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When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 6:57:40 AM   
pvcbecky


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		this has probably been asked many times here ... i am just starting to explore my sub side but have always felt that i was a sub (i think that in not recognising it, i was making myself unhappy) ...so, my question is:  are we born sub or is being a sub somehting that evolves and develops as we grow?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 7:52:16 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcbecky

so, my question is:  are we born sub or is being a sub somehting that evolves and develops as we grow?


This is the same as...are we born gay or is it something we learn?  There is a lot of evidence for both sides of the coin. 
I believe in some cases we are born gay, primarily because I knew gays when I was in elementary school who didn't know themselves yet.
Same way with submissives, I knew who I was young but I also had education.  Yet, I could pick some out of a crowd.
Then for others it seems to be a learned response.  I have a friend who was totally in love with her husband.  They had 4 beautiful kids together.  He goes out..gets high...screws another woman..loses all of their savings.  She wakes up the next day and is gay.  Has been every since...she has no desire in men at all.

Which is the same as the man or woman who was beaten all of their life and knows nothing better.  They were taught that way.

There are going to be people who believe one side or the other or both as I do.  Was Freud right?  I don't know. 

(in reply to pvcbecky)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 8:35:55 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		When the meatball fell on my shirt.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 8:15:01 PM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		deleted as I never answered the question ....... off running my own race here lol


< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 5/15/2008 8:25:10 PM >

(in reply to pvcbecky)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 8:37:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Orientation is innate.  Expression of orientation is learned.

I've known I wanted to be in authority dynamic relationships as the one without authority ever since I figured out what personal intimate relationships were.

I knew that it had a general label attached to it when I found the kinky culture at age 18.


http://www.collarchat.com/m_744252/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#744266
Do you think you were "born this way"?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_691960/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#691984
naturally Ds?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979
Nature or nurture?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130
Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558
hard-wired, why why why!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698
nature versus nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_760860/mpage_2/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#761518
born to serve?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650
nature vs nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901
born or learned, how we become dom?


_____________________________

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(in reply to pvcbecky)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 8:39:21 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcbecky

...so, my question is:  are we born sub or is being a sub somehting that evolves and develops as we grow?


Yes.


_____________________________

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

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(in reply to pvcbecky)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/15/2008 8:42:24 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		i didn't know what exactly it was till i found that there were others like me, but only after my ex and i split.  i have had erges and longings for so long but i thought i was just in need of therapy.
So, i have would have to say that i have no idea when i first found i was sub since it has always been there, but i can say a little over a year ago i began to accept and explore.

_____________________________

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


(in reply to beargonewild)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 7:17:15 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		My view is that sadism and masochism, like sexual orientation, are genetically innate...I think the nurture confusion comes because there are people who are both s and m just like there are bisexuals (I'm the latter, for the record, and only slightly the former...I'm strongly sadistic and mildly masochistic) and because social conditioning is far more successful with some people than with others, so that innate tendencies can be virtually snuffed out till something triggers a rebellion against that conditioning. I think dominant and submissive tendencies are inborn, but how and to what degree they develop has as much to do with nurture as nature, similar to other temperament qualities (shyness, for example, is an inborn tendency...some people are born shy and stay shy, some achieve a kind of equilibrium, some become deliberate extroverts, some people are born not-shy and stay that way or become shy to some degree based on life experiences, etc, and all of these things work and are true for different people.) YMMV.

(in reply to BBWnNC72)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 7:35:40 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		i was dominant in my relationships. then He came along and told me i was His. so i found out january 15 2007.i think i was always submissive . i just never met  a man strong enough to bring it out til Master.

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weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to DominantJenny)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 9:24:26 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would have to say that i was born submissive.  Have always enjoyed doing things for others but i did not have a label for it when i was a child. I learned what my feelings meant when i met my mentor.

It can be a learned response but i think many were born submissive.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to favesclava)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 9:57:02 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		When my first Master told me I was  (smart assed grin)


Honestly, when i was playing around with my gf at the age of 16, i was compelled to strive to please her and it started out as a game but it felt really really right and natural to me.

Not to say i totally accepted it and embraced it at that time. It took a few years of fighting against my nature and being unhappy to embrace who i was.



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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 10:35:51 AM   
tuff2break


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline 		when i was about 8 years old, reading my brother's comic books, looking at the girl strapped to the villian's table or tied up, or otherwise restrained, and wanting to be that girl, well, i knew i was different from then on out....

knowing i was of the s-type personality, that came with alot of time and slowly increasing awareness from inside myself. i think my last relationship helped me to learn alot about who i am as a person, as a woman and as a sub.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 11:31:47 AM   
Degradethehog


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		I don't remember a specific time that I remember feeling submissive tendencies, although I always believed it was something special and was always stubborn with my submission unless I felt it was someone whom should hold onto my submission. My piggy like desires I discovered more recently with my former dom, before we had seperated, now I am looking for someone whom can handle both desires of mine,now both seem naturally there

(in reply to tuff2break)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/16/2008 2:08:25 PM   
tolovetolaugh


Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcbecky
...so, my question is:  are we born sub or is being a sub somehting that evolves and develops as we grow?


I believe we are all born the way we are, It is merely environment that decides if we express or repress.

Orientation, fetishes, which side of the ropes you like to be on, or no ropes at all.

I didn't know it at the time, but looking back I there may have been some hints...

The stuffed animals and dolls were often slaves and masters, often tied up and hurt. They got told what to do a lot, would resist, it would be reinforced and they would "learn".
I convinced various people to tie me up even at age 5. When given a jump rope at recess, I would ask other children if they wanted to play "escape artist"
Liked to push peoples buttons. (Sounds normal I know... I went to a boarding school where i was one of two white girls, and everyone else was queens, brooklyn, and had anger issues... think on it)
I was under ten and sacrificed butterflies and dandilions to the fire gods. (not sure how it relates... but damn, I musta been an odd child. I hadn't even started reading those books yet!)

Healthy home environment, middle class.... so I doubt all that came from environment.
Though if there was no internet, I don't know think I would know what it is, or how to express it.






_____________________________


That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to pvcbecky)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/17/2008 1:30:06 AM   
MadameXTC


Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline 		hehehe I can relate to some of the others- I always knew I was kinky I just didn't know that it was "okay" until  much later. I secretly read different loving around 16. I was just looking around the library and wondered into the sexuality section and while passing through a number of books it was there.  I always wondered if there was something wrong with me for having the thoughts that I did at such an early age. My dolls and toys/ imaginative play all reflected BDSM hints. I did self bondage starting around 8. I never thought of letting others know what I enjoyed until my first year of college. At 18 I bought as many books as I could and researched into what I know had a name for.  My looking around lead to finding the online world of BDSM which made everything seem more real. Those people I read in the books did exist and it wasn't some strange fictional thing that never happens.  I found my local community around 21 and I explored my submissiveness. As a child I always was eager to please and help others in anyway possible and that carried on into my adult life. I would always strive to make the other person happy at all costs in a relationship, even putting them before myself. I think we all grow and BDSM maybe nurtured by a chance event or two, but it is deep inside some of us waiting for the right time to get out. I am only lucky that I found this part of me when I did. I feel more at peace with who I am since I came to realize that I am kinky and that "it's okay". - on the flip side I found out I was a switch when I realized the joy of tieing someone else up.  (around 23) I do not enjoy it as much as my submissive side, but it is there and once in a blue moon a person may think I am not submissive at all.. lol

_____________________________

"Dominance is best viewed through a submissive's actions"

(in reply to tolovetolaugh)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/17/2008 1:38:41 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline 		call me dence, but i didn't know until someone explained to me why some of the people in leather were wearing collars and why some where leading the others arround on leashes... it was said, "people that surrender to their partners, like you do, are called submissives,"

ah, nostalgia...

_____________________________

OWNED BY CHAOSFORGE.
purrfectly happy slave of Chaosforge.


http://www.myspace.com/phoenixofchaosforge
devotee of CM gods and mods

(in reply to MadameXTC)
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RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/17/2008 5:39:42 AM   
blueskyboy


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		always always always was attracted to the smart girls...
brain size, not breast size...
eventually that predilection will land you on you knees...
if you can shut your mouth and listen...
sincerely and honestly
and if you seek and act and speak to empower
open the gate and leave it open...
be brave enough to trust the smart  
don't come through the gate with what you want...
avoid the word sub
if she leads you through
listen
for what she wants...
don't accidentally on purpose bring your ideas your limits
or your handcuffs...
enter empty and open and listen...
her path will light up
and both will grow -
organically...
and she will hold your hand
and lead you through the gate
if 
always always always
you
trust the smart

my male friends joke that i am a nerd magnet...
but they just don't get it
 

(in reply to phoenixinchains)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/17/2008 5:41:09 AM   
SleepyDom


Posts: 118
Status: offline 		Hmmm, this is a trick question ...

(in reply to blueskyboy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/17/2008 5:43:58 AM   
kittenpuss


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		To be honest, I think this may be different for everyone... though not sure. For me, I grew up with a very dominant father so have ingrained submissive tendencies. It took me a while to work it all out but I am geniunely submissive in my day to day life. Hope that helps.

(in reply to SleepyDom)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When did you first know you were a sub? - 5/17/2008 10:11:49 AM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I had fantasies about Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tying me up and letting his minions get their way with me. At that young age, I thought it was a pretty clear sign. Then, in some of my first sexual experiences I found myself getting turned on most when the guy just did what he wanted (within reason, of course).

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.


(in reply to kittenpuss)
Profile   Post #: 20
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