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So I fought it, I threw myself into religion and church and other things to try and 'control' myself and be content with what I believed was acceptable.

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ORIGINAL: SensualistOne

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So I fought it, I threw myself into religion and church and other things to try and 'control' myself and be content with what I believed was acceptable.

i always figured that if i wasn't in a long term relationship by a certain age or if i lost a longterm owner i would join a convent and submit to God and participate in regular ritual self flaggellation...

umm so on the wannabe vanilla...nope, not me...

chelle

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

<Raises hand>

I did it.  In fact, I did it for a few years.  I met, dated, and loved a vanilla man  Well, mostly vanilla.  The first time we bought a 'play' flogger, I didn't even want to strike him with it, I was so afraid that the illusion I had created about My 'vanilla' self would crumble.  I have to add in here that I wasn't nearly the sadist that I am today the first time I walked away from BDSM.  I didn't know how I'd handle it if I stuck My toe back into the BDSM pool. 

It happened anyway.  When My husband and I started exploring poly, guess what kind of guy ended up being My first attempt?  Yep.  Submissive male.  Next one.  Yep.  Submissive male again there, too.  I had never specifically lied about My D/s relationships prior to us getting married, but I hadn't exactly disclosed everything either.  Not even when My husband and I attended the funeral parlor together when I had received the news that My first slave had died.

So, My husband and I had to have a very long serious talk.  I spilled My guts about My past in BDSM prior to meeting My husband.  We talked about how much I needed it in My life, and he already knew that I had been just a little too knowledgeable about what I was doing with someone who was calling Me "Mistress" all of the time.  Thankfully, he had seen how much happier I had been when I went back to being My real self, and we found a way for Me to have both.

Well, that so-called vanilla guy I married, turned out in having an interest in being a Dominant, too.  These past couple of years, he's gotten his own start in the lifestyle.  I have My collared submissive.  We have an agreement between us that our primary relationship will come first, but I don't think he could ever ask Me to close this part of Me off again. 

I say it on these boards all of the time.  I am so thankful that it turned out this way.

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ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

<Raises hand>

I did it.  In fact, I did it for a few years.  I met, dated, and loved a vanilla man  Well, mostly vanilla.  The first time we bought a 'play' flogger, I didn't even want to strike him with it, I was so afraid that the illusion I had created about My 'vanilla' self would crumble.  I have to add in here that I wasn't nearly the sadist that I am today the first time I walked away from BDSM.  I didn't know how I'd handle it if I stuck My toe back into the BDSM pool. 

It happened anyway.  When My husband and I started exploring poly, guess what kind of guy ended up being My first attempt?  Yep.  Submissive male.  Next one.  Yep.  Submissive male again there, too.  I had never specifically lied about My D/s relationships prior to us getting married, but I hadn't exactly disclosed everything either.  Not even when My husband and I attended the funeral parlor together when I had received the news that My first slave had died.

So, My husband and I had to have a very long serious talk.  I spilled My guts about My past in BDSM prior to meeting My husband.  We talked about how much I needed it in My life, and he already knew that I had been just a little too knowledgeable about what I was doing with someone who was calling Me "Mistress" all of the time.  Thankfully, he had seen how much happier I had been when I went back to being My real self, and we found a way for Me to have both.

Well, that so-called vanilla guy I married, turned out in having an interest in being a Dominant, too.  These past couple of years, he's gotten his own start in the lifestyle.  I have My collared submissive.  We have an agreement between us that our primary relationship will come first, but I don't think he could ever ask Me to close this part of Me off again. 

I say it on these boards all of the time.  I am so thankful that it turned out this way.

Wow, your words really struck deep with me on this.  I had a difficult time with adding kink into my Vanilla relationships, took things slowly and well, not full swing.  Had everything to do with my Vanilla image crumbling.   I also know what it's like to not fully disclose one's BDSM past, but not really lie at the same time.  At times, I was probed or questioned why I did not speak much of certain past relationships or girls that I had dated.   

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ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

I want to be vanilla, I long to be vanilla.  I want to make love without needing to be beaten and used to be turned on.  I want "normal", safe..hell, I would even take boring.  I want to only feel the need for sex every other week or so.  I don't want to need the power and strength of a man over me, or to kneel at his feet waiting for his next command.  I hate missing a slap across the face, or having wet dreams of play rape. 

I have to appear vanilla so much that I have resigned myself into the life I have.  I have a bit of play, and an M/s roleplay.  That however isn't living the life of the slave I am in my heart.  I roleplay at being the "normal" lil wife, when in reality I am anything but.

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ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

In the spirit of posts regarding wannabe's...

Who here has ever played the role of a Wannabe Vanilla, I don't mean this in any negative context.  I mean, who has tried like hell to swear off, disvow BDSM like it was some mortal sin.  Tried like hell to fit in with the so called norm of society, but no matter how hard you tried.   The closet door you were trying to keep shut on BDSM, really did not work, things just seemed to ooze out from under the door anyways?