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StrangerThan -> RE: To Bind or Not to Bind (5/18/2008 5:59:04 AM)
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There is no definitive answer to this question. Like most everything, it's subjective to the people involved.
For me, the answer is to often bind. Having said that however, I look at it in a couple of ways. Binding, restraining actually creates a sense of freedom that goes along with the physical sense of being controlled. That freedom being that one can struggle, can exist within the play of the ropes or shackles or whatever is used, can feel the physical act of control taken away. It helps create that sense of vulnerability along with a sense of transference of responsibility. I'm trying to avoid being vague here, but that transference can be important. People often carry a lot of baggage in the form of guilt for past actions, bad decisions, things they just don't bring up in conversations until you've known them for a long time. Some of that baggage can be of the traumatic kind, some from guilt that society seems to love heaping upon people. Binding her doesn't release her from things she carries from the past, but it does put her in a place where the responsibility for what happens in that moment rests squarely upon my shoulders. If what is done is sexual, it's under my control, not hers. If it's putting her deep enough in that happy place that she hallucinates frogs raining out of a blue sky, it's my responsibility, not hers. The trust that emerges from taking her there and bringing her back, accepting that responsibility, is something that can't be measured in simplistic terms. It's deep. It is strong. It is why when I see a dominant and his/her submissive, there is an automatic sense of respect for both. They feed off each other regardless of how they involve or choose to involve themselves with other people.
I've told my girl that the strongest bonds I put on her however, are those I don't. You can place that statement within the boundaries of mental, physical or emotional aspects, but in simplistic, physical terms, if I'm going discipline her, sometimes I'll simply tell her not to move. I won't give that freedom of being able to transfer or struggle or feel vulnerable.
Maybe I'm drifting off topic or off course. The term scene can incorporate a lot of things, both public and private, and I'm not sure which you refer to. One thing that never happens with me is negotiation. She will never be put in a place where any negoitation takes place over what is done. I set the rules because she is my responsibility. But the answer to the question is that there's no set answer. Know the people involved. Know your own needs. Know the need of those you interact with. If you do that, there's rarely a question of whether to bind or not.
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