MrWorf
Posts: 12
Joined: 7/14/2004
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This is a list of suggestions for new submissives both male and female and written by experienced dominants and submissives. It was created to help submissives that are entering into the lifestyle to prevent them from stumbling into pitfalls.
Submissive's Handbook
Chapter 1 - Finding a Dominant
• Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
• Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts.
• Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner.
• Be yourself. Never compromise who you are to gain the attention of a Dominant.
• Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship.
• Some Dominants will never love you.
• Some Dominants have no desire to f!@#$%& you.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to prospective Dom/mes.
• You do not have to take orders or obey every Dominant who approaches you.
• Just because you are sub doesn't mean you should let Dom/mes walk all over you.
• You do not have to spend money on, or give money to, a Dominant.
• You do not have to send naked photos to a Dominant.
• Be careful how much personal info you reveal to strangers.
• Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective Dom/mes.
• Ask questions respectfully, then respectfully question answers.
• A Dominant who refuses to answer basic questions has something to hide.
• Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references.
• Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a booming voice does not make a Dominant.
• Some Dominants exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress subs.
• A Dominant with many years of experience may still be a total %#&@$! or abusive.
Chapter 2 - Being safe
• A good Dominant will make sure you feel safe at all times when meeting.
• Anything that is not consensual is abuse.
• A Dominant who refuses to honor your safeword is abusing you.
• Use common sense if ordered to have unprotected sex with strangers.
• Clean insertables yourself before and after they are used on you.
• Make sure your play partner knows all your medical conditions before scening.
• Drop any Dominant who orders you not to get medical or psychological help.
• Calling your safeword is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes.
• Never tell a Dominant you have no limits.
• Never rush off to another state to meet a Dominant you just met. Be patient.
• Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.
• Always meet in public on your first date.
• If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.
• Do not allow a Dominant to isolate you from family or loved ones.
• Pay attention to your physical/mental condition after scenes.
• Some subs need more aftercare than others.
Chapter 3 - Protocol
• The most important protocol to learn is your own Dominant's.
• Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.
• Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and do not break them.
• When collared, your behavior in public is a direct reflection upon your Dominant.
• Learn when to speak and when to be silent.
• Do not touch other people's property (subs, toys) without permission.
• Never interrupt other people's scenes (i.e. touching, talking, or laughing loudly)
• Always clean up after your scene.
Chapter 4 - Your Journey
• Don't expect a Dominant to solve all your problems in life.
• Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.
• Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your submission.
• Never limit yourself to just one source of information.
• Don't spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events.
• You do not have to be a pain ass to be a good sub.
• This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.
• If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong.
• It is ok to be alone.
• You can decide for yourself whether to be monogamous or poly.
• Don't rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to serve.
• Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.
• Keeping a private journal can help you get to know yourself better.
• Discover who you are in your submission... sub or slave, masochist or no pain, etc.
• Just because you are a sub doesn't mean you shouldn't get your needs met too.
Special thanks to Amirah, Bishop, CW, Christy, Cntrler, Darque de Sade, Goddess Palia, homiet, James, Jennee', lil one, Mistress Max Rulz, Ms. Lynn, Pharaoh & Empress, pulse, Sassy, Solamente, sugga, and Ty.
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