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RE: feeling neglected - 5/23/2008 1:27:14 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

FYI - sexytia has no profile,,, as in no account.

Profile Not Found

Wouldn't it also say Profile Not Found if someone turned their profile off? See, not to hijack the thread, but i see a lot of people suggest that folks should turn their profile off in order to avoid unsolicited emails but then blast a person posting for not having an available profile. Just askin....

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 21

RE: feeling neglected - 5/23/2008 8:22:23 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Welcome to the boards.

What you describe is a LD relationship you are trying to have normal input and effect on … i.e. being bratty or disobedient to get a punishment reaction. That may not work out so well in your situation.
I won’t profess to know anything about LDs but I can tell you that if you want interplay and reaction, you may have to change the current rituals, increase frequency of contact or simply seek a new relationship with someone closer and more tangible.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to sexytia)

Post #: 22

RE: feeling neglected - 5/23/2008 8:44:40 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
FYI - sexytia has no profile,,, as in no account.
Profile Not Found

Wouldn't it also say Profile Not Found if someone turned their profile off? See, not to hijack the thread, but i see a lot of people suggest that folks should turn their profile off in order to avoid unsolicited emails but then blast a person posting for not having an available profile. Just askin....

You are correct. If the account is off it doesn’t read the profile to the search engine.

There are a few of us that don’t take time to respond to people who don’t exist in the search engine.

For me, it’s about respect. Why should I take my time to talk with a ghost that may or may not exist?

It doesn’t mean that our choice is right for you or that the person we are refusing to respond to doesn’t pop out of the ether now and then… like the person in this thread that eventually showed up. However, by my experience, this is a rare occurrence, usually someone creates a profile, vents some BS into the forums and then disappears forever.

So these are the reasons you see some of us that won’t bite into the ‘no profile’ posts.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 23

RE: feeling neglected - 5/24/2008 2:01:34 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
FYI - sexytia has no profile,,, as in no account.
Profile Not Found

Wouldn't it also say Profile Not Found if someone turned their profile off? See, not to hijack the thread, but i see a lot of people suggest that folks should turn their profile off in order to avoid unsolicited emails but then blast a person posting for not having an available profile. Just askin....

You are correct. If the account is off it doesn’t read the profile to the search engine.

There are a few of us that don’t take time to respond to people who don’t exist in the search engine.

For me, it’s about respect. Why should I take my time to talk with a ghost that may or may not exist?

It doesn’t mean that our choice is right for you or that the person we are refusing to respond to doesn’t pop out of the ether now and then… like the person in this thread that eventually showed up. However, by my experience, this is a rare occurrence, usually someone creates a profile, vents some BS into the forums and then disappears forever.

So these are the reasons you see some of us that won’t bite into the ‘no profile’ posts.

With all respect, if we really believe that we are responding only to the benefit of the original poster, why not just send private c-mails instead? What does it really matter if the OP exists? Some of us (me) learn a lot by reading the opinions and experiences of others whether or not we (i) originated the question. i'm afraid i see the 'don't respond!! this person doesn't have a profile!' admonishments as a way of creating an elistist attitude on the boards, which are public. Rather than sound the alert, why not just ignore and say nothing at all? Just askin....

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 24

RE: feeling neglected - 5/27/2008 8:00:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he used to have the time to contact you and suddenly he doesn't, while not giving you any reason as to the change, then it is understandable that being told a week later to be patient doesn't cut it. Had he explained in the beginning that he would only be available once a week for a five minute call, you would have passed him by.

I suggest you send him an email, snail mail, voice message or whatever explaining that you aren't going to sit on a shelp hoping he comes by in six months to dust you off. That you need more contact then he's bothering to give you. And most of all that you need to know why he's changed so drastically. And above all, that the changes in your relationship are making you doubt the relationship and causing you to lose trust. If he keeps doing what he's doing, then it's pretty clear that he's found someone else who he's preferring to focus on, and just wants you still in the background in case she doesn't work out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 25

RE: feeling neglected - 5/27/2008 8:18:55 AM

Nogimmicks

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

All of these are excellent posts. My personal take on it is that people do get busy and life sometimes does get in the way of the things we value the most. However, if you are something (someone) of value to him, then itis incumbent on him to communicate his schedule to you. Communication and honesty are necessary ingredients in ANY relationship, all the more so in a D/s relationship and even more so in a LDR. My lass is something between a partner and a child. I give her direction, I take responsibility for her actions and needs. When we are apart (which is far more than I would like), I am in contact with her constantly. I do not suggest that the level of communication and attention we share is either necessary or even normal, but it does keep the relationship on a smooth course. In the alternative, all one has is a few snippets of kinky sex and some cuddling.

My suggestion, then, is that you may want to ask what is going on with him. Cliche as it sounds, you should never allow yourself to make someone in your life a priority when they make you an option. It would be different if he at least demanded an email from you on those days when he cannot talk or chat or whatever.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 26

RE: feeling neglected - 5/28/2008 5:54:22 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

Say what you will, but all to often we see this as a start of the end of the relationship..come on guys{and girls too] You know it is!

(in reply to sexytia)

Post #: 27

RE: feeling neglected - 6/1/2008 12:31:03 PM

SilentTigresss

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline

Hi, and sorry tia you go through this... I've gone through it myself. There is only so many times, imho, that you can try and communicate how you feel....and nothing is done about it to rectify the situation, except empty words. At least you can recognize when something doesn't feel right anymore. It may not be for you......anymore. I also do not see the issue as being needy, just had to throw that in there as well.

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 28

RE: feeling neglected - 6/1/2008 2:47:25 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

With all respect, if we really believe that we are responding only to the benefit of the original poster, why not just send private c-mails instead? What does it really matter if the OP exists? Some of us (me) learn a lot by reading the opinions and experiences of others whether or not we (i) originated the question. i'm afraid i see the 'don't respond!! this person doesn't have a profile!' admonishments as a way of creating an elistist attitude on the boards, which are public. Rather than sound the alert, why not just ignore and say nothing at all? Just askin....

I'd like to second that...

To the OP however: Long-distence relationships are hard. I couldn't handle being in one where we were so busy that we couldn't talk on the phone every day. In the end, it boils down to you trusting him that you both want this relationship work and are willing to do everything it takes to keep it working. I'd also suggest googling some tips for LDRs and adjust them as needed. Writing letters (actual snail mail letters) helped me a lot. It felt like while I was writing that I was talking to him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 29

RE: feeling neglected - 6/1/2008 4:45:08 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Long distance relationships work for many, but, I like mine up close and personal. Makes it lots harder to be neglected.

The loneliest and most neglected I've ever been was when I was married and sleeping in the same bed as my husband.

AMEN!!!!!!!

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 30

RE: feeling neglected - 6/1/2008 5:41:38 PM

Trashbagboy74

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline

Yes I do sometimes. I met someone and sometimes i am down in the Dumps. I think she thinks of her Kids ( Dogs ) first then she does with me. I was with someone that cared and loved me but i did not feel that way before i left her. I met someone else in the lifestyle and she is very Privite and it hurts me that she is that way. I love to be Humiliate in Public. I some times think of my ex Mistress and it brings me down on what i did wrong. I just wish i never Left her. She is always there to help me when i need someone to talk to. I do not feel that I am wanted

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 31

RE: feeling neglected - 6/2/2008 1:45:03 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

sexytia,

i live an hour and a half from my Master. Sometimes we see each other a couple of weeks in a row, once it was six weeks between meetings. It can be frustrating and lonely. We don't speak/communicate everyday, but i email Him at least three times a week and He will reply.

At one point, not seeing Him had me feeling a bit lost and needy. i respectfully asked Him for a routine of sorts that would allow me to feel as though i was still serving Him. That was the crux of the problem, you see -- if i am not with Him, how can i be serving Him? and if a slave is not serving, what use is she? (my own thoughts about myself, not a reflection of anyone else) As i phrased it to Him, it felt as if the leash had been dropped, when what i needed was a tug on the leash instead, something that would allow me to feel His presence. He devised a twice a week routine for me and a service requirement. So at least twice a week i am obeying my Master's express order. It has helped SO much.

When i call Him, i am careful to call at times when He is unlikely to be busy and try to ask if it is a good time for Him. Sometimes, He has business to attend to and can't talk for more than a minute. It is important to be patient.

Whether you can be patient with the lack of communication is something only you can decide. If you are not getting your needs met, you have two options -- stay or go. It is a decision only you can make but remember that there is rarely any way to take it back once it's done.

Good Luck!

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to sexytia)

Post #: 32

RE: feeling neglected - 6/10/2008 6:40:25 AM

sexytia

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for all the advice
Sadly O/our relationship has come to an end.... He has found someone else closer to Him.
I am still very numb at the moment, i feel hurt and angry. Hurt because i have been with him for
a while and angry that He didn't told me Himself, He got His new sub to call me what was a great shock.
However i know i can get through this and put it down to experince ( easier said than done)

thank you all for everything

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 33

RE: feeling neglected - 6/10/2008 6:42:04 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

He got His new sub to call me what was a great shock.

Nice. That should be enough to help you get over him. He's a coward.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sexytia)

Post #: 34

RE: feeling neglected - 6/10/2008 6:59:54 AM

SilentTigresss

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

He got His new sub to call me what was a great shock.

Nice. That should be enough to help you get over him. He's a coward.

...thinking of a few more words, but will leave it at coward.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 35

RE: feeling neglected - 6/10/2008 7:35:59 AM

SirKaton

Posts: 104
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SilentTigresss

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

He got His new sub to call me what was a great shock.

Nice. That should be enough to help you get over him. He's a coward.

...thinking of a few more words, but will leave it at coward.

It is sad that such a gift as submission can be discarded so easily and carelessly. Tia, there is something and someone better out here for you. He did YOU a serious favor...

_____________________________

....before me there was none; after me there shall be no more...

(in reply to SilentTigresss)

Post #: 36

RE: feeling neglected - 6/10/2008 9:56:11 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexytia

Greetings Everyone
Me and Master have been together over a year. Due to the distance between us, we only see each other every 4/5weeks, in between meetings we use email, phone etc. ...However the last few weeks it all changed, He is never on line, days go by and i don't get a text ( 6 days been the longest) . I have stared to feel neglected, frustrated and angry. I was angry at the point that i disobeyed just to provoke a
reaction. I have tried to talk To Master and explain how i feel but is answer is that i should wait patiently and enjoy the little moments we have together.

i'm a little different from many other W/women. i have long had a 'List of Intolerables' and a zero-tolerance level for drama or bullsh*t of any kind.

i've been this way at least since i was divorced in the mid-80's. i don't feel any differently now that i'm dating Doms instead of 'vanilla' Men.

Neglecting me is one of the items on my 'List of Intolerables'. i accepy illness, family issues, and other legitimate excuses for the occasional period of absence; i'm not a dimwit. However, if the Dom is choosing to distance Himself, i give a lil while, then i break it off.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to sexytia)

Post #: 37

RE: feeling neglected - 6/22/2008 9:53:43 PM

sonoso

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/11/2008
Status: offline

I've been in that situation before - it was hard - knowing that it was time to let go but not really *wanting* to yet - b/c of so much effort and time that was spent on him. I still miss him sometimes - and I dunno what I'd do if he had his new subby call me ... *shakes head*

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 38

RE: feeling neglected - 6/23/2008 1:26:11 AM

pinkieplum

Posts: 84
Status: offline

Don't lose touch with yourself, suspend your judgment or believe that because you're in a D/s relationship, you are safe from problems that may plague any relationship, 'vanilla' or D/s.

The essential factoid you gave -- IMO -- is that He has changed His pattern of contact with you without giving you an explanation. The situation has persisted in this way for some time.

Personally i would find this unacceptable. i might deal with it by sending an unilateral message to Him 'W/we need to talk; i want/need to know why You no longer contact me as You used to', by email, offline IM, snail mail or whatever channels of communication Y/you once used.

If, after a reasonable amount of time i did not receive a reply from Hm -- and an opportunity to discuss the matter fairly soon -- i would end the relationship.

Never substitute S/someone else's judment for your own. i tell you how i might handle it only to illustrate for you that you are not powerless here -- you are not limited to the choice between being completely passive or attempting to get negative attention from Him.

pinkieplum

< Message edited by pinkieplum -- 6/23/2008 1:30:13 AM >

(in reply to sexytia)

Post #: 39

RE: feeling neglected - 6/23/2008 6:22:57 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

He got His new sub to call me what was a great shock.

Nice. That should be enough to help you get over him. He's a coward.

Not only that, but I will bet that at the time he was neglecting tia, he was already playing with the other sub. So he wasn't honest about that, and then was a coward.

tia, it's been over at least since you deliberately disobeyed him and he didn't address it. But you have my sympathies.

tia, time to change your profile. you are no longer with that Dom. Update it to state that either you are available, or that you need time to heal.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 40

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