slaveluci
Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
I am a professional with a well respected Fortune 25 company--I am a senior in my position--I sure as hell didnt get here by sleeping my way---hence:
"yes I am working on a presentation this evening"..." oh let me look at it and maybe I can help make it better"
" I am putting in flag stones in the back yard"..." oh you should use xxxx as it works better, send me the design and i will help you do it better"
"I am having the hall floor replaced"..."oh well you need to do this this and this"
never once did I ask for advice, unsolicited advice to Me makes My blood turn blue---
I see what you're saying but being a Fortune 25 company senior employee doesn't necessarily mean that you know how best to do everything, including laying flag stones or replacing the hall floor. Maybe, just maybe, some of the unsolicited, unwanted advice you receive may be good? Maybe there is someone out there who does happen to know more about a given subject than you and really can offer some helpful tips so that you can avoid mistakes?
I don't mean to sound harsh but I speak from a bit of experience. I also sometimes get seriously annoyed at receiving unsolicited "helpful" advice. I am a professional, educated, full-of-common-sense woman myself and I think, "Ya know? Thanks but no thanks. I do know a little something myself." But, over the course of time, I've come to recognize when I'm feeling this way and I ask myself if the advice really could be helpful. I check myself to make sure that I'm not just worrying that they are implying I don't know everything (WHAT? I don't know EVERYTHING? ). I've had to learn to take a couple deep breaths and think to myself that probably that's not what they're doing at all. Maybe they have learned from experience what the best way to do something is and they're really trying to help me avoid similar problems they've gone through.
Can't say it will help your feelings on the issue but it sure has helped me. By not automatically and instantly jumping to the conclusion that someone is trying to "show me up" or point out that I'm not all-knowing , I've been able to listen to what they're really saying and glean some good help along the way. Give it a shot. It can't hurt.
quote:
submission does not mean doormat, it also does not mean you need to ride to My rescue in all things unless I ask---and don't offer Me advice if I don't ask--what the hell makes you think I CAN'T do it better??
Offering helpful advice doesn't necessarily mean "riding to the rescue" in a negative sense. Perhaps there is a chance that you CAN'T do ALL things better and that you DON'T know best in ALL things. I know that's hard for some people - esp. some dominants - to hear but it's pretty right on. Would you rather someone let you proceed and fall on your face when they could have offered some helpful advice beforehand? Maybe so. Some would. I know with Master, however, that even though I don't "call the shots," if I can somehow help or advise Him and it ends up with a better, more positive result, He's open to receiving what I have to say. Being so prideful and "knowledgable" as to not want to hear even good advice since you're sure you already know "better" can definitely lead to one's humbling. But that's what some people prefer, I suppose.
To me, the key is being willing to listen sincerely to the advice and - then and only then - decide for yourself if it's "good" and worthy of following or not. You never know, you may actually get some grains of wisdom now and again ............luci
< Message edited by slaveluci -- 5/25/2008 8:16:30 AM >
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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin
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