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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 11:26:53 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?

And which do you or did you want to happen first---

A recent chat with a learning slave--stated that if a Master/Mistress "loves" there is too much chance for "allowances" if a submissive/slave loves---there is too much "wiggle" room.

I Myself seek eventual love, but commitment and devotion first, foremost and always.

Thoughts?

Well, I have discovered that falling in love can happen in an instant and that I don't have a hell of a lot of control over that particular emotion, but committment and devotion need time and consistency to bloom for me. When I was younger, I thought my mind had to be captured first and then my body and heart would follow, but it never worked out that way. When my heart did get captured, the rest is what followed, so, love first for me .. or the other two aren't even going to get a chance.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 21

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 1:13:21 PM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
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For ME, at this stage of the game when I meet someone new.

Committment and Devotion---> leads to LOVE.

If you can't give me committment and devotion, you will not get LOVE.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 22

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 3:26:37 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I have my ideal, but I think with different people and relationships, these things can come in different order. I expect all these things in a relationship, but how long it takes and which comes first, depends on the people and situation.

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 23

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:04:06 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I would have answered very differently a year ago, but when I met a Master who said that He would never love me I took a very good look at the situation. He adores me, and says that He prefers that because if anything ever goes wrong between us there isn't the messy emotional tie to confuse things. However, He could adore me for the rest of my life.

I looked at what I really needed in order to be fulfilled. I can honestly say that "belonging" to someone is much more important to me at this point in my life than being loved by someone. My ex loved me, but also tried to kill me. I couldn't belong to someone if trust had not been built first. If love ever comes that's fine; if it doesn't that's fine, too. I love my Master as my Master, not in a romantic sense. I admire the couples that have both, but I know it's not realistic to expect in every relationship.

_____________________________

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:25:13 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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For myself, it would be* unconditional*...love...

Commitment for myself has to come first....devotion follows..and at some point in time...bingo..

Love is everywhere <g>

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 25

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:30:12 PM

lusciouslips19

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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I think that there is something that must come first before commitment,devotion and love. That would be honor. If a person doesnt have honor, you will never get devotion or commitment.

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 26

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:38:12 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

For myself, it would be* unconditional*...love...

Commitment for myself has to come first....devotion follows..and at some point in time...bingo..

Love is everywhere <g>

Your reply comes closest.

In regards the word: Love... sadly, it is semantics.

All too often, 'love' is just a 4-letter word, as it were.
Similarly as is 'friend (so often loosely used).

"Love" does not have any tangible meaning.

Care... this still means something.
Admire... as well, retains substance.

Respect... wobbles in the world of today, methinks.

...just musing here: what do *I* know... :)

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 27

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:47:04 PM

RipenReady

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/3/2005
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Commitment and Devotion would come first for me as well. I don't think I can love someone I'm not commited to. If I don't trust you first and foremost then you'll never get anywhere. That means there's not commitment, devotion, or love.

(in reply to kiyari)

Post #: 28

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:42:26 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
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As some have noted here, people can love each other and still have the relationship not work out. One poster said her hubby loved her but tried to kill her. The problem may be that people mean and understand "love" to be different things. However, most seem to be clear and agree on what commitment and devotion are.

I think devotion and commitment are more important. Imo, they are more clear cut and less of a "fuzzy" concept or emotion. In fact, they are acts of will rather than emotion aren't they ?People "fall" in and out of love. Some say that's why they call it falling.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to RipenReady)

Post #: 29

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:46:49 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
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I've found that, at least for me, life seldom unwinds in a linear fashion. Commitment..devotion...love...can happen sequentially or run over you together like a stampede. I takes 'em as they comes, and I likes it that way!

My submissive lady and I don't worry much about such things. When those things come to us, we just know...

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to RipenReady)

Post #: 30

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 6:00:09 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?

Commitment and Devotion is a type of Love I think.

I think of these three, if you were to divide them commitment is most important because that means the willingness to do the work necessary in a relationship.

I agree with this basic statement with my own little twist.
I think devotion is in itself a type of love... and the only type of love I would need from a slave. I do not require romantic love as in a b/f- g/f type dynamic from my submissive/pet or slave counterpart.
Commitment I'm not sure if it is a type of love (the way I define it in my mind). I am committed to my job, but it has nothing to do with love, only my own sense of self preservation and moral code.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 31

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 6:57:59 PM

MidMichCowboy

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Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I guess the time has come in my life when I want it all. I want to find someone who can match up intellectually. I want someone who will accept me, as I will accept her, in spite of and because of the roads we've traveled through life. Someone who can help me ease my pain and who I can help comfort. I don't believe that love, commitment, and devotion makes me any less a Dom. Why do people expect that a submissive can feel love, commitment and devotion, but the Dom can't. I can still spank, ravage and give my lady what she needs as I need her to to handle my darker side. To me, it's a mutual fulfillment of needs. If I fail to give my lady what she needs, then I must not love her. It's part of the accepting of who each of us is. So, on the great menu of life, I'll order up some of all three and a whole lot more. If you don't mind, I'll just wait here patiently for it to be cooked up.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:06:28 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?

And which do you or did you want to happen first---

Commitment and Devotion doesn't stand by itself. It will have something behind it that will motivate a person to be committed and devoted. For some, their commitment and devotion is motivated by their love for a person. Sometimes a person is committed and devoted because of what they can get out of the situation. Their for the commitment and devotion is much more selfish and self-serving. When a person stops getting what they want the commitment and devotion start to falter.

For me.. I want a Commitment and Devotion that is motivated by the person I am and not for what I do for them. The fact that they Love me for who I am and not for what I do for them will only serve to make the commitment and Devotion stronger. So in the end... I want Both neither is more important in my view... What is important is the motivation behind them.

Exactly what he said.

I think the commitment, devotion, and love has to be on both sides.. and near equal for it to really work.

It is a realy tough formula to balance out. ~At least for me it has been.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 33

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:52:17 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I will add this...

Without some kind of respect in the beginning, and hopefully it only deepens...I cannot reach the other *3* you asked about...it just won`t happen.

Just that *word* opens up a can of worms most of the time...tsk tsk

Good posts...Thx

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 34

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:55:44 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

To me one cannot exist without the other. Commitment, devotion, and love all fall under the same level of an intimate relationship. I cannot show commitment or devotion until I truely am in love with someone. With myself and pet things seemed to fall into place, all went as it should and it suprised us both how quickly our relationship turned for the best. In my opinion all of the above are very important and coincide together in harmony. ~Lorelei

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:56:55 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Oh yes.. well without respect and honor.. I personaly can not even get to the others.

When I lose respect for a person in a realtionship it goes downhill quickly. If thier sense of honor is leagues away from mine.. well there is no saving it.

That was the nail in the last coffin.

Must have a developed sense of honor is a must have for those I date it would seem. My heart just can not be in it.. as I feel like I must fix them, or mentor them... I do not need any more children to hold hands with. *smiles*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 36

RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 8:28:27 PM

HCWT1

Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline

Commitment and devotion,love would simply destroy the dinamic i seek..A loveing relationship is just to vanilla.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 37

RE: Which is more important? - 5/25/2008 2:28:29 AM

Imajican

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/6/2007
From: Lincoln, Nebraska
Status: offline

I love and cherish my boy, but that doesn't mean he gets away with things. He knows his place and he never tries to exploit my feelings for his benefit. I am his soft, safe place, but my love for him hasn't turned me soft, which is what I think many submissives fear.

I think obedience (which could be paralleled with 'devotion') was and remains the most important quality, though. Without that my feelings plummet. He's the only submissive I've been involved with who has always been obedient to the best of his ability. Everything else pales and that's why he's mine.

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 38

RE: Which is more important? - 5/25/2008 2:58:58 AM

edgepassion

Posts: 67
Joined: 2/20/2008
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Appears that I’m in the minority here but I need love before I commit.

Maybe that’s why I stress the “vanilla compatibles” so much

(in reply to Imajican)

Post #: 39

RE: Which is more important? - 5/25/2008 5:04:23 AM

possessedone

Posts: 64
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline

For me, commitment and devotion are a little further down the line of priorities...First, someone must gain my trust, and this is not an easy thing for anyone. With gaining my trust, one must earn my respect. After those two things are accomplished, then I will give my devotion, commitment, and eventually my submission to that person. Love has nothing to do with my equation, because as i see it "Love Stinks".

(in reply to edgepassion)

Post #: 40

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