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DominantJenny -> RE: newbie role confusion (5/21/2008 6:48:14 AM)
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I was very confused in my youth; in the fantasy world I had, it was men over women...but I didn't identify with the women, but with the men...those were the characters inside whose heads I lived. But I knew I wasn't even a little transgendered, so I would wobble a fair bit.
I finally realized that I had created this world in a male-dominated society where tab A into slot B was a lot easier to see to as dominant behavior...I was only 9 years old at the time, and I didn't know how one could do things to a man whose cock, I assumed, would not get hard. Also, I do have a very mild masochistic streak which confused me.
I got older and more educated sexually and that pretty much cleared it up for me. Still maintained that fantasy world for several years, though...it was complex and familiar and worked, after all.
Now, I exclusively fantasize with myself as dominant and have for over decade. I still have that slight masochistic streak, but only indulged it from a dominant standpoint.
In action, I have always been a dominant...I tried submitting once and it very much was NOT for me. I couldn't even fake it without being traumatized.
As far as my sexuality, my only angst was whether I liked guys 'cause I was supposed to or because I really did. I knew I was into girls all my life. In my late teens, I resolved the question in favor of actually liking boys, too, and thus labelled myself bisexual. I questioned it mildly on and off over the years...it wasn't till my late twenties that I saw men in general the way I'd always seen women in general, but I was right in the end.
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