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RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 6:16:52 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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Dude, Nothing went wrong. 
Your 20 I believe someone said, so I assume this girl is within a year or so of that age also. 
Both of you are acting your age and there isnt anything wrong with that! 
Use this as a lesson learned in Mastering you.  And you'll begin to refrain from finding awe in a 20 minute stretch.


.........
quote:

ORIGINAL: thedudetg

I found a girl, one that basically labels herself as a slave on this very site, and I felt there was an instant connection.

In her eyes and her smile, I saw a beauty I had seen in no other woman before. We talked over IM for only a few minutes, and was so enchanted by this woman and the things I knew of her, I asked her out for a vanilla date (she, like me, was interested in developing a little bit of a relationship before taking things to be more personal), and that was probably after only 20 minutes. I've never felt so certain of something in my life.

Due to prior engagements forgotten about until the last minute, she had to cancel our date, but we met later the same evening, and watched a movie and cuddled at my place. She was very worried I'd be upset with her, but I made it as clear as I could I wasn't. We scheduled a date for the following night. This time, she became ill and had to cancel, but we sent each other several text messages. The following day, there was no way we could meet; she had to tend to a friend of hers who was going through some emotional trouble. Again, we talked much more over text messages that evening, and talked about various BDSM things we were interested in. As far as I can tell, and as far as she let on, we fit pretty well together in this area. Partway through the night, I asked her what she thought about a pet name, and she actually said she would like to be called "Pet," since it was cute and made her feel submissive. At the end of the night, she asked if I would "keep her." I said "Of course," and she replied with a "Yaay!" Soon after this, she told me she was staying with her friend that night, since she'd been drinking a little there. We agreed on an actual date two days from this night.

The next day, things became murky. I asked her how she was doing in the afternoon, she said she was good, then I told her I was doing well, too. That night, I asked her to confirm that she could make our date planned for the subsequent night, but to my distress, I received no response. The following day, I sent a few messages asking her about the plans, as well, and eventually, the night passed without us meeting for dinner and a movie, and instead her telling me I wasn't right, but not explaining any reason why, via IM.

I can not, for the life of me, figure out what went wrong. The final conversation we had and the ones before it seemed to be from two different people, as far as I could tell. I can't figure out what caused the sudden switch in her outlook on me. I know she was drinking when she said several sweet things, and I know she wasn't looking for someone to dominate her 24/7, so I don't think it can be that. From how we talked, she was far too sweet a person to have been planning on hurting me from the very beginning, and she was entirely eager to go on a date with me, despite things needing to cancel. At times when talking, I spoke as a vanilla romantic interest, and at times, I spoke more like a dom would, but she seemed fond of both, as if I had hit the right pace for where we were in such a short relationship.

Are there any subs/slaves who have done something like this? I'm not angry at her, if she truly doesn't think I'm right this soon, even after what she asked above, then I can't blame her, but I am hurt, because for the first time, I completely left my guard down romantically, and I can not wrap my head around what went wrong between this girl I believe to be wonderful and myself.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 6:40:42 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: thedudetg

In her eyes and her smile, I saw a beauty I had seen in no other woman before. We talked over IM for only a few minutes, and was so enchanted by this woman and the things I knew of her, I asked her out for a vanilla date (she, like me, was interested in developing a little bit of a relationship before taking things to be more personal), and that was probably after only 20 minutes. I've never felt so certain of something in my life.


Let's mix and match some of these phrases and see if we can bring about some clarity...

saw a beauty I had seen in no other woman before over IM after only 20 minutes
 
was interested in developing a little bit of a relationship after only 20 minutes
 
I've never felt so certain of something in my life after only 20 minutes
 
The first paragraph was when you started to be stupid.

The stupidity continued through out the rest of the story.

Stop being stupid.


Aww, He is only 20...and did what 'most' young people do...Go in way too fast only for it to stop dead in tracks a few days later. He will learn with time :-)





I did a lot of stupid shit when I was 20 and I imagine there is a whole world of other stupid things still left for me to do up into my 40s and 50s.

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(in reply to laura2161)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 7:10:31 PM   
gypsygrl


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From: new york state
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quote:

I imagine there is a whole world of other stupid things still left for me to do up into my 40s and 50s.


Yup.  There's no such thing as being too old for stupid.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 7:46:08 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterKalif

TreasureK,

Sure they are, in my opinion they should be more upfront about it, and not get scandalized when men do the same....that way both are on the same page and no one is dissappointed


Ummm... seems to me that it's not the woman here who has her knickers in a twist.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom

... to lie, to make up false excuses in order to lead on the guy ... it looks that way to me.


I'm not quite sure where you see her lying... she does appear to be a little over-enthusiastic, just the same as the OP, but I hardly think there's sufficient information given to determine that she lied about anything. 

As far as her appearing to be happy that the OP said he would keep her, she could have just changed her mind.  Concerning the cancellation of their last date, the OP did say she told him he wasn't right... she didn't explain why, but I don't think there's any rule that says you have to.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 7:53:10 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

she could have just changed her mind.


Yes! That seems plausible given the speed with which they got together.  20 minutes to fall in love.  Another 20 to fall out of it.  Makes sense to me.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 8:26:49 PM   
khem


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
I hear of this a lot.  My opinion is she felt in over her head and lacked the maturity to communicate about how she was feeling.  It's possible she's conflicted about BDSM, her part in it, or any number of things. 

Also, it's entirely possible that you're only one in a very large crowd of men pursuing her.



(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 8:42:56 PM   
laura2161


Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I did a lot of stupid shit when I was 20 and I imagine there is a whole world of other stupid things still left for me to do up into my 40s and 50s.


I also did a lot of stupid stuff when I was 20. My daughter is 18 and she IS doing stupid stuff right now. Im in my 40's and wouldnt you know, I just did something really stupid not too long ago. Learning never stops. Learning from past mistakes is even better.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 9:20:11 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thedudetg

I can not wrap my head around what went wrong between this girl I believe to be wonderful and myself.

This sort of thing happens every day to lots of people from all walks of life, in and out of the world of D/s.  It doesn't mean anything went wrong. 
 
Maybe she liked another guy, who had given her the brush-off or left her hanging, and he suddenly made a reappearance in her life and she went back to him.  Maybe she noticed an odd odor about you and she was too polite to say anything.  Maybe she decided she was really into chicks, after all.  Maybe, she just wasn't as into you as you seem to have been into her and she didn't want a lot of drama about it or she didn't want to have a big discussion about it and just took the easy way out.
 
Who knows?  Who cares?  The two of you weren't right for each other, for whatever reason.  So, you let it go and you search for someone else. 
 
Just because someone considers themself to be a slave doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be a perfect fit for you.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to thedudetg)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 9:34:06 PM   
SleepyDom


Posts: 118
Status: offline
TreasureKY, it's not like I have a transcript here of her saying something when we know it's false.  NO, I certainly do not have sufficient evidence to "convict" her of lying, it's just what my gut and common sense is telling me based on all those cancellations and excuses one after another.  Anyway, I'm not really arguing this with you as I really couldn't care less.  I'm just saying that's how it looks to me and if she lied about those things, then she's playing games.  If it looks different to you, fine, my point has nothing to do whether she actually lied or not.  I'd also accuse lots of politicians of lying whether I have sufficient evidence or not or whether they actually lied or not, and I bet I'd be right most of the time.

(in reply to laura2161)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 11:15:06 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
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Reading over the responses there is a word missing, at least in my distant and myopic view.

Integrity.

Integrity has many different aspects. Some of them are for self and some of them are for others. I see that ball being dropped by both parties in more than one way.

I make no claims of having never dropped that ball myself (damnit).

(in reply to SleepyDom)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What went wrong? - 5/12/2008 11:51:46 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
ok, didnt read all the replies, but my initial reactions was:

"dude..she's just not in to you"

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 7:11:34 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
Sometimes people just aren't compatible. Sometimes online people seem compatible and then they meet and spend some time together and find out they really aren't.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to thedudetg)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 12:23:32 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
Hey Dude
Don't feel so bad
Take a female sub
And make it better
Remember to not think just with your heart
Then you can start
To make it better

Hey Dude
Don't be afraid
Others have tried too
But didn't get her
The minute you think you might just win
But it may not begin
To make it better

And any time you rush again
Hey Dude, refrain
Just use that thing which rests upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool
Who thinks he's cool
And then finds he's a dork so much later
Na na na na na na na na na

Hey Dude
Don't feel so down
You have a profile here
Now go and get her (just chill out and try again)
Remember to not just use your heart
Then you can start to make it better

So just chill out and try again
Hey Dude, begin
You're looking for someone to be dom with
And don't you know some are confusing too
And Dude, they'll confuse you too
The equipment you need rests upon your shoulders
Na na na na na na na na na
Yeah

Hey Dude
Don't feel so bad
Take a female sub
And make it better
Remember to not think just with your heart
Then you can start
To make it better better better better better better oh
Na na na na na na na na na
Hey Dude
(repeat to fade)

sorry couldn't resist, inspired by Lennon and MacCartney (who's also had problems with women - at his age too!)

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(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 1:15:44 PM   
missfrillypants


Posts: 124
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy


 Maybe she decided she was really into chicks, after all.



yes.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 2:07:26 PM   
justaDallasgirl


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: the Rock
Status: offline
she is sooooo married and she got busted.

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RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 3:22:10 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
sometimes the mood of the moment takes over and it isnt until afterwards when you reflect that you realise its too much or not enough, things didnt fit, the chemistry was wonky.  you want it to work so much, you kind of will yourself into believing itll all be ok. 

the old adage 'sleep on it' seems appropriate here.  something didnt work for her and in the morning she knew it wasnt right, she's just maybe a little too immature to cope with the immensity of a D/s relationship with someone as intense as you possibly appeared to be.  nothing you did wrong it just happens, and im sorry youre having a bad time.

can i hazard that maybe you came over as too keen and cosy too soon. 

(in reply to justaDallasgirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 5:55:41 PM   
justaDallasgirl


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: the Rock
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

ok, didnt read all the replies, but my initial reactions was:

"dude..she's just not in to you"


That was actually my first thought as well before my first of dude, she's married but i went with the second thought.

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RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 6:18:44 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sabirah

::: blinks ::   and was she calling you her Master within those 20 mins too ?
perhaps saying  the L word even.
good grief,  ~~chuckles~~  I must echo what Madrabbit said.


what? No one is going to say "time is just a number"? LOL

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RE: What went wrong? - 5/13/2008 6:27:35 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline
So many red flags on this you could decorate a used car lot .i agree with the Rabbit on this one  ^5 .

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What went wrong? - 5/14/2008 7:57:29 AM   
tandm


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
she is seeing someone else.  OR someone else came back and rebound is not needed now.  OR she is a BITCH like my Master's EX wife and LOVES to F**k with people's emotions for her own personal pleasure.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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