Advice for seeking Dom online (Full Version)

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curioussub30 -> Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 12:20:53 AM)

Im a curious sub and Ive had a bit of experience however this is something that I have wanted for quite sometime.
So I have been looking online to meet a dom in my area.
I dont really know anyone in the lifestyle so Ive decided to give online a try.
However Im finding that there are a lot of posers out there..not willing answer and questions I have or very vague answers. I have no problem sending pics once someone strikes my interest and am honest as to what I am looking for.
Im not looking to wasting anyones time which is why I ask potential Doms basic questions...no questions that are intruding into there personal lives.
I am not emailing my life story or anything but simple things like having someone send a pic in return are a problem.
Trust is the number one issue and good reason to be so. Would you consider that strange that someone will not directly answer my questions or return pics?
Any advice?



breatheasone -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 12:24:19 AM)

I personally wouldn't waste my time on someone unwilling to share basic info ....if your gut is telling you somethings not right......SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT



SleepyDom -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 12:48:01 AM)

If they're talking to you but evasive for no good reason, they're probably hiding something--maybe they're married.  If they're not talking to you at all, then they're probably not interested.  Either way, yea, I say move on.



antipode -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 12:56:37 AM)

Would you hook up with someone in a bar who sits with his back to you and won't answer your questions? Well? So why would you do that online? These are such elementary things, I wonder why you even ask...



MissMagnolia -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 1:07:25 AM)

She's asking because she obviously has little to no experience of the lifestyle, and is wondering if this is normal behaviour.

OP, your profile says you've been on CM for one day. Have you been on other sites looking for a D?

There are bullshitters everywhere, subs and Dom/mes, girls and guys, so don't be put off by a few who haven't been exactly forthcoming. As stated, they may be full of shit, married, guys just looking for a quick fuck, dickheads, not interested.

It takes time to get to know a person, so don't let your eagerness to experience it all get in the way of your good judgement. If they can't answer simple, basic questions, then trust your gut. No ones going to tell you their phone number and address straight off naturally, but basics shouldn't be a problem.

Try to have a little fun along the way, don't make this into a desperate or negative search. Your "one" is somewhere, but you might have to wait a while!![:)]



Focus50 -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 3:55:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curioussub30

Im a curious sub and Ive had a bit of experience however this is something that I have wanted for quite sometime.
So I have been looking online to meet a dom in my area.
I dont really know anyone in the lifestyle so Ive decided to give online a try.
However Im finding that there are a lot of posers out there..not willing answer and questions I have or very vague answers. I have no problem sending pics once someone strikes my interest and am honest as to what I am looking for.
Im not looking to wasting anyones time which is why I ask potential Doms basic questions...no questions that are intruding into there personal lives.
I am not emailing my life story or anything but simple things like having someone send a pic in return are a problem.
Trust is the number one issue and good reason to be so. Would you consider that strange that someone will not directly answer my questions or return pics?
Any advice?

What you lack in experience seems to be more than compensated for with commonsense.  Your approach seems sensible to me but what you don't realise is how tiny the available pool of those genuinely seeking same is....  
 
If you picked a hundred random dom profiles, I reckon less than five would be sincere individuals interested in taking the time to cultivate something meaningful with you (or any female) and 80 - 90 would come under the banner of HNG (horny net geek) - the timewasters and wannabes who can only ever be dominant as long as the Net protects their anonymity.  The remainder are those happy with what they have and aren't seeking.
 
Asking simple "everyday" questions is the best way to gauge someone's sincerity.  If you actually strike up a conversation beyond "kneel bitch", then you have the rare distinction of chatting with a dom who sees more than just new, naive "meat".  But the clever ones will hang in there, so you've gotta be patient and give only the trust they earn.  Moving to arranging a r/l meet is also another way of screening out the geeks.
 
Good luck - and welcome to the Forums.... :-)
 
Focus.



sirguym -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 4:07:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus5]
 
If you picked a hundred random dom profiles, I reckon less than five would be sincere individuals interested in taking the time to cultivate something meaningful with you (or any female) and 80 - 90 would come under the banner of HNG (horny net geek) - the timewasters and wannabes who can only ever be dominant as long as the Net protects their anonymity.  The remainder are those happy with what they have and aren't seeking.
 
Asking simple "everyday" questions is the best way to gauge someone's sincerity.  If you actually strike up a conversation beyond "kneel bitch", then you have the rare distinction of chatting with a dom who sees more than just new, naive "meat".  But the clever ones will hang in there, so you've gotta be patient and give only the trust they earn.  Moving to arranging a r/l meet is also another way of screening out the geeks.
 
Good luck - and welcome to the Forums.... :-)
 
Focus.


I think 5 in 100 hugely overestimates the figures; 5 in 1,000 may be more accurate.

You are going to encounter a lot of frogs along the way; expect them and be prepared.

Be aware too, that the good Doms, and others, see the other side of the coin.

Wannabe subs who pester with trivial or irrelevant questions to which the answers are patently obvious.

Then or if the question is answered, come back with a very similar question the next week.



Madame4a -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 4:24:44 AM)

Don't use this as your only outlet.. especially where you live.. there are plenty of offline things available to you...

beyond that... be damned careful and if it doesn't seem right, realize that its very likely not to be...



tag8833 -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 4:58:32 AM)

It would likely facillitate your search to make contact with the local lifestyle groups.  They can help you identify legit people, and also warn you away from potentially dangerous people. 



MadameXTC -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 5:11:24 AM)

I think there are ALOT of fakes on this site and people who lie. But in life when you are dating and looking for potential partners you find the same thing. Many people use the internet to hide who they really are. We all have seen people who say they are one thing and when we meet them the first time we cant pick them out of a police lineup by what they told us. If someone is not willing to give you the things that you want- *within a decent timeframe* then I would be wondering who they really are. I think it is resonable for someone who may be new or scared to offer information to another person, but they should explain that they do not offer information until they talk with someone a few times. If you set up a timeframe and they cannot live up to your expectations, * yes subs have expectations that Dom/mes should meet*  then I would move on to looking elsewhere. I have met several from collarme in my past and the majority of the time when it came to meeting people who were real, I had a better chance of doing that within the local community. *granted there are fakes there too, but usually you can see right through them* good luck with it :)



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 5:18:45 AM)

You've got the right to expect decent, honest answers. Go with your gut if you don't feel that you're getting this. Get out into your community and get to know people real time as well.

http://www.bdsmvancouver.com/

Master Fire



CruelDesires -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 8:11:18 AM)

quote:

curioussub30;
I've been told Im a control freak in real life but have been curious for quite awhile now and believe I am ready to turn fantasy into reality.


I've met quite a few submissives who have been told that by others. But... they desire to give up that control to someone who's worthy. Good luck finding that person. As someone stated before, you will kiss quite a few frogs before you find a real Prince. [:)]

CD



xxblushesxx -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 8:17:16 AM)

I'm not sure about the numbers that have been tossed about here; I seem to have found many who were serious, sincere and interested.
What I did was to take my time, enjoy talking to others, and eventually, a few rose to the top. They were the ones who were the diamonds hidden in the sand. After (months) of talking to these people, I talked to a few on the telephone, for quite a while.
They were open about who they were, and what they did.
I googled their names, and found out that they were relatively well-known, and successful.
I met two of them. (at different times...*lol*)
And eventually settled down with one, and the other is probably the best friend I have.
It's kind of like grilling...go low and slow...



kinkypuppy2 -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 8:30:50 AM)

Get references from them



Maya2001 -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 8:39:42 AM)

tyr this for lifestyle groups in your area http://vancouverleather.com/bdsm/



Dnomyar -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 10:30:12 AM)

As far as kissing frogs. Why would you want to do that unless you have a frog kissing fetish?  When have you ever seen a frog turn into anything human. How many men would want a woman with frog warts on her lips kising them. Besides only pigs kiss frogs. No offence Miss Piggy.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 11:00:51 AM)

I totally understand where you are coming from.  For me personally, I want to get who I'm dealing with.   Basically, take the same approach as you would getting to know somebody vanilla.  It's really that friggen simple.  If somebody wants to pull out and use the Because I'm a Dom or Master Card.  You don't have to deal with them.   What I'm saying, is deal with people here and online, like you would with anybody else.

Take your time, get to know them as a person and on a personal level.  If somebody is not willing to take the time to do this.  Fine, move onto somebody else.

Exchanging pictures is part of the process, and it should be a given expectation for this to happen at some point in time.

If somebody seems rather standoffish in opening up on a personal level, or refusing to give you a straight answer on something.  Chance are something is not right!  Perhaps they are a fake, wanker, game player, cheater... who the hell knows, and really who the Hell cares.   Move onto somebody else.

Keep screening through people.  Sooner or later you will find somebody who is legit!  Just because you find somebody real, does not automatically mean they are the match for you!

BDSM relationships are still relationships just like any other kind of relationship!  You have to have things in common.   

In terms of D/s or M/s relationships.  A submissive/slave should find a Dom/Master that they can become a reflection of.   Basically, this is important aspect in a submissives Quest.   What I'm saying is this, find a like Minded Partner!  Just as you would for any other kind of relationship! 

BDSM is not to be used as an Excuse to hide behind, BDSM is not to used as an Excuse for not being a human being towards other people. 

Also, anybody who's into wanting you to submit in a couple of Emails, IM's or phone conversations... really!  Come on here!   D/s is about a commitment, and both parties need to know what they are getting themselves into here.   Any Dom who is not taking the time to get to know a sub... really has another thing coming to them.   For all they know the submissive could be crazier then batshit, with a shit load of issues and drama.  

OK, I've ranted enough!   There is a very human reality that some people do not think applies here, just because this a BDSM kinky adult dating website. 




roland23 -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 12:48:40 PM)

Be available. Which means you do not have a dom or a boyfriend. If I had a penny for every woman I've met online who is out there to make her "friend with benefits" jealous, I would be a millionaire.

Live in the present. Many of us don't want to hear about a woman's history of unfortunate relationships. Some basic info is OK, but don't overdo it!    



CruelDesires -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 3:12:35 PM)

Watching how one speaks about and handles past relationships can tell One alot about the persons charactor. I am always curious about a persons past relationships and how they effect that person and their outlook on the lifestyle and their place in it.

CD



RedMagic1 -> RE: Advice for seeking Dom online (5/19/2008 3:14:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
Basically, take the same approach as you would getting to know somebody vanilla. 

Yes.



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