Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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My old flame called me today. On Mother's [after] day, I did not even call, but that is not the point. Her brother was here and tried to call Mom, which gave her my new phone number.
Now understand who this is, she is the only Woman in the world that I ever wanted to have kids with, and years ago I was scared of her. Any advantage like that would be capitalised upon. In a way, that is how we all were.
I heard her voice after well over twenty years and I heard something I have not heard in a long time. See after I went away she became a lesbian. I am not taking that opportunity to say anything of the sort you might be thinking, like that if she couldn't have me she did not want a Man. Nothing of the sort. Of course at this point I certainly hope she is at least bi.
Maybe you have never found your one, but after all these years the friendship at least in her voice encouraged me quite a bit. The phone rang and she had to go, but she told me to call her anyttime.
That made my day. Our seperation came about via a very drunk day of mine, something I will probably never live down. I was toast and I threatened to rape her. Now I would never harm a hair on her head, but old man alcohol was involved and I was ostricised.
I fucked it up really bad and I suspect that I did it because of my own insecurities. Doctor, heal thyself is something I take seriously. I was afraid. I admit it.
But hearing her voice again and being friendly, that makes me want to change my life. Take the other life, with her. This episode has rekindled old desires to the point where I would jump right now.
Let this be a warning to anyone who might hook up with me, I will never feel the same way about anyone as her.
I am gong to go over there, I want to be with her. Not for sex or anything, but I want to touch her. I want to hold her hands in mine like the day when her car broke down 25 years ago in a blizzard. I want to comfort her and make her happy.
I have never felt this way about anyone else. I am ecstatic about the fact that she is willing to be friends. If I get more, let me rephrase that, if I get to give her more all the better.
I don't know what to do, if I hook up with her on any level she is a Woman, therefore she will figure out my vulnerability very quickly. That means I will have to trust her not to take advantage of the situation.
Should I ? I have never known her to be dishonest with me in any major way, we could probably be just friends and never explore that, but that would be hard for me. I am well able to handle it, but if I am to take any kind of tiger's tail, I'll take her's. It may be a challenge but fuck it, you only live once.
And you don't even know what she is like. You think I am outspoken and provocative ? Wrong. If we hook up I'll get her to get a membership here. She will probably get kicked off a couple of times in the beginning, maybe. But I was impressed with her responses in our conversation, so everything might be cool.
I did take the first step and told her I still had that torch, you know what I mean. That is the way I said it. Her response was a bit cryptic, but I have no idea what she has learned in the last twenty years.She does have a better job than I, but that means shit. The last thing in the world I would ever do is ask her for anything, even a cigarette.
I hope you are all satisfied that I brought this up. My self assured ass is not so big anymore, because I really am in some doubt. Enjoy. Enjoy the fact that no matter who we are, something like this can befuddle us. It's true. Look at me right now.
Just remember folks that I, the rock, hard place and irresistable force all rolled into one, is also vulnerable. But only to one.
The one. What the fuck am I going to do ? Oh, and she is kinky too. She had handcuffs before I did.
This is really too much. I might do what I used to do. Some daredevil shit to either make her swoon or get my ass killed. Either works. Not being in a superior position is not acceptable to me. I don't care how much I l-l-l-l-ove her,OK I said it. I am not going to be anything but on top in a relationship with her. I am absolutely sure she is "switchable" if only she goes bi.
But I want so much more than sex, I want her with me here and now. To see what I am typoing, and read others' typoing. You people are like a family to me in a way, part of it is the anonymity, but others bare their souls here. So why not ? I have only revealed all this to two people in the world so far, other than this post.
Hey, I said she is kinky, maybe she is here reading that right now.
Now you people know that I very rarely, if ever admit to even having feelings, yet today I proclaim them. Yes my friends, she is really that special.
I am drained, I simply can't think of anything else to say right now.
T
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