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The Difference - 10/20/2005 9:23:44 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Until 2000, this slave lived a “vanilla” life; expressions of this slave’s “kink” were reserved for fantasies and one night stands ONLY, as it always seemed to wreak havoc in a vanilla setting. Expressions of this slave’s submission were as common as breathing and permeated this slave’s entire life, however, this slave had never been in a relationship with a Dom.

this slave made a conscious decision to spend a year or two of being single, not even dating, just working through past trauma, educating this slave about herself and defining goals so hopefully this slave could be a positive part of a healthy relationship at some point. After 3 years this slave came to the realization of a few things, and three of them are:

1. What defines a meaningful relationship to this slave is, more often than not, in sharp contrast to the definition that this slave’s society deems acceptable, moral and/or legal. However, this slave couldn’t care less about social acceptance.

2. Outside of the realm of a D/s relationship, this slave is NOT cut out for ANY intimate sexual relationships and had she not discovered wiitwd she would remain single and celibate with masturbatory leanings.

3. This slave is not just a physical being, but a spiritual one as well.

This slave was unaware of such a thing as a D/s relationship, and upon discovery, researched it as much as possible over the internet. It seemed to be just the thing this slave was made for. It appealed to this slave physically, emotionally, mentally and after prayer and meditation, spiritually. After meeting Master, becoming His slave and meeting and interacting with many others involved in D/s and/or M/s relationships, it has only strengthened her convictions.

Being in a Master/slave relationship has made a HUGE difference in the quality of this slave’s relationships(yes, ALL of them), in her ability to serve and in the fulfillment of her spiritual purpose.

Now the question:

How would YOUR life be different, if there were no B, D, S or M in it?

Post #: 1

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 9:53:03 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hi beth,
I would be empty, un-fulfilled and hollow. I'd be trying with all my heart to figure out why my life felt so flat and pointless as it was the way I'd felt till 2/05 when I discovered this wonderful matrix that helps me feel whole for the first time in my life.
I'd still be searching for a way to remove the longing ache to find my place in the sun and be at peace.
I'd be volunteering all over the vanilla world working towards feeling like I mattered like I did till 7 months ago as my need to serve and concern myself with others joy is too strong to ignore.
Over all I'd be 1/2 the person I feel I am now.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 2

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 10:12:07 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hmmm your post talks about relationship dynamics, but the specific question asks about bdsm kink dynamics?

And if we're talking just no bdsm, that still allows for poly. I'd actually probably be a lot more lonely if I didn't have poly than if I didn't have bdsm.

Being who we are is always the most difficult thing to be. We all have the idea of what a "vanilla" relationship is, and yet I bet each and every one of those people has a story about how they felt out of place, afraid to be themselves and then one day either found what was wrong and/or accepted themselves as who they are.

I'd be frustrated, confused, but probably eventually get into "this type of relationship" just because my sense of self refuses to be denied, if only through sheer stubbornness.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 3

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 10:58:45 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Hmmm your post talks about relationship dynamics, but the specific question asks about bdsm kink dynamics?

The B, D, S and M were purporsely separated so everyone could refer to whatever part it plays in their relationship, or their life in general. this slave's understanding of the acronym is as follows:
B&D=Bondage and Discipline
D&S=Dominance and Submission
S&M=Sadism and Masochism

perhaps this slave should have been more general and phrased it as "wiitwd" instead of BDSM. either way, this slave thinks you get the general idea~sorry if this slave's intent was hard to follow.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 4

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 11:39:14 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How would YOUR life be different, if there were no B, D, S or M in it?

I'm not sure that's possible, because there has ALWAYS been some form of dominance and/or submission in my life, and kink has always been a part of my sexuality... from the third time I'd ever had sex. Even when I lived "vanilla," I was the dominant force in my home. Even when I lived "vanilla," I was sexually submissive to the men I slept with. There has always been some form of power structure, even when it was not identified as D/s or BDSM.

I think, if there were no wiitwd in my life, it would mean I was deceased.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 5

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 11:57:02 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Now the question:

How would YOUR life be different, if there were no B, D, S or M in it?

Our life would be different in that some of the incredible people that we've met through this way of life would probably not be known to us, including some of the people who have lived in service with us, but on a day-to-day basis, it probably wouldn't change much. We have so many areas on the "fringes" of what society finds to be normal or average that even without the D/s that we would find plenty of ways to be fulfilled if we never knew about D/s. Our household would still have a heirarchical structure because of our spiritual connections, so even without the BDSM part, most of what we are would remain intact.

On the other hand, being a part of the BDSM community has enabled us to learn about techniques and philosophies that have enriched our scope and breadth of understanding ourselves and the individuals with whom we share a life. I know that we would probably manage just fine if I never knew that D/s existed, but now that I know that it is out there, and the amazing possibilities raised by experiencing life through this filter, I don't know that I would ever -choose- to not have it in my life again.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 6

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 1:23:55 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

How would my life be different, without BDSM?

Well, I probably wouldn't be with my partner, who has helped me cross some major hurdles and been there for me, to love and care and nurture and enjoy me. I don't know where I would be without him.

On the other hand, without BDSM, I would be living a normal life. I might have gone back to college sooner. I would have a better relationship with my mother, stepfather, and younger sister, and I may have made a better exit from them when I decided to move out of their home. I might even still feel comfortable talking to my mother about anything, the way I used to feel, before I knew what BDSM was.

In many ways, I think my life would be so much simpler without BDSM. I wouldn't spend nights questioning myself, looking down on myself for having horrible dreams about violence and abuse in sexual situations. I might not consider myself weird and crazy, nor have to be reassured so often that I am as normal as everybody else. Without BDSM, I might not have been hurt by my ex. And I might not have spent so many years hurting myself, either.

Being a submissive, a slave, and now a switch certainly has not made my life easier. The hiding, the lies, the secrets, and then the wild stares when I come out privately to friends...that would all be a figment of my imagination without BDSM.

But with BDSM, I sometimes feel like I've accomplished something. I made a little space for myself in the world. I'm a little different, a little unique, a little more responsible, a little stronger. I've met some amazing people and tried a little harder than I might have to make my way in the world.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 7

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 2:04:47 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How would YOUR life be different, if there were no B, D, S or M in it?

It would'nt be any different because I don't need an acronym to describe who I am.
I'd still be with someone experimenting this new thing I thought of or whatever.
Still would be who I am inside. Those who are in D/s relationships who don't know it still are themselves.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 8

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 4:47:18 PM

grits

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

Life, for me, would continue to be as it is now. Nothing less, and certainly nothing more.

grits

< Message edited by grits -- 10/21/2005 5:38:24 AM >

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 9

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 5:51:42 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

i'd still be either going from relationship to relationship or stuck in a relationship and feeling there was something more out there for me, something more in a relationship that i need but can't seem to grasp.

_____________________________

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 10

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 6:05:32 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I did not discover this lifestyle until July 2004, and even then it was all talk and trying to learn about the lifestyle. I had a few vanilla relationships at that time, and even married a vanilla man. That worked for about a month, and then we split. The man that had talked to me about it and said I was submissive, was still looking for a slave/sub. I am very glad he was still single, and now I call Him Master, and am very proud of him. He has taught me so much, and I know there is still a lot more to learn.
I don't think I could go back to vanilla only, even if its only been a short time that I have been into BDSM. I don't want to go back to vanilla, and I hope to be with Master for a long time to come.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 11

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 6:32:00 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I would not have a sexual life.

Or, perhaps, I would have a very inactive sexual life.

Yes, the realtionship dyanmics are very important to me, but as long as I have been sexual, my sexuality has been tied up with BDSM. My first sexual fantasies were BDSM related. well, -all- my fantasies are bdsm realted.

So, without all this, I would -have- a sexual life.

Relationship dynamics? Well. I would definatly have meaningful relationships, but the sex would invovle a lot of very active fantasizing during encounters.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to perfection20005)

Post #: 12

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 8:21:33 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Hi Beth,
If I didn't have the BDSM in my life I think I would be bored to tears. I know I was extremely frustrated until I found a wonderful Sub who enjoyed being a Sub and letting me be the total Dom. My frustrations used to build up in me until I thought I would explode and I didn't know what to do about it. Call it whatever you want, BDSM and this 'lifestyle' have given me back my sanity and let me be me, not what someone else thinks I should be.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 13

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 8:25:07 PM

FLButtSlut

Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

I am who I am. B, D, S and M are just parts of that. It doesn't define me and likely never will because I am the sum of my parts.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 14

RE: The Difference - 10/20/2005 11:27:13 PM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Being who we are is always the most difficult thing to be.

I found for a long time that accepting who I am was more difficult then being who I am. Now, if only I were perfect... :-)

I agree that until you accept who you are it's a rough ride. Hmm it's a rough ride afterwards. Well at least I understand myself better now :-)

D (owner of j).

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 15

RE: The Difference - 10/21/2005 12:47:46 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

Whether or not finding the D/s community is necessary confuses the question somewhat. I could find expression for my dominant characteristics outside of a structured D/s environment and had done that for years. I was spanking and whipping long before anyone called me Sir or Master.

The D/s community has brought friends, opportunities and acceptance. The drive I had was strong and D/s provides a structured outlet with all the security and confidence building that belonging to a group that I respect can create.

What would have happened if I had suppressed my drive, I don’t know. Maybe I would have constructed a Watts Tower or something in my spart time. There has been much written about what happens to those who suppress sexual bents and most of it is negative. I tend to buy that it is not a good thing.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 16

RE: The Difference - 10/21/2005 12:48:51 AM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
How would YOUR life be different, if there were no B, D, S or M in it?

The question is one that is a paradox at it's core.

B - bondage
D - Discipline / Dominance
S - Sadism / Submission
M - masochism

Of those, only "bondage" is a kink activity that is absent fromt he rest of the world at large. All the rest are common in every single place where a non trivial number of humans gather and interact. Thus, it would be almost literally impossible for my life to be devoid of them.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: The Difference - 10/21/2005 2:38:19 AM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

If we had never learned of BDSM, we would probably never have found each other. It was only because we had each discovered BDSM that we were able to put a name on what it is we were seeking and and proactively seek out our complimentary partners. toy had chosen to remain single rather than be unfulfilled in a "normal" relationship and I had unsuccessfully attempted to ignore my natural urges with several 'nilla partners.
Both of us, upon discovering BDSM, realized that there were others out there who felt similarly and chose to seek fulfillment among our own kind.
Timothy

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 18

RE: The Difference - 10/21/2005 3:56:35 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

How would YOUR life be different, if there were no B, D, S or M in it?

I went without it for to long as it is. I pushed those feelings down for years until they did nothing but burst.............. i lived in H E L L. Never again.
I have said this a hundred times: 'It's not what i do, It's who i am'. I will never cheat myself out of who i really am again.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 19

RE: The Difference - 10/21/2005 5:45:41 AM

JustaTop

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

I've never put much stock into any sort of "community". Most bdsm ones I have seen have more politics and backstabbing than a junior high school-and about as much emotional maturity.

And kink certainly doesn't define who I am-all things in moderation, and a realistic expectation.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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