MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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OK, 2 things OP. The first is READ and self-educate and the second is MEET REAL PEOPLE. Now I'll expand on that a bit:
Firstly, I don't entirely decry online experience as some here do ... for I started there Myself. And I learned quite a lot along the way too. However, some of what I learned is that eventually it palls ... and that's what has happened here. If there is no prospect of taking it to real time, sooner or later it just gets boring. It's not necessarily any specific fault of yours ... or hers ... more to do with the medium. It's a very limited form of communication compared to being together in the flesh. And before any of the longtime LDRs here start jumping on Me ... yes it IS possible to overcome the limitations of the medium but it takes a lot of effort on both sides to do so. Sounds like that was effort she wasn't willing to make. It's a better option to perhaps meet online and cover some of the basics together to determine "fit" ... then take it to a real meeting without too much delay. First meeting basically a safe vanilla date etc etc. Lots of threads on that around here.
However, you also owe it to yourself and any prospective sub to have some knowledge and understanding of what this is all about. This is not just words on a screen or even sounds in the silence ... bdsm touches some of the deepest darkest parts of someone's psyche. It is irresponsible to puddle about with someone's mind without being as aware as possible of what you are doing. So get reading! There are heaps of great books, most available from Amazon.com ... there have been lots of threads on those. Try the search function at the top of the screen, or hope that Our resident thread searcher, Lucky Albatross, will happen along and post all the links for you. There is also a lot of info on the internet, some good, some not so good, some downright shonky. It can take a bit of weeding out. I have a reading program I usually put new prospective subs through that covers the basics: safe calls, safe words, types of bdsm play, limits, punishment, subspace, sub drop, aftercare, sub frenzy etc. Dominants need to know just as much about all of these. If you'd like to know more about this information, message Me on the profiles side of CM. As a born teacher who gets a kick out of teaching, I am happy to help.
Now, to the second piece of advice. Books and articles are great, and can get you through the basics. But nothing beats meeting real people and seeing with your own eyes what this can look like in everyday flesh life. So google your area and see if you can find yourself a munch to attend. Perhaps do some reading first so you don't feel like a total novice klutz, then get yourself to a munch. This is just a social occasion (usually drinks or a meal) to meet other bdsmers. In the first instance, you aren't going there to search for a partner, you are going to just interact with others, and learn by experience and observation. So be happy to talk to Dom/mes, subs of both genders, switches ... whoever is there. Absorb. Be a sponge at first. Then you can begin to be discerning and work out what is "you" and what isn't, you will come to understand your chosen style of domination. Then you might just be ready to try finding a suitable sub!
So ... this is no magic quick fix! But then life is a journey ... so you've likely got some time to take your baby steps and grow!
Good luck
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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