. You have not become weak, and you have not become submisive... you are just recovering. It takes a lot of time and a lot of help.
Your girls may have seen signs of it, before it all finally fell apart. They may be gone now becasue you said you were done, and they think that is what you need. They may also have needs, and putting demands on you might have made things worse. I can see an angle where their leaving was a positive in their eyes, not a negative to hurt you worse.

See a doctor, if you arent already doing so. He or she can help you manage your feelings, and might even be able to help you figure out how to sleep again. Think of the tech support job as a starting point. Itsmoney comingin, but it in no way has to be the career you stay with for the rest of your life. Let it be a crutch, something not too difficult that you can do while you put the rest of your life back on track. Once everything else is running smoothly, find a new job.
As for your girls coming back, until you are in control of you, you couldt control them either and they likely knew it. Dont even concern yourself with the idea, until you are in a more stable position, and then talk with them. You might find out they are waiting eagerly for you to get sorted out so they can come back home as well.
It took me a year, flunking out of college, and a ot of doctors to get over my breakdown. I went through misdiagnosis for a while, took every medication they wanted to try on me, and finally gave them all up since none worked nearly as wel as just talking to someone every week. It also took a year of not having a significant other to concern myself with. I had family, I even turned away from some friends for the time, but eventualy all the pieces fel back into place and I went back to my "normal" life. Once I managed that, I was able to start back on all the things I loved, friends and partners. Before that, I coldnt even consider it and be fair to whom I was with.

Good luck
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 8:08:21 AM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

Welcome to the Human Condition. It happens regardlessif Dom or sub..
Its more a reflection on them that they left when times got hard...

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 8:14:22 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

So You are back at square one... Regardless of feeling weak, You are only actualy weak if You give into it. Take stock, work out where and who you are, look at where and who you want to be (Realisticaly) , break it down into clear steps and hit them one at a time. MAKE it happen and don't give up till you get there. The only time there is no hope is IF You give up. The past is behind You, Your future is upto You to shape.

Good luck

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 8:42:40 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I've had a mental breakdown myself... and when it happened, Alpha was no longer my dominant but my partner and support system. It's times like those when we're reduced to our basic humanity, not submissive, not dominant, just you. I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your girls, perhaps they were under the assumption that it was simply a D/s one. Sometimes it's scary trying to help someone who is in a fragile emotional state, and they didn't feel like they were equipped for it. Either way, I'm sorry they weren't there to support you. It'll be a process for recovery, but put your all into moving forward and the momentum will build behind you. Best wishes.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 17

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 8:53:59 AM

charlotteS

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

If I had been one of your girls and saw you saying you were done and giving up I might not have known what else to do either. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Also, especially for the 7 year old relationship if she has only known a dynamic where you are in charge she might not have had the tools to take charge and help you. But I'm not then so I can't say for sure what happened.

What I can say is that the only people I view as weak are those that won't reach out for help. You may not need to be on meds but at least talking to someone and feeling that you're not in it alone can help immensely. Instead of thinking of yourself as weak think about how much stronger you will be when you've gotten through all this.

Warm wishes,

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"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 18

RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 8:58:13 AM

LadyLynx

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Joined: 7/24/2007
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Currently I am going thru depression and in the process of trying to figure out how I can afford therapy. ( I work a crappy job that I hate, and the place I live in, aquires to much imcome for me get on financial assistance, not disabled enough to go on SSI, and probably not depressed enough ethier. (though tell ya the truth I don't want to go on SSI because it would limit me too much.) Anyways, it doesn't mean that your not a Dom because you are going thru depression. and it doesn't mean that you are weak. See about getting therapy. possibly see about getting on anti-depressants, (or not, wouldn't blame you if you didn't.) And about your girls, like the others have said, just as well you found out their true colors. And while I believe it is possible and in some ways helpful to carry on a D/s relationship while depressed, it can also be exhausting on top of it. So you just work on you feeling better, and doing the things you need to do.

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

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I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

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RE: Is a mental breakdown inherently submissive? - 5/8/2008 9:03:02 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I can't understand why everyone is casting stones in the direction of the girls when no one here knows anything about them or their reasons for leaving.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 20

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