RE: Is this a normal reaction? (Full Version)

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Enochian -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 8:30:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvzdogtoyz
About a month ago, Master announced he was in love with me. This would have continued to be terrific, if it had not implemented an odd problem. He suddenly announced later, that since I was now his lover, I could no longer be slave material. Whoa….wait….what?! To say this weird new was a shock to my system, is putting it lightly. How does this even begin to work? How does this make sense?


There is a thread over in "General Discussion" [ http://www.collarchat.com/m_1860453/tm.htm ]  (I hope that works) .. Called "He loves you too much to beat you".   You might get some insight there as well.

And while this seems a bit of an extreeme reaction; it's not that uncommon from what I've observed over the years with some people.  As to *why*; that seems to vary from person to person; at least in the details.  For a lot of people there is a sense that the 'social conditioning' of things such as 'you never hit girls'; or that 'twue partners are equal in all thing'  (etc... add more cliche's as you see fit)  comes into play very heavily once the emotion level has risen to that 'love' point.

Hard to deal with; I'm sure, and I hope that you find a path through this forrest.  But I at least have seen it enough times to be of the opinion that it's not rare, if not a common, reaction.


---

"Do as thou will; shall be the Whole of the Law"





Lordandmaster -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 8:36:00 PM)

I find that conclusion a little hard to understand, but overall it sounds like a classic madonna-whore complex.  He can't love you if he treats you like a whore, and he can't treat you like a whore if he loves you.  Sorry to say, your relationship with him is probably over, because the way he was treating you before had nothing to do with how he felt about you.  It was all about HIM.

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvzdogtoyz

I’ve tried to talk this over….tried…being the key word. It ended not so nice. With in conclusion for him that, “He was incapable of doing so.” How? I don’t understand.



Arrrchibald -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 8:42:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvzdogtoyz
With in conclusion for him that, “He was incapable of doing so.” How? I don’t understand.


It means he's "incapable" of growing the balls to break up with you. 

But he is capable of shoveling a steaming load of psychology mad-libs at you, then running out the door. 



lalbobbilynn -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 8:46:00 PM)

From how You have penned it, seems Your ex-Dom, now boyfriend is talking out of both sides of his mouth. Double talk is usually just a shit talker on hyper drive.
Saunter out the door unless You are inclined to evasive mind-fornication that does not have Your best interest at the very core.
My best unto You.
b.~



Enochian -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 8:50:14 PM)

I must say... I find the "flavor" of two threads on what are almost identical topics (at their root) rather differnt.  Not that it's a Light/Dark level of dichotomy; but there is a distinct difference of "flavor" ....  Truely Facinating..... 

I wonder why?



Maya2001 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 9:07:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Enochian

I must say... I find the "flavor" of two threads on what are almost identical topics (at their root) rather differnt.  Not that it's a Light/Dark level of dichotomy; but there is a distinct difference of "flavor" ....  Truely Facinating..... 

I wonder why?


Because in the other thread the doms don't remove the collar and grab themselves another slave  when involved  a slave/master relationship that was agreed to be monogamous, they still think of the slave as theirs they simply can't inflict the pain,
this guy found a way to change a monogamous relationship into a poly relationship by uncollaring one and keeping  as fuck material and colllars another to be his slave



Enochian -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 9:28:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001
Because in the other thread the doms don't remove the collar and grab themselves another slave  when involved  a slave/master relationship that was agreed to be monogamous, they still think of the slave as theirs they simply can't inflict the pain,
this guy found a way to change a monogamous relationship into a poly relationship by uncollaring one and keeping  as fuck material and colllars another to be his slave


Ahhhhh.... I think I see now.  My read of the OP's issue/post was one of a Question of "Is it a common thing for [Dom/Top] to Stop doing the BDSM stuff due to falling in Love??".  (Which is to my read; the same as the thread in another forum section....)

I did not take the follow on actions as being the OPs question.  I just took them as additional data points as to how one person reacted to the same situation (as in other threads) that others may have acted differently (or act the same perhaps, I don't know).





Mastermind333 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/18/2008 10:17:27 PM)

Sounds like he sees D/s as a lesser form of intimacy, and is inviting you to a deeper, more loving relationship. I would be sympathetic if he had not also replaced you as a slave. It's one thing to ask you to move your relationship into a new phase... it's another thing to take from you what you enjoyed, and give it to another. I'd say if you don't want to be hoisted on his vanilla pedastal, then dump him.



Floggings4You -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/19/2008 6:28:58 AM)

I've gotta agree with many of the other posters: there's more going on here than just a Dom who has started to care too much for His sub, to continue with S/M type activities with her.
 
I cannot imagine 'falling in love' with anyone after an 18 month separation, let alone returning with another girl, after 18 months, and claiming to be in love with 'girl uno'. 
 
But I really cannot imagine why you would believe that this is what happened.
 
Move on...fast.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/19/2008 1:47:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I find that conclusion a little hard to understand, but overall it sounds like a classic madonna-whore complex.  He can't love you if he treats you like a whore, and he can't treat you like a whore if he loves you.  Sorry to say, your relationship with him is probably over, because the way he was treating you before had nothing to do with how he felt about you.  It was all about HIM.



I'm with Lordandmaster on this one.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/19/2008 3:09:17 PM)

He'd rather have two women than be with one woman who meets all his needs. I hope you know this is in no way your fault. He should have told you from the beginning that he was poly so you could decide whether or not to become involved with him based on truth, not on deception. How long into the relationship did he admit to being poly? My guess is, he waited until he knew you had major feelings for him. If anyone confronts him about it, he'll say your consenting to the whole thing simply because you haven't ended things. Most people will agree with him on that too. It doesn't matter how long you have been with someone or how much you love that person. If you don't end it right away everyone will say you're consenting and any sympathy you're getting on the forums here will quickly turn to scorn.  



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/19/2008 6:04:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvzdogtoyz


About a month ago, Master announced he was in love with me. This would have continued to be terrific, if it had not implemented an odd problem. He suddenly announced later, that since I was now his lover, I could no longer be slave material. Whoa….wait….what?! To say this weird new was a shock to my system, is putting it lightly. How does this even begin to work? How does this make sense?
 
My mind is still screaming, “No, no, this is not what I signed up for!” Why is there a problem with loving me, and being his slave? This IS my lifestyle, this IS what I live for. Until that announcement, I did. Now everything is upside down and….vanilla. With me. This stinks beyond words. And is damn confusing. I need insight.
 
Compensation has suddenly shown up as well. Master has a new slave. This made my eyes cross. So I’m tossed vanilla….cause he loves me…then gets another girl he doesn’t love…for the slave role. I felt a little part of myself die that day.
 
I’ve tried to talk this over….tried…being the key word. It ended not so nice. With in conclusion for him that, “He was incapable of doing so.” How? I don’t understand.


Dominants come in many flavors. Yours obviously feels love is incompatible with service. It would have been good had he mentioned this as he was starting to have those feelings for you. Not the kind of surprise you want in a D/s relationship.

I hate to bring this up...but it is possible he's trying a less-than-honest approach to releasing you? Painful as it is, you ought to explore this avenue with him....

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



Slave2Bob -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/19/2008 6:13:20 PM)

Run, Rabbit, Run ! You are free, as you are no longer a slave. I'll never be force fed vanilla again , and you shouldn't either !



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/19/2008 8:13:32 PM)

If he went and got himself another slave that quickly, I'd say it sounds like a shallow excuse.

If it was simply a matter of "I find it hard to hurt you because I love you" that mentality I have encountered. But from what you've said all it looks like to me is that he up and replaced you in short order and spewed some BS to try and cover his ass.
If he really loved you why wouldn't he try to work it out instead of dropping you to the wayside?

My sincerest hopes that you can over come his asshattery in short order.



masterlink65 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/21/2008 8:38:20 AM)

master gives the orders, slaves follow the orders.pretty simple really, so i guess, you have to follow orders or leave!


kind of funny the whole thing. see how long this "in love" feeling lasts.

alot of people look thier entire life for love, and now you found it and have complaints about it. your type of person would most likely complain about the simplist of things. sounds like you have alot of your own ideas how you should be treated as a slave, which at this point is entirely up to your master.



pettingdragons -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/21/2008 10:39:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

Me being me, I'd simply tell him that since he can only be "vanilla" with you and has a new slave for his bdsm desires and needs that you will be finding a Master for your bdsm needs and desires. Maybe I'm extra snarky this morning, but I honestly would say that to a guy that pulled that shit on me especially if poly wasn't mentioned and agreed on upfront. Then I'd go do it, but then I'm a bitch.


I completely agree!!!!



tsatske -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/21/2008 6:56:44 PM)

quote:

sounds like you have alot of your own ideas how you should be treated as a slave, which at this point is entirely up to your master.


except that he told her that she is not his slave.
slaves can and do get their reward from many differant places. but if i entered the relationship expecting to be a slave - i'm sorry, all relationships have certain agreements. changing them requires a mutual decision.
as a slave, i have damn few rights left. that is how *i* interpret slavery - i don't go around telling others how to define themselves.
but the OPs Dom told her he will no longer be her Master or Dom, and that she is no longer a slave. if she is a girlfriend now, she has the right to bitch, the right to make demands, the right to walk.
I think it is not her, but him, who wants contradicotry things. he sounds like he wants to keep her, with the level of unquestioned obiedance and accpetance he could get from a slave, without allowing her to be a slave. as you said, only in reverse - one or the other. pick one.



Huntertn -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/21/2008 7:06:56 PM)

coughs[Bullshit[ sorry, sore throat...leave..Sounds like your going to end up as the service maid..and she gets all the real Bdsm



MasterDragon1963 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/22/2008 7:19:09 AM)

I & my slave were discussing topics such as this recently, those being M/s and how it relates to couples, triads, thirds, poly, and swingers. For this answer I would like to follow the number 3, such as in mind, body, & spirit. How we think, how we feel (physical needs and responces), how our emotions evolve and interact. With so many choices and varibles offered in the lifestyle, the possible combinations can seem endless, and so are the opinions from others. From the perspective of one from structured and defined principles and teachings, thus is mine

In its pure and simple form, M/s is clear. A slave is property, whos duty is to please and obey their Master. Notice the word "love" is not mentioned. Now comes the other side of the coin. Many of the "old conservative" Masters would claim "a Master can do whatever they want with their property". I cant help but notice that many of them are either "slaveless" or have short "ownerships". To me the first obligation of a Master is respect. What is the purpose of owning, if one can not take care of and properly maintain that which they own. The two aspects that seem to orbit, interact, and effect M/s the most are "love" and "sex". Communication isnt just about toys, limits, and the other various bondage aspects. Open, clear, and honest communcation will prevent or resolve most common problems. For me and mine, each topic either gets a defined answer or position, or our position on it is noted and the topic is set aside until conditions present themselves. You can not plan ahead for ever situation, but you can define the range of possibilities and reactions.

To me it seems like your Master needs a moment to define his own needs, where is he going and why. Then discuss it with you, and go from there. Poly under basic understandings is one thing, poly within M/s is another matter.

Master Dragon




akisha -> RE: Is this a normal reaction? (5/22/2008 12:16:00 PM)

Just my opinion here but sounds like he's using the "I love you too much" cope out so he can play with others and hoping you won't bitch about it.

If the relationship dynamic has changed to a point where you are no longer happy and there is nothing with in the relationship you can do to be happy with in it again. I would say change relationships.

I don't advocate just walking out on a relationship but when neither party is getting what they need to be fullfilled with in, then it's time to get out.



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