RE: Orgasms and Other Things

RE: Orgasms and Other Things (Full Version)

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JustaTop -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 11:34:50 AM)
Orgasms are not the be all and end all of human experience. I consider people who are so fixated on "getting thier nut" to be more than a little obessed with something rather shallow. And no end of annoying to have to "feed." I tend to not get involved with sex addicts for that reason.

swtnsparkling -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 11:42:43 AM)
Personally speaking the goal of S&M itself is not intercourse. A good scene doesn't end in orgasm, it ends in catharsis. i have been in a S/M relationship before and had no sex at all with my Master and i was blissfully happy.

Kasia -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 11:51:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Orgasms are not the be all and end all of human experience. I consider people who are so fixated on "getting thier nut" to be more than a little obessed with something rather shallow. And no end of annoying to have to "feed." I tend to not get involved with sex addicts for that reason. Are you saying that I am shallow and sex addict because I want to have orgasm when I have sex? If that is so I may equally call you freak for not having one. I really think that people who admit having some sort of kink have no right to look down on others with different kink and judge them. There is distinction between having opinion and judging people.

JustaTop -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 11:54:17 AM)
Why do people like you insist on knee jerk reactions to expressions of personal perfferences? And you are NOT so important to me that I chose to single you out. Did you imagine I was thinking of YOU when I wrote that? Beleive me,you were the LAST thing I had,or will have-on my mind.

Kasia -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:04:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Why do people like you insist on knee jerk reactions to expressions of personal perfferences? And you are NOT so important to me that I chose to single you out. Did you imagine I was thinking of YOU when I wrote that? Beleive me,you were the LAST thing I had,or will have-on my mind. Calling someone else shallow and sex addict is not expressing personal preferences. And I couldnt care less about who you were thinking - I found myself included in the general group you were writing about. If someone said that redheads are stupid and ignorant, I would be equally offended, whether he singled me or not. And you may continue writing YOU as much as you want, that doesnt make ME any less important or YOU any less rude.

Evanesce -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:13:05 PM)
quote: Calling someone else shallow and sex addict is not expressing personal preferences. And I couldnt care less about who you were thinking - I found myself included in the general group you were writing about. Your perception; your problem. Not JustaTop's. What was said was, "I consider people who are so fixated on "getting thier nut" to be more than a little obessed with something rather shallow. And no end of annoying to have to "feed." I tend to not get involved with sex addicts for that reason." First and foremost, NO ONE was called "shallow," and NO ONE was called a sex addict. You clearly misunderstood what you read, had a blatantly knee-jerk reaction, and are now so wound up you cannot allow yourself to recognize your own errors in perception. Read it again. What you "heard" was not what was said.

Kasia -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:29:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce Your perception; your problem. Not JustaTop's. What was said was, "I consider people who are so fixated on "getting thier nut" to be more than a little obessed with something rather shallow. And no end of annoying to have to "feed." I tend to not get involved with sex addicts for that reason." First and foremost, NO ONE was called "shallow," and NO ONE was called a sex addict. You clearly misunderstood what you read, had a blatantly knee-jerk reaction, and are now so wound up you cannot allow yourself to recognize your own errors in perception. Read it again. What you "heard" was not what was said.[/color] This is complete post: quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Orgasms are not the be all and end all of human experience. I consider people who are so fixated on "getting thier nut" to be more than a little obessed with something rather shallow. And no end of annoying to have to "feed." I tend to not get involved with sex addicts for that reason. I read it the way I did and still see it that way. There are words "shallow" and "sex addict" in there addressed to group of people who are "fixated on getting the nut" in context of "orgasms not to be all of human experience" (expression I find to be sarcastic). If I make errors of any kind, I will most certainly "allow myself to recognize them" - but not because you say so. You just convinced me that what I heard was exactly what was said.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:31:41 PM)
Ditto. I personally think people who get so caught up in orgasm training/orgasm denial/orgasm anything tend to miss out on the big picture of intimacy and get caught up in the "ooh look at this cute parlor trick" and leads to more frustration and stress more than just enjoyment and love than anything. That doesn't mean I will go up to my best friend who is orgasm trained and tell her I think she's missing out and doing more harm than good. But...I don't orgasm easily at all, hardly ever while having sex. I get the same reactions when I tell people I play with sadists but I'm not a masochist. It just doesn't compute for them. Such is life.

JustaTop -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:32:27 PM)
Evanesnce,I am used to this by now in this "'community". The self centered and generally hedonsitic attitudes encourage it. They hear what they want to hear,and adore creating drama. Lives would be horribly boring without something to be offended by. Let me put it this way, for anyone choosing to be offended by something I have to say in the future-if I didn't say your name-I wasn't discussing YOU. Get over yourselves,you aren't as important as you think you are.

JohnWarren -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:38:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Evanesnce,I am used to this by now in this "'community". The self centered and generally hedonsitic attitudes encourage it. They hear what they want to hear,and adore creating drama. Lives would be horribly boring without something to be offended by. Let me put it this way, for anyone choosing to be offended by something I have to say in the future-if I didn't say your name-I wasn't discussing YOU. Get over yourselves,you aren't as important as you think you are. On the other hand, there are those who seem to feel their day would be empty if they didn't offend someone and work hard to make sure that each day will be complete. [Note: no names are mentioned]

IronBear -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:38:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Get over yourselves,you aren't as important as you think you are. Stone the bloody crows man you just cost me a cup of hot coffee..... Shit a brick I've now got to clean the KB and the monitor........ Best comment I've hear for a millenium or two..

KatyLied -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:39:28 PM)
Orgasms. They are so important to some. Mine do not come easily so when I have them wonderful! But if I don't, I'm not crushed and I don't even think of it as a necessity. I'm not all about the orgasm, unless it's his...

plantlady64 -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:40:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop They hear what they want to hear,and adore creating drama. Lives would be horribly boring without something to be offended by. Let me put it this way, for anyone choosing to be offended by something I have to say in the future-if I didn't say your name-I wasn't discussing YOU. Get over yourselves,you aren't as important as you think you are. Hello There, This remark is very strange to me. If you make a comment about a group or ideal I believe I fit into it does in my mind pertain to me as I feel I am part of a group you choose to make negative comments about. Maybe before you make offensive general statements you should consider how many people participate in the group you're not willing to accept may be different from you, but not necessarily wrong. OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES, EVERYONE HAS ONE!!! What you do with it is totally your call and how you are defined in society. Sincerely, sub suzanne

Kasia -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:43:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plantlady64 If you make a comment about a group or ideal I believe I fit into it does in my mind pertain to me as I feel I am part of a group you choose to make negative comments about. Maybe before you make offensive general statements you should consider how many people participate in the group you're not willing to accept may be different from you, but not necessarily wrong. Exactly my point. Thanks for putting it down so clearly dear.

Kasia -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 12:46:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustaTop Get over yourselves,you aren't as important as you think you are. Oh yes we are. ALL. EQUALLY.

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 1:06:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rommel to FangsNFeet, I see you enjoyed Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead. Hard to forget a movie like that one. Regarding the topic of this post.. I feel that Orgasms come from an experienced lover who is not only "Able" (that means the lover clicks with you in a certain way) but is also deeply into pleasing you in the right way. With that said, you have to do your part and that is to think selfishly, focus, and above all trust. Not to mention, perhaps practice a little more than twice a month. Best of luck.. This is crap. Tons of women have never experienced an orgasm and perhaps will go their entire lives without one. Both my lover and myself are far from inexperienced or unable. It just happens that due to certain experiences that I would rather not discuss on a message board that I cannot reach orgasm without a lot of focus and attention. Further, as his submissive, I do not feel it is my place to be selfish in sex. But this post isn't ABOUT orgasms. It's about OTHER peoples hangups with not experiencing orgasm. I'm fine with not experiencing orgasm. It really doesn't bother me. But it does seem to bug everyone else.

plantlady64 -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 1:19:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kasia quote: ORIGINAL: plantlady64 If you make a comment about a group or ideal I believe I fit into it does in my mind pertain to me as I feel I am part of a group you choose to make negative comments about. Maybe before you make offensive general statements you should consider how many people participate in the group you're not willing to accept may be different from you, but not necessarily wrong. Exactly my point. Thanks for putting it down so clearly dear. Hello Kasia, You are most welcome. People who fly out with general insults about whole groups of people without researching the other side rarely consider who they are insulting or that it's OK not to have everyone think alike. I view peoples differences much like musical notes.. If we all sang one unified note what a flat song we'd sing. With all the differences people have we can hear quite a wonderful symphony if we'd only take the cotton out of our ears and choose to listen. Sincerely, sub suzanne

windchymes -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 2:34:52 PM)
From a clinical standpoint, (as a couple women pointed out here, referring to themselves...myself included) many women have trouble achieving orgasm, for various reasons, physical, mental/emotional, and/or skill of their partner(s). If they express that much shock and amazement at hearing another woman state that fact about herself, my opinion is that they're just uneducated. Or immature. Or both. I'd let their reactions bounce off my shoulders. windchymes

Sensualips -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 4:24:01 PM)
I am guilty of being a bit orgasm-obsessed. But not my own - his. Although I cognitively am aware that orgasm may or may not be that important (depending in the indivdual) and that that is not the focus (or even a part) of play, I still fret over it from an an emotional standpoint. I think it is a measurable concrete way of feeling like you did a "good job." I was married to a man for 13 years that I could make orgasm quickly and frequently, so the change is hard for me to cope with and still feel everone is fully satisfied with the experience. Yeah yeah. I am working on it.

FLButtSlut -> RE: Orgasms and Other Things (10/20/2005 4:43:18 PM)
Men and women view and achieve orgasms differently. Kind of the nature of how we are built. Most men achieve orgasm with little "special" effort. Nearly every position can bring a man to orgasm. Not quite so for women (excluding all "g-spot" or anal orgasms for the purpose of this post). For the "basic" clitoral orgasms, each woman is different, yet the same. We are the same in the sense that friction is required to achieve the orgasm and different in the how of the friction. Moving that fraction (cent/milimeter) "off course" can cause many women to need to start over. For me, that is just sometimes, far more work than I feel like putting forth. Sometimes, just enjoying everything else is way more fun than thinking about orgasm. I dated someone for 8 years who was a fantastic lover. But sometimes, I just really didn't want to focus on having an orgasm, and no matter how often I explained that he just could never understand how I was having just as much fun without it. For those who "need" to achieve orgasm each time, I commend you on your focus. For me, sometimes after a long day at work, I just don't have that much focus left. I prefer the non focusing, just enjoying myself variety.

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