Owner4SexSlave
Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
Not sure what Dom power couple thing is--are you talking about a poly household headed by a Dom/Domme couple? That sounds interesting, but your relationship with the Domme was basically vanilla, no?
Ok, I know I'm rather bit of an odd ball. My life has been anything but normal. Dom/Domme couple yes! None Poly household. If you can call two people down on all fours acting like a pair of dogs misbehaven, engaging in mutual animal play, pretending our owner is away, tearing at the pillows with our teeth, Barking and growling at each other.. doing all the things a male and female doggies would do.. including fucking doggy style... if you can call that Vanilla. Have at it.
If you can call two people engaging in loving verbal humilation with one another, while all our friends question the sanity of our relationship, and why we are together as Vanilla. Well, I guess so. If you can call two people locking themselves up in a closet seeing how long we can deal with it, and having sex.. until we can't breath.. are all hot and sticky. If you call this Vanilla, have at it.
I find it very difficult to describe such things as vanilla. Even our use of a coin to settle upon where the Hell were are going to eat, or where we are going out for the night. Not to mention the long debates we would have. Only to have our vanilla friends ask us why we are together because we argue and insult one another all the damn time. When words such as Asshole and bitch are really words full of love.
OK, Vanilla, if you consider vanilla to be the absense of D/s. However, we were doing things that sort of mocked D/s at times. It's rather hard to fully put everything into words here. It's anything but D/s and anything but normal vanilla... It's more like a Vanilla Milk Shake Loaded with a lot of Expreso with spinkles on top and a layer of Chocolate Sludge sitting on the bottom that will clog up your straw.
This relationship ended because she moved away to go to college. I was 100% supportive in her doing so, in fact I enouraged her to do so.
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If I understand you correctly, you're saying that just having BDSM elements (kinks and fetishes) are not enough, that you need an underlying, ongoing power exchange dynamic, otherwise it's just vanilla with some kinky sex thrown in but still an equal partnership. Is that right?
This is in the context of having a D/s relationship. However not having a D/s relationship does not mean your magically vanilla.
In terms of my one Dom couple relationship, Equal partnership yes. One thing aspect that I have come to appreciate was that we both understand each others mentality fully. Personality misunderstandings were greatly reduced.
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Why were the relationships after your first M/s nightmares? Because they were basically vanilla? I can understand that. For me, I can't even imagine a vanilla relationship, I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than have a vanilla relationship, ugh. I have ZERO tolerance for power struggle. For that reason, I can't ever see myself in a poly sharing power with a domme. The very idea is a turnoff to me.
Because I was a dumb ass, in trying or thinking I could squeeze into the vanilla Jello mold, and do the right things that Jesus and God wanted me to do in life. I was hopeless sinner trying to repent for all my worldly lusty sins. I was trying to not be some twisted up abuser of women and swear off BDSM like it was some form of shameful satanic thing, that only mentally ill people practiced.
Domme's are not evil creatures. It all comes down to respecting each other, and playing around with the power dynamics a little. It's all about coming to agreement on things. You'd be amazed at the results and things that two people operating together in THINK TANK mode can come up with. Even twisted pranks to play on friends and whatnot, or how to decorate the living room.
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As for romantic love, I've been in love only once as a teenager, I guess you call it "puppy love." Never felt that way since then or towards anyone else. When I had a brief M/s relationship, I felt a different kind of love, though. Not sure if I can describe it--like she was part of me. It wasn't dreamy, floating on cloud 9 kind, but more serene, content, peaceful kind of love, understanding and appreciating what submission is. I wonder, though, if I ever fell for someone (as in romantic love) and we had a M/s relationship, that would seem like the ideal. Did you give up on romantic love because it's so rare, because it rarely comes in D/s variety?
I all honestly, I did not give up on love. I simply have come to a different understanding and view on what it is besides some feeling fluttering around inside my chest. I really did not understand the many different kinds of love there is. The dynamics of love somewhat confused me for awhile in life as well.
In terms of M/s or D/s or whatever else, there is room for love. It's acceptable to me to inflict pain upon somebody I love, because I myself have a slight maso streak. If you love me, you'll flog my back for me. Some people can't wrap get into the headspace of doing painful, abusive things to somebody they love. They feel like they are dishing out true or real abuse. If you are indeed in love with somebody who is a masochist, inflicting pain upon them takes on a deeper meaning in expressing your love for them. Where the stinging sensation of a flogger carries the same meaning as a deep passionate kiss. For me it's easier to indentify and relate to this mindset since I have a slight maso streak.
There is a difference in my emotional state of mind, when I'm doing things to somebody I love and somebody I do not love. One actually feels more spiritual and connected to the other person. One feels a little more internalized, distant and somewhat cold. Between the two, one actually almost feels like an amazing high. Many people talk about subspace, but there also is a matter of Dom head space as well. We are doing some pretty intense things to another human being. Our own intenal limits to what we can do, will do, or will not do. In many ways, we literally surrender our humanity over to a darker side. It becomes a matter of self trust when you are handing somebody you truely love to your dark side. Your humanity is screaming at you no no no! this is not right. You totally have to rewrap your mind around things. Not only does the person you love have to trust you, you have to trust yourself, and you have to trust in the person you love. If you don't trust yourself enough to feed her to your dark side, it ain't happening.
I can honestly understand why Love can and does stand in the way for some people engaging in BDSM. However it's a limit that can be worked past, provided you are willing and are able to reprogram your own mind.
There are some activities I'd love to explore, however, I actually think or feel I would have an easier time doing these things with somebody I did not love. These activities have nothing to do with inflicting pain. They involve sharing or whoring somebody out, threesome, more somes and gangbang type of stuff. These are what part of what I consider to be my darker fantasies. However, I have alway thought about these fantasies, I gravitate towards this type of porn like a moth to a flame, actually it extremely turns me on.
I'm not certain if I am fully prepared to turn somebody I deeply love into a double or triple penetration fucktoy or cum soaked Bukkake rag doll. I would have to know she enjoyed this, and have to trust that it would not fuck her mind up, at least anymore then what it already is. LOL. I'm at place now mentally, that I'm prepared to dive into it and really find out.
The ironic thing, is that I don't have an issue inflicting pain on somebody I deeply love and seeing tears in their eyes. Go figure...
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