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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 5:20:39 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
have you ever had an experience with an s-type that has humbled you or sent you back to the drawing board?....question for any oneelse also.


Only in the sense that I did something that seemed so small and natural yet it ended up having a very profound effect on the girl. her reaction, tears and thank You's where VERY humbling and did make Me view the support I give to friends in a different light.


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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 5:47:15 AM   
TysGalilah


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goodmorning Prinsexxx 
   and happy mothers day to you, and to the other mothers reading this : )
 
Pride.
   It was interesting as I read through the definitions you wrote in your opening post.  I read them and felt "odd" that there were negative definitions.
 
I say this because I have spent so many years hearing people saying to me " you need to have more pride in yourself"  ..including therapist..
 
It became something of a quest for me actually.  To find my self-esteem..to find a way to acknowledge and feel pride about myself, what I do, what I accomplish(ed) ..
 
When I read the examples you wrote about the Dtypes who come across as "full of pride"  in a negative way ( in your feeling and perspective)   I saw those/their actions you describe as more arrogance and braggadocious ( sp?)..
 
So perhaps PRIDE is one of those emotions/feelings that we walk a thin-line about..
like> self-esteem and self-love...
 
when the line gets crossed
pride ~  becomes arrogance & bragging
self-esteem  ~  self-centered
self-love  ~  narcissism
 
and taken into a ds or bdsm context
having self-control and wanting to be the one in control  ~  can easily become  controlling, domineering
 
Tyson has helped me feel and see so much about myself to be proud of..and encourages pride in me.........tells me of his pride in me all the time..
   its a positive thing in my perspective.
but I can also understand where you are coming from in your perspective..
 
Tyson exudes self-confidence and has no problem talking about his accomplishments in a proud manner..He can also be very humble and there are times when ( he tells me ) I have been the one to point out something he couldn't see as a strength or an accomplishment in his life...
  I guess he is one of those who can do that and doesn't cross that line.
 
great topic  : )
 
Cyndi

< Message edited by TysGalilah -- 5/11/2008 5:48:03 AM >

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 5:55:36 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Then also there is the Quality vs. Quantity factor for experience.  Experience itself is a generalized term.   How experienced is very experienced?  How experienced is 15 years compared to 5 years between two different people.  Is TPE Experience or just bedroom BDSM kink play?  Was it 24/7 live in experience or weekend warrior?  

Personally, I will engage in sharing experiences ..............
Not everything I have experienced, am I proud about, often mistakes are a great source of experience in life itself.   I am proud of certain things I have done in my life.  Yes, I do have an Ego just like anybody else.


Then could I ask you, as your words promted this question: have you ever had an experience with an s-type that has humbled you or sent you back to the drawing board?....question for any oneelse also.



Oh man, now I have to fess up to this one!  Hell Yes, is my answer to you two questions.  In terms of the drawing board, perhaps for long range goals or plans.   Hey, I'm only human and what somebody does or says does make me think twice from time to time.   It's simply part of life and who I am as a human.   There's no rule in the book that says being Dom means being always right or perfect and free from faults. 


I had to come back and elaborate on this a little.   Yes, I have been humbled and sent back to the drawing board by an s-type.  However, I did a good job of not showing it.   

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 6:17:09 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I oft feel proud.... of My girl more-so than of Myself.


The quiet ones......the D types who are proud of their property, yes, it's really very lovely written down and read about in that way.



Well I certainly wouldn't call Myself one of the 'quiet ones' opinionated, big gobbed, self confident git maybe but quiet, never.

I am however rightfully proud of My girl (And of My past girls, who each and every one, even those who let Me down in some way, are VERY special young ladys)


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 6:35:47 AM   
Padriag


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

Interesting that we want people to take pride in their acomplishments and have pride in themselves but if we perceive them as being "proud" to too great a degree it is considered a character flaw.

Of course we should not be proud of our accomplishments... lest we offend someone else's sense of equality with us... with truth.  But then I should not have said so... for even that is enough to give some offense.

We say we love truth... but we love not offending our neighbors even more.

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 6:59:49 AM   
Padriag


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Then could I ask you, as your words promted this question: have you ever had an experience with an s-type that has humbled you or sent you back to the drawing board?....question for any oneelse also.

I have had experiences with all sorts of people and situations which left me humbled.  Here's a few examples.
I've been teaching myself to play the banjo as I have time... I'm very proud of that and how well I've done given that I've had to learn entirely on my own.  But I was very humbled a few years ago when I met a young woman who had taught herself to play piano, and quite well.... she was deaf.
I'm a good house painter, I can do a lot with paint including a variety of decorative finishes.  However, my general foreman has 30 years experience and he is very, very good with trim work.  Often when I bid painting contracts I defer to his judgement, even though I'm his boss, because I know he has more experience than me.

Going back to your original post... here's the balance I've struck with my own pride.

I am very proud of my own accomplishments, things I have actually done.  I find that most of the time with things I am familiar with I have such a confidence that I feel hardly any need at all to discuss it however.  I am most apt to "brag" regarding accomplishments in new areas, things that I haven't done before.

While I am very much aware of my own abilities and accomplishments and am proud of that... I am also aware of my relationship with the universe.  That is... I know that no matter how good I may get at playing my banjo, Gerry O'Connor will probably always be better than me.  And while I have every right to be proud of having taught myself to play... I'm still amazed by that deaf pianist.  I can look at the beauty and complexity of the universe... and drink it all in... and yet never be intimidated by it.

I have no problem with someone who is proud of their accomplishments... even those that exceed my own.  They have a right to enjoy their successes, they earned it.  As for those who boast of things they have never done... that more often evokes pity... or even humor.

It is very telling to watch, who is threatened by others accomplishments... and who geniunely enjoys seeing others succeed.  It says much about the source of their own pride.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 7:07:30 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Your past means nothing if you cannot use it well in your future. Pride is a concept that points to what one thinks one is-but often not about the reality of who one is to everyone else.

Humility comes from the realization that what we give to others will always have more import than what we desire of them.

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 7:21:46 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

While I am very much aware of my own abilities and accomplishments and am proud of that... I am also aware of my relationship with the universe. 


Beautiful.
I loved the story also about the deaf pianist.


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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 7:26:32 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I oft feel proud.... of My girl more-so than of Myself.


The quiet ones......the D types who are proud of their property, yes, it's really very lovely written down and read about in that way.



Well I certainly wouldn't call Myself one of the 'quiet ones' opinionated, big gobbed, self confident git maybe but quiet, never.

I am however rightfully proud of My girl (And of My past girls, who each and every one, even those who let Me down in some way, are VERY special young ladys)



You probably aren;t quiet. And express your appreciation of your sub types very eloquently. It's the ones who shout though, and bark the same monosyllabic commands over and over that lose me. I guess a D type with an extensive vocabulary works for me. I say go read the urban dictionary or the wipi before you insult me.


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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 7:27:11 AM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

something that demeans me and makes me feel that, as a submissive, I have no way of proving or indeed of stating experience in such a way.


Why do you let someone else's self image, real or imagined, demean you?  It isn't about you, not everything is about you, you need to learn how to have healthy boundaries.

As for pride, damn right I am proud of who I am!  I have worked HARD to get here, I am proud of who has chosen to give herself to me.  I am proud of the relationship we have created together.   However, that pride is tempered with enough humility that it rarely crosses into arrogance.

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 7:28:58 AM   
DominantJenny


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Then could I ask you, as your words promted this question: have you ever had an experience with an s-type that has humbled you or sent you back to the drawing board?....question for any oneelse also.



LOL! Sorry, just, goodness, only more times than I can count. I've learned mostly the hard way...by doing...because I started out with a lover who had never had a non-vanilla thought in his life, but was willing to try submitting. Back (10 years ago) when I was doing this, there really wasn't much help out there and the idea of going to a munch was pure horror to my paranoid partner (and when we finally did go, it wasn't exactly great for either of us, as I talked about in a post I started yesterday)...so I worked with my own mind and bits and bobs from online to figure things out. MANY times, we'd take one step forward and two (or four or eight) back. I'm pleased with myself that I never gave up...many would have, trust me! Now, he's a happy masochist and submissive...right now, we're concentrating on deepening and further developing the D/s portion of things...but in just the last year, I had a moment where I accidently hit a "bad pain" spot that had him nearly crushing my arm as he prevented a repeat. It was an awkward incident to say the least, but we both handled it well, and it ended up being an example of how far we've come...something like that might have been an utter disaster back in the old days.
Far, FAR from perfect and, when you go out on a limb, you are going to get humbled from time to time. What matters is how you handle it.

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 7:56:18 AM   
Deliena


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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

Interesting that we want people to take pride in their acomplishments and have pride in themselves but if we perceive them as being "proud" to too great a degree it is considered a character flaw.

Of course we should not be proud of our accomplishments... lest we offend someone else's sense of equality with us... with truth.  But then I should not have said so... for even that is enough to give some offense.

We say we love truth... but we love not offending our neighbors even more.


ROFLMAO!! I just spat tea all over my keyboard... you owe me a laptop!! (or at least a cleaning service!!)

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 8:27:56 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah


So perhaps PRIDE is one of those emotions/feelings that we walk a thin-line about..
like> self-esteem and self-love...

self-esteem  ~  self-centered
self-love  ~  narcissism
 
and taken into a ds or bdsm context
having self-control and wanting to be the one in control  ~  can easily become  controlling, domineering

  I guess he is one of those who can do that and doesn't cross that line.

 
Cyndi

I guess it's really me that's in a negative space about myself perhaps and projecting it out onto 'D-types'. I am happy for you that you feel proud to feel pride, as it were, in this way.


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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 8:36:58 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

something that demeans me and makes me feel that, as a submissive, I have no way of proving or indeed of stating experience in such a way.


Why do you let someone else's self image, real or imagined, demean you?  It isn't about you, not everything is about you, you need to learn how to have healthy boundaries.

As for pride, damn right I am proud of who I am!  I have worked HARD to get here, I am proud of who has chosen to give herself to me.  I am proud of the relationship we have created together.   However, that pride is tempered with enough humility that it rarely crosses into arrogance.

~ I am proud of the relationship we have created together~....and I could easily say that that staement represented weak boundaries. Why is it that weak boundaries are seen as a fault line when negative emotions are involved, but merging of boundaries, the term I feel that we have....is considered acceptable? Perhaps because negativity itself is seen as unacceptable.
I don't see my weak boundaries as negative, I see it as empathy, and indeed as an empath it isn't always easy to untangle another;s feelings from one own or indeed to distinguish them. But I am also able to say, as an empath, I have felt pride in what I have created with someone.....and I have felt immensely satisfied, joyous and ecstatic at those relationship I have created in the past without having to interpret it as weak boundaries. Althou8gh I feel I continuously work on self-improvement, hardening my boundaries anymor just isn't possible for me (at the moment).


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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 9:05:18 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I take pride in what I do. I am proud of my accomplishments, yet I'll rarely tell you about them and if you were to fond out and mention them to me I shall be embarased and flattered and handle it gracefully and calmly. I am extremely proud of my family and friends and their accomplishments, many of whicvh I stand in awe. I have as much pure pride as any other but it is not permitted to become egotistical or boastfull. I have humility as much as others do but yet it ois not permitted to make me appear submissive or a whimp. I will self promote if necessary yet I prefer solitude away from the company of other humans except for family and friends. I am arogant yet that is part of my heritage and in my blood.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 9:12:00 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah


So perhaps PRIDE is one of those emotions/feelings that we walk a thin-line about..
like> self-esteem and self-love...

self-esteem  ~  self-centered
self-love  ~  narcissism
 
and taken into a ds or bdsm context
having self-control and wanting to be the one in control  ~  can easily become  controlling, domineering

  I guess he is one of those who can do that and doesn't cross that line.

 
Cyndi

I guess it's really me that's in a negative space about myself perhaps and projecting it out onto 'D-types'. I am happy for you that you feel proud to feel pride, as it were, in this way.



thank you for responding, Prinsexx
 
You sound sad and exhausted.
 

 

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 9:23:25 AM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

Why is it that weak boundaries are seen as a fault line when negative emotions are involved, but merging of boundaries, the term I feel that we have....is considered acceptable?


How has that been working for you? 

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 9:30:32 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		It sounds to me what you are describing is what i would call arrogance covering insecurity.
If you can make others think you are proud, then they won't question you or your credentials as a dom.

how about it?

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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 11:27:45 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

Why is it that weak boundaries are seen as a fault line when negative emotions are involved, but merging of boundaries, the term I feel that we have....is considered acceptable?


How has that been working for you? 

Empathy has got me thus far. That's all I can really say with any integrity.
And hopwless at spotting that fine line.
Hopeless at spotting the difference between arrogance and worth, it seems. But working on it.


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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RE: Dominant pride - 5/11/2008 11:56:51 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I am oftern proud on my girl..on who she is..and what she gives me.


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