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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 5:02:55 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: clevername2

I get off being dominated, manhandled and abused. I like sex to happen to me rather than be something that I do, if that makes any sense. It turns me on when someone else asserts control of the situation and then directs me or acts on me directly. It puts me in a state of mind that by excusing me from deciding how things go, frees me up to enjoy what happens. I like being receptive; I like being used. To me it is obviously enjoyable. Being dominant would be the opposite to me. So I am at a loss to imagine what is in it for the Dominant partner. What do you enjoy about having to be on top of what is haapening? What is it about domination that turns you on?

Excellent question - yet the answers are sooooo simple....

A woman gets off on a man sticking his dick in her. A man gets off on sticking his dick in a woman....

You can only truly understand the one that affects your gender but surely you can appreciate the same is true for both sexes? And when you substitute Dominant/submissive role for male/female gender, exactly the same equation applies....

I have no idea what a submissive gets out of being used and controlled by someone else and blood would undoubtedly be spilt if anyone tried asserting themselves at me. But I appreciate that submissives do need and enjoy being dominated just as I need and enjoy dominating a submissive....

Focus.

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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 10:35:26 AM

clevername2

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I'll pull out the main point of my question to make it easier to see.

What I like is being free from the conscious, intellectual, deliberate thoughts that compose the dominant state of mind. To be dominant is to be thinking of what is happening and how it should go. The mind is busy keeping track of what happens, directing it to be a certain way. Ego is foremost. Lust is controlled, kept in check, regulated and inhibited. Being submissive is to shut down that controlling mindfulness, to experience directly and freely whatever sensations come next. It allows lust to run full bore, passion to feed on itself and the senses to expand to their limits. In a submissive state I am enjoying a sensual feast as a lusty glutton of pleasure. Submission is freedom to enjoy feelings, sensations and emotions. Domination seems to me like the opposite, the intellect being in charge, no fun at all, no freedom to enjoy, and with feelings being held in check and stifled. It seems like submission lets the rest of the mind and all of the body play, while domination only lets the one small part of the ego take some kind of pleasure in weilding power. To me it looks like the difference between enjoying a buffet and nibbling on a stale cracker.

I understand that dominants like to dominate. I don't care what the grand metaphysical source of it might be. I just wondered what is on the list of the things that make up the enjoyment of it.

What's in it for a submissive:
1. freedom from mindfulness
2. immediate and spontaneous sensation
3. being surprised; discovering new things; expanding limits
4. transcendance of self, time and place
5. primitive satisfaction

What I imagine is in it for a dominant:
1. Being the boss
2. Knowing what will happen
3. ?
4. ?
5. ?

Is it any FUN? Or is the reward had in a psychological sense, of liking to be powerful and in control?

I sometimes think that submissive people are those who figured out that by handing over the chores of managing a scene to dominants, they are free to enjoy play. And for dominants who eagerly accept that role, it somehow satisfies a need for the ego to be proud of itself or to imagine respect or to avoid chaos. Because surely it is in freedom and chaos and spontaneity that joy flourishes, while in the prison of an orderly ego pleasure is sacrificed for security and reassurances.

< Message edited by clevername2 -- 5/9/2008 10:38:31 AM >

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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 10:44:36 AM

chamberqueen

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I'll pass on what my Master recently told me. He said that when a slave is truly content being in that position for Him, that only then is He truly contented. When she shows through her actions and devotion for Him that she is truly willing to serve in whatever capacity He chooses that it increases His happiness tenfold. (Most truly good D/s relationships are a give and take, each looking out for the other, just in different ways.)

He takes pride in my every vanilla accomplishment, knowing that I am better at what I do because of feeling truly fulfilled by Him. He gets much more than sexual satisfaction - but it is because He has chosen to. The answer will differ depending on what the Master is hoping to get out of the relationship.

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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 10:50:01 AM

domahpet

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some people thinks subs are lazy
inspired subs become switches (?)

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Post #: 24

RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 10:55:20 AM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Easy answer.........It's HAWT!!

Makes me feel like me. I don't take orders well.......at all. I just naturally take over stuff. The reverse makes me sick to my stomach. It just feels right. It's HAWT!! I love being in control of a smart sexy woman that feels I am worthy of her submission. It's HAWT. I like various activities that tend to require me being the dominant party. It's HAWT!! I like turning a smart sexy woman into a puddle of goo. It's HAWT!!!

Get the drift there cowboy?

I'm sensing that you find it...what's the word...oh, HAWT!

(Your post is HAWT)

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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 10:56:04 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: clevername2

What I like is being free from the conscious, intellectual, deliberate thoughts that compose the dominant state of mind. To be dominant is to be thinking of what is happening and how it should go. The mind is busy keeping track of what happens, directing it to be a certain way. Ego is foremost. Lust is controlled, kept in check, regulated and inhibited.

Domination seems to me like the opposite, the intellect being in charge, no fun at all, no freedom to enjoy, and with feelings being held in check and stifled.

I have to ask... where did you get these ideas of what it is like for a dominant, any dominant?

Cali

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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 11:11:40 AM

OmegaG

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I can almost hear Scarlett O'Hara in your thoughts. "Oh, I'll worry about it tomorrow".

As an s-type I don't stop thinking, things just don't happen to me for the most part. Sure, there are times when I'm in a possition to just recieve what he desires to give me, but most of the time I am thinking about what I can give him, what I can do to make his life easier, to take some stress away so he can enjoy his time more. My possition is not one of a damsel in distress and his of the white knight to sweep in and protect me from all the evils of the world. I guess that I would say that I like thinking in detail and he likes thinking in lanscape, I like my thoughts to be focussed on him and he likes looking at a larger picture. When I am making his life more stress free he is expaning his thoughts to encompass a larger plan.

To me it's a symbiotic relationship that enhances both of us. I may never fully understand his mind set because his paradigm isn't mine no more then he can fully understand mine. What makes it work is that we appreciate each others abilities and talents and we work together to enhance the partnership.

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Sex without pain is like food without taste.
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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/9/2008 3:32:07 PM

DesFIP

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I don't think people who have no toppy tendencies can understand what a top gets out of it. Just as a person without any bottom tendencies will understand what a bottom gets out of it. I had this discussion with The Man in the beginning and basically I just had to accept that what he gets out of it is enough for him. And I'm grateful it is.

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RE: What's in it for you? - 5/11/2008 6:31:54 PM

mstrj69

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When in a vanilla marriage, I had to worry about was she happy with what I did, did she achieve orgasm sexually. I also had to worry about her being happy outside of sex. In your role as you see it, I would not have to worry are you happy. I could just take you and do whatever I wanted that I knew would make me happy. If you also enjoyed it, ok but that is not required in your world as you say it. You are just to lay there and let what ever happens happen. Or so you said. In a good vanilla relationship, you both have to make sure the other is happy and normally that is not discussed in advanced. Whereas in M/s or D/s relationship, that is discussed in advance before you both ever start the relationship and if it is not right for one another, then you do not start the relationship. An example there might be if you wanted sex 3 or 4 times a week and he only wanted it 3 or 4 times a month. If the two of you could not come together here, I doubt if you would ever be submissive to him.

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