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Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 11:47:46 AM   
submale4u2spank


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What if anything is a domme attracted to in a man that non-dominant women aren't.  Can be phyiscial for other.
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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 11:52:18 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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Tough question.  First of all, I really can't imagine what a non-dominant woman is attracted to.  Second, we are all attracted to different things!

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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 12:05:08 PM   
chamberqueen


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I can tell you what attracts me in a potential sub - the ability to have a real conversation without drooling on me.  I appreciate a show of respect, but for casual conversation I don't want groveling.  I prefer that they spell fairly well and use good grammar.  I like to know that they have read my profile which I have purposely kept short. 

To me the physical means very little.  However, I dislike it very much if a sub writes to me and tells me that he is handsome.  That should be left for the Domme to decide.  I enjoy a good sense of humor.

As you can see, these aren't all that different from what a woman in a vanilla setting would like.  The main difference is that the typical vanilla man would never ask to relocate and live in a cage sucking Her toes in a first email. 


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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 12:13:17 PM   
DreamyLadySnow


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Intelligence. Strong sense of self. Sense of humor. Integrity. Unattached. Willing to let me do nasty things to him.
Hmm..
Sounds a lot like vanilla, except for the last one. I guess I am looking for a person, not a caricature taken from a porn dvd.

LS

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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 12:55:01 PM   
RumpusParable


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What they said + skills or interests that match mine.  I'm not looking for a romantic partner in a sub, so if they are service inclined they need to be capable, interested in serving in the way I desire, and comfortable with the sort of interaction I desire.  If they're to be a submissive play partner of some sort, then matching kinks.

And above all, obedience with a brain.

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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 1:14:26 PM   
thetammyjo


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Well, at the core, I'm attracted to focused, intelligent obedience and submission. But that's a feeling, not something I could describe to you.

Beyond that I think I'm most attracted to another adult whom I have a good deal in common with.

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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 1:17:02 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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What they all said.  I guess I'm being too literal-minded today.

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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 1:50:20 PM   
Tantriqu


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Ditto to what's been said above, plus it's how subs make me feel. 
When first meeting a strong, smart, funny, attractive, good man who's alpha-vanilla in front of and sub behind closed doors, and somehow they know and appreciate what I am and I know what they are and they know I'm strong, smart, funny, good and attractive . . . intoxicating!  

I've never asked how they knew; I know I eye-fuck men I find attractive and who say something interesting. The funniest one was a guy who kept moving his towel closer and closer to ours in Hawai'i:  I was with a vain gay friend who was sure the guy was making a move on him; I just smiled.  45 minutes later we were flirting.   I finally said, somehow sure he'd understand, 'I'm a Domme'; he said, 'I make custom leather bondage gear, and I've been fantasising making something epic for you to wear while you ride me!'



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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 3:03:49 PM   
DominantJenny


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Speaking only for myself, one quality I don't see very high on the list of vanilla women I know but that's very high on mine is vulnerability...the ability and willingness to be vulnerable.
One thing a lot of male subs seem to think I might think is spiffy is weakness, which is NOT the same as vulnerability. I can't STAND weakness.
Otherwise, I don't think there's anything particularly different.

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RE: Points of attraction to a domme - 5/17/2008 3:53:45 PM   
ShaktiSama


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Overall, the most attractive submissive is always first and foremost a gentleman, even if he cultivates a brattish or Bad Boy pose as part of his masochistic persona.  Even when he is being his brattiest, he does not say genuinely hurtful or hateful things, for example--he's a dashing rogue, not Andrew Dice Clay.

He has a generally positive attitude toward others and himself.

He has a complete absence of ugly common traits:  nasty turns of temper, flakitude, lies and manipulation, passive aggression, pushiness, whining, inconsideration, disregard for a woman's feelings or the fact that she is a human being and not a life-support system for his fetishes, etc.

He has a general respect and reverence for women in general, and an awareness of women's issues which is not tainted by male supremacy or misogyny.

He has a lively intelligence and a sharp wit, the ability to converse with me and make me laugh.

He has a sane, pleasant, non-conflicted acceptance of his own submissive and masochistic needs as a man, and of dominant or sadistic desires in a woman.  He is willing to discuss the latter before he starts aggressively negotiating to meet the former.

He shows a visible effort to be pleasing, useful and attractive to women, with some effort spent making the most of his assets as a person. 

He has the ability to communicate well. 

He has a rich inner life with a great deal of imagination.

He has a healthy sexual appetite and strong drives, both vanilla and submissive/masochistic, which he nevertheless has the strength of character and will to control and direct so that he is not a brute, a pest or a tramp.

He has a deep need to please his domme and bask in her approval and love.

There are other things I find attractive which are more quirky and personal to me, and some more general things which are true even of people who are potential vanilla friends, like "having shared interests with me" or "appreciating me as a person and my creative work".  But these are the things I regard as attractive specifically in a submissive man.  I posted the list because I think most of them are things that are pretty easily within reach for men of all ages, body types, walks of life, income levels, etc..  You don't have to be a fashion model or the CEO of a major corporation to be a desirable submissive.

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