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Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 8:42:55 PM   
tormentedtears


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/18/2008
Status: offline 		Good evening all...

I met a Dom online and first week logged in some serious chat time.  Quickly He arranged for a meeting.  The meeting (weekend) was amazing... sex was mindblowing. 

During the first week of mutual interview, we both agreed that Our/our goal was 24/7.  I related a previous ongoing long term/long distance relationship, that only allowed one weekend a month, and how i was really looking for more.  He agreed, said that was His desire, also.

Now... 7 weeks later... with only that one weekend of real-time.  Contact is now limited.  Always text or IM... rare, rare phone call.  And on some days entirely one sided.  I asked if He still wanted my contact... and He acts like i'm overreacting to His just being busy for business.

We live approx 4 hours drive from one another.  I am more than willing to be the one who drives most of the time (I love to drive).  During the next two mos. i had two weekends where I had limited availability.  These were brought to His attention one month prior, for scheduling purposes.  Of course, these were the two weeks He tries to schedule meeting.  Finally, now 7 weeks since our first meeting, we have a weekend confirmed.  He works the week before near 24/7 and lands Himself in the sickbed... i know, not His fault. 

I want to be patient.  We have allot of kinks/fetishes we share.  I think He is a great Man.  When we speak He tells me of His plans for me... and that soon He will have lot's of free time for me.  That He is excited about my training.

I did write a carefully worded e-mail explaining my anxiousness and concern over sparseness of contact and real time.  He told me that i was over reacting... to be patient. 

The way the man whispers in my ear as unspeakable things are done to my body... His knowledge of all of my desires... even ones i didn't know myself.  I'm lost in His Domination... but as time goes on... His hold is lessening...

Could i please get the perspectives of Dominants online?

P.S.  He does not limit me from having sexual relations with others (although i have not... my choice) nor being on dating sites and chatting with Doms.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 8:50:28 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		If you have to ask whether you have a relationship, the answer is no.

A good friend with whom you can have occasional hot sex is not a bad thing.  This sounds like a net positive, even if it's not your final destination.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 8:51:53 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I think he might be right, you are overreacting so soon, when none of the things that have gone on are red flags. It would be one thing if every time you made plans he suddenly had something come up. He isnt avoiding you, he is just busy.
Take it from one who has gone through this already... if he really is that interesting to you, cope with the busy schedule until you can have a few more face to face meets.  Had I given up when Angel was too busy to talk for more than a few minutes a day on IMs, eve though we lived less than 15 minutes apart, Id have missed out on an aboslutely wonderful submissive. We were so cose, and yet he was unavailable through no fault of his own. Sometimes, real life gets very severely in the way.

Do you have a relationship, maybe. Its a little early to cal it much. But you have to decide if you can be patient enough to give it that chance or not. You might regret not, especially when he is being realistic about it all and not limiting you fro seeing others until such time as he can keep you.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 8:56:01 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

If you have to ask whether you have a relationship, the answer is no.

Pretty much too the words right out of my mouth.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 9:00:06 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well you tried to find some way to be together again three times...I say let him try to make the arrangements and see what happens..If however he makes no move to do so in the next couple of months then I would say that you need to move on..because either he is wayyy to busy in his work life to have any kind of relationship, or he is perusing other possibilities ....Now keep in mind, since you both have agreed to be able to see others, I see no reason why you cannot also look for other possibilities as well...Dont count him out..but certainly dont make him a priority just yet...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 9:01:35 PM   
Youresomine


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		Gut reaction...he is not being up front with you about something and/or at the very least, his interest is very low. When someone is truly interested they make the time...whether they are busy or not. If it were me in your position I would walk now.

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/19/2008 9:36:49 PM   
Wantstocontrolu


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		No you do not sorry....
Have you ever been to his home ?? or just met at your place or a hotel ?
might take a clue from that question

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 12:55:11 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		You don't need us to tell you what you already know and feel. For whatever reasons, he either doesn't want, or isn't ready for, 24/7. Don't expect it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 4:50:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If you have to ask a group of strangers whether or not you have a relationship the answer is probably:  you do not have a relationship.  More than likely the guy got what he wanted out of the weekend you spent together.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 5:05:30 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		You are being played with. Plain and simple.

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 5:08:17 AM   
Aynne


Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		Not a relationship, sorry. Listen to the goodlooking guy above me 

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*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 5:28:14 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		"Do I Have A Relationship?" - to be honest what i (and others) say here truly won't matter since you have to answer this question yourself.

however - i can say, the guy got what he wanted that weekend.  a fun, mindblowing free sex without having any real attachment with you. did you really get to know him during your first "week of mutual interview"? besides sharing common kink interests, what about vanilla interests - did you have something in common? imho, i think both of you moved too fast too soon ...not enough time spent really knowing each other and builiding something on trust/friendship/compatibility - but hey, i've done it before too ...learned a valuable lesson or two from the experience.

my opinion to your question - no you don't have a relationship ...you never did.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 6:22:33 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		FR

Basing my opinion on "Honestly, he's just not that into you", I'd say that the signals that you are not a priority in his life are clear.  People can always make time for what is important to them regardless of how busy they are, and like the author in that book said, (paraphrasing) he calls people accidentally from his pocket all the time, how hard is it really to make a 2 minute phone call to tell someone that you are thinking of them.

I love cell phones, with their little automatic timer that tells you at the end of every conversation just how short the conversations really were, and how much can be said in 2 minutes.  It changed my paradigm when it came to phone calls.  Seriously, everyone can find 2 minutes per day to pick up a phone.  (and that is coming from a person that perfers not to pick up a phone and dial it because I would always think that I'd get stuck talking to someone when I could be doing other things)

As for physical availablility, you'd be surprised at how open a busy person can be when it's worth it to them.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 6:36:49 AM   
tormentedtears


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/18/2008
Status: offline 		Thank You to all You fine folks that have chimed in on this one.  You've all spoken words that i've heard my conscious telling me.

This last one most directly spoke to my feelings "people can always make time for what's important to them regardless of how busy they are".

But... again... i wished to understand if it was just my overreaction. 

Well... that being said, i still wish it wasn't true.  And... i'm not ready to take a hard negative stand on the outside chance it is not true.  I'll just quit sending the texts and e-mails he says he enjoys (but rarely returns) and see if he notices.  If he does truly have feelings... that should spark his attention.  If not... well all is for the best.  I have a great memory from our meeting. 

Thanks again all.... TT

(in reply to OmegaG)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 6:59:50 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

If he does truly have feelings... that should spark his attention.


Just remember -- a hard-on is not equal to feelings.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 7:09:30 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

If he does truly have feelings... that should spark his attention.


Just remember -- a hard-on is not equal to feelings.



it's something I can feel.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 7:49:37 AM   
Dommstr49


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		No you do not have a relationship.   

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 8:02:40 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		(Haven't read all of the replies.  Just My quick opinion.)

No, you don't.  What you have here is the BDSM equivilant to a one-night (weekend) stand.  If this was a vanilla situation and you haven't had a second 'date', where you had sex on the first meeting, would you be asking the same question?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tormentedtears)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 11:43:57 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		happy pervert don't spoil it for me.  

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Do I Have A Relationship? - 5/20/2008 11:55:19 AM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

If he does truly have feelings... that should spark his attention.


Just remember -- a hard-on is not equal to feelings.



It can often be a good start for a lot of pleasant developments however.

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to happypervert)
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