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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 1:11:32 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I realised something was up when I spontaneously orgasmed from nearly missing the deadline for turning in an essay in my final year at high school (I made it). I can still feel it pumping to this day : it wasn't 'normal' to be turned on by fear and anxiety so much. And indeed, I wasn't normal, not normal at all.

Ok, you made me choke on my Pepsi...

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:23:13 AM

kallisto

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takemepleaseme

Clearly I am new to this, I have been told I am submissive, but I don't feel that way. I sometimes feel mean and bossy in bed, and I love dirty talk. Can some of you who are experienced in this area give me some insight into what makes a sub and what makes a dom? Can a woman who is independent still be a submissive?

If you don't feel submissive, then, er, maybe you're not, no matter what "someone told" you. Yes, even us "independent" women are submissive.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:27:54 AM

Dnomyar

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Op if your going to be independent then try going pro. Farey diet pop and chocolate. Your living in the twilight zone.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:42:31 AM

eyesopened

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There's a difference between being submissive and being kinky. Sadly, among these forums, being kinky is often dismissed as somehow being lessor than being submissive.

The dictionary definition (and one i relate to) is yielding to the authority of another. To submit means you first have to recognize that someone has authority over you.

If the idea of submission isn't feeling right to you, then you probably aren't submissive. It's okay. Being one thing or another is not the be all and end all or less than or greater than. Being who you are, true to yourself and being the best possible version of yourself will often bring fulfillment and satisfaction.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:45:17 AM

DesFIP

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I always seek to pamper my partner. Which doesn't at all mean I don't need to have my own needs met also. To me, that's simply the mark of a healthy relationship. But when it comes to decision making that involves just us, I am much happier when he makes those decisions using my input.

As far as liking dirty talk in bed, or having your hands pinned above your head, or your nipples pinched painfully, those are just individual kinks - things that excite you. And kinks don't determine your orientation.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:54:52 AM

Justme696

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quote:

And kinks don't determine your orientation.

If your kink is getting anal sex while beeing a male...then it does

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:59:50 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

And kinks don't determine your orientation.

If your kink is getting anal sex while beeing a male...then it does

How does it determine your orientation? Plenty of straight guys like anal stimulation up to and including penetration. Isn't strap-on sex still sex?

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 4:44:05 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

And kinks don't determine your orientation.

If your kink is getting anal sex while beeing a male...then it does

How does it determine your orientation? Plenty of straight guys like anal stimulation up to and including penetration. Isn't strap-on sex still sex?

to some that is gay behaviour..to others not
food for an other thread. But I see your point

quote:

Isn't strap-on sex still sex?

to soem sex, to other a kink...perhaps kinky sex?

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 5/22/2008 4:45:11 AM >

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 5:12:55 AM

gypsygrl

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quote:

I have been told I am submissive, but I don't feel that way

If you don't feel that way, there's a good chance you aren't that way. It doesn't mean you can't explore both sides of the slash, but I wouldn't get caught up in trying to fit into somebody else's box.

When I first started with this stuff, somebody swooped down and told me I was an alpha female.

I tried to accomodate him, and see myself as an alpha because he apparantly wanted me to be that way. It fed my ego and was flattering, because he held alphas in high esteem, but it really didn't feel right. I eventually came to the conclusion that I wasn't any such thing. If anything, I move towards the doormat end of the spectrum.

Just 'cuz somebody says something 'bout cha don't mean its true.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 5/22/2008 5:13:53 AM >

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 5:44:43 AM

DominantJenny

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takemepleaseme

Clearly I am new to this, I have been told I am submissive, but I don't feel that way. I sometimes feel mean and bossy in bed, and I love dirty talk. Can some of you who are experienced in this area give me some insight into what makes a sub and what makes a dom? Can a woman who is independent still be a submissive?

It's how you feel that matters.
I'm a dominant; I like to take charge and be in control. I'm a sadist; I like to say and do things that are typically considered nasty and mean, mostly causing someone pain. I also enjoy causing a certain degree of humiliation. Sadism is a sexual thing for me. The dominance runs through my life, in the bedroom and out.
No one told me any of this; it was obvious to me from the start. Some people aren't so lucky.

A submissive typically prefers to surrender to an authority they respect, to give up control to that person and obey him or her. A submissive who is independent is often highly valued; many dominants prefer someone who chooses to submit rather than someone who "has" to. How that independence is managed is between the people involved. A masochist translates pain into pleasure or likes pain; sometimes they like humiliation, sometimes they don't. (Sometimes a submissive likes humiliation and not pain, or doesn't like either.)

There are switches who like all or some of both sides of the coin at different times and/or with different people.

These things can be strictly sexual, can be strictly non-sexual, and anything in between.

It is more than possible to be none of these things as well; evidence to dates suggest we who are are in the minority.

My general caveat is, in a patriarchal society (which pretty much everyone who might be reading this lives in), it is wise to doubly question whether one is simply following one of the society's standardly proscribed roles, that is, whether one is being a submissive female or a dominant male because that is what society has trained them is appropriate or whether it is a genuine orientation for that person. Generally, if you are going against society, you can be fairly sure it's of your own natural inclination (barring life experiences that might alter that, such as growing up in an unusual household, etc.), but it happens that people rebel against society and their own natures at the same time, though, in my experience, that's less common that conforming to society and denying one's own nature, which is why the caveat as I've written it.

Now that I've gotten way too wordy; don't listen to what someone else tells you, listen to what comes from inside you.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 7:44:45 AM

lizcgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

i was submissive long before i knew i was submissive because i had never heard of the word "submissive" when i first started submitting to men.

When i did learn the word, i realized that there was a name for the way i respond to a man i am intimately involved with. i have always behaved the same way in every intimate relationship i have had, whether i was with a Dominant or not. i always did whatever the man wanted me to do, i never tried to assert myself or take charge of the relationship, and i am always at his beck and call, ready, willing, and eager to serve him and pamper him. It's simply how i have always treated the man i am involved with.

Being submissive doesn't mean you can't be independent. For several years, i was a single, working mom, going to school full time, while holding a job, and living on my own, completely independent from anyone else. But, i didn't stop being submissive. i have never been submissive outside of my intimate relationship but, within it, i am submissive all the time, not just in the bedroom. Any time i am involved with a man, i treat him with absolute deference to him, all the time.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

This was me exactly- I always submitted in a relationship just never named it. I couldn't have put it better myself.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 8:11:36 AM

ResidentSadist

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Are you Dominant or submissive? Test - Online

What kind of Submissive Are You? Test - Online

Are you a born submissive - Test Online

The aggressive test

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 5/22/2008 8:12:06 AM >

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 8:12:28 AM

Justme696

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who made those test..and what are they worth?

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 12:03:33 PM

lateralist1

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When are you happiest?
1 When doing as you are told.
2 When someone else is doing as you have told them.
The second is true for me.
Kink is something quite different.
I enjoy lots of what others call kinky behaviour. I don't think of it as particularly kinky just how I like to behave.
Finding someone who I want to be intimate with and who will allow me to be and do what I want is the problem.
Try not to label yourself just be open to new experiences without any particular expectations and don't allow yourself to get into a situation that you can't stop.
Safe words are a good thing don't be afraid to insist on them. If you don't trust someone to adhere to them then do not have anything to do with them.
Most of all look after yourself and if you can ask for help to do that from a friend.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 12:11:21 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

Maybe you are more of a bedroom submissive or a bedroom bottom as I've heard it called.

I knew I was submissive when the Magic 8 Ball said I was. But I asked it later, and it said, "no." So, I decided I was a switch. ~ tongue planted firmly in cheek ~

Whose cheek, he asked?

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 1:30:55 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takemepleaseme

I guess what concerns me is the overall concept of submission. I think I can submit in the bedroom, but I don't think I could submit outside of it. So where would I fit?

You'd fit in the bedroom......

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 1:47:31 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

And kinks don't determine your orientation.

If your kink is getting anal sex while beeing a male...then it does

How does it determine your orientation? Plenty of straight guys like anal stimulation up to and including penetration. Isn't strap-on sex still sex?

Orientation determines predilection........predilection in some degree determines kink although influence, conformity, culture, reward, punishment, motivation, needs are also environmental determinants. IMO.

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 2:44:14 PM

masterofdrkness2

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as for my 2 cents worth here .... there is only one person who can deside who you are.. that is you ... you dont need a name.. just be you ... if you feel you must have a name for it .. try some things and see what works for you and your partner... then fill in the blanks.

< Message edited by masterofdrkness2 -- 5/22/2008 2:48:39 PM >

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:05:09 PM

hopelesslyInvo

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paraphrasing the oracle...

"no one can tell you you're submissive, you just know it. though and through; balls to bones."

dominant types often seem to like telling others what they are, and some have some odd fascination with trying to make other dominants submit to them.

so far as i've ever made sense of it, there's 3 types of submissives.

one who is naturally passive.

one who develops submissive tendencies around certain people or encounters.

one who finds enjoyment from it and actively chooses to follow suit.

for the most part though, i feel it's something only you can answer, but really seems pointless to pose the question and ask. some people look for answers and advice from other people, but to me, i don't see how you couldn't know it.

it's like asking if i have a pulse, it's not something i need to check or deliberate on.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 5/22/2008 3:19:19 PM >

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RE: How do you know U R submissive? - 5/22/2008 3:28:41 PM

bipolarber

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Just to "devolve" the thread a little more... (apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)...

> If you have a small collection of collars, but have never owned a dog or cat... you might be a submissive.

> If you have ever gotten up the morning after a date, and admired the stripes on your back and ass in the bathroom mirror... you might be a submissive.

> If you have ever gone out to a 24 hour coffee shop at 3:00 am because your partner really wanted a Cappuchino... you might be a submissive.

> If you have hardwood floors, and your partner spreading a little uncooked rice on it makes your heart drop through your shoes with dread... you might be a submissive.

> If you're out shopping in an XXX store with your partner, and they hold up a dildo twice as large as your own cock, and your resonse is: "As you wish, Mistress"... you might be a submissive.

> If you only get use out of your video camera during sex, and your partner is the one directing you... you might be a submissive.

> If you find yourself opening the doors for your Domme, allowing her to drive, and her to pick the movie, and where to eat... you might be a submissive...

>If you are a male, and familliar with the taste of most major brands of personal lubricant... you might be submissive.

> If you know precicely how she likes her bathwater drawn... you might be submissive.

> If she sends you to the store for more Kotex, and you don't need to even stop and think for a second which package is the type she uses... you may be a submissive.

It's fun! You guys should try this.... :)

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