RE: Have you ever left? (Full Version)

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undergroundsea -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 11:45:36 AM)

One day I was at a dungeon party and I said to myself, what am I doing? I am outta here! But then as I was walking to the door, I saw a domme I fancied whose feet were hurting and so so much for that plan.

Just kidding ;-)

Here are the closest experiences I can share.

There was a period during my freshmen semester in college when I finally was of age and had the privacy to get my hands on BDSM magazines and videos. And there was a brief period of disinterest after a series of successive runs to the adult stores. I am not sure how much of this response was due to inundation (given the exposure level at the time) and how much due to subconscious ambivalence. I don't remember how long the disinterest lasted but it was short lived (a month?). I have not thought about those feelings much but am presently wondering if that was my version of the experience I sometimes hear of about new subs who withdraw upon finding the experience.

Upon finding local BDSM events, I regularly attended events for a few months, followed by a hiatus of many months. This hiatus was due to having difficulty settling in at the events and feeling that these events would not allow me to meet the persons I was hoping to meet.

While overall I am grateful for how my interest in BDSM has impacted my life, at times I have reflected on adverse effects it has had. And I have sometimes wondered what I would do if I had to make a choice between slavery or submission, and romantic companionship. I consider the latter to be of more fundamental nature and to carry potential for broader fulfillment. I imagine these considerations might lead some folks to step away from BDSM.

Cheers,

Sea



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 1:24:54 PM)

~FR~
 
I left "permanently" after the demise of my marriage.  My ex was supposed to be my 24/7 s-type but in reality is just a passive-agressive loser.  I came back briefly with a past SO but had to put it on hold during my last pregnancy.  I'm getting active again after a hiatus of about 18 months, give or take.  Guess you can take the Domina out of the lifestyle, but once she's embraced her inner bitch, it never really goes away.



RumpusParable -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 1:33:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reigna

Something Lashra said in another thread prompted this question: Have you ever left the lifestyle? What caused that, and why did you come back? 


No, and to be honest others doing so confuses me some.  I just have to leave that up to "there are things about other people you'll never get (and vice versa), live and let live".

Reason being... I never "entered" this and there's nothing for me to "leave".  There's just life: friends, fun, ups, downs, etc.

If I don't feel like hanging out with a particular friend I don't hang out with them, if as lover no longer suited me I ended being with that lover, if I don't feel like being choked during sex this time I just tell my spouse that.

None of the things I do in my life are games or ruses I put on, I'm just always me and my interests in EVERYTHING in life wax and wane, each friendship is different, etc.



thetammyjo -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 4:09:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

My theory is that you just live too far away from everyone. You're not scary, you're a hottie!


and my profile says i can visit the usa...specially now with a new passport. so thats not an issue. most people dont want 24-7 anyway...so visiting shouldnt be an issue.



I suggest that it is still an issue.

Until I know you why would I ask any human being to spend a ton of money on travel to come over and then quite possibly discover we aren't compatible. That doesn't sound very wise to me.

I don't believe I can get to know someone well enough to ask them to travel if all I know of them is via the Internet or phone calls or other distance communication forms. That takes time face-to-face.

I know, that sucks, big time, but I think those feelings are rather common.

I'm sure you have looked, but perhaps a lesbian or bisexual SM group might increase the odds of finding a good partner.



LaMistressa -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 4:22:47 PM)

Yes. I left in the early/mid '90s, when I fell for a vanilla guy and thought that either he would bend a bit to my interests (and, in fairness he did the best he could), or that my interests were a passing phase (a phase I would have been interested in since the age of nine, but whatever.)

I was wrong. The phase did not pass. He could not bend as much as I had thought, and the act of making him bend killed me inside. I will not do that again.

In the last year I have had times when I have not been interested in playing or being active because of personal sorrows (my parents dying, etc.), but my local friends in the scene have been so helpful in supporting me. So even when I haven't been kicking someone's ass, I've still been "in", in a way. And I appreciate that.



torsionman -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/18/2008 8:40:04 PM)

It is not impossible to create a new organization, the people involved will do so. What may wind up happening is the SAME people will respond and join and make it nearly as bad as it was before. My case in point: I used to go to a local bar for an evening of fun. There were people there from my area that I came to know. Some I wasn't too fond of. The bar closed down and reopened under a differant name and the same people came and sat in the same barstools with the same drinks in their hands. After a while the bar closed and again reopened under a differant name. The SAME people returned in the same barstolls...you get the point. The PEOPLE have to change who they are and what they do to make it better. It's not impossible, just harder with the SAME people with the SAME character as before.
                                              torsionman



SephandElena -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/19/2008 1:01:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

well seeing is nobodys attempted to even meet me in this lifestyle in the last 5 years...this means i am not actually in the lifestyle... the issue is there is a hell of alot more pro Mistress's than actual lifestyle Mistress's now..and the actual lifestyle Mistress's are almost all straight or already in a relationship.

i scare people.



Read through your profile, perhaps part of the trouble is that it is somewhat contradictory?

Also, a lot of people don't like being viewed as just another possible partner. I've always found that making friends first, checking out the local scene (and if you're willing to travel anyway, maybe the not so local scene?), and just getting to know people will end up with more success than just sitting and worrying that no one is willing to be your partner.


To get back on topic, (I'm terrible for digressing I think oops:S), I tried to leave the scene when I went working in Germany, failed completely and ended up going from being a sort of sub, to finding my own lil subbie in the US, so it is completely possible to happen, it just doesn't happen over night, it took me and mine a year before we worked out that this was exactly what we wanted, then another 3 months while I was in the US to get it all sorted out properly.

I think you can leave the lifestyle in a way, but if it's part of you, you'll always end up going back into it.

Seph aka Reb.



thetammyjo -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/19/2008 5:22:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: torsionman

It is not impossible to create a new organization, the people involved will do so. What may wind up happening is the SAME people will respond and join and make it nearly as bad as it was before. My case in point: I used to go to a local bar for an evening of fun. There were people there from my area that I came to know. Some I wasn't too fond of. The bar closed down and reopened under a differant name and the same people came and sat in the same barstools with the same drinks in their hands. After a while the bar closed and again reopened under a differant name. The SAME people returned in the same barstolls...you get the point. The PEOPLE have to change who they are and what they do to make it better. It's not impossible, just harder with the SAME people with the SAME character as before.
torsionman


Sadly I'm just not interested.

I helped start a group, I've been the hostess of two munches, I've been in a leadership position in two groups and an active member of another.

What happened here burnt me out for anything else here. I find it very frustrating that still, as of last week, people will email me and about about the former group. Hello? Not a member for 4 years now, never was my private little enterprise, I was one of a steering committee. Given that still happens to me, there's no way in hell I'd try to start another group in this area.

Another town, another city, probably or I'll just join existing groups (I think that's always the best first choice). I doubt very strongly I'll ever get into a leadership position in a local community again.

I've seen and been a visitor to small private groups. I'd just rather have my household at that point. The entire point of having a local community was to learn new things, have new experiences, and be able to reach out and help others group. A private group doesn't do that so well simply because it is so private and often so small.

I applaud anyone willing to start something in my area but no, I and mine will not be attending. As always I pass on any information I know to anyone who asks about it -- I recommend the egroups IndianaBDSM for those folks -- but for us this was a difficult and necessary choice.

Of course, I'm not actively looking to increase our household and I've been doing all of this for 17 years now. I have less reason for such a local community in terms of learning and finding partners. I still believe strongly that local communities are the best way to learn and find partners.

They just don't work for me any more and currently they can't even offer me a solid means from which to help those just learning and starting out. Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I really liked that, seeing the first years of excitement but it isn't enough any more.

So I'm a bitch about it. *Shrug* I have to protect me and mine first and foremost.



Dnomyar -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/19/2008 5:27:10 AM)

Im scared of that thing on faerys head. Does she use that to beam up with???



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/19/2008 9:13:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Im scared of that thing on faerys head. Does she use that to beam up with???


its a laser i use to vaporize penis's.



Dnomyar -> RE: Have you ever left? (5/19/2008 10:37:28 AM)

No worries then . I can see that it is to small. As for the op's question. I come and go. Life happens sometimes.



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