RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (Full Version)

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MontrealPhoenix -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/17/2008 8:13:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Actually I don't think so. When I was in a vanilla relationship, I did not advertise my sexual preferences or activities anymore than I do now. A few select friends know and that's it.
It is less about lying than about just not sharing that part of my life with most people. I also play D&D, but do not tell everybody I know/meet about it, again no lying, just selective sharing.


I wonder about dating.  Like if you date vanilla, and wait a while before telling someone about your kinkiness, is that hiding who you are?  Or is that a whole other can of worms?  Then that vanilla date really starts to love you etc and click with you on all these other levels, and then you haven't told him/her you were kinky yet.  So when the bomb finally drops, will he/she get so damned pissed and resent you?  Is that being two-faced when you don't tell them early enough?





THAT chickpea, is exactly why i don't date 'nilla guys - well that and the fact that 'nilla sex is boring. *wink*



Leatherist -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/17/2008 9:27:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Of course.
 
My not telling every 80 year old granny who comes into the store I work at, that I like to tie women up and ass fuck them after a beating them makes me a TOTAL liar. [;)]


Damn......I love that in a vendor!!!  Wish my vendors were as fun as you!
When I get into my business of making fetish gear full time.....I CAN tell them that. [:D]



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 12:10:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

Just wondering if the people that feel like because BDSM has to be hidden from the public, feel that closet BDSMers tend to be more skilled at being two-faced in general and are not a good group to date from? 


It all depends upon the context of being Two Faced.  The phrase generally carries a negative meaning for most people.

It's a bit of a Paradox, we abuse each other, but not really.  We use each other but not really.  We hurt each other, but not really.   In the context of things, everything has a sort of conflicting and double meaning.  

So, are we really do faced?  Ok, if I verbally humilate and use somebody as fucktoy, then I turn around and kiss them on the lips and tell them how much I care about them?  Is this being Two faced?  

I guess in many ways, most of us are very skilled at being two faced.   I pesonally look at it a being a full human.  Embracing both sides of one's personal yin/yang.   It's a sort of balance, where you can't have one without the other.

Abstracts such as pleasure and pain.  Very conflicting, opposites. 

In terms of being two faced, everybody is this way in some degree.  Even Vanilla people.  People will talk behind other people's backs, people will show part of themselves to certain people.  

Actually, it's all sort a multi-facet thing, how personalities really and honestly do work.

Are BDSMers, skilled at being two faced?  I would say it depends upon how skilled one person is at it in general or not.  Some people are better at it, Some people try to avoid it, some people embrace it.  Does this make somebody a bad person or not.  Questionable.  Depends upon your own personal judgements you make regarding other people.

At times, it's a good idea to look at ourselves in the mirror first, before casting judgement upon other people. 

Have I ever been two faced? Why as a matter of fact, I have been.  Has anybody ever been two faced with me, why as a matter of fact yes.  

Now, here's another thing to think about.  I know if somebody personally confronts me regarding anything I have ever said or done. I will be brutually honest with them.   As painful as it for me or them.   The way, I view things.  If I say or do something, I best damn well mean it.

Some people, will cling onto being two faced at all costs.

I'm not into playing mindless two face games, if that makes any sense to anybody.



ApathyRomance -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 12:11:02 AM)

because vanilla people are not two faced . . . all the time . . .



MissMorrigan -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 12:43:45 AM)

Every granny I encounter wants to adopt me and introdue me as marriage material for their grandson. I would hate to disillusion them [;)]
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Of course.
 
My not telling every 80 year old granny who comes into the store I work at, that I like to tie women up and ass fuck them after a beating them makes me a TOTAL liar. [;)]



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 12:45:01 AM)

Who wants to have some intense two faced clown sex!  Damn, two faced creepy clowns.




HalloweenWhite -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 1:08:22 AM)

No, I don't. -Anyone- can do it, most probably do, have, or will, they may have a god reason for it so just because someone hides a part of themselves from someone doesn't mean they're all bad and not worth bothering with. (I.M.H.O)



eyesopened -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 3:22:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

my parents have never shared with me what they do behind closed doors.
I don't know what position my co-workers like
The waitress at the restaurant Sir and i frequent doesn't feel that she needs to share her sexuality with us before taking our orders.
The bank teller has never divulged wheither or not she has pierced labia.

Does this make them two-faced?  No, it makes them sensible.    and so am i. 


Excatly my thoughts!  In fact, at my job, it's considered 'creating a hostile work environment' to discuss sexual matters of any sort, vanilla, straight, gay, hetero, or even the constant whining about getting none at all.

How can it be considered 'dishonest' to not blurt out ever aspect of one's life to people who probably don't give a rat's behind to begin with?  There's probably only a handful of people who know i like artichokes with mayonaise (okay now! i'm out of the closet on that!)  When someone notices my collar and says "That's a really cool (or unusual) necklace"  Am i being a liar if i don't say anything more than "Thank you? 



MladyHathor -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 5:23:31 AM)

I am trying to understand the reference to two faced---as it has a negative connotation--meaning a liar, a cheat, someone who says one thing yet does another--in a bad sense. Now given that as a whole, we do see prepeonderance of fakers, liars nevagonabes in the life---but they were that before they stumbled into our lair.
 
If you mean because some in this life CHOOSE to be private or CHOOSE not to flaunt who and what they are---well I don't see that as two faced--I see it more as seeking privacy or protection from public disdain ( of the even exists anymore for us).  For example, I am a Wiccan, in the heart of the Bible belt and I live 2 doors from a popular minister--I don't hide who I am, but I don't flaunt who I am either--anymore than I want them to in your face me with their beliefs---that to Me isn't two faced because if asked, I answer truthfully---same with BDSM---if asked, I respond---if not I don't in your face the issue---that does not mean I am not trustworthy, honest, reliable etc etc etc.
 
As for using this as a dating pool---if this is your preference, why would you go date vanilla and have to explain and feel guilty etc etc--its like Owner mentioned--if you like and adore chess, why would you look for someone who didn't?



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 5:55:36 AM)

No. I know plenty of vanilla people that keep things hidden. I don't feel the need to share my personal preferences with the world. What I do in my home is my own business.



Maya2001 -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 11:32:56 AM)

Heck when I was married in a vanilla relationship I never went around telling everyone what positions  I liked or that I liked to suck and swallow other than with the person I was involved with  or that I enjoyed a dildo or vibe and I sure did not leave them sitting on the coffee table to be a conversation piece , so why should this be any different ?    It is  a private relationship between me and the person I am involved with .. the tools do not have to be on display  or I don't have to discuss any more than I would if I had a vanilla relationship and that does not make me a liar or 2 faced for not doing so ... a personal life is just that... personal



julietsierra -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 12:25:57 PM)

So, I was married to this guy. He used to beat me up for doing any little thing differently than he wanted it done. No, this wasn't a SM relationship. No, I did not consent to it. No, he would never consider himself to be involved in BDSM.

So, anyway, one day, after a particularly nasty little fight with me bearing most of his nastiness, I finally came out of the bedroom to see him sitting outside with the neighbors - telling them how we work together and how much he loves me and how he always tries to be gentle with me (he was ADVISING the guy how to live his marriage well since they were newlyweds and we'd been married about 10 years at that point.).

I don't think I have EVER met anyone as duplicitous as that since that time. So, no, I don't think bdsm in particular promotes anyone to be two-faced. I think that people who want to fool others come from all walks of life, not just the one we've chosen.

juliet



HornyToadsMI -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 7:46:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Of course.
 
My not telling every 80 year old granny who comes into the store I work at, that I like to tie women up and ass fuck them after a beating them makes me a TOTAL liar. [;)]


Damn......I love that in a vendor!!!  Wish my vendors were as fun as you!
When I get into my business of making fetish gear full time.....I CAN tell them that. [:D]


Hmmmm.....how can I incorporate your product into my store.........think think think!!!  :)



HornyToadsMI -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 7:50:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Who wants to have some intense two faced clown sex!  Damn, two faced creepy clowns.




EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!  [sm=afraid.gif]

Ok, it is now official - you have squicked me out with this one.......LOL



Leatherist -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 8:58:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: HornyToadsMI

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Of course.
 
My not telling every 80 year old granny who comes into the store I work at, that I like to tie women up and ass fuck them after a beating them makes me a TOTAL liar. [;)]


Damn......I love that in a vendor!!!  Wish my vendors were as fun as you!
When I get into my business of making fetish gear full time.....I CAN tell them that. [:D]


Hmmmm.....how can I incorporate your product into my store.........think think think!!!  :)


Novelty items?



Lordandmaster -> RE: More apt to be two-faced if you're a BDSMer? (5/18/2008 9:02:28 PM)

Dick to King Four!

(Chess players have certain desires.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

There's a major international chess tournament going on right now.  I had it up in the other window.  Several of us were sharing comments about an interesting game.  I don't post my chess comments to this board, because I don't want to bore everyone to death.  Does that mean I'm chess-two-faced?



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