RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken

RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (Full Version)

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Lordandmaster -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/20/2008 10:16:52 AM)
Actually, if you want good irony, it's going to a website for alternative sexuality and finding all sorts of self-anointed progressive thinkers spouting the same conventional morality you would have found on television ca. 1955. quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama No offense intended, but there's a certain amount of irony in reading an OP like this from a married woman looking for a man to serve her on the side. From the perspective of many good submissives, a married woman is pretty "taken" herself. [;)]

passub -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/20/2008 11:35:12 AM)
A familar cant or chant which can oft be heard in different communities - ahhh all de good `uns are gone ahhh all de good men have been taken.... et all. That seems rather kink negative rather than positive.?? Surely when ye mention subs, in this context ye mean men - dommes are not some kinda blow-up dolls which can be inflated in an emergency - as in when the guy gets a hard ne... Before de quick minded think i be trying to impress and get de proverbial leg over, i be in de outer reaches of de known scene - namely Ireland, where yes there be a scene but not as ye folks in other parts might know it. Look and ye shall find but the attitude that all de good ones - rather impersonal term there - have been taken - how de ye mean taken - by whom..???? Now could just be that some one put up this topic, to create a bit of debate, in which case....this post may be meaningless...but hey...!!! Suppose de simple answer is look for de wans which have not been taken, unless ye mean there be no good free wans on this site..???? Shock horror.......[:o]

littlesarbonn -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/20/2008 11:25:44 PM)
The reality is that it's just a tough gig for both sincere submissives and dominants. Not only do you have to find someone equally sincere, but you have to be lucky enough to find that person in close proximity to you, interested at the same time you are, not upset about other things that automatically causes a disconnect when the first maneuvers begin as part of a relationship, and you have to put forth a lot of effort, with the realization that most likely it's probably not going to amount to anything. It's really easy to turn negative and just give up or disappear for awhile. It's really not that different in the vanilla world. I often find myself the subject of statements like: "He's such a great guy. How come he doesn't have a significant other?" This will usually be said by women I've been interested in that really aren't interested in me as they go through one "tragic" relationship after another. But it happens. Just gotta deal with it and carry on. I personally believe that the right person is out there for pretty much everyone. We just do a really good job of placing barriers in front of us because we learn really well how to be dismissive more than we learn to be inclusive. We let a few bad apples define the world for us in how we deal with everyone else. It's sad, but that's quite often the Internet coping mechanism. It certainly is the coping mechanism on CM.

Politesub53 -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 2:02:06 AM)
Nicely put Sarbonn, proximity is indeed a big factor. It`s also true that many become weary due to past experiences, and throw up a few barriers. One of the most positive things about Collarme, is it shows us there are indeed lots of nice Dominants/submissives around. Many decent people shine through in their posts.

MissEnchanted -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 9:03:05 AM)
I also belive the right person is out there for everyone. I have been very fortunate in that I have found much of what I seek and some good friends in the process. Networking on cm brought me local subs I can trust and a slave I adore. It takes work, but it is worth it. just ME

LadyHugs -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 10:58:27 AM)
Dear tamedboy, Welcome to the forums of Collarme.com. Love your presentment position. I also agree with your post--the good ones are taken for a reason. For me, its duty that has me 'tied up' per se and once free of that capacity--I'll be scooping up wonderful lads and lavish hugs upon them once more. In the meantime, I mentor, teach, give presentations and or demonstrations on 'how to.' There is still purpose for Dominant women without slaves/submissives/servants/pets. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

AAkasha -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 11:22:11 AM)
Yes - the solution? "Fixer Uppers"! Make MORE good ones. I think a great many submissive men are just wandering a bit and need a little direction. They need a "submissive makeover" so to speak. The sad thing is when you "fix them up" and then they go on and find a mate -- but that's ok, too. You want them to be happy. I've had a lot of success making a few small tweaks to a submissive - or, giving them that little experience they need - and have them become much more appealing to women. Also, a big part of it is the fact that men are more attractive to women if they are already involved with other women. Akasha

pixelslave -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 11:30:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I personally believe that the right person is out there for pretty much everyone. We just do a really good job of placing barriers in front of us because we learn really well how to be dismissive more than we learn to be inclusive. We let a few bad apples define the world for us in how we deal with everyone else. It's sad, but that's quite often the Internet coping mechanism. It certainly is the coping mechanism on CM. I agree littlesarbonne. Beyond what you've said, there's also something that seems to happen where others expect perfection or are looking for some ideal that doesn't exist. The have a mindset that doesn't allow them to recognize that we all have our flaws and idiosyncrasies. We often don't allow ourselves to be flexible enough to be open to possibilties that may prove to be very fulfilling. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] Knowing the difference between our "Must Haves", "Desires" or "Nice to Haves" as well as "Hard Limits" or "Not Acceptables" is important. As long as the "Must Haves" are met, without encountering any "Not Acceptables" or "Hard Limits", the rest becomes icing on the cake that we can appreciate in the other person. The other little things I'd hope would be things we'd learn to accept and maybe learn to love in the other because they're what help to make them unique. [&:] - pixel

ocilla -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 5:54:03 PM)
bingo Pixel! I find for myself that getting real clear and having the ability to communicate the needs versus wants and then get creative in how to get those needs in particular met is the key to just about the entire enchalada.

MsLascivious -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 6:40:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor *Firts of all subtreat--how brave of you to post, don't be such a stranger and welcome back to the light---* *As for the communication/lack of/ penpal status then fizzle----( and may I say I an proud that no one shoved the---get out into your community issue at this)* If I am going to find Mine, I am going to have to look outside My area--as My area are marrieds, Doms or well just won't fit---I am not going to relocate---so that narrows the field allot---what I seek is like MsStarlett--those with a real life---ok now the field gets narrower--and the commitment to communication gets harder ( and this "where there is a will there is a way"---it works LATER, it doesn't work that way in the beginning)---I don't want someone who hangs on the computer all day--ping ping ping ping---that says to Me--needy--I also don't want someone who does because maybe they don't work---I want someone interesting, fun, with interests that we can share---well people with busy lives are busy people---and that early new communication ends up going by the wayside---so its frustrating---at both ends--I have a busy life-homeschool a graduating senior, demanding job, horses so I'm not here all the time---add to that most of the boys that may have potential are in a different time zone---WHY ARE THEY ALL ON THE WEST COAST?? ok sorry, whiney moment there---I haven't found the solution---the mix of communication, the blend of getting past the interference of life--and no Dominas in the early stages cannot simply command someone to be on line or be there at a certain time---it just doesn't happen that way. *I've given up on a few occasions, I'm close again because I can't seem to find the mix to get through that first log jam.* I find it hilarious that all of the ones you find are on the West Coast and all the ones I find are on the East Coast. Damn them!!!! Just thought I would mention that.

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 6:42:25 PM)
i'm not a good one, but i'm taken (in a vanilla sense)

petdave -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 7:18:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie The only trouble I see with a "Good Ones are Taken" thread is it sends a message to all the fabulous unowned ones that they are no good. I'm sure that's not what you intended, but the message is there to be picked up on. Of course, it also lets some of the taken ones think that we're good (you hush, Redmagic1 [:'(])

MsStarlett -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 7:23:26 PM)
Wow! Amazing insight guys & gals. I appreciate people sharing their experiances and views. I'm about out of my little funk. You guys actually helped quite a bit. Well, that and one of my 'good subs that went poof' is back. He may still get back together with his wife, but he HAS had a conversation with her. She knows about me and that I Dom him on the internet but it is highly unlikely that we will ever meet. She's ok with that and I'm glad that he's not keeping it a secret. Get this! He thinks she will even allow me to keep him in chastity! I figured that would be the first thing to go when/if she came back. I'm very fond of this boy and I really didn't want to lose him. But, as said above, I can't be his one and only and I DO want him to be happy. If his wife can deal with me giving him what she can't, that would be spectacular!

ownedgirlie -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/21/2008 9:31:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie The only trouble I see with a "Good Ones are Taken" thread is it sends a message to all the fabulous unowned ones that they are no good. I'm sure that's not what you intended, but the message is there to be picked up on. Of course, it also lets some of the taken ones think that we're good (you hush, Redmagic1 [:'(]) [8D]

ShaktiSama -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/22/2008 7:34:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Actually, if you want good irony, it's going to a website for alternative sexuality and finding all sorts of self-anointed progressive thinkers spouting the same conventional morality you would have found on television ca. 1955. Lol...sure. You're right, my posts are all about "conventional morality". rolls her eyes You've got me all figured out, Sparky. And I agree, it's truly shocking that any submissive could want or need more from a dominant than a few zero-commitment play sessions, unlimited rights to shower the dominant with gifts and pampering, and a solid No Sex Ever policy. How "non-progressive". Can you believe that in these modern times there are still men and women who want to have sex with a dominant, or actually live together, or some crazy Leave-It-To-Beaver crap like that? I know, it's the sort of notion that makes us all GASP with astonishment nowadays. Everyone knows that being a very occasional whipping post for a dominant who keeps a harem of submissives on the side of a highly committed vanilla marriage is the only "Twue" Alternativve Lifestyle in the halcyon year of 2008. When will people learn?

LadyPact -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/22/2008 8:54:57 AM)
Zero commitment, Shakti? Are you kidding? Do you really think that's how it works for everyone who is either in open marriages, or poly, or doing anything other than the one on one version of all of this? While you are right that I could never give a sub the perfect vision of "and the TWO of them lived happily ever after" don't think for a second that it means that there is no fulfillment for him. My sub has no reason to doubt what he means to Me. There's no 'showering of gifts' going on here. No sucking him dry of his time and energy where he gets nothing back. I don't treat anyone like a meaningless 'convenient whipping post'. Not My sub. Not anyone who I play or scene with. That may be how it works for some people, but it certainly isn't the way it works with Me. I'm willing to bet there are quite a few folks who have different situations than just 'something on the side'. I'd be more than happy to invite you to get to know us, rather than make these assumptions. I've said too much on the matter. Enjoy your day.

MissEnchanted -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/22/2008 9:01:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Zero commitment, Shakti? Are you kidding? Do you really think that's how it works for everyone who is either in open marriages, or poly, or doing anything other than the one on one version of all of this? While you are right that I could never give a sub the perfect vision of "and the TWO of them lived happily ever after" don't think for a second that it means that there is no fulfillment for him. My sub has no reason to doubt what he means to Me. There's no 'showering of gifts' going on here. No sucking him dry of his time and energy where he gets nothing back. I don't treat anyone like a meaningless 'convenient whipping post'. Not My sub. Not anyone who I play or scene with. That may be how it works for some people, but it certainly isn't the way it works with Me. I'm willing to bet there are quite a few folks who have different situations than just 'something on the side'. I'd be more than happy to invite you to get to know us, rather than make these assumptions. I've said too much on the matter. Enjoy your day. I agree with what Lady Pact said. These are good relationships we're having. ME

passub -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/22/2008 9:07:16 AM)
Just seen this discussion at top of topics list and reading some of the posts - sorry to burst de bubble so to speake but the word sub is being bandied about as if were looking for a dog or some kinda animal. Where is de romance, de passion - the humanity. or be it a case of objectification of subs, ..shock horrur[:o][8D]

ElanSubdued -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/22/2008 9:34:07 AM)
Lady Pact, quote: Zero commitment, Shakti? Are you kidding? Do you really think that's how it works for everyone who is either in open marriages, or poly, or doing anything other than the one on one version of all of this? (snip) I don't treat anyone like a meaningless 'convenient whipping post'. (snip) I'd be more than happy to invite you to get to know us, rather than make these assumptions. Respectfully, I don't think Shakti is taking a shot at relationships different than one-on-one nor do I think she is saying these relationships are unloving and uncommitted. Rather, I think Shakti has written why many submissives who are available are not available to certain Dominants. There are many submissive who want traditional (albeit within BDSM), live together, reasonably monogamous relationships. Elan.

ShaktiSama -> RE: The 'Good Ones' are taken (5/22/2008 9:52:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Zero commitment, Shakti? Are you kidding? Do you really think that's how it works for everyone who is either in open marriages, or poly, or doing anything other than the one on one version of all of this? To this first question: yes, I am kidding. I am being quite sarcastic. To the second question: No, I do not think that is how it worlk for "everyone", because there IS no one way that it works for everyone. D/S arrangements are pretty variable from person to person and group to group. On the other hand, I also do not consider the "one-on-one version" of this to be analogous to puerile Leave-It-To-Beaver morality from the 1950's. Nor do I consider monogamy to be "non-progressive" per se. shrug Whatever.

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