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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:27:56 AM   
HalloweenWhite


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I didn't start this thread but thanks anyway :). I think you nailed it on the head by saying your slave have given her consent for you to use force against her. Like I said in My reply to the O.P as long as Y/you both know what's going on then there's no problem.

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:40:26 AM   
Missokyst


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Oh HELL Yes!
I am one of those people who respond to forced sex during an argument.  I find it calms me down and puts me in a reasonable frame of mind.  But I have my limits.  If my partner pressed me at the wrong time and "tried" to force sex on me he better be prepared for the consequences.
As far as forced goes, I say you better know your partner well, and have the sense to know when this will only break your relationship.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I'd say it really depends on the argument.

If we are arguing because you got up early and helped yourself to a big slice of the cake that I baked for the bake sale....yeah, I say go for it.

If we are arguing because we previously agreed to monagamy and I just walked in and caught you in bed with my best friend....and you try to settle THAT by forcing yourself on me....well....you better pack a lunch because we are gonna be dukin' it out for awhile.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:41:39 AM   
MladyHathor


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

It comes down to this: It is a huge gamble. Choose the wrong fight or the wrong moment in a fight, and disaster ensues. Choose the right time, and it's all very hot and everyone is happy.
IMO, no one is that reliable with timing...it's a risk I wouldn't take. But, then, I'm not particularly a risk-taker.


I'm with DJenny--guess one too many domestic disputes that were kiss kiss hug hug then we got called back to a crime scene----nope not a risk I am willing to take, carte blanche or not--and I can assure you any sub that touches Me when I am angry--crime scene.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:46:41 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro

I just can't believe people have arguments with those under them. Why?


Because it's normal to argue now and then, most likely. If you never argue, my hat's off to you as well as to your slave.


Personally in all my relationships i have not been allowed to argue. I have been allowed to politely ask for a discussion on whatever is happening. His say has always been final though and if he refuses my request to talk about the issue so be it. I have had to suck it up.



Which is why I this issue never came up in M/s...  Blew my mind though encountering it in two of my twisted kinky vanilla relationships. 

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 6:41:18 AM   
OmegaG


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FR

I haven't read the replies yet...

I was in a very vanilla relationship where he would damn near always want sex right in the middle of an argument, and I soon found out that I couldn't remember what I was pissed about when I was getting my brains fucked out.  All I can say is that I found that it was hot for me.

Hmmm, he also was the first one to fuck me in the ass-- during angry sex--- maybe not so vanilla after all....

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 6:47:51 AM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

twisted kinky vanilla relationships. 

 
This is a very accurate term.  There are a lot of 'unacknowledged kinky vanilla people' in the world.  Just because they don't label it as such doesn't change the fact that kinky is still kinky.
 
There are a lot of people who need 'high drama' in their relationships, too.  If everything is going along nice and calm and smooth for too long, they will look for a way to create drama.  They will look for a fight and, usually, make it the other person's fault, as though they started it or that they have done something wrong.
 
For a lot of people, the adrenalin rush they get from a heated argument or outright brawl is what they need to feel alive.  They are addicted to the rush.  Fighting is like foreplay to them, because after the blood starts flowing, the blood pressure rises, the adrenalin is flowing, they are horny as hell.  And, then comes the fruit of their labor, the "make-up sex" or, the "forced until submission sex", which results in an extreme calm, afterwards.
 
This sort of scenario can work, as long as both people are into this sort of thing, as a lot of 'twisted kinky vanilla' people are.  There are a lot of married couples, who fight like cats and dogs and make you wonder, "What the hell are they doing married to each other?  One day, one of them is going to kill the other."  But, they truly do love each other (in their own 'twisted kinky vanilla' way) and don't even try to say anything bad about the other partner or they will let you know, in no uncertain terms, to mind your own business, you don't know what you're talking about and, don't you dare talk like that about their husband or wife.
 
For me, as others have said, in all of the sexually intimate relationships i have been in, there was never any such thing as "forced sex".  That just isn't possible with me because when i willing go into a sexually intimate relationship, it is "carte blanche", a blank check that the man gets to fill-in.  He writes his own ticket with me.  There has never been one time, in any of my relationships, since i was 14, that i ever said, "No", "Not now", or "Stop".  And, to be forced, means you have to be resistant, which i have never been.  Oh, one time, when i had just finished a 4-mile run and i was all sweaty and my boyfriend pinned me to the bed, i said, "Let me take a shower, first." and, he said, "No, I don't want to wait." and, then he had his way with me.  That's the most resistance i have ever put up.
 
Now, to me, there is a big difference between forceful or aggressive sex and "forced sex".  The Dominant men i have been involved with have been very aggressive and forceful with me, as in pulling my hair until i drop to my knees or pinning me down and holding me there, etc. (which is one reason why i love Dominant men so much), but, that is very seductive to me and, is in no way "forced sex."  Also, i hate drama in my life and will do anything to avoid it, including keeping my mouth shut instead of getting into an argument.  i avoid arguing as much as i possibly can and, i don't have a need to 'be right'.
 
But, like has already been mentioned, it can be a very thin line between "forced sex" and 'forceful' sex and, you really need to know the other person and know what they are really into and not into and how far you can go with them, etc.  Otherwise, you could find yourself in a very difficult situation.
 
(Edited because spellcheck doesn't pick up everything.)

joy
Owned servant of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 5/14/2008 7:27:53 AM >

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 6:59:30 AM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SugarMyChurro
Sex is any time I say, however I want it. Technically, it may be impossible for me to take by force what she so readily offers to me in service to my will at all times.



This is my experience with my Master.  There is no "force."  It's whenever and however he decides.

There's no arguing, either.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 7:01:51 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

For a lot of people, the adrenalin rush they get from a heated argument or outright brawl is what they need to feel alive.  The are addicted to the rush

This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO true. Nothing gets me going better than a good, all-out brawl...fists flying, feet kicking...blood flowing....Mmmmmm yummy

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 7:41:50 AM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

For a lot of people, the adrenalin rush they get from a heated argument or outright brawl is what they need to feel alive.  The are addicted to the rush

This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO true. Nothing gets me going better than a good, all-out brawl...fists flying, feet kicking...blood flowing....Mmmmmm yummy

And then, is there a lot of sexual energy that needs to be released, afterwards? 
 
Actually, a lot of people find fighting to be a big turn-on, even 'plain vanilla' types who are just spectators (voyeurs, maybe?).  The "catfight" and wrestling porn videos are pretty popular, as well as boxing matches and professional wrestling. 
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 9:01:00 AM   
subtee


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Ha ha! I just wrote on the "Argument vs. Discussion" thread: "fight sex!"



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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 9:39:32 AM   
lanie38


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~fast reply~

In our relationship, he owns my ass whether I'm debating, arguing, cooking, mowing the lawn...whatever...we have an agreement and our expectations are and have always been on the table.

Now some people have expressed concern about it backfiring..someone even mentioned the word *rape*...hmmm as far as I"m concerned we take that risk all the time...when I'm full of bruises, busted lip, black eye I could easily misconstrue it to my advantage...you have to decide which rislks you're willing to take and find someone compatible that has the same interests.

Good luck!

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 9:42:43 AM   
Poetryinpain


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~fr~
The idea of a big, powerful man taking control of an argument by kissing and then fucking the woman is an old one. There is such a scene in many romance novels - not just women's erotica. It is a 'romantic' ideal; the man is so overpowering in his strength and sexuality that the woman just melts and her resistance (yes, she struggles at first) fades. The sex is usually mind-blowing.

It probably is more common in relationships that don't include power exchange, because in those relationships both parties feel they have equal power, equal decision-making authority, and equal strength.

pip, loved it when it happened to me


< Message edited by Poetryinpain -- 5/14/2008 9:44:13 AM >


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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 12:57:26 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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Rape play?  Fun.  Forcing sex as a result of anger?  Seriously bad idea.  I am totally with Lashra--when I am angry, and I rarely am, touching me is NOT a good thing to do.  Anyone who tried to engage me in sex under those circumstances would come away injured.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 2:44:38 PM   
born4serving


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it really depends on the relationship between the Domme and the slave. only the Domme would know how the slave will react if it is a good Domme. Forced sex will take away someones's dignity but if a slave truely loves the Domme and vice-versa then it would not be a problem, as one should have trust in others emotions.

i would not have forced sex, unless i was with a Mistress on a long term basis.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:01:03 PM   
DesFIP


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Doesn't seem to be about forced sex but about angry sex which is something else. Anger is a powerful emotion that has your emotions running hot. For some people powerful, hot emotions are easily switched over into powerful, hot sexual energy. For others not.

One of those things that need discussion. I don't do angry sex or make up sex. I don't feel sexual then. So I'm not compatible with someone who likes hot arguments that can go that way. Nothing right, wrong or forced about it. Just a communication and compatibility issue.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:32:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Ditto to Erin, my thoughts exactly.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/14/2008 5:54:34 PM   
lytehaze


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For me the physical effects of anger and passion (and quite frankly working out at the gym) are similar: accelerated breathing, flushing, high intense emotion, buildup of kinetic energy, heightened lubrication, etc. So my focus is easily translated from one state to the other, and since I enjoy forced sex, the combo is fantastic.

I haven't yet had a problem with forced sex during an argument but I would think that the same precautions for any intense exchange would apply. Taking note of the subs reactions to and processing of the situation will help guard against possibly damaging misunderstandings. The same way one is observant so as not to breach pain threshold or observant to avoid asphyxiation just pay attention. At least in my case it would be apparent if I were in a state of anger that exceeded my submission or arousal.
But I’m sure others are harder to read in which case you better know your sub or don’t try it.

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Obligatory disclaimer: Of course the above views are my own, as I can only speak for myself. Should others identify or disagree with my thoughts, that is their right. I in no way meant to offend, by malice or negligence any person or group.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/17/2008 12:32:36 PM   
clevername2


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I would be careful about forcing in any other circumstance than arranged play. In fact I would call that rape. In an argument it would be wrong no matter what. There is a world of difference between acting out a scene and actually raping someone. If that line seems blurred, get yourself some glasses.

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/17/2008 12:56:25 PM   
Justme696


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As a male I am a bit carefull with the forcing. IF a lady has a bad day..it is easy to end in jail.   lol

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RE: A Paradox of using forced sex.. - 5/17/2008 1:14:51 PM   
softness


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Ok so several things to pull out from the OP

Forced sex .. is hot for me .. and for Sir. Whether in role play of actually forced sex. I want to be in a relationship where the decision about whether we are having sex or not is His. Neither of us wants a relationship where power rests in my hands. Thats how I want life to be, and thats how he wants life to be. That works both for when I do want sex and when I dont. Now just with all types of BDSM activity there will be times when forced sex has positive outcomes (smoking white hot sex that leaves us both a little incoherant) and negative ones. The negative outcomes can be anything from some physical nasties (bruising, scratches, bites etc beyond where we would normally take things) to emotional ones. The basis of my enslavement is that my Owner has all the power and all the control, with that comes ultimate responsibility for the fall out of his decisions. If he forces me to have sex, in a context which is really not a good idea, and I become frightened, withdrawn and damaged by that it is his responsibility,and His job to deal with it. He and I have both had experience of situations where forced sex has had negative outcomes and yet we both still get off on it ... in a big way... that shows just how positive the positive outcomes are

Forced sex and arguments
Sir and I argue/debate/discuss a lot ... like a lot ... it is foreplay for us. I get off on being brow beaten and backed into a corner intellectually .. Sir is frighteningly clever and I have yet to find something He doesn't know enough about to wipe the floor with me in conversation ... We enjoy that in eachother and its a large part of what makes us work. We discuss everything .. conversations run over all kinds of subjects. He always wins because he just outclasses me at every turn. Both in subject knowledge and in technique. Now this type or argument/discussion/debate does get very heated, and probably more so in person. I will be very upset, perhaps even dare I say it pissy, if they dont result in him screwing the ass right off me when we are together. But thats fine, this is us just playing.
Arguments about us and how our relationship works go more like this .. I have given up my right to be right, even when I am right. He is right. He makes a decision, and its the right one, and I agree with it compliantly. If it turns out to be not quite so right, He is still not wrong and I am still not right.  Now I will be the first to admit that I am terrible at this. I cling on to my right to be right against all odds and ongoingly struggle with giving up my own opinions in favour of his. Now when we argue like this, I think sex will be far from both our minds, because its about who holds power. If even in a small way I am trying to take power back from him, I am doing the least pleasing thing I can do. Sex will be right out the window until my behaviour and mindset are a hell of a lot more pleasing to him.

so .. forced sex and arguments ... depends totally on context ... but usually .. a big fat yes

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