Advice for seeking Dom online

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Advice for seeking Dom online

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Advice for seeking Dom online

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 12:20:53 AM

curioussub30

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/18/2008
Status: offline

Im a curious sub and Ive had a bit of experience however this is something that I have wanted for quite sometime.
So I have been looking online to meet a dom in my area.
I dont really know anyone in the lifestyle so Ive decided to give online a try.
However Im finding that there are a lot of posers out there..not willing answer and questions I have or very vague answers. I have no problem sending pics once someone strikes my interest and am honest as to what I am looking for.
Im not looking to wasting anyones time which is why I ask potential Doms basic questions...no questions that are intruding into there personal lives.
I am not emailing my life story or anything but simple things like having someone send a pic in return are a problem.
Trust is the number one issue and good reason to be so. Would you consider that strange that someone will not directly answer my questions or return pics?
Any advice?

Post #: 1

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 12:24:19 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I personally wouldn't waste my time on someone unwilling to share basic info ....if your gut is telling you somethings not right......SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 2

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 12:48:01 AM

SleepyDom

Posts: 118
Status: offline

If they're talking to you but evasive for no good reason, they're probably hiding something--maybe they're married. If they're not talking to you at all, then they're probably not interested. Either way, yea, I say move on.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 3

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 12:56:37 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Would you hook up with someone in a bar who sits with his back to you and won't answer your questions? Well? So why would you do that online? These are such elementary things, I wonder why you even ask...

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 4

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 1:07:25 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

She's asking because she obviously has little to no experience of the lifestyle, and is wondering if this is normal behaviour.

OP, your profile says you've been on CM for one day. Have you been on other sites looking for a D?

There are bullshitters everywhere, subs and Dom/mes, girls and guys, so don't be put off by a few who haven't been exactly forthcoming. As stated, they may be full of shit, married, guys just looking for a quick fuck, dickheads, not interested.

It takes time to get to know a person, so don't let your eagerness to experience it all get in the way of your good judgement. If they can't answer simple, basic questions, then trust your gut. No ones going to tell you their phone number and address straight off naturally, but basics shouldn't be a problem.

Try to have a little fun along the way, don't make this into a desperate or negative search. Your "one" is somewhere, but you might have to wait a while!!

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 5

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 3:55:06 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curioussub30

Im a curious sub and Ive had a bit of experience however this is something that I have wanted for quite sometime.
So I have been looking online to meet a dom in my area.
I dont really know anyone in the lifestyle so Ive decided to give online a try.
However Im finding that there are a lot of posers out there..not willing answer and questions I have or very vague answers. I have no problem sending pics once someone strikes my interest and am honest as to what I am looking for.
Im not looking to wasting anyones time which is why I ask potential Doms basic questions...no questions that are intruding into there personal lives.
I am not emailing my life story or anything but simple things like having someone send a pic in return are a problem.
Trust is the number one issue and good reason to be so. Would you consider that strange that someone will not directly answer my questions or return pics?
Any advice?

What you lack in experience seems to be more than compensated for with commonsense. Your approach seems sensible to me but what you don't realise is how tiny the available pool of those genuinely seeking same is....

If you picked a hundred random dom profiles, I reckon less than five would be sincere individuals interested in taking the time to cultivate something meaningful with you (or any female) and 80 - 90 would come under the banner of HNG (horny net geek) - the timewasters and wannabes who can only ever be dominant as long as the Net protects their anonymity. The remainder are those happy with what they have and aren't seeking.

Asking simple "everyday" questions is the best way to gauge someone's sincerity. If you actually strike up a conversation beyond "kneel bitch", then you have the rare distinction of chatting with a dom who sees more than just new, naive "meat". But the clever ones will hang in there, so you've gotta be patient and give only the trust they earn. Moving to arranging a r/l meet is also another way of screening out the geeks.

Good luck - and welcome to the Forums.... :-)

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 6

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 4:07:48 AM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus5]

If you picked a hundred random dom profiles, I reckon less than five would be sincere individuals interested in taking the time to cultivate something meaningful with you (or any female) and 80 - 90 would come under the banner of HNG (horny net geek) - the timewasters and wannabes who can only ever be dominant as long as the Net protects their anonymity. The remainder are those happy with what they have and aren't seeking.

Asking simple "everyday" questions is the best way to gauge someone's sincerity. If you actually strike up a conversation beyond "kneel bitch", then you have the rare distinction of chatting with a dom who sees more than just new, naive "meat". But the clever ones will hang in there, so you've gotta be patient and give only the trust they earn. Moving to arranging a r/l meet is also another way of screening out the geeks.

Good luck - and welcome to the Forums.... :-)

Focus.

I think 5 in 100 hugely overestimates the figures; 5 in 1,000 may be more accurate.

You are going to encounter a lot of frogs along the way; expect them and be prepared.

Be aware too, that the good Doms, and others, see the other side of the coin.

Wannabe subs who pester with trivial or irrelevant questions to which the answers are patently obvious.

Then or if the question is answered, come back with a very similar question the next week.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 7

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 4:24:44 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Don't use this as your only outlet.. especially where you live.. there are plenty of offline things available to you...

beyond that... be damned careful and if it doesn't seem right, realize that its very likely not to be...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 8

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 4:58:32 AM

tag8833

Posts: 67
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

It would likely facillitate your search to make contact with the local lifestyle groups. They can help you identify legit people, and also warn you away from potentially dangerous people.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 9

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 5:11:24 AM

MadameXTC

Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline

I think there are ALOT of fakes on this site and people who lie. But in life when you are dating and looking for potential partners you find the same thing. Many people use the internet to hide who they really are. We all have seen people who say they are one thing and when we meet them the first time we cant pick them out of a police lineup by what they told us. If someone is not willing to give you the things that you want- *within a decent timeframe* then I would be wondering who they really are. I think it is resonable for someone who may be new or scared to offer information to another person, but they should explain that they do not offer information until they talk with someone a few times. If you set up a timeframe and they cannot live up to your expectations, * yes subs have expectations that Dom/mes should meet* then I would move on to looking elsewhere. I have met several from collarme in my past and the majority of the time when it came to meeting people who were real, I had a better chance of doing that within the local community. *granted there are fakes there too, but usually you can see right through them* good luck with it :)

_____________________________

"Dominance is best viewed through a submissive's actions"

(in reply to tag8833)

Post #: 10

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 5:18:45 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

You've got the right to expect decent, honest answers. Go with your gut if you don't feel that you're getting this. Get out into your community and get to know people real time as well.

http://www.bdsmvancouver.com/

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 11

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 8:11:18 AM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

curioussub30;
I've been told Im a control freak in real life but have been curious for quite awhile now and believe I am ready to turn fantasy into reality.

I've met quite a few submissives who have been told that by others. But... they desire to give up that control to someone who's worthy. Good luck finding that person. As someone stated before, you will kiss quite a few frogs before you find a real Prince.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 8:17:16 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'm not sure about the numbers that have been tossed about here; I seem to have found many who were serious, sincere and interested.
What I did was to take my time, enjoy talking to others, and eventually, a few rose to the top. They were the ones who were the diamonds hidden in the sand. After (months) of talking to these people, I talked to a few on the telephone, for quite a while.
They were open about who they were, and what they did.
I googled their names, and found out that they were relatively well-known, and successful.
I met two of them. (at different times...*lol*)
And eventually settled down with one, and the other is probably the best friend I have.
It's kind of like grilling...go low and slow...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 13

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 8:30:50 AM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

Get references from them

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 14

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 8:39:42 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

tyr this for lifestyle groups in your area http://vancouverleather.com/bdsm/

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Post #: 15

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 10:30:12 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

As far as kissing frogs. Why would you want to do that unless you have a frog kissing fetish? When have you ever seen a frog turn into anything human. How many men would want a woman with frog warts on her lips kising them. Besides only pigs kiss frogs. No offence Miss Piggy.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 16

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 11:00:51 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I totally understand where you are coming from. For me personally, I want to get who I'm dealing with.   Basically, take the same approach as you would getting to know somebody vanilla. It's really that friggen simple. If somebody wants to pull out and use the Because I'm a Dom or Master Card. You don't have to deal with them.   What I'm saying, is deal with people here and online, like you would with anybody else.

Take your time, get to know them as a person and on a personal level. If somebody is not willing to take the time to do this. Fine, move onto somebody else.

Exchanging pictures is part of the process, and it should be a given expectation for this to happen at some point in time.

If somebody seems rather standoffish in opening up on a personal level, or refusing to give you a straight answer on something. Chance are something is not right! Perhaps they are a fake, wanker, game player, cheater... who the hell knows, and really who the Hell cares.   Move onto somebody else.

Keep screening through people. Sooner or later you will find somebody who is legit! Just because you find somebody real, does not automatically mean they are the match for you!

BDSM relationships are still relationships just like any other kind of relationship! You have to have things in common.

In terms of D/s or M/s relationships. A submissive/slave should find a Dom/Master that they can become a reflection of.   Basically, this is important aspect in a submissives Quest.   What I'm saying is this, find a like Minded Partner! Just as you would for any other kind of relationship!

BDSM is not to be used as an Excuse to hide behind, BDSM is not to used as an Excuse for not being a human being towards other people.

Also, anybody who's into wanting you to submit in a couple of Emails, IM's or phone conversations... really! Come on here!   D/s is about a commitment, and both parties need to know what they are getting themselves into here.   Any Dom who is not taking the time to get to know a sub... really has another thing coming to them.   For all they know the submissive could be crazier then batshit, with a shit load of issues and drama.

OK, I've ranted enough!   There is a very human reality that some people do not think applies here, just because this a BDSM kinky adult dating website.

(in reply to curioussub30)

Post #: 17

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 12:48:40 PM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Be available. Which means you do not have a dom or a boyfriend. If I had a penny for every woman I've met online who is out there to make her "friend with benefits" jealous, I would be a millionaire.

Live in the present. Many of us don't want to hear about a woman's history of unfortunate relationships. Some basic info is OK, but don't overdo it!

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 18

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 3:12:35 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Watching how one speaks about and handles past relationships can tell One alot about the persons charactor. I am always curious about a persons past relationships and how they effect that person and their outlook on the lifestyle and their place in it.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to roland23)

Post #: 19

RE: Advice for seeking Dom online - 5/19/2008 3:14:40 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
Basically, take the same approach as you would getting to know somebody vanilla.

Yes.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Advice for seeking Dom online

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094