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time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 2:38:26 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		again this question/comment is drawen from profiles, jounals on this site, as well as noted interactions on other sites and chat rooms.

What is a reasonable time from first meeting to a collar for a couple in D/s, regardless of gender.

For myself, I will never violate a one year time frame for I feel it takes that long to really learn the emotions etc of the slash opposite. Over the years it has worked for me but it has cost me also. On this site, I read so many interactions of folks that collar after a mere 3 or 4 months and indeed sometimes less then that.

Thoughts?

CP
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 2:53:40 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I've never been collared, so I'm no expert, but I think it's like everything else, it's different for everyone. I've seen collars tossed around here after a few weeks, quite publicly, proclaming undying love, only to see "heartbreak" weeks later, that sort of inflates the value for someone as cynical as me to begin with. Some are much more deliberate in their thinking and wait a long time.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:03:12 PM   
Hallittlelolita


Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		Hi there, it really depends on the situation and how long you have known the person, it could take months or even years. It took 4 years for my Master/husband to collar me and We/we are also married in other words i got the ring before the collar. i dont know there isn't an exact time frame. my thoughts about throwing a collar on someone after a month or so is ridiculous it takes like a year i would say at least. That is my opinion

Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:03:45 PM   
substantialsub4u


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/14/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Katy. Master collared me just short of four months after meeting, and I was collared by my first Master somewhere around six months. It really just depends on the couple. IMHO it also depends on goals and sincerity. Master and i are looking long term, so we had all those really hard discussions and negotiations. Neither of us went in with blinders on, our eyes are wide open. We understand there could come a time we no longer mesh or have gone as far as we can go, but hopefully that's a day we'll never have to deal with.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:06:24 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, I think you need to wait at least until the 2d IM session.

(in reply to substantialsub4u)
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RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:09:32 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Oh, I think you need to wait at least until the 2d IM session.


Shuddup! We're talking about *real* collars; not those "consideration" collars!


(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:10:35 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Katylied,

thanks for your input, and it appears that your a /s that is pretty careful also.

CP

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:12:13 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		might get awful expensive buying all those collars!

CP

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:16:05 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		and I thank you for your thoughts, it is a sensitive subject!

CP

(in reply to Hallittlelolita)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 3:21:59 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Our situation is a little different. Master an I were platonic friends for 3 1/2 years before we dated. We dated for a month before I was collared and we were engaged two weeks after that. But we also had years of friendship that our relationship was built on.

I was with my previous Dom for 5 years without a collar.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 4:16:43 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

For myself, I will never violate a one year time frame for I feel it takes that long to really learn the emotions etc of the slash opposite. Over the years it has worked for me but it has cost me also. On this site, I read so many interactions of folks that collar after a mere 3 or 4 months and indeed sometimes less then that.

Thoughts?

CP


Would you marry someone you just met? Would you accept an engagement ring on the 3rd date? I'm with the original OP here. I think at minimum a year is a decent time frame.

The unfortunate thing about the internet is, it's watered down our traditions to some degree. With the advent of the (pardon me while I hurl) "On-Line" collar, there is a whole generation running around obsessed with collars with absolutely no clue about what they ought to signify. Unfortunately for some, a collar is used as a legitimizer; instead of it being precious and something that is given to someone as a sign of a serious committment, it's used as an affectation for the wearer, the giver, or both sometimes. Just because you have a collar doesn't mean you've arrived in BDSM.

A collar is not a high school ring. It's not a letterman jacket. It's the D/s equivolent to a wedding ring, and in my opinion, should be treated as such.

To me, there should be no pride in talking about all the collars you've worn. That's like bragging about how many times you've been married and divorced.

My 2 cents worth,

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 4:31:40 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

To me, there should be no pride in talking about all the collars you've worn. That's like bragging about how many times you've been married and divorced.

My 2 cents worth,

Lily
I agree. I'm surprised by the people that have a list a mile long of the people that they've collared or been collared to. I went into receiving my collar with the same seriousness with which I view marriage. A lifetime commitment.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 4:39:42 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thank You OsideGirl
Absolutey!! Agree


_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 4:47:58 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		My only marriage and my only collar took years to come about, not so much in the length of time before either, but I'm firmly believe that everything I had done (or not) lead me to those moments. Each lasted a considerable amount of time (26 for the marriage, and 3 years with my Master). I don't know that I'll do either again, but that's another thread I guess. The important thing, imho, is to do what feels right when it feels right. I don't believe in arbitrary time limits, but I also don't believe either is something people should rush into doing.

Cheers,
jimini

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 4:53:31 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I feel it depends on the people involved. I was collared about three months after we met, and here it is close to ten years later and I still wear that same collar. I know others who waited a year or close to it, and the relationship ended shortly thereafter. If someone develops a pattern of "collar hopping", I would probably feel that perhaps the collar did not represent to them what it does to me. <shrug>

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 4:58:44 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Whatever works. People get collared on first meetings all the time, let them be happy. I've been collared a week after meeting a couple, after knowing them for a few years online and then spending significant time with them during that week offline. Unfortunately it turned out to be a case of too good to be true and they ended it two weeks later saying they didn't have the time to train me.

And I had sex and play with my Boston partner the first time we ever met and we're still together well over a year later.

Some people like to plan collarings because it coincides with anniversaries and nothing really to do with the collaring itself. Some people like to plan "surprise" collarings (I've seen it, I don't recommend it). Some people wait strictly five years.

We're all going to get collared whenever the heck we feel it's best for us to get collared. I've been through the rush, I've been through the slow side. As long as you are honest and understanding, then if it flies or falls, you know you were holding true to yourself.


(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 5:04:05 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Lily,

and a well put two cents worth, thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 5:04:34 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Whatever ROCKS for the individuals involved.

Some people it can take a few days to 'know'. Others years...

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 5:08:46 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		fate,

of course it will ultimately depend on the particular folks, and there are exceptions to the ill defined rule of wait and be cautious.

And to those that read this thread there is fruit on the tree already.

thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: time frame for a Collar - 10/18/2005 5:10:53 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		angel,

I just cannot see how anyone can be so wise and antisapatory as to just take a few days.

Thanks for the input.

CP

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 20
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