RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback.

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RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/23/2008 4:08:57 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I've been reading the replies and will comment in due course, but first I want to let my emotions settle. Suffice it to say I've been reflecting on my submissive demeanor (which isn't always entirely submissive) and this caused me to wonder if I've been treating people here with appropriate courtesy, kindness, and respect. Thanks again to everyone who has responded.

Elan.

Elan,
On a board like this, IMO, your identifying as a submissive shouldn't have anything to do with the kind of response you give someone. Save that for your Mistress when you find one. Here, you're theoretically among equals despite what some might like to think.

Over the last couple of years, I've read your posts and we've occasionally corresponded on the other side about one thing or another. You've always seemed to me to make a genuine effort to be helpful when posting. We all have our moments where our buttons get pushed and it's normal to let some sarcarsm or snarkiness come through from time to time, but I rarely see that from you. I plead guilty to having allowed myself to do some of it on occasion; even after thinking twice.

IMO opinion, you make a genuine effort to come accross as a helpful gentlemen.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

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RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/23/2008 5:57:51 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

What Pixel said ! I try and be polite but this is still only a forum for exchanging ideas. Many come across as their way is the only way, both submissives and Mistress`s. To stop either is to stop the exchange of ideas.

The nice thing about your posts Elan, is that your views are honest, even if i dont always agree with them.

(in reply to pixelslave)

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Post #: 22

RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/24/2008 2:19:12 AM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

I feel a peaceful calm after reading you're profile.

I think you're beautiful.

Have fun.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to Michael3001)

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Post #: 23

RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/24/2008 10:52:45 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

I feel a peaceful calm after reading you're profile.

I think you're beautiful.

Have fun.

On an endorphin high from riding your bicycle are you joy?

(in reply to joyinslavery)

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Post #: 24

RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/24/2008 3:28:32 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with you that a good spankin' won't cure, Elan!

Of course, I tell this to all the boys.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

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RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/24/2008 5:05:54 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Do I come across as overly critical, overly picky, rude, switchy in a bad way (i.e. topping from the bottom), or nasty to others?

What if the answer is "yes?" Are you going to change? What if one person says yes, that you are switchy in a bad way and everyone else said no? What if two did? Are you going to change who you are? Isn't it better to ruffle feathers with who you are then to bite down on something you want to say, and feel inauthentic and stiffled? I mean ... really. (smiling, perhaps mischeviously)

Frankly, it seems like a question to set up yourself for disappointment and irritation.

One of the things I love about submissive men is that they are responsive and moldable. This has to be balanced with a knowledge of and comfort with who you are. You can't be all things to all people. What one dominant finds to be a submissive act another one will find cloying, pathetic, irritating (chose your negative modifier). You are the submissive and the man that you are. Find someone who works for you rather than feeling bruised if an individual says that the label doesn't fit you and that they don't find you submissive. As biting as his comment was, Michael3001 was onto something.

As to submissives and their behavior on the boards ... Lucky Albatross has been a slave and she doesn't bite back her words. I can think of other people as well who are full-bodied and strong-tempered here, but whom I have no problems imagining being submissive within their relationships. If anything, you can be hesitant and overly careful. What would happen if you didn't? Why not stop being hurt and resentful and just say (and be) your peace?

Mss

(edit button is my friend)

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 5/24/2008 5:11:40 PM >

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--Miss Moneypenny

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RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/24/2008 7:28:39 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

I'm in danger of fulfilling a self-fulfilling prophesy! That is... of being unintentionally rude. :-) Now that I've read all the responses, I feel much better. I won't go into what caused my self doubt (because that is a private matter), but I will say I think it important to consider feedback that seems honest and reasonable. This is what caused me to reflect and to post this thread.

It seems odd having not yet replied directly to anyone here. However, as I noted before, I wanted to wait a while so as to consider the responses and to allow myself to let go of a few strong, perhaps irrational emotions. I must be off to a professional engagement presently so I'll be back to contribute and reply tomorrow.

One person wrote in a way I believe is intended to be honest and helpful, but that misrepresents Lady Hibiscus' and Dominant Jenny's posts. Thus, I'll address this briefly.

quote:

Michael3001:
Here's my 2 cents. I have to agree with some of the other posters such as LadyHibiscus and Dominant Jenny. You come across as insecure and argumentative, needing to be right and not accepting of others opinion. Your way is the right way or better way over other people's differing opinions and definitely passive-aggressive and at times condescending in addition. Guess this reeks harshness but we all have our moments.

Michael, I do appreciate your feedback and agree that there are moments where I get caught up in being "correct" to the detriment of understanding other people's factual advice, feelings, and opinions. This isn't something I do maliciously. I'm working on becoming a better listener and on becoming more accepting of ideals that work for others, but that may not necessarily work for myself. In regard to Lady Hibiscus and Dominant Jenny, if I may say this respectfully and politely, I believe you've misrepresented their posts. I'm not saying your opinion isn't valid, but rather that you've attributed views to Lady Hibiscus and Dominant Jenny that are not the essence of their respective advice. Still, aspects of your post are illuminating and I thank you for contributing.

Elan.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

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Post #: 27

RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/25/2008 5:22:22 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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Indeed, I almost posted to correct Michael's "agreement" with me myself, but figured you'd know the difference.

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Post #: 28

RE: Unintentionally bitchy. Asking for feedback. - 5/25/2008 7:51:40 AM

LadyHibiscus