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RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 5:02:56 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
Really not a good comparison. Old relationships where vanilla interpersonal dynamics are already established for a while are MUCH harder to transform into D/s dynamics than a brand spanking new relationship where neither partner is quite sure how to interact with the other one yet and is willing to tolerate/adjust for a while if only to see what the relationship is like. Also, women have a lot less social conditioning to overcome in becoming a sub than men. Unless you got a hardcore feminist or a naturally dominant personality on your hands, turning them into subs is mostly a matter of showing how much they'll enjoy it.

We'd been together for only about a year and a half when we started...and I was a dominant type even as vanilla, so it's not as far off as you may think. As I said, yes, if you start off with a woman who is already submissive as a vanilla, it's probably a bit easier, but it really isn't necessarily going to be a cakewalk even then. Many seemingly submissive vanilla women are anything but, some simply won't enjoy or be comfortable going to the extreme, some will comply till they can't stand it anymore and then leave, etc. Just wanting to inject a note of caution...good luck.

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 21

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 5:54:55 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I think what you put in your profile is a direct reflection on you and what is important in your life.

Right now, mine is closed for several reasons. Number one, I am focusing on someone, so not looking or interested in being looked for. Number two, it was getting rather outdated and I haven't the ambition to update it. Number three, it is a busy time of year and I haven't the time or patience to deal with emails from stupid people that don't bother reading the profile they are writing anyway. Just easier to make it impossible.

If I am reading a profile that only talks about BDSM activities then I am going to assume that is their priority, therefor they will not be a person I will be interested in.

If a person has a profile on CollarMe, I am going to assume, perhaps wrongly, that they already have some sort of BDSM interest. Crazy huh? However, after that particular point, our interests may vary greatly.

I am really only interested in a woman that wants a 24/7 live together, power exchange, type relationship. If the only shared interest is BDSM, it is going to get really boring REALLY fast. So given that I already know she is probably interested in BDSM, I want to know alllllllllll about the other stuff. Crazy concept I know, but hey, call me a trend setter. For me, it is far more important to know if she has alot of allergies rather than if she prefers a paddle to a riding crop. Orrr, if she is terrified of dogs.........well she better just move along. Because I share my house with three of them that are not leaving. Or if she is terrified of men, cuz there is one of those living here also.

So, all of that being said. If I was looking or being looked at, and saw a profile that only mentioned BDSM interests and activities I would think......"bottom, fetish fiend....I'm not interested" and move on.

However if I saw a profile that said something like "kinky but picky, slave type female seeking long term power exchange relationship. Love the outdoors, eclectic taste in music and movies, family friendly, hates the city life......etc etc". Well then I am going to know that this woman is not only interested in the same type of relationship I am, but is also realistic enough to realize there are alot of things about life that have nothing at all to do with kink.

I am just a wacky realist. It's a new age thing....

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Arrrchibald)

Post #: 22

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 6:05:52 AM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I spend time reading profiles and the journals on collarme. I find it gives you a small glimmer of what that person may be like. I try not to judge anyone by the profile or the journal. I do have to wonder if you start with a journal on here and you don't bother to update it how does that reflect on your life in general. I see it all the time. They are on this site all the time but the last journal entry is from 06 or 07. Makes you wonder what else in there life they are ignoring. How can you start something and then not take care of it?

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 23

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 6:10:51 AM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

I've only been on here a short time and had to change my profile several times. At first I talked a little about myself, not just BDSM but just my personality. It did say in my profile I wasn't looking for anything other than friendship and I still got 6 pages of emails asking me for pics, to disrespect my Daddy, to break the rules, etc. So I changed it, and my profile now reads a little bitchy. Instead of stating things about myself, I stated that I am owned and what I am not looking for. For me this was easier than getting so many emails asking me if I was open to things that I have no interest in. I understand this is an adult site and I have no problem talking about BDSM or just things in general, but I personally didn't join to look for a relationship, just for friends and information. So I rather just be honest from the beginning and not waste any one's time by being vague and misleading.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 24

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 6:12:00 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

quote:

ORIGINAL: spinninsweetness

And beaver-shots!.

I never get bever shots.

*kicks a rock and walks away with his head down*

I'm sorry Phin, i tried to take a beaver shot - but it kept diving as i got my camera focused. Damn uncooperative beaver!!!!

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 25

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 6:13:41 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Well I only talk about BDSM in my BSDM profile on the BDSM website I am a member of where I look for a BDSM relationship with someone who has an interest in BDSM so that we can do BDSM things together.

was I talking about BDSM too much?

talk it up, talk it up, (moan, pant , pant) don't stop baby, don't stop (scream), oh that was good!

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 26

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 6:28:07 AM

Degradethehog

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline

At first my own profile had less in it just about what I was seeking from a dominant but then I realized I could add more depth to it while I look off and for the right right for me. At first I didn't add much detail being it seems as if not many take the time and effort to look through a profile, and I guess it was just the piggy's lazy ways, but now its done I find myself getting better responses, so its good:)

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 27

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 6:40:34 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

well, you've emailed me, and I find you interesting.. I admit I have a few 'stupid email' comments in my journal, but I have more than that..

or did I email you first?

LMAO!!

Okay, curiosity got the best of me and I looked at your profile *smiles*

I've mentioned it a time or two I think, about wankers and what nots. I blurb in my journal because it is so prevalent it needs not be rehashed here on the boards every time it happens. I think if we all talked about "those" people, that is all we'd ever read here. Think about it, it may be the same person hitting all the dominants or all the submissives ... and throw in that there are plenty of "those" people.. forget it, nothing would ever get discussed other than "them" and "those emails"

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 28

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 7:15:12 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

good, that means one less e-mail for me!

i'm on a kink site and came here looking for an occassional beat and fuck session with someone who had the qualities i seek for just that, so that's all i listed...

instead, i found the epitamy of the perfect man/dominant that i've been seeing for going on two years now and i couldn't be happier!

and to think, all that from just listing kink in my profile; so it worked for me!

oh, and he never sent me a cock shot, or a bunch of e-mails trying to pick at my brain; instead, he scheduled a sooner than later meet and we've been together ever since!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

I have a rule of not emailing anyone who has a profile that only talks about bdsm. Is it just me or are profiles that mention anything else getting fewer and farther between?

It's amazing seeing so many journal entries venting about emails from guys who only want sex/instant-domination. More often than not they are from profiles with no substance other than "seeking a dom," "I like spankings," "submission is a gift," and "I'm dominant in my real life."

Is it any wonder they get only form letters, cock-shots, and "kneel bitch"? Wouldn't the more interesting guys email someone else?

(in reply to Arrrchibald)

Post #: 29

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 8:20:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

A lot of people first get into this with the notion that it's going to be whatever they have been fantasizing it is for however long they have been fantasizing.

It can take a fair bit for their illusions to drop off, and there tends to be a fair bit of anger and fear through that process because of it.

For me it's just a really quick easy way to figure out who's not compatible with me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 30

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 9:25:09 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I agree with the OP that "porn" profiles are a pain in the ass. (And not in a good way)

Still, this IS a BDSM social site. Naturally, you'll get people who are seeking partners, and people who are here just for the friends and chat. It's a great way to not feel isolated and alone.

I, too, judge people by the quality of their photos, and their words on their profile. (What else do any of us really have to go on?) I discard anyone who isn't giving me any substantial info, the same way I would if I saw a profile from Nigeria, or that started off with the phrase "I am a cool looking girl..." By the same token, if I get the feeling that all they are looking for is a quick fuck... then too, I'll move on. Believe it or not, some guys DO want more than a one night stand. I'm one of them.

But, I'm extremely thankful that sites like CM are available. These days, I don't have a lot of cash to spend on online memberships, and the part of the country I'm living in (Arkansas) is absolute SHIT for community.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 9:28:31 AM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

i've changed my profile 3 times since being here...my first was pretty boring and didn't say much, i got tons of mail. the second talked about my likes as far as kink and everyday life and i got more mail. i've just changed it today to a few words and removed any suggestive photos becasue i'm not looking anymore...i'm still getting mail lol.

there are those that just mail without reading a profile, in those cases it won't matter what you say...my delete button is going to start getting a lot more use.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 9:38:20 AM

Renee7852

Posts: 88
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

Phin writes:
I never get bever shots.

*kicks a rock and walks away with his head down*

LOL I just had the damndest inclination to go to a wildlife site and send you a picture of a beaver! *smirking*

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 33

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 9:55:10 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

My profile has morphed so many times while I've been on CM that I've lost track of the number of updates that I've done. It even went through a recent overhaul when I unhid it after taking a break for several months to concentrate on growing a business. I make no bones about what I am (and am not) interested in and looking for - about what my "other" (ie non-BDSM related) interests are - about where my priorities lie. It has cut down significantly on the number of drek emails.

Hmm... come to think of it, with the exception of emails concerning forum posts, it's pretty much eliminated Any emails! So much for the idea that I can be up front and honest and mention things other than BDSM related desires and still garner Some sort of interest LOL

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Renee7852)

Post #: 34

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 10:28:14 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

when we first joined here, Alpha thought it would be best if the default picture was just me so people would know who they were talking to. Since I maintain the profile, it makes sense. But even though we have a COUPLES profile, people still thought I was single and would email me form letters that read like Anne Rice on lithium. Now that a picture of both of us is up, we get less stuff about domination and insta-sex than messages that are actually relevant to what we're looking for. It's kind of refreshing, actually. Lately I've gotten a lot of messages from people on the forums just saying hello, I enjoy those messages the most.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 35

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 11:33:05 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

I have a rule of not emailing anyone who has a profile that only talks about bdsm. Is it just me or are profiles that mention anything else getting fewer and farther between?

Let me get this right, of all the emails you do to submissives, you skip those who only talk about BDSM and you feel that more and more profiles of subs only talk about BDSM? Are we talking 50 out of a 100? 500 out of a 1000? Doesn't that still leave you lots of people to email who don't talk about BDSM?

I understand you are discerning about those you email, but why can't you just skip the ones you don't like? I'm curious about how many emailed women you actually end up getting to know?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Arrrchibald)

Post #: 36

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 11:41:54 AM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

I have a rule of not emailing anyone who has a profile that only talks about bdsm. Is it just me or are profiles that mention anything else getting fewer and farther between?

It's amazing seeing so many journal entries venting about emails from guys who only want sex/instant-domination. More often than not they are from profiles with no substance other than "seeking a dom," "I like spankings," "submission is a gift," and "I'm dominant in my real life."

Is it any wonder they get only form letters, cock-shots, and "kneel bitch"? Wouldn't the more interesting guys email someone else?

I wonder what's the point of it all? Are there any success stories of people meeting on a BDSM website and having a not just BDSM relationship that goes all the way? Seems like you need to develop that one-on-one actual chemistry first. Anyone can talk a good game about anything under the sun. I'll stick with just BDSM topics and discussion here ...on a freaking BDSM site, due to my closet BDSM life.

(in reply to Arrrchibald)

Post #: 37

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 11:48:13 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Well I only talk about BDSM in my BSDM profile on the BDSM website I am a member of where I look for a BDSM relationship with someone who has an interest in BDSM so that we can do BDSM things together.

was I talking about BDSM too much?

talk it up, talk it up, (moan, pant , pant) don't stop baby, don't stop (scream), oh that was good!

passes a smoke ..

plenty more where that came from baby!

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 38

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 11:54:26 AM

subexploring

Posts: 103
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
Really not a good comparison. Old relationships where vanilla interpersonal dynamics are already established for a while are MUCH harder to transform into D/s dynamics than a brand spanking new relationship where neither partner is quite sure how to interact with the other one yet and is willing to tolerate/adjust for a while if only to see what the relationship is like. Also, women have a lot less social conditioning to overcome in becoming a sub than men. Unless you got a hardcore feminist or a naturally dominant personality on your hands, turning them into subs is mostly a matter of showing how much they'll enjoy it.

We'd been together for only about a year and a half when we started...and I was a dominant type even as vanilla, so it's not as far off as you may think. As I said, yes, if you start off with a woman who is already submissive as a vanilla, it's probably a bit easier, but it really isn't necessarily going to be a cakewalk even then. Many seemingly submissive vanilla women are anything but, some simply won't enjoy or be comfortable going to the extreme, some will comply till they can't stand it anymore and then leave, etc. Just wanting to inject a note of caution...good luck.

Jenny knows what she's talking about. In my experience, there are plenty of women who enjoy bottoming in the bedroom, but can be very take-charge outside of sex. Sort of dominant bottoms. Men have a hard time understanding that, I think. Especially since most women are obviously less macho than men are, more soft-spoken and subtle in trying to get their needs met. But those needs are just as important and you'll get in just as much trouble if you don't meet them.

Women have their own difficulties with this...I sometimes think the classic young girl's romantic fantasy is a strong man who will totally take her in bed but magically, telepathically do everything she wants outside of it. Preferably without her having to say a word. Needless to say, that doesn't happen in real life very often.

Anyway, I'm probably wildly overgeneralizing, but all of this stuff is why divorces happen.

< Message edited by subexploring -- 5/17/2008 11:58:44 AM >

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 39

RE: Really? Nothing else to say? - 5/17/2008 12:09:32 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subexploring

I sometimes think the classic young girl's romantic fantasy is a strong man who will totally take her in bed but magically, telepathically do everything she wants outside of it. Preferably without her having to say a word. Needless to say, that doesn't happen in real life very often.

oh its totally possible .... the trick is being an evil manipulative bitch ...

use better Brain Kung Fu than them .. perfect "the look" ... make sure only you know where things go around the house ... hide things from them systematically so that the are *totally* dependent on you to keep their life running smoothly

the ensuing mental distress caused to the poor guy means that all his instincts scream at him to keep you happy ... in order for his life not to fall down around his ears ... if you never let on what you are doing ... he will assume all of this is pure coincidence

did I mention that I was evil recently?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to subexploring)

Post #: 40

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