Have you ever left?

Have you ever left? (Full Version)

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Reigna -> Have you ever left? (5/17/2008 9:47:16 PM)
Something Lashra said in another thread prompted this question: Have you ever left the lifestyle? What caused that, and why did you come back?

Lashra -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/17/2008 9:58:19 PM)
I left to reconsider if it was worth it and I came to the conclusion that its a part of me. Living without it was like not being whole and I realize that bad things do happen and we cannot allow them to control our lives. So I got back into the lifestyle because I craved it and felt I wanted that missing piece back. Now I have it and life is good. ~Lashra

LadyPact -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 2:09:10 AM)
There is a current thread on a similar subject on the General Discussion board. Wannabe Vanilla. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1852880/tm.htm It's not exactly the same, but there are quite a few comments from those of us who have done this.

thetammyjo -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 5:18:12 AM)
Left Ds? Left my own desires? Only once. That was when I needed to start getting professional help NOW to deal with my past -- being raped twice before the age of six generally requires some dealing with things at some point later on in life if your parents are caring enough or too stupid to know you need to be dealing with it then. I stopped feeling anything "kinky" for about two months which meant all of my sexual feelings died as well since I consider being dominant to be my primary sexual orientation. See, the first man to rape me was also regularly raping my older sister (even after they were married) and he used the "hey, baby, it's just a little SM" BS on her to excuse his behavior so I felt that I had absorbed his evil. For about three more months I'd get turned on and think kinky things then feel bad about it. Finally I told my therapist who was a real gem because she said to me "What was done to you was horrible because you couldn't consent. What you do with others and think about is wonderful because it's all about consent." That was the best thing to say to me and since then I've never felt bad about my sexuality or what I do in terms of BDSM because I let informed, mutual consent be my primary moral code. In terms of leaving a "community" -- yeah, we left our about four years ago and haven't joined another even though we could if we drove 1-2 hours. After 10 very active years in the "community" what happened here so turned me off that I am still today annoyed and angry. I don't think those are good qualities to bring to a munch or such. I can do regional and national conventions but smaller things, creating ongoing connections rubs me badly still.

MamaDomme1 -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 5:18:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reigna Something Lashra said in another thread prompted this question: Have you ever left the lifestyle? What caused that, and why did you come back? There have been times in my life that I have not been involved in a specific D/s relationship, but I have never given up my desires nor my way of D/s thinking. I've been in vanilla lifestyle, but my underlying theme of life has always been with a BDSM undertone.

Sylverdawn -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 5:42:36 AM)
Ive always believe that time outs were a natural part of the lifestyle. The engery and power flow has a natural rythm that ebbs and flows. So for me there are high tides when I am very much in the life and there are low tides when I need time to recoup and regroup. Sometimes life requires that you focus your energy on the mundane. SD

MissMorrigan -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 6:22:46 AM)
Yes, I left. I left for two years. I recognised a pattern of behaviour I was engaging in that needed rectifying as I was making poor decisions and the relationships I was having reflected this. I cannot blame them whatsoever so I left to work on why I was making such poor decisions. People are fond of blaming others for their problems, it's the easy option and at the end of the day solves nothing and keeps us in a cycle of dysfunctional behaviour. I knew that I could not have another relationship until I had taken control over my own life, I also knew that the way forward was to fly solo for those two years. Those same desires and needs were ever present, they never go away, how can you eradicate a part of your sexuality in any case? I refused to act on them until I had firmly grasped the ability to control my life, and be responsible for someone else's. Reality came into my life two years ago, we have lived together for a year and he came into my life at a time when I deserved it - when I had learned that happiness lies within ourselves first and foremost and we should not rely on someone else to provide it.

TishAddams -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 7:02:08 AM)
I left once and came back. I understood one thing, as the Eagles song Hotel California sais: You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave[sm=cool.gif]

HieroV -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:07:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo In terms of leaving a "community" -- yeah, we left our about four years ago and haven't joined another even though we could if we drove 1-2 hours. After 10 very active years in the "community" what happened here so turned me off that I am still today annoyed and angry. I don't think those are good qualities to bring to a munch or such. I can do regional and national conventions but smaller things, creating ongoing connections rubs me badly still. First off - not to kiss you butt - but it is impressive that you are able to speak openly about the painfull issues you needed to face in your past. (Full desclaimer: I am a fan of your erotica and was moved by your personal essay in the Some Women anthology that came out eons ago. Thought it was brave of you to put down on paper some of the "bad" stuff out there.) My question is - would you mind sharing what it was that turned you off about the local community? I understand if you say - "nah, not going to go there...." HieroV

thetammyjo -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:20:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HieroV quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo In terms of leaving a "community" -- yeah, we left our about four years ago and haven't joined another even though we could if we drove 1-2 hours. After 10 very active years in the "community" what happened here so turned me off that I am still today annoyed and angry. I don't think those are good qualities to bring to a munch or such. I can do regional and national conventions but smaller things, creating ongoing connections rubs me badly still. First off - not to kiss you butt - but it is impressive that you are able to speak openly about the painfull issues you needed to face in your past. (Full desclaimer: I am a fan of your erotica and was moved by your personal essay in the Some Women anthology that came out eons ago. Thought it was brave of you to put down on paper some of the "bad" stuff out there.) My question is - would you mind sharing what it was that turned you off about the local community? I understand if you say - "nah, not going to go there...." HieroV I've gone into that before on here so but if you want to know you can send me an email and I'll tell you. If anyone is attempting to restart a healthy community locally I don't want to speak poorly in general and discourage them from trying.

chamberqueen -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:25:36 AM)
I left and came back. I started my journey into the lifestyle with an online Dom when I was living abroad (He was in the same country). He was a very intelligent man and really knew what He was doing, but there came a point where I needed to be touched and rebelled big time. I left the lifestyle, blaming it as much as Him for my crash and burn. About a year later I became engaged, and two months into the engagement that man told me that he wanted to be my 24/7 slave. I jumped back in wholeheartedly. He was killed in Iraq. I swung back to the submissive side and am not in a very good relationship. However, I've wondered whether I would leave the lifestyle again if it doesn't work out. In the meantime I'm enjoying the deepest since of fulfillment I've ever had.

VeryMercurial -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:35:47 AM)
I will not ever leave the lifestyle, but I often stop looking for a partner. There is so much more to my life than D/s. I often am not looking for a partner in this lifestyle or in the vanilla world, so in effect I am not leaving, I just enjoy stepping BACK.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:46:35 AM)
I left active play for a year once, but never left the "lifestyle". I thought about it, during a long spell of disgruntlement, but it is not something I could easily leave.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:50:02 AM)
well seeing is nobodys attempted to even meet me in this lifestyle in the last 5 years...this means i am not actually in the lifestyle... the issue is there is a hell of alot more pro Mistress's than actual lifestyle Mistress's now..and the actual lifestyle Mistress's are almost all straight or already in a relationship. i scare people.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 9:59:10 AM)
I'm not skeeeered to the Faery!! [8D]

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 10:02:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I'm not skeeeered to the Faery!! [8D] denial!!!!

khem -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 10:06:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl well seeing is nobodys attempted to even meet me in this lifestyle in the last 5 years...this means i am not actually in the lifestyle... the issue is there is a hell of alot more pro Mistress's than actual lifestyle Mistress's now..and the actual lifestyle Mistress's are almost all straight or already in a relationship. i scare people. My theory is that you just live too far away from everyone. You're not scary, you're a hottie!

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 10:08:21 AM)
quote: My theory is that you just live too far away from everyone. You're not scary, you're a hottie! and my profile says i can visit the usa...specially now with a new passport. so thats not an issue. most people dont want 24-7 anyway...so visiting shouldnt be an issue.

petdave -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 10:59:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl ..and the actual lifestyle Mistress's are almost all straight Funny, i've long thought the opposite... would you like me to send you my list of Dommes who block all email from male submissives? [8D] i've tried to walk away from D/s a whole bunch of times (also not sure that i'm really "in the lifestyle" to begin with, but i've been a fetishist/sub/etc all my life)... Always because that side of me wasn't wanted. Never took... the only thing that really worked was when one of the medications i take completely erased my sex drive, but that wore off after a while...

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 11:06:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl ..and the actual lifestyle Mistress's are almost all straight Funny, i've long thought the opposite... would you like me to send you my list of Dommes who block all email from male submissives? [8D] note the "ALMOST"

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