Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

GoddessJules -> Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/22/2004 9:40:36 PM)

Hello all,

I've tried to start a discussion on Bull Doms in other areas with no success. I am just curious as to what people out there think about them. . .and perhaps to share experiences.

As far as My personal experience with them, I've had Bulls over situationally to help cuck My boys. It is a very limited interaction, yes, but I've entertained the notion of taking it to the next level. . .but I'm somewhat apprehensive.

By the next level, I mean moving the interaction more toward a poly Dominant household. (I've been a Beta Dominant in another household with 2 other Dominants and HATED it.) But, I'm open to it if the situation is right, and the Bull is more My "mate" than anything else. My questions has several parts:

To the Dominas: Have you ever been in a situation where you had a long term Bull (with significant interaction between you two. . .and how did it work out?)

To the Doms: Same question as the above. Also, how much control do you expect to have over Her (and vice versa?) Do you expect that you would "inherit" Her boys? (and vice versa.) Would she be considered a "Beta" in relation to you? Or an equal?

To the subs/slaves: How would you feel about seeing your Master or Mistress in a relationship with another Dominant?

I know My questions have a limited context. . . feel free to add any other perspectives you may think of. I'd love the input.

Cheers!

~Goddess~



Leonidas -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/23/2004 12:22:30 PM)

I have lived in a situation similar to, but not exactly the same as what you are describing. I had a companion (mate) who was the mother of my children. She was submissive to me, but not overtly as a slave would be. She was more or less an equal in the household, and only when a final decision was required that effected the entire household did my word supercede hers. The slaves in the household referred to her as "Mistress" and were as obedient to her as they were to me. They did not serve her sexually in any way, and physical discipline of the slaves was left to me, for no other reason than she simply didn't like doing it.

The situation can work out just fine, if your boys really are service slaves to you, and don't see you as a kinky lover or playmate. I have to confess little experience with male slaves, but if they are of the mindset to be slaves, authority in the house is authority in the house, and slaves like that just fine.

If you have any further questions, I'd be happy to discuss it here. I see that you haven't had much response, probably because there are few true poly situations represented here, especially where more than one non-slave is in the equation.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas



Voltare -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/23/2004 12:42:40 PM)

Leonidas,

Out of curiousity, did you consider it an actuall Free Companionship, or was this some other arrangement?

Stephan



GoddessJules -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/23/2004 12:45:30 PM)

Thank you for responding Leonidas!

And I think you are right, a lot of people DO NOT have experience in a Multiple Dominant household. . .let alone a Poly household period. BUT. . .they can still have an opinion ;)

I have a few concerns about "integrating" a household and it isn't the behavior of My boys. They are used to dealing with male Dominants. . .albeit on a short term basis. . .but I believe that their training will allow them to make the adaptation. My concern is (and PLEASE don't flame Me!!!) The female subs/slave that He might introduce into household. I've had requests in the past by My Dom friends to train their girls. . .and I can tell you that training isn't very effective when one of the participants are staunchly unwilling. I think in many situations, I find female sub/slave have a sort of reticence to "serving" (in any capacity) a female Dominant. . .even when it is a direct order from their Master. (Of course this is a whole separate issue. . .but one that concerns Me about merging households.)

And yes, one of My concerns was. . ."Would I be considered this Bull's bitch?" LOL And from what you relate about your experience, it wasn't the case for Her. I do believe that if there are multiple Dominants in a household, that they should show a "united front."

My poly Dominant situation in the past was bad (in My eyes) but I believe it was because the nature of the dynamic. (Married Dom couple and Me) But I am open to exploring that possibility again (on My terms) and I'll let you know what happens.

Cheers!

~Goddess~



iwillserveu -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/23/2004 3:27:39 PM)

quote:

To the subs/slaves: How would you feel about seeing your Master or Mistress in a relationship with another Dominant?


I'd leave.

Nothing personal, I'm sure some would be into it, but I'd rather not think, "I am giving my all who the hell is this guy to think he can order me around. Hell, he can do the floor too or is his majesty's back broken. Why do I do all the work and he gets to sit on his ass and read the freaking paper?"

One question is "Have you broken the news to your slaves?" How ever you approach it having him just show up is not a good idea. Any major change in the relationship must cause all concerned to reevaluate the relationship.



Leonidas -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/23/2004 6:45:51 PM)

Hi Jules,

I have seen the same thing. Even my slaves were very uncomfortable around free women other than my companion. The attitude is very much along the lines of what Iwill demonstrated on this thread "who the hell does she think she is". My slaves were well socialized enough that they would never have voiced an opinion like that, but you could tell in the way that they behaved that they were just plain uncomfortable serving around a woman who wasn't expected to.

Beyond that, the man might notice that his girls are not as free around him in your presence as they were. If they are highly sexual slaves, it's usual that they are going to be somewhat embarrassed at being the "slut" in front of a woman who is obviously not expected to be. That will wear off as they come to know and trust that you aren't going to be "looking down your nose" at them, but it will be an adjustment.

My companion eventually developed a very close big sister / little sister kind of relationship with the slave girls. The roles were still well defined, and protocols followed, but sometimes with a wink of the eye between them when they thought I wasn't looking. Developing that "girlfriend" bond with them while maintaining your place, and theirs, is a fine line to walk, but it can be done.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas



LadyAngelika -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/23/2004 7:30:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules
And I think you are right, a lot of people DO NOT have experience in a Multiple Dominant household. . .let alone a Poly household period. BUT. . .they can still have an opinion ;)


I *love* the idea of the occasional co-dominating scene but I don’t think I could share the dominant roles on a 24/7 with anyone else.

Mostly, this has to do with the fact that I find it hard enough to find an awesome dynamic between 2 people, I can’t imagine trying to make it work 3-ways or more. I tried a poly 3-way relationship once and it lasted all of 3 weeks.

As for poly households, I found having 1 roommate a huge challenge and test in patience, and I was lucky, I’ve had 2 awesome roommates. I really enjoy living alone now. It would take one very special submissive partner for me to consider co-habitation with them.

All that said, this is just me.

Jules, I truly hope you find the dynamic that makes you and your boys the happiest! Good luck.

- LA



kiki blue -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 5:41:00 AM)

I think I know what you mean by "Bull Dominant", but as I've never heard the term before, could you please explain it a bit better first?



topcat -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 7:06:54 AM)

M. Jules-

I've twice been in relationships with dominant women, and as in anything, each relationship found it's own level of authority and responsibility.

In both cases, I did not have any formal authority over her subs, but fell into sort of a 'honored guest' place in the dynamic. As I think of it, While I was careful not to assume and power, I was defered to by the boys in question, and in fact both of the relationships were fairly free of anysort of power struggle. I'd chalk that up to the quality of people involved.

I certainly wouldn't expect to 'inherit' her boys- though, I'd expect a certain level of deferance, and frankly, if I am as good as I should be at this point in life, I should be able to place myself in a leadership position without it being discussed. They are _her_ boys, and anything I might ask of them I'd hope would be greeted with good will.

I'd expect her to be an equal, and though in my time with J., she submitted to me in the bedroom, in public I defered to her as she was trying to build a rep as a pro. In the case of my Madame, in private, we indulged each other, and gave freely of ourselves, and who was on top was never an issue between us.

The board has been terribly active of late, and a lot of good material is getting lost in the shuffle. I hope that you will stay, as I have enjoyed your participation, when the chaff blows off to clog some other space.

Stay warm,
Lawrence



Sinergy -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 9:48:43 AM)

Hello,

I have not been in a poly relationship before, nor do I necessarily do Master/slave relationships so I am not sure how much help I can be on this topic, but I will take a stab at it.

It sounds like it is a situation where you have Master A and Master B and slaves X and Y and Z. If this is wrong, please let me know.

If slave X was the slave of the other Master, I would deal with that person as if it was the child of the other Master. The only power I would have over said individual was whatever power was granted to me by the other Master. Additionally, I would never contradict anything the other Master said in front of the slave and would take any discussions between us off-line (to use a GeekTerm) so as not to damage the respect the slave had for their Master.

If the slave is both my slave and the other Master's slave, then I would share interactions and again, I would not do anything to lessen the power of the other
Master in front of the slave.

I say this because I was a martial arts instructor for a lot of years, and there is nothing worse to me than contradicting another instructor in front of the student. It lessens the student's respect for the studio, myself, other instructers, the Dynamic, and ultimately the one who runs the show to do so.

iwill does bring up an interesting point. Is this a situation where you as the Master are seeking to bring another Master into a previously established dynamic? I would insist on renegotiating the limits which everybody signed on to at the outset before doing so, because, in my mind if you are making a change such as this you are interesting a duty for the individual which they didnt sign up for initially.

Hope this helps, GoddessJules, and I wish you success in all of your ventures.

Sinergy



GoddessJules -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 10:56:17 AM)

Good day everyone,

I'll try to address what has been written thus far in one post. (Because I'm talented like that.)

I believe that one of the submissive males said that he would leave, and I'd imagine that might be the reaction of many submissives. I know I wasn't clear about My situations with My boys, but they understand that 1) I accept only two limits. If this is outside of their comfort level, then I'm not the one for them. . .no hard feelings. 2) The understand the implications of a D/s relationship that allows only 2 limits. 3) They know from the start that a Bull may come into the picture on day, as a permanent fixture or as a situational thing. I think this will address some of the issues that have come up about a discussion when changing the relationship dynamic. The boys knew it was a possibility and they accepted it.

To respond to Leonidas: I've talked to a male Dominant and he thinks that I'd have the hardest time getting over My "jealousy." I think in My mind I have some reservations because of My interactions with girls before. . .but he might be right about there existing a twinge of jealousy. From My perspective, My boys came to Me wanting to be property. . .to be dehumanized. . .to be treated substandard in relation to Me. I was looking for property. They have had Dominas that they feel coddled them. . .or were too personal and they personally didn't want that dynamic and I'm comfortable with this. So when this male Dominant told Me that some of his favorite activities were to have girls come sit on his lap. . .him stroking their hair. . .I was like, "Huh?" It definitely is a totally different Owner/slave dynamic. . .one I'm not really used to so I don't know. I know this isn't fair. . .but being frank and candid. . .My attitude toward them would probably be summed up to indifference.

Angelika: It *is* fun codominating. I do like the dynamic. It's also good with multiple people in your cuffs. Right now, My boys don't LIVE with Me per se. . .they get to come and go freely to get things done (they have the key.) And you are right, the only reason I haven't given the green light to a move in *is* because I value My space and alone time. Privacy isn't an issue. If they bathe Me and hear My most intimate conversations with others. . .nothing I can possibly do will be shocking. . .and I know they won't say a word anyway. My whole predicament stems from the fact that I am NOT in anyway interesting in or attracted to submissive men in a romantic way. This leaves Me the option of dating vanilla men or Dominant men in the lifestyle. I'm leaning toward the latter these days, and with that. . .he might come along with a slave or a gaggle/clutch/harem/flock/litter of them. This is why I have even thought about the long term ramifications of a "Bull" situation.

kiki blue: It is generally understood that a Bull Dom is a male dominant that cuckolds a Donina's boys. The role can be strictly cuckolding or it could expand into other areas. I hope this helps. [;)]

Topcat: I think the situation that you describe is something I'd feel most comfortable with. I think things can and probably would get hairy if either Dominant comes into the picture trying to be a despot or a tyrant. Ideally, we would have a harmonious household where everyone gets along and knows their "station". . .sadly, this is probably something easier said than done. . .

Synergy: I'm talking about a Master/Mistress situation and it would be strictly r/t. And I whole heartedly agree with your assesment that any household with poly Dominants *needs* to show a united front when it comes to dealing with the submissives of the house. (Are they his/her slaves? Or are they "house" slaves?) Hmmmmm. . .

I'd like to thank everyone for their input thus far. . .it helps Me clear things up in My mind. (Not that anything is "clear" yet. . .it is a process.)


Cheers!

~Goddess~



Sinergy -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 11:19:21 AM)

GoddessJules,

Then it sounds as if the way you set up your own personal relationships was having your slaves sign on for that tour of duty, and as you said, if they are unable to deal with the situation as given to them they can leave, no hard feelings.

I am not sure what to suggest about the jealousy aspect. Part of being human is dealing with emotional detritus. Eric Idle (another of the major dieties in my own personal Pantheon) said it best in a review of a movie: "I laughed until I stopped." You will feel whatever emotions you feel until you stop feeling them. My own personal belief is that jealousy is a function of the breakdown in communication; i.e. a jealous person worries that they are not being included in the conversation. Have you discussed jealousy with the Bull Dom To Be, as well as a way of dealing with it in the relationship between the two of you?

Enjoy your day,

Sinergy



Leonidas -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 4:20:16 PM)

Hi Voltare,

Yes, it was an actual free companionship. We did a ceremony of free companionship every year. From what I understand, our notion of free companionship is not too different from the Pagan tradition of "hand fasting". It's a committed relationship, renewed every year.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas



kiki blue -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 8:20:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules
kiki blue: It is generally understood that a Bull Dom is a male dominant that cuckolds a Donina's boys. The role can be strictly cuckolding or it could expand into other areas. I hope this helps. [;)]


Ahh, yes it makes more sense now. I wasn't sure if it was simply two dominants in a relationship and sharing property, or if it was how you described it.

I did have a mental image of some guy trotting around with horns attached to his head.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 8:31:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiki blue
I did have a mental image of some guy trotting around with horns attached to his head.


Now there's a kinky image!

- LA



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 10:19:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules
kiki blue: It is generally understood that a Bull Dom is a male dominant that cuckolds a Donina's boys. The role can be strictly cuckolding or it could expand into other areas. I hope this helps. [;)]


How are you defining cuckolding? The way I have always heard it used (going back to my studies of Shakespeare), a cuckold is a man who's wife has been unfaithful. Would the bull sleep with your boy's wives? Or would you consider the bull sleeping with you to be cuckolding your boys?

Just curious.

Yours,
Taggard



GoddessJules -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 11:19:54 PM)

That was * too* cute!!!!!!!



GoddessJules -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 11:20:51 PM)

In addition to cuckolded husbands, in BDSM. . .there are also cuckolded slaves.



GoddessJules -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/24/2004 11:46:07 PM)

quote:

Have you discussed jealousy with the Bull Dom To Be, as well as a way of dealing with it in the relationship between the two of you?


We have to some extent. I don't know that I was able to articulate My concerns at the time. But through this thread, I've thought about things a lot and have had recollections about past conversations I've had with people in poly situations.

A Dom friend I have is *ALL* about poly and he has more than one girl living with him at any given time. He travels extensively on business so he designated his longest serving girl as an alpha slave. Although he feels that this is needed to ensure his houshold is run according to his doctrine, he says that it has caused a lot of problems. Mainly jealously, pissing contest like competition, and pettiness among his slaves. I've spoken to the alpha and she said that because her Master would like her to be that. . .she accepts. HOWEVER, she doesn't particularly like or enjoy that "title." She says it sucks to wake up everyday wondering what kind of sabbotage is lurking around the corner. She also self indentifies as a slave ans says that she has NO interest in a position of "authority." I'm sure the other girls are thinking. . ."I'll be DAMNED if another slave tells me what to do."

So I guess My concerns are are going to be more than just jealousy that I may feel. And as to communicating with the Bull in question. . .I think he reads the boards quite frequently [;)]


Take care and
Cheers!

~Goddess~



Sinergy -> RE: Bull Doms. . .Good? Bad? Ugly? (7/25/2004 1:08:30 AM)

quote:

A Dom friend I have is *ALL* about poly and he has more than one girl living with him at any given time. He travels extensively on business so he designated his longest serving girl as an alpha slave. Although he feels that this is needed to ensure his houshold is run according to his doctrine, he says that it has caused a lot of problems. Mainly jealously, pissing contest like competition, and pettiness among his slaves. I've spoken to the alpha and she said that because her Master would like her to be that. . .she accepts. HOWEVER, she doesn't particularly like or enjoy that "title." She says it sucks to wake up everyday wondering what kind of sabbotage is lurking around the corner. She also self indentifies as a slave ans says that she has NO interest in a position of "authority." I'm sure the other girls are thinking. . ."I'll be DAMNED if another slave tells me what to do."


Hello GoddessJules,

Thank you for the considered response. I do not blame the slave in the proceeding for being cranky about being left in the position of authority. I imagine that even if he/she/it is technically a slave, it might grate on their soul to be asked to manage other individuals.

Managing people generally sucks big hairy donkey balls. (dont hold back, Sinergy, say what you feel) Im not sure it is so much another slave telling her what to do that grates on this person. I would suspect it has more to do with the fact that the Mistress/Master has entrusted person X to be in charge of person Y who signed on to have Master/Mistress in charge of them. X is not M/M, so Y might have issues with this.

From a theoretical perspective, a true slave would go "Oh, Mistress/Master wants X to be in charge of me" and go with it, but reality and theoretical perspectives often dont jibe.

quote:

So I guess My concerns are are going to be more than just jealousy that I may feel. And as to communicating with the Bull in question. . .I think he reads the boards quite frequently


Alright, now I am confused. What are your concerns if you feel like sharing them? Feel free to ask offline (via email here) if you would rather not discuss them publicly but would like me $0.02 on the matter.

I wish you all success in your endeavors.

Sinergy



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
3.320313E-02