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is service always required? - 5/20/2008 5:41:12 AM

Windygal

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Joined: 8/17/2004
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I have been emailing a sub for a bit, we met at a couple of parties and munches. He was in the area one Saturday and asked if he could come by, I said yes and we played a bit, and he did some cleaning for me, something he had offered to do when we first started chatting. After he left he sort of whined about doing chores for me. Hell, all I had him do was clean the bathroom and wipe off the kitchen countertop, so no biggie. Do most Dommes ask for some kind of service pr do some of you have a sub you play with who does nothing else for you?

Post #: 1

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 5:55:24 AM

TNstepsout

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Well I don't because I live with my kids and I am not open with them about my lifestyle activities. I would have a hard time explaining why a stranger is cleaning our bathroom. However, a sub "whining" about anything I asked/told him to do would not go over well. Not to be cliche, but he sounds like a "do-me" type. He's looking to get his play time in and that's the only time he's submissive. That's fine if you both enjoy it, and it's enough for you. If you want something more then it's up to you to decide if he's going to work out. You have to ask yourself if YOU want more and then find out from him if he's willing to give more. If not, then you have a decision to make.

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 2

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 5:57:37 AM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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Service can take many forms. I don't require anything like that. The only time I'd have service like that is if it was truely offered with no strings -- which is, in my experience VERY rare.

I don't like getting into a play for service kind of situation. As a dominant, I don't like that tit for tat mentality.

Play is mine to decide, and so is service. I won't do one for the other; its like payment to me and that's not my thing.

My boi offers and does service with no strings, mind you, she doesn't offer to clean the bathroom, but she does other things. That to me is real service, she does it because she wants to and because she loves me and knows it makes me happy. Don't get all excited though, its at her whim. She will do things I ask, but I don't ask too much.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 3

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 6:19:40 AM

LadyPact

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I have play partners that don't, but My sub is very service oriented. As Madame4a said, it is indeed very rare. I'd be hard pressed to find another one like him

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(in reply to Madame4a)

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RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:07:21 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
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I prefer service of some sort. If someone's going to press their footwear fetish at me, I'm going to mention that I like bootblacking. If they're going to mention their foot fetish, I'll ask them about the pedicure and reflexology training. If we're going to play where I have to put effort into what I'm doing, I expect them to do directed set-up, tear-down and clean-up. If they just generally want to be my submissive and I'm interested, they're going to serve and they're going to do housework.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:15:57 AM

MladyHathor

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Joined: 4/6/2008
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Sure he whined, cuz he got what he came for.

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(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 6

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:22:08 AM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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by the way.. next time.. have him do the bathroom first.. and then play... if you really want to set up that kind of system of service=reward

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 7

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:22:38 AM

Dnomyar

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Mustardseed great point about reflexology training.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

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RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:25:03 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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I'll repeat what others have said -- agreeing to do something, doing that and then whining about it would be a huge "no" in my book. Such a person would not get an invitation to training or even play time at a public party let alone anything else.

The question is: Was service part of the negotiation?

If not, he may have said "yes" and done it as he came down from the play time then resented it.

If yes, well, one or both of you then needs to adjust how you negotiate so you don't agree to do something you'll whine about later.

In my household, a submissive's service is part of the agreement we make for the time we spend together -- how much, when, what type, etc. A slave, howeve,r is all about service and he went through the submissive stage long before so he's already prepared and ready for that.

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(in reply to Windygal)

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RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:30:10 AM

tsatske

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Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
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The only thing that hasn't been mentioned, and perhaps you and he should talk about it -
perhaps he was actually delighted to do those chores, but he sees whining as 'cute', as an expected reaction, as a way to make sure that the service he gives gets noticed, not overlooked?
if you do not like the whining, then it needs to be talked about.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 10

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 7:56:11 AM

Lashra

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If a sub wants to serve me he will do household chores and if s/he can't handle it then they need to go find another Domme. It sounds to me like the sub you are talking about is looking for sex/play and really not interested in serving in the household. If this is ok with you then be happy, if not its time to pat him on the head and send him on his way.
I can't abide a whiner so he wouldn't last two seconds with me.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 11

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 8:03:29 AM

MISTRESSKUMA

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Joined: 8/15/2007
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If you got off sexually when playing with him, then you DID get something. Did you get off? Did he sexually service you? If not, then you just topped his needs, right? Can you explain what you got out of topping him? If nothing, then at least now you know to charge him money next time or have him bring something else to the table like clean your toilet bowl and empty out the garbage.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 12

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 9:37:51 AM

tsatske

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From: Louisville, KY
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Some other possiblities: sometimes the 'quick' comunications just don't get the whole message, like when you are in the process of leaving, ect.
Maybe he loves to provide these services, but really needs it to be 'first', because after play he needs more time cuddling talking, or because after service he needs interaction or play, or because it is a let down to him to service and then leave each other, and he needs something after he services?
I think this needs a lot more talking.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to MISTRESSKUMA)

Post #: 13

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 10:03:36 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Did he agree ahead of time or did you spring it on him after play when he just wanted to smile vacantly at the ceiling for a bit?
Because the timing, and the negotiation makes a difference for me. After play, I need to not do anything for a while. The few times I have had to get up and focus immediately have always caused subdrop. But the time to discuss that is before hand, because afterwards I can't.

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(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 14

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 10:08:00 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Windygal
Do most Dommes ask for some kind of service pr do some of you have a sub you play with who does nothing else for you?

My answer is yes on both counts. Fox is very service oriented, he is my little housewife and does al the chores around the house while I am at work most of the time. Angel does no chores, and is almost never at my house. He may offer to help me with a computer problem here and there but nothing is expected of him.
HOWEVER if he offers to do something and then complains about it, he is sent home, or I leave. It is one thing to be ordered to do something you dislike and then grumble about it. It is another to offer, be taken up on the offer, and then grumble. If you dont want to do something, dont offer to do it. Simple. Angel never offers to wash my dishes, and so he never complains about hating to do so. He does offer to change my lighbulbs in the ceiling fixtures and does so without complaint on the infrequent times he is asked to. Fox offers to do dishes and clean thehouse. He never complains aside from jokingly about my housekeeping habits.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 15

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 10:44:06 AM

MamaDomme1

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Joined: 1/12/2008
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~~FR~~

I had a sub once that actually contacted me offering to do certain things....... I had him do them, he whined.

Notice the operative word in my first sentence. *Had*. He was gone after the first whine.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 16

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 10:53:18 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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I wanted to elborate on service being many things... part of my boi's service to me is play -- there is not much about me playing with her that is fun -- she is not a masochist, I am a relatively heavy player and sadist... when she bottoms to me, she has no choice, she doesn't really enjoy much of it, and she isn't in a position to say no.

That's a service to me, a very meaningful and important one as I need it and she doesn't enjoy it for what it is. She enjoys making me happy but not the activity itself.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 17

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 11:18:33 AM

Boondoggle

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Joined: 5/16/2005
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Have you talked to him about it? Because it sounds to me like that is what you need to resolve the situation.

_____________________________

You see I'm not the kind of fella'
who can get off on vanilla.
No I need a little color in my sex.
--The Wet Spots

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 18

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 3:10:06 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Windygal

I have been emailing a sub for a bit, we met at a couple of parties and munches. He was in the area one Saturday and asked if he could come by, I said yes and we played a bit, and he did some cleaning for me, something he had offered to do when we first started chatting. After he left he sort of whined about doing chores for me. Hell, all I had him do was clean the bathroom and wipe off the kitchen countertop, so no biggie. Do most Dommes ask for some kind of service pr do some of you have a sub you play with who does nothing else for you?

I almost always require some level of service in my personal dealings. Not always cut and dry like having someone clean an area or such, but always at least something small and intrinsic to my relationships with many... liike having them lay out my toys or help me put on my shoes to leave or such. First and foremost I'm a bossy, dominant person even though that usually is expressed in soft and polite words.

But at the same time, yes, I have had and am open to more relationships that are play-focused (I sometimes play with those of equals status, not submissive to me, and those times are purely about topping and bottoming fun).

However, none of that has much of anything to do with your whining acquaintance haha. The key to me is not whether you had him do it or not, but that he suggested, offered, and did it -then complained afterwards. Seems he was dishonest about what he really was interested in doing and offering, that he may have just hoped/planned to say I'll serve you but never be called on to do so... and his gamble didn't pay out completely for him: He got his play but was expected to follow through on his offer of cleaning.

Maybe it's just a misunderstanding you two can work out and continue to have some fun! Or, he may just be looking to bottom and that sort of offer is just bait, like is unfortunately common. I hope it works out to be the former! :)

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(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 19

RE: is service always required? - 5/20/2008 4:15:45 PM

Windygal

Posts: 57
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline

This sub offered himself to me as a "sissy maid" but he has had so little experience, I don't think he knew what is was going to entail. Mostly he wanted to be humilated and tied up. I have never had a sub who didn't have to do something for me, usually household chores, but if I knew someone adapt in the arts or carpentry and home repair, that could certainly be his service. Or even teaching me a computer program I want to learn. I like to play, but it is okay for me if I don't, I don't crave it like he does, so to me I am doing HIM a service and he owes me one :)

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 20

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